The next morning I wake up an hour earlier than usual to start my beauty regime. I'm trying to find a good balance between looking nice and looking over the top. I don't want to torture Nick, but I don't want to look depressed or anything.
About a whole tube of eye gel and a pound of makeup later, my eyes are looking significantly less puffy and I look a lot more like I didn't cry myself to sleep. I settle on a pair of my favorite skinny jeans and a purple v-neck t-shirt before grabbing my Keys and heading for the car.
I'm preparing for the worst when I walk into the studio, but it's nothing at all like I thought it would be. Kevin and Nick are both already there. Kevin looks up at me and nods slightly. I give him a small wave. You can tell by the way he's avoiding my eyes he's trying not to be judgmental, but still doesn't know how to face me.
Great. This shouldn't be incredibly awkward or anything.
Finally, I let my eyes shift over to Nick. He's sitting in one of the big chairs in front of the soundboard, just looking down. He looks awful. Absolutely awful. I'm pretty sure he's still wearing the same clothes he was when he came over and his hair is a mess. His eyes are all red and squinty. Please tell me he's not crying. I can't deal with that.
"Good morning guys," I croak out uncomfortably.
Nick looks up at me, his eyes traveling over my body and I can't help but feel guilty.
"Morning," Kevin replies while Nick just stays silent, just staring at me. This is starting to get extremely uncomfortable. I look around the room nervously while Kevin continues reading the sound charts for the next song. The silence is honestly unbearable.
"Miley, can I talk to you?" Nick asks suddenly. His voice sound so small and far away. I've never heard him like this before.
"I-"
"Please," he insists and all I can do is nod and let him lead me out into the hallway.
"Listen, Miley," he starts, using my full name, "I'm not proud of how I handled things the other day. I should have just respected your wishes to break up." His voice is trembling and my heart is breaking over and over again. Why does he have to be so goddamn sweet? Why does he have to make me hate myself even more?
"I shouldn't have taken advantage of you in such a vulnerable situation," he continues, he would blame himself and not me, "I was just really shocked. I thought we were working perfectly together, but I guess I was wrong."
It takes me a moment to gather my thoughts, but finally I gather the courage to speak.
"Right now just seems like a bad time," I tell him, at least that's partially the truth, right?, "I have a lot on my plate and I just don't think it's fair right now." I try to put an emphasis on right now, for both his benefit and mine, but I'm not sure if he's getting the hint.
"I get it," he says gently, "I think though... I think I should stop working on the record with you."
That makes sense and it's kind of a relief, but of course I'm not that big of a jerk that I'd say that. I mean, it's not like I'm trying to break his spirit.
"No," I protest halfheartedly, "You don't have to do that."
"I think it's for the best," he says softly, "Besides you have Kevin... you guys make a great team without me. You're really talented, Miley. I hope you know that."
"Thanks," is the only think I can sputter out even though there's so much more I want to say. Like how much I love and admire him and how much he's helped me through this thing. I want to tell him how much he means to me and how he'll always have a special place in my heart, but I don't. I can't. That would just be completely inappropriate and wrong.
"No problem," he says with a terse polite smile, not the one he usually gives me, "'Bye Miley. I guess I'll be seeing you around now."
"Bye..." I echo softly as he walks down the hallway and out the door. After recollecting myself for a few minutes, I go back into the studio.
"Ready when you are," Kevin says from his spot at the sound booth. I make my way into the recording section, happy that I'm not singing a happy-in-love song today.
The music plays and I start to sing, "Wake up, here I go, cram in all down my throat, stomach's so full that I wish I could choke..." My throat is closing up while I sing and I know I sound completely awful. Even Kevin stops me and suggests we take a quick break.
Automatically, my body wants me to call Nick, but obviously that's no longer an option.
"So, I'm guessing Nick told you he's quitting your album, right?"
All I can do is nod and take a quick sip of water, trying to swallow my tears in the process.
"Why'd you do it, Miley?" Kevin asks softly. I look at him and I'm surprised that he looks genuinely concerned about me, not about getting the scoop for his little brother.
"Mikayla told me that people were going to think the only reason I got signed was because I was dating him," I admit. It feels good to say something about it to someone, "and I know it's stupid, but I can't help it. I just... I really need to do this on my own. I didn't realize how badly I wanted this until she said something about it."
I can tell Kevin's confused, after all he doesn't really understand why making an album, a real Miley Stewart, not Hannah Montana, album means a lot to me, but one secret at a time.
Kevin just nods to let me know that he's listening without agreeing or judging, he's just letting me get it all out.
"I've never been in a serious relationship like that, you know?" I confess, "It seemed almost... unreal."
"Hey, I've been there," Kevin says, "With Dani and I? I couldn't believe that I found someone that amazing. You and Nick will figure it all out. What's meant to be will happen."
"Thanks... I really needed to hear that."
"No problem, you're still like my little sis now, even if you're not dating my little bro." I smile weakly at him, "How about we just take today off?" he suggests.
"No! Kevin we already missed a day from when I was 'sick' and I don't think..."
"Take the day off," Kevin orders in a fatherly way, "You deserve it. Get some writing done. I know you're talented. I know this sucks, but maybe you can get some good songs out of it?"
"Yeah..." I say already drifting off into song writers world, "I think I've already got an idea..."
A few days later, Kevin and I are in the studio again. We're recording all the old songs that I wrote, but to be honest I'm just not feeling them anymore and I think Kevin can tell. It's just hard to sing about being in love when you're falling apart.
"Kevin?" I pipe up from inside the recording booth.
"Yeah?" he asks me over the speaker.
"I wrote a new song," I say blushing. Actually I've been working on it since that day he gave me off, but all of the sudden I really want to record it, "I was thinking maybe I could record it? Acoustic?"
He looks hesitant for a second, but then he notices my pleading eyes and he gives in. He knows just as much as I do that I have to get this out, even if it doesn't make the final cut onto my album. I grab one of the acoustic guitars laying around the studio and start strumming the strings.
"Wait," Kevin says coming in and setting up the right microphones and equipment to capture the sound of the guitar and my voice. When he finishes he goes back to the board and fixes some levels, making me play a few chords and sing a few notes before everything is perfect.
I start to play the notes and let the world around me fade away. There's no recording equipment, there's no Kevin, there's only me and the guitar and Nick in the back of my mind.
"I see your face in my mind as I drive away... 'cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way. People are people and sometimes we change our minds, but it's killing me to see you go after all this time..."
I look up and I'm vaguely aware of Kevin staring at me in awe from behind the glass, but I quickly push that thought out of my mind. It doesn't matter. It's not about how good the song is. It's about me and how I feel and how I'm sorry that things couldn't work out differently.
"It's two a.m., feeling like I just lost a friend, hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me... and we know it's never simple never easy, never a clean break, no one here to save me... oooh"
"I can't breath without you, but I have to, breathe without you, but I have to, breathe without you, but I have to, breathe without you, but I have to..."
"I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,"
I finish with tears I didn't notice starting pouring down my face. (a/n- the song was Breathe by Taylor Swift, I only used the parts that applied.)
I look up again to see Kevin staring at me. He stares in silence for a few moments before he presses the button to talk to me.
"That was... great. Wow, Miles," he says, "Why don't we take a quick break?"
I nod because I still can't speak. I feel stupid for crying over Nick in front of his brother. I sink into one of the chairs and bury my head into my hands. I can't believe I'm acting like the wounded party when I'm the one who hurt Nick. I shouldn't be crying. I'm the one who hurt him. But that doesn't mean I'm not hurting either.
Soon I feel a reassuring arm around that feels so startlingly familiar, I look up. Of course, it's just Kevin, but him and Nick are bound to have the same mannerisms, they are brothers after all.
"It's okay to cry," Kevin says, "It shows that what you're singing about is real. You're not just some fake popstar."
"I know," I sob, "I just... It's hard without him... I didn't think..."
"You can never tell Nick I told you this, okay?" Kevin says looking at my face seriously. I nod to show that I understand, "Like seriously. He would literally have me murdered."
"Okay, I promise I won't say anything," I sniffle.
Kevin sucks in a breath of air, "He bought a ring..."
I gasp. That was definitely not what in a million years I thought he was going to say, "He... I... what?" ask confused and unable to make full cohesive sentences.
"He bought a ring," Kevin repeats, "He flew mom out especially for it. He knew he needed to find the perfect one and he knew she loves you and he wanted her opinion."
More tears spill down my cheeks. Is this information supposed to make me feel better? Because Kevin must be seriously deranged if he thinks it's helpful knowing that the guy I broke up with planned on asking me to marry him.
"But its only been like three months," I try and argue just to make myself feel better. Kevin must be mistaken. Maybe he was just buying me another type of jewelery and Kevin misunderstood?
Kevin shrugs, "He knew you were it, Miley. The one for him. Mind you, he wasn't planning on popping the question anytime soon. He just wanted to be ready for when the moment was right. He thought it would take longer to find and of course he wanted to talk to your dad... It's funny 'cause we honestly all thought Joe would even settle down before Nick found someone he'd want to marry. He was never really a relationship guy, even when he was younger. He liked being on his own better. But when he met you Miley, it's like everything we knew about Nick went out the window. The Nick you know and the Nick we knew are like total opposites."
"I do love him," I tell Kevin and he pulls me closer in his brotherly embrace and I lean my head on his shoulder. He doesn't even mind that my tears are rolling onto his designer t-shirt.
"I know you do, Miles," he says soothingly, "And deep down, Nick knows it too. That's why this was so hard for him."
"Do you think I did the right thing?" I ask, enjoying this brother-sister bond that I was never able to feel with my own brother.
"I think you needed to do what you needed to do," Kevin says after thinking for a moment, "The point of my story wasn't to make you feel worse. It was to let you know that Nick does love you, and you obviously love him. That doesn't happen a lot. You guys will work this out, but it's going to take time. If you needed this break, then you take this break. In my experience, everything falls into place."
"Thanks, Kev," I say and he gives me another tight squeeze.
"No problem, sis," he says and I smile, "Now get your butt back in that studio and let create some more hits."
I smile at his statement, but I can't keep his words from running through my head He bought a ring... I know it was meant to make me feel better, but somehow it doesn't.