Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury." - Edwin Hubbel Chapin
Chapter Fourteen: Past Tense
"What the hell is your problem, Kurosaki?" said Renji, rubbing his chin.
"My problem is you, Abarai," growled Ichigo, his face still flushed with anger. "How long have you known about Arisawa, and why the hell didn't you tell me you had found her?"
"Since when do I report to you, Kurosaki-taicho?" asked Renji, anger rising. "Last time I checked, you weren't my commanding officer." Ichigo punched him again. Renji's patience was wearing thin; he balled his hand into a fist and fought the urge to respond in kind.
"Dammit, Renji. You knew how I felt when she died," said Ichigo, "Now I find out you've known for months that she was here, that you've been screwing her…"
"You bastard," roared Renji, and, all self-control gone, he punched Ichigo hard in the eye. "You don't know anything about her, about us!" Ichigo pushed Renji hard, sending him flying back several feet. He hit the side of one of the nearby buildings and there was a sound of shattering glass from the window about Renji's head. Renji pulled his zanpakuto and Ichigo did the same. By this time, a group of Sixth Division shinigami had gathered around the two men, curious to see what the commotion was.
Ichigo and Renji ran at each other, and the clanking sounds of metal hitting metal reverberated throughout the Sixth Division courtyard. "I had a right to know she was here, Abarai," yelled Ichigo, swinging his zanpakuto again, "she was my best friend."
"You kept everything from her," shouted Renji, his face now nearly as red as his hair. "Is that what you call friendship? She had nowhere to turn to. She wanted to help, and you just pushed her away." He parried and the two men retreated several feet, only to lunge at each other again.
"So you helped her, didn't you?" snarled Ichigo, as the two zanpakutos met at the hilts. Ichigo and Renji, wrists touching, held each other a bay, their faces only inches apart from each other. "You helped her get herself killed."
A shadow of guilt registered on Renji's face, but he stood his ground. "I trained her to defend herself, Kurosaki. That's more than you ever did." Ichigo pushed hard against Renji's hand, and both men flew back several feet as dust rose in the air around them.
"So you think you can make up for her death now?" spat Ichigo, throwing himself at Renji again.
"Is that what you think I'm doing?" asked Renji, pulling his blade up to meet Ichigo's. Again, the sound of metal on metal rang out, and the two men repositioned themselves for the next attack. "That's it, isn't it?"
"You're a sick bastard, Abarai," said Ichigo, using Shunpo to maneuver behind Renji. Renji, anticipating the move, turned and met Ichigo's zanpakuto with his own and grabbing Ichigo's right arm with his left.
"You think I'm with her because I feel guilty about her death?" snarled Renji, twisting Ichigo's arm so that they were face to face, again.
"Yes," said Ichigo, watching Renji intently, "I do. You're reliving the past because you feel guilty. You're using her."
"You're wrong, Ichigo," said Renji, and he let go abruptly, planting Zabimaru in the ground between them.
Ichigo laughed bitterly and shook his head. "Don't bullshit me, Abarai," he said, eyes narrowed. "We all know you felt guilty when she died."
"You're right," replied Renji evenly. "I did feel guilty when she died. I felt guilty for thirteen years; I blamed myself for her death. But I don't feel guilty anymore."
"Like hell," said Ichigo, scowling, but resting Zangetsu at his side.
"I know now that I did the right thing, thirteen years ago," Renji said. "It was what she wanted back then - to fight for her friends, just like you. She would have done it, with or without me."
"That still doesn't explain why you're sleeping with her," Ichigo said, glaring at Renji.
"I'm with her because I love her," replied Renji, "for who she is now."
"You're just using her, Abarai," said Ichigo, unwilling to let it go.
"No, he's not," came a voice from behind them. "And even if he was using me, that'd be my problem, not yours, Kurosaki."
"Tatsuki," said Ichigo, astonished. Even knowing that she was here, in the Soul Society, had not prepared him for seeing her again.
"This is my life, Kurosaki," said Tatsuki, looking him in the eyes, "regardless of what happened before, in the Real World. This is who I am now." Ichigo said nothing, but the look on his face softened somewhat. "I've always wanted to know about what happened to me in the Real World," she continued, still looking at Ichigo. "I needed to know what happened." She walked over and stood next to Renji. He looked at her, and she smiled at him. "When I died, I was looking for someone," she said softly to Renji, so that Ichigo could not hear. "That person was you, Renji. I'm sure of it now."
Tatsuki then turned back to Ichigo. "I'm not the same person you knew in the Real World, Kurosaki, at least not entirely," she said it forcefully, although there was no anger in her words. "I know myself, Kurosaki, and I don't need to remember what happened to know that I would have chosen to fight alongside my friends. And I don't need to remember what happened to know that I would have been happy to die to protect them. It was never Renji's choice to make. It wasn't yours to make, either. It was mine alone." Ichigo was silent.
Tatsuki turned to Renji and said, "Let's get out of here. I've had enough of the past for one day." Ichigo watched them leave, still too stunned to speak.