A brief break and attempt to get back in the saddle. I'll be returning to Hogwarts, never you mind child.
"Hi everyone. Thank you for coming. Again, my name's Bob, and I'd like to introduce a new member to our group tonight. He comes from Grass, and has been a ninja now for about seven years. Everyone, let's give Gjalp a round of applause after he introduces himself. Gjalp, if you would please?"
The skinny, blond haired grass ninja stood nervously in front of the group of ninja sitting around on chairs in a circle. He could see headbands from practically every nation. Surprisingly, there wasn't even an ounce of killing intent in the air.
He took a breath.
"Hi everyone. My name's Gjalp."
"Hi Gjalp," All the voices responded as one. Everyone in the circle clapped. Bob nodded encouragingly at him.
"This is my first time to this kind of meeting… and I…" Gjalp trailed off. The others around the circle smiled at him and nodded encouragingly. Someone off to his right whispered that he could do it. He took a deep breath, steeling himself. "My name is Gjalp, and I have a useless Kekkei Genkai. My Bloodline Limit is… it's idiotic, really."
There. He'd said it. It was in the open now, and surprisingly he felt a great deal of relief. All around him heads were nodding and offering him warmth that he hadn't expected. To not be the object of scorn from other ninja as he relieved his greatest shame was a bit of tender mercy he had no right to expect, but welcomed nonetheless.
"What does your bloodline limit do, Gjalp?"
Gjalp tensed. Even this limited bit of acceptance would be withdrawn once he revealed exactly what his limit did. He paused, but the person sitting next to him placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and squeezed. The man nodded, letting him know that his fear was understood.
With a deep breath, Gjalp admitted, "It senses how much butter is in the house. When I…" He shuddered. "When I channel chakra through my coils, I know to the milligram exactly how much butter we have, and where the closest source of butter is to my relative position." He sighed. "It's completely useless for a ninja in a fight, let me tell you."
Some of the others around the circle frowned. One particularly attractive and buff ninja mumbled, but before he could say anything, a skinny, greasy looking grass nin stated he thought it was actually a pretty useful skill, all things considered.
Before Gjalp could continue, the ring leader of the meeting turned to the aforementioned nin and asked him if he wanted to share anything with the group. After some fidgeting, he said yes.
"Hi everyone. My name's Xixell."
"Hi Xixell," the group chimed.
"My useless Kekkei Genkai is mumble mumble." The last several words were swallowed, and nobody could hear them.
"I'm sorry Xixell. I couldn't hear you. Could you speak up for the group, please?"
Bar stared at the ground sullenly. "Fine." He sighed. "Do you know how hard it is to be a Grass ninja and have a bloodline limit that has absolutely nothing to do with plants? I mean, nobody will even talk to me anymore, and all because my bloodline limit makes me the object of ridicule around the village."
"What does it do?" a member of the group asked.
Xixell scratched his head. "It's embarrassing, but it's easier to show you than to describe it." Not saying anything else, Xixell suddenly stood up and began to unbuckle his pants. Several people began to shift nervously, but no one stopped him. He dropped his pants, and turning away from the group, hiked up his loin cloth.
His butt was glowing.
He pulled his pants back up, and after buckling his belt, sat down sullenly in his chair. "Do you see why it's so useless? Anytime I try to channel chakra, my butt lights up. It's worse than useless in a fight, as it gives away the fact I'm about to use some ninjitsu. The more chakra I use, the brighter it glows."
The rather buff and handsome ninja attendee next to Xixell said, "Hey, it's not that bad! You could always do Christmas party gigs, or something. I mean, it's not as bad as my bloodline limit."
"Could you tell the group your name, please?"
"Sure." The incredibly handsome ninja stood. "Hi everyone. My name's Adonis."
"Hi Adonis."
"My bloodline limit is worse than useless. It's so bad, it's caused my clan to die out. I'm thankfully the last of my line, and good riddance." He spat on the ground. "My bloodline limit creates these incredible looks." He gestured at his face and torso. Everyone there was well aware that he was perhaps the most handsome man they'd ever seen – impeccably proportioned, tall, muscular, and perfectly symmetrical.
"But the only problem is, it comes at a terrible price." He flexed his bicep – it was, perhaps, the most perfect bicep anyone had ever seen. "This arm is useless. All my chakra goes into maintaining this appearance. I can barely channel chakra through my coils, because my body absorbs it all to create this physique. But, any run of the mill ninja can simply channel chakra to their muscles and be ten times stronger than me. All this…" He again pointed at his body, "is useless."
"And this isn't the worst of it." He swallowed, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. "I could live with this, if it weren't for… for this!" With that, he too pulled down his pants. But rather than turning away from the group, he faced them, his glory on display for all to see.
"Because my body utilizes so much of my chakra, there's nothing left for winky!" Adonis wailed.
There was silence for a moment.
"Winky?" someone asked. The question sparked a giggle. The giggle sparked some snickers. The snickers threatened to erupt into full-blown laughter, but before things could get out of hand, Bob stood up and frowned at the group. Even he was having a hard time keeping a straight face, though. "We are here to show our support for our fellow brothers and sisters with useless Kekkai Genkai."
The snickers died down, the purpose of the meeting remembered.
"But it's so… cute! It's like… smaller than my thumbnail!" Someone said.
The group lost it.
Adonis, red faced, pulled his pants up hastily as the group around him laughed. "Well, I'm glad you can all laugh at my pain!"
Bob, clutching his sides, stood up again. "Adonis! Really, we are sorry. And we are not laughing at you, but with you. Right?" He gave the rest of the group a glare. Slowly, they were able to pull themselves back together and nod in agreement, even as they wiped the tears from their eyes.
Slightly mollified, Adonis sat down, but still he was embarrassed. His neighbors reached over and gave him a pat on the back and a thumbs up to show that they thought no less of him. Well, that wasn't true, but they dared not show it. All of them had shameful secrets, and his was no worse than theirs.
The circle went around, sharing stories and their own personal failures. Finally, the circle went around, and Bob was the last to go. With some reluctance, he stood.
"Hi everyone. I'm Bob."
"Hi Bob."
"My bloodline limit is… it is truly useless." He paused. "I know some of you have heard this before, but no matter how bad you think you have it, be glad you don't have my limit. My limit…" He bit his knuckle, still having difficulty with this even after years of group therapy.
"My limit… makes the ninja around me participate in yaoi scenes." He brought his fingers into a hand seal. "All I have to do is channel some chakra through this hand seal like this, and…"
AN: Still writing. Just blocked, like I've had too much meat and not enough fiber. This is just a bit of fan service and fluff.