Colloquy
It had been about four days since the incident… or, incidents, rather. And in that time Bella had made a marvelous revelation. She didn't need Alice. She didn't need Edward. But Jacob, however, was proving to be quite a necessity at the moment. Bella couldn't even deny this fact from herself. She wanted him, craved him, needed him. In her own mind, Bella felt that she deserved Jacob. She deserved better than Edward. And Jacob was better. She knew this. And, thankfully for her, Jacob also seemed to want her. And, despite her best efforts, Bella couldn't help but feel…special that she was wanted by someone. Wanted by someone not for just periods of make-out times or for a quick ego boost but for all the time. It certainly was refreshing. In fact, Bella mulled, as she sat on her bed with her head in a book, she hadn't thought about Alice for almost three days in the way she once had. Sure, the girl slept in the same room with her, dressed in the same room with her and still made the same bizarre intrusions on Bella, but Bella had thought nothing of it. She no longer sought for a deeper meaning in the enigmatic Alice. She just took it as it came. And that seemed to be suiting the both of them fine. As far as Bella could tell she was still her strange, kooky self.
Bella had gotten up early this morning, around six a.m., and was now lying under the covers, staring at the cast on her left hand. Written in poorly attempted cursive was the only named scribed on her cast: Jacob's name. She sighed happily and held the cast to her chest, cuddling it as if it were a doll or the boy himself. Then she lifted her hand and kissed the signature. From under the covers, she heard Alice shift from her bed. Bella paused, listening, and after a few moments she heard the smaller girl's feet on the tile, walking towards her. Before Bella could steal a glance at what was going on, she felt the sheets being lifted from her head. "Hi," Alice chirped in a voice a little too loud for hour. Bella winced as she spoke but managed a smile, turning back to her cast.
"Morning, Alice…how are you?"
"Oh, you know cats and dogs."
"Cats and dogs?"
"Is that not the right terminology? Ew… that word sounds like a worm," she giggled as she climbed into bed with Bella. "I realized in my bed over there far, far away that I haven't come to sleep with you in awhile. Is it okay?"
"It's always okay, Alice," Bella humored, rolling her eyes. Alice thanked her and snuggled up to Bella's left side, closing her eyes and sighing, her breath warming Bella's arm. Bella smiled down on her and raised her arm to place it around the other girl's shoulder. Alice grabbed the cast and lowered herself a little in the bed to get a better look at it. She found Jacob's signature and traced her finger along the marker.
"Jacob signed your cast. I didn't know that anyone had signed your cast."
"Yep, he was the first," Bella answered with a hint of pride. Alice's eyebrows rose at her tone but she neglected to comment on it.
"Can I sign it?"
"Do you want to?"
"Uh…duh,"
Bella laughed and shrugged. "Sure, go ahead. Just don't write over Jacob's."
"Well, given that he took up an entire inch of space on your otherwise empty cast, I know I will prevail over this task." Bella glared at Alice's remark but the shorter girl only smiled and hopped out of the bed, running over to her drawer where she grabbed a marker. Bella sighed, stretching as she sat up in bed, and extended her arm to Alice, who grabbed it and proceeded to sit Indian style on the floor with it. Bella looked down on her and noticed that she had turned her arm so that she couldn't see what she was writing.
"You're not going to put something dirty or stupid, are you?" she asked skeptically.
"Psh, I outgrew that a long time ago…in a galaxy far, far away. I wanna watch Star Wars! Do you think they have it here? But not the first one, the one with the fat wormy thing. The 'terminology' thing," she giggled. Bella couldn't help but return it a bit and adjusted herself to where she was more comfortable.
"Jabba the Hut is the terminology thing."
"Yeah! And Carrie Fisher is wearing that painful looking bikini. That's my favorite one. But my favorite ice cream is butter pecan."
"Easy, tiger, don't hurt yourself," Bella soothed, patting Alice on the head. Alice laughed and jerked her head away before writing again. Bella could see that her hand was moving slowly, as if she were drawing something. She tried to lean over and get a better look but it was to no avail.
"Are you coming to group today?" Alice asked, capping the marker.
"Yeah, I thought I would," Bella answered. Jacob almost always went to group. And she hadn't seen him for two days. Yesterday he had to stay in his room. No one would tell her why. Though she assumed it was because of the broken glass incident he'd saved her from. She'd spent the entire day in her room also, lying under the covers, admiring her cast again.
"Yay! We've all missed you, Bella." She smiled and let go of Bella's hand before running over to the drawers, slipping her undershirt over her head. Bella looked down at her cast. Alice had drawn a picture of someone with short spiked hair, herself, that was smiling with a missing tooth. Below the picture and written in beautiful handwriting was, 'Like this hand, we'll get better soon. Love, Alice.'
Bella smiled to herself, her cheeks blushing. "That's cute, Alice. Thank you."
"I write the truth," Alice answered with a grin. "Now put your clothes on so we can go get some breakfast!" She ran over to Bella and ripped the covers off the bed, proceeding to slap the taller girl wherever there was exposed skin.
"Fine, fine, okay!" Bella shouted, throwing her pillow at Alice as she hopped out of bed. Alice laughed and threw the pillow back on the bed before sitting on her own to wait for Bella. When Bella was ready to go, Alice looped her arm through hers and proceeded to lead the way down the hall. They passed Jacob's room on the way and Bella stared at it as they passed. It was shut and from the crack in the bottom of the door the lights appeared to be turned off. Assuming that he was already in the cafeteria, Bella quickened pace, practically dragging the shorter girl behind her.
"Stop going so fast, Bella-Long Legs!" Alice whimpered as they rounded a corner sharply. Bella ignored her and simply let her arm fall so that she was no longer towing Alice behind. She thought she heard Alice scoff from behind her but couldn't bring herself to care. The cafeteria was only a few steps away. Jacob was only a few steps away. Just as she was about to push the doors open, Alice rushed past her, almost pushing her over, and ran in. Bella muttered some curses under her breath before walking in after her. That girl could be too much to handle sometimes and this morning was one of those times. She obviously had more important things to do this morning.
When she walked in, Bella could see the rest of the group inside already eating. Rosalie and Emmett had occupied a table to themselves in the far left corner while Jacob and Jasper sat side by side at a table in the middle. Jacob and Jasper both looked up as she entered and she watched as Jacob's glower turned into a short smile and a wink. In spite of herself, she blushed and looked away, pretending to be more absorbed in her food choices. Having more butterflies in her stomach than hunger, she chose some yogurt and fruit and headed towards the tables. Jacob looked up as she did so and waved her over with a gruff shrug of his shoulder. Bella's eyes lit up and she made her way over. She hadn't gone two steps when she looked over and noticed Alice. She was sitting by herself in her regular booth looking at Bella anxiously. Her eyes were wide and she appeared to be on the edge of her seat like she was watching some horribly thrilling scene in the movie. Bella knew what she was looking at and understood the look in her eyes. But at the moment, Jacob's eyes were far more enticing and while she managed to throw a little smile Alice's way, it grew much wider when she sat down in front of Jacob.
"Hey, emo, how are you doing?" Jacob asked, holding back his grin. Bella blushed and spooned her yogurt, well aware of Jasper's eyes upon her to her right.
"I'm really good, now that I'm sitting with you," she answered with a soft giggle. Jacob made a strange expression and then snorted, shoveling a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.
"That's fucking pathetic," he laughed with milk dripping down his chin. A napkin was thrown his way by a clearly disgusted Jasper and the tan boy nodded as he wiped his face. Then he looked to Jasper while motioning to Bella. "Do you not think that's fucking pathetic? Look at this girl! She has no idea what's going on!" He was shouting now, glaring Bella's way. Bella felt her cheeks reddening but forced herself to smile. This was just Jacob's disorder lashing out, not him. She knew this. The disorder was the only thing keeping him from being himself.
"Bella," Jasper interrupted her thoughts, "I think someone was hoping you'd sit with them." Bella looked his way and watched as Jasper jerked his head to his right. She followed his motions and her eyes met up with Alice again. Only this time she wasn't looking at her. Rather, she had her head down, looking at the table or possibly lower towards her feet. Her legs swung slightly, hitting the seat of the booth and bouncing back. Her tiny feet didn't even touch the floor. In fact from Bella's angle she looked like a small child having just been yelled at. She didn't like that and so Bella looked away, choosing to watch Jacob eat instead.
"I'm not required to sit by Alice," she answered shortly. "I wanted to sit with Jacob today. He invited me."
"Yeah, I did invite you," Jacob retaliated, glaring at Jasper. "And when I tell Bella to do something, she does it. Don't you?" He looked Bella's way and she nodded eagerly, not really hearing what he had said but thankful that he wasn't so angry anymore. Jacob looked back over at Jasper and saw that his jaw appeared to be trembling. His right fist was clutching tightly onto his glass of water and his knuckles were growing pale.
"Jacob…" she said slowly, watching as the blonde's anger progressed. Jacob looked over and glared at Jasper, scooting his chair back and preparing for whatever was to come. He began to shake before throwing his head on the table and hiding his eyes. The banging sound echoed through the quiet cafeteria and everyone looked their way. Even Alice had lifted her head to see what the commotion was about. Bella also scooted her chair back, fearing the worst as the aching in her cast began. Jacob was angrily rubbing his own bandaged hand. Emmett was standing in front of Rosalie, his arms crossed like he was going to protect her. Were the moment not so tense Bella probably would have laughed at the big oaf. And laughed at the blonde behind him, eyes wide in mock fear, fanning herself.
"Don't you hear it?" Jasper asked suddenly, muffled by his arms. Jacob and Bella leaned closer to hear him better. Suddenly, Jasper raised his head, his mouth agape and his breathing heavy. He looked around quickly, leaping out of his chair. Then he screamed violently and picked up his tray, catapulting it to the other side of the room. Rosalie screamed and appeared to have passed out again while Emmett was tending to her. Jacob jumped up, his fist balled and at the ready. His other arm was extended towards Bella as if to protect her. In all of the chaos Bella managed to steal a glimpse of Alice. She was still sitting at the booth with her elbow on the table, resting her head in her hand. She was watching the scene unfold with a sort of bored expression. Then her eyes met Bella's, and the taller girl could see that she was crying. There was no mistaking the color of her eyes when she'd been sobbing. Bella had seen them too many times before. Something about them drew Bella towards her. Just as she was about to head over there, Alice broke eye contact and looked to Jasper again. Bella did the same and saw that Jasper was now on the floor, hands running through his hair and breathing slowly. Two orderlies were surrounding him, waiting for the final straw to pin him down. There were about seven seconds of silence before Jasper finally moved.
He looked up and around, then sighed before he slowly stood and waved off the orderlies. They took a few hesitant steps back and he looked down at his feet. Jacob threw his long hair behind his shoulders and scoffed, motioning to where the tray had been thrown. "You'd better pick that up, punk," he growled. Bella inhaled sharply and held her breath. Jacob was getting angry. She could sense it, sense in the way he was glaring, in his small tremors, in his eyes. Jasper looked him over, looked to the tray and sighed, letting his broad shoulders fall.
"I think I'll go sit somewhere where I'm wanted," he said softly before turning and heading over to the booth where Alice was sitting. She brightened when she saw him nearing, but not nearly enough for Bella's tastes. At least it was something. Bella exhaled slowly, watching as Jacob stared him down. He stood there for a few moments more before finally taking his seat again, the metal of the chair making a sharp sound against the tile.
"Fucking faggot," Jacob muttered slowly, crunching what was left of his cereal with his spoon. Bella smiled at him and reached her hand over to cover his. He allowed it to stay there and looked up at her, smiling once more. "Let's ditch these losers and head to group." Bella nodded and followed him obediently down the hall.
0-0-0-0-0
"Well, I heard there was an incident at breakfast today," Carlisle began, his eyes going around the room. "Would anyone like to share what went on?" He circled the room again with a look resembling that of a disappointed parent. No one wanted to look at him and yet no one could look away. Even Rosalie was remaining quiet. When no one answered Carlisle sighed and looked to Jasper. He was slouching in his chair with his head down. Had his fingers laced together and sat staring at them as they rested in his lap. "Jasper, why don't you start?"
Jasper sighed, lifting his hands and flicking them apart as if he were disgusted. "Carlisle, you know what happened. I wish you'd stop treating us as if we were children. Just ask me what you really want to ask me." Everyone except for the speaker looked toward the doctor. Much to everyone's surprise, he was smiling and looked almost impressed.
"Very well, Jasper. Why do you think you had an episode at breakfast this morning?"
"Well, I've been feeling a little stressed lately. There just seems to be a lot more drama than there was a few months ago." His eyes darted in Bella's direction for a moment before they resumed their focus on the floor. "And today at breakfast some little things set me off. I don't know why they did but those little annoyances are the last things I remember before the episode."
"What were the annoyances, Jasper?"
The room became quiet. Everyone knew that Jasper would answer the question and everyone knew that dirt was about to be brought up. It was quite an interesting feeling for Bella. The rebel in her wanted her dirt on the table. And yet there was another part of her. A part that felt uneasy, sick almost. Jasper's eyes flew around the room in the same manner as Carlisle's had before he opened his mouth again. "Bella sits with Alice every day at breakfast. It makes Alice happy and I thought that it made Bella happy also. But today, she-Bella completely snubbed Alice to sit next to Jacob and myself. Alice sat alone and looked so sad. It made me angry that Bella did this. So I asked her why and she shot off her mouth to me. Then Jacob shot off his mouth to me. Then Jacob was being an ass to Bella which made me even madder. And then, the last straw was looking over at Alice. In the midst of all of this, she was still looking at Bella with this face…I don't know how to put it. It was like she still thought Bella was going to come and sit with her. And…that's when it started."
He looked down, his cheeks flushing a vibrant red as he glanced Alice's way. But she wasn't looking at him. Rather, she was looking at Bella and Jacob's entwined hands. Carlisle nodded, smiling at Jasper once more. "You're very compassionate, Jasper, to think of Alice like you did."
"Yeah, too bad it gets me nowhere. I don't care anymore. Pick another subject, Carlisle."
"As you wish. Does anyone know what movie that famous line comes from?"
"The Princess Bride," Bella answered automatically, feeling Jacob's hand squeeze her own just a bit. Carlisle glanced at her and nodded, smiling.
"Very good, Bella. The Princess Bride. Bella, why didn't you sit with Alice today? Was there any particular reason?" All eyes fell on Bella this time, including Alice's and she sighed as she straightened a bit in her chair.
"I just…thought I'd try something different. Is there anything wrong with that?"
"No, why do you think we'd have a problem with it?"
"I don't know. But everyone seems to get pissed that I'm not at Alice's beck and call. She doesn't want me and I'm not her nanny. Jacob asked me to sit with him so I did. Big freaking deal. Can everyone just leave me alone?" Bella glared around the room watching as all of the faces resembled something of 'how dare you.' Even Carlisle looked a little unnerved at her small speech. Hoping for some comfort, she turned to Jacob, only to find him giving her the exact same look. Ashamed, she hung her head.
"Well, clearly no one wants to talk today," he said finally after some silence. "I'm…I'm a little disappointed in you all today. I want you to think about why I'm disappointed and we'll discuss it at the next group, okay? Jasper, I want to see you today. Bella, I want to see you tomorrow. You're free to leave." He dismissed the group with a wave of his hand and watched as everyone got up slowly and went their separate ways. When he was dismissed, Jacob stood up quickly and practically raced out of the room, taking Bella along with him. He kept hold of her until they were in her bedroom and when he finally let go Bella hissed in pain. He'd squeezed her rather tightly.
"What's wrong with you, Bella? You don't go saying shit like that at group! You say that when it's just you and Carlisle. Did you see her face? Did you? Jesus, do you ever think?" He was almost hysterical now and Bella felt herself shriveling against the nearest wall as he continued his tirade.
"What? What are you talking about? Who's face?" she managed to shout back before shielding herself again. Jacob paused for a moment and glared down at her. Then he took a violent swing just to the right of Bella's head and planted his fist firmly in the wall. Bella shut her eyes before she felt a sharp grip on her chin. Jacob was lifting her face to get a good look at the hole in the wall.
"Do you see how close that fist got?" he asked in a violent whisper. Bella nodded and he smiled. "Don't let it get any closer. Think before you speak, Bella." With that, he kissed her on the cheek and walked out of the room. Bella stayed leaning against the wall for some time, her hand outlining the hole in the wall. She didn't change positions until she saw Alice come in. Like breakfast, she kept her head low and greeted Bella simply before heading to her bed. Bella watched as she did so and slowly raised herself from against the wall.
"Alice, are you okay?" she half-whispered.
"That's not really your concern, is it?" The pixie turned around and surveyed the wall. Bella could see now the red splotches on her face and the stains on her cheeks from crying. The poor girl looked absolutely dreadful. "Did Jacob do that?" she asked, pointing to the wall. Bella nodded and watched as Alice scoffed before climbing into bed. "He sounds positively dreamy."