Disclaimer: If I owned them, then I would be with them blowing up crazy Romulans and trying to keep Jim out (cough in) of sick bay. I would not be writing FanFiction. Okay, maybe I would, but ANYWAY! That is not the point. I do not own these amazing characters.

Author's Note: Okay.... I'm not sure how much I like this one. I wrote it in about fifteen minutes at, like... 2 in the morning, so if it completely sucks, I apologize. But... I didn't have the energy to go back and rewrite this, so it's staying.

Thank you all to the wonderful reviews you have been giving me. I am going to start replying to those here shortly, once I get the kinks on my computer worked out. It's convinced it has a virus, even though I have run the virus scan on it six times and it hasn't shown anything. Sigh. Stupid school-issued laptops.

Anyway. I hope you enjoy this.

Plus, if any of you have any suggestions for 'O', that'd be great. I currently have nothing.

The Quirks of Jim Kirk

Chapter 14

Near Death Experiences

In which the crew realizes that the only reason why they have so many near death experiences is because of their captain

It occurred to the members of the Enterprise one starry afternoon that they had more near death experiences then any other crew in the Federation. It was Scotty, amazingly, who had made this discovery.

The Enterprise had been sent to a hostile planet for peace negotiations. Apparently, the planet had deposits of crystal dillithium that would be valuable for the Federation. There were also other advantages to the planet as well, if the Federation could ever work out a treaty with the current inhabitants.

Jim, Scotty, Chekov, Doctor McCoy, and Spock were the members of the team sent down to the discussions. They were assisted by an admiral whose name no one remembered and who no one actually liked.

The away team had been planet-side for all of an hour before war broke out between the inhabitants and the Federation. Scotty and McCoy got out with barely a scratch and a bruise between them. They were beamed back aboard the ship almost immediately by an irate Uhura who had wanted to be a member of the away team but had been refused on the account that it was too dangerous. Spock was next to be beamed back, suffering a bruise and a broken wrist.

Communications with Jim and Chekov were cut off almost as soon as Spock was back on board the Enterprise. McCoy was swearing at anything that moved and demanding to go back down to the planet to rescue the stupid assed idiot and Scotty was trying to fix the transporter to beam back the Captain and the navigator based on their life signals.

Scotty was successful, though he had had sixteen death threats, two offers of being sedated, and a general 'you're going to hell if you don't get them back' by McCoy before Chekov and Jim were beamed back aboard.

Jim was more or less fine—he had suffered a concussion and a few broken ribs, but would survive. It was Chekov that everyone was worried about. Scotty wasn't too clear on the specifics, but he knew that it was bad for the young genius.

Things went on as normal, even though Chekov was laid up in sick bay and Jim was hovering around, making everyone nervous. It struck Scotty at that moment that this wasn't the first time that this had happened—it was just the first time that it had happened to Chekov. He thought back and realized that just about every single away mission that the Enterprise went on ended in disaster, especially if they took Jim with them.

Curious and bored more then anything else, Scotty hacked into some of the other Federation ships' databases to check their injury rate against the Enterprise's.

Scotty had been sifting through the computerized records for over an hour and a half when he noticed a pattern. Startled, he went back and reread all the records prior to his discovery and realized that it occurred every single time.

Every other ship had less injuries then the Enterprise did. Even in the most dangerous of situations, such as the one like the away mission that landed Chekov in sick bay, the other ships came away with less injured people.

But although the Enterprise had more near-death experiences then any other ship in the Federation, they also had less deaths then any other ship in the galaxy. It was almost ten-one.

And Scotty knew that the only reason why that was true was because of their Captain.

"I like this ship," Scotty said with a grin.

Next week's Quirk: Open, in which the author has no idea what she's going to write yet. Stay tuned for more crack!!