Author's Note:

Howdo y'all! Sorry for the delay; I've been in line memorizing hell for my latest show. Seems no relief is in sight for that anytime soon. Ugh to the Ugh.

So here were go. The morning after. I hope the title gives you a wee little hint as to what's coming. ;)

Thanks to Kherisma for proofing!

Disclaimer: Thanks to the mighty Twi-Zeus, SM, for sharing her creation with us.

Shortly after Bella left to head home, a full day of bridal whatever with Alice lay ahead of her; I showered and headed over to the only place I felt I could go and not have to think. I went to James' house.

Plagued by images and thoughts of my actions the previous night, I felt sick to my stomach at how I'd just . . . taken Bella, and how rough I'd been with her. I was pissed at the flirting she did, yes, but that wasn't a reason to act as I had. I owed her an apology, but before I did that, I needed to get my head straight. I'd been on edge since I saw her talking to Captain America; seeing her flirting with that demigod pushed me to the known edge of my universe. I'll admit, I saw red, but I also saw green. I couldn't deny any longer that my biggest fear was Bella finding someone and leave me out in the cold. Based on the way she was reacting to that guy in the damn bar, it was only a matter of time before she got tired of our arrangement and put an end to it.

And for as much as all that shit hurt, what fucking gutted me was one thing she said while we were fighting: that we weren't in a relationship. I knew it was true, but it didn't make it any easier to stomach. After she went to bed and I locked up, I set about picking up our discarded clothing and it hit me. Like a freight train running over a Match Box car, it flattened me. The one thing I couldn't – and wouldn't –admit for weeks lay in front of me, screaming like a frickin' banshee. It kept me up all night – even after I joined her in bed and she curled up against me, I never slept. I was tired, emotionally worn out and fucking broken. There was no more hiding from it, only accepting it.

I was in love with my best friend.

~M*O~

"So I told Vic either she gets rid of her Tom Cruise 16 magazine collection or she can get over my Playboy collection. Some of those magazines could be worth serious change," James said as he tinkered once again with his lawn mower.

"Dude, those magazines are worthless, just get rid of them." I whacked the mower with the wrench in my hand. "And this mower while you're at it."

James's dropped the socket wrench is hand. "Damn it, Edward! Quite beating Bessie up."

"Bessie? You named your lawn mower?" All right, that was just flat-out weird.

"Don't go bashing what you don't understand, Cullen."

"I get that you have an unusual fixation on a lawn mower that you spend more time fixing than actually using."

James stood up and walked to the fridge, grabbing us two beers. "You want to talk about unusual fixations? Let's talk about you for a second."

"What about me?" I asked.

"You know I love you like a brother, but what the hell is up with that nasty key ring? You act like that thing is a talisman or some shit."

I picked up my keys from the concrete floor of the garage. "Hey now. Don't be a hater just because you were grounded and couldn't go to Cancun with the rest of us for senior week. What were you grounded for again?" I knew damn well what it was; I just liked making him say it.

"Playboy magazines."

"Oh, that's right!" I laughed loudly. "You're mom busted you because you had Playboy magazines in your room! Why, would those be there very same ones that Victoria wants you to get rid of?"

James grumbled, "Yes."

"Jesus! You were busted once for having those magazines; it was only a matter of time before you were busted again! Only this time, your wife is going to cut you off and I'm sure you don't want that. Do yourself a favor, throw them and old Bessie out, and start the fuck over!" I couldn't stop laughing. God, I needed this – I needed to just hang out with my best friend and let life go for a fucking hour.

"James?" Victoria called from inside the house. She appeared at the screen door to the garage and smiled at me. "Hey, Edward."

"Hi."

"James, you're mom called. She invited us to stay with her for a week at her timeshare. Can you please think of a reason to get us out of it?"

"You got it, baby. Do I need to call her back now?"

"No, I said you were out but I would let you know about her grand idea and call her back later."

"Sure thing, Vic."

Victoria turned away from the door then turned back. "Still not going to tell me about that mystery date, are you, Cullen?"

I offered her a grin. "Sorry." James and I exchanged a knowing look. I'd told him about the dinner date my dad had set up, but swore him to secrecy.

Victoria noticed it. "Damn boys," she muttered as she walked away.

James went back to working on the mower and I took a swig from the beer he'd handed me. After a minute or two, James said, "How's Bella doing after that run in with her ex?"

"About as good as you'd expect." Even though I'd avoided talking to Bella about the crap with Jacob, I had confided in James.

"That bad, huh?"

"Yup," I said, placing an emphasis on the 'p'.

He pulled out a spark plug and started to inspect it. "I can't believe he said that shit to her. Does he have a death wish?"

"Looks like he does."

"You manage to talk to her about it yet?" He pulled an old bandana out of his back pocket and started cleaning the spark plug off, trying to get a better look at it.

I shook my head and looked down his driveway. "Don't really need to." It wasn't a lie; based on the previous night and our fighting-turned-fucking, the need to rehash seemed like a mute point.

"Have you seen that doctor again?"

"Jane? Hell no. Don't plan to either." The sudden onslaught of questions made me wonder what he was up to.

e After giving me an "I didn't think so" smirk-and-nod combo, he went back to working on the mower; the only sound in the garage came from his iPod playing on the workbench and the low commotion from James tinkering with Bessie. I pulled out my phone to check for any texts or work emails and after seeing none – and feeling my gut drop over not having any texts from Bella – I shoved the phone into my back pocket. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed James was watching me.

"Who's the girl?" James asked as he wiped his brow; his hands covered in grease and cut grass.

"What?"

"Don't give me that. You know what I'm talking about."

"No, I really don't," I argued.

"Come on, man. I've known you over ten years. We played on the same baseball teams in high school and college. Don't argue with me on this one. Hand me the Philips head, will ya?" I picked up the screwdriver from the floor and handed it to him. "Dude, that's a flat head. Take a shop class already, will ya?"James dropped the offending item and picked up the right one. "Are we really gonna play this out like we both don't know you're getting tail?"

I gave him my best "What are you talking about" look.

"It's written all over your face! Dude, you totally look like a man that's been up all night fucking! Don't deny it."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I prayed he would drop it.

"Whatever, man." James sat back on his heels, his hands rested on his knees. "Last time you were over here, you were talking of hooking up with some chick. I dropped it only because I could tell how pissy you were getting. But here you are again, a month later, looking like you've had one hell of a night. So start talking."

"Why can't you just drop it?"

"It's like I told you before; you don't do random hook ups. And you keep saying you aren't seeing someone. So either you lost your morals, and are hooking up with any and every one or you've got a girl you aren't talking about." James looked over at me, his brows raised in question. "So which is it?"

I quickly weighted the two options: tell him a lie but throw him off the trail, or tell him the truth and never hear the end of it. Option one it is.

"I'm not seeing anyone, so there's no lie there."

His eyes narrowed and he dropped his voice. "But you are getting some, aren't you?"

I hated myself for what I was about to say. "Yeah. I am."

James leaned forward and slapped my knee with the back of his hand. "You son-of-a-bitch! I knew it!" He looked over his shoulder to the screen door, then back at me. "Shit, man!" he said in a low voice, clearly not wanting his wife to hear. "How the hell are you managing that?"

I sucked in another deep breath and prepared to tell my best friend of over ten years a lie. Well, give or take a truth or two. "It's just some girl I know. We kind of agreed to just hook up, no dating."

His eyes went wide. "Whoa whoa whoa. You mean to tell me you have a fuck buddy?"

I hedged answering him. "Uh . . . something like that."

"You fucking dog! I can't believe you!"

Yeah, well, I can't believe the mess it's made, either.

"So wait a minute." He inched closer. "How does this work? You just decide you want to get laid and call her up and bam! In the sack you go?"

Oh yeah, this wasn't uncomfortable at all. "Yeah, or she calls me."

"Holy shit!" James was almost busting at the seams. "Is she hot?"

I stated to feel anxious. I really didn't want to keep talking about this. I felt like I was violating Bella's privacy and the deal we'd made. "Yeah, she is. Can we stop talking about this?" Saying the words caused a new feeling to spring forth: possessiveness.

"Fuck no! So she's hot? Like porn star hot?"

"James," I said in a warning tone.

"I'll take that as a yes. So . . . uh . . . she a freak in bed?"

"Come on, man. You got what you want. Can we drop it?" I immediately started to rub my forehead in an effort to relieve the building tension.

"Hell no, we can't drop it! Does she like it nasty? Any girl that's willing to be a fuck buddy has got to like it nasty."

My heart was starting to hammer in my chest, I was flooded with irritation toward James and protectiveness for Bella. I was struggling to breathe normally. "James, we're done talking about this."

"The hell we are! Is she the reason for your lack of sleep? Have you fucked her in your car yet? Your pool?"

I could feel my anger rising. While James had no idea who I was talking about, I did. "James, I'm done."

"You totally have it made! You know that, right? Jesus, you totally have to fuck her every chance you get. Nail her ass on the stairs, in the back of your car, the kitchen counter, the shower – but just nail her! Fuck that beautiful girl like she was a porn star." He looked me dead in the eyes, then said, "Hell, man, fuck her like the whore she is."

"DON'T FUCKING TALK ABOUT BELLA LIKE THAT, YOU GOT ME?" I yelled as I threw the wrench against the wall; my temper finally erupted, and I only saw red.

James sat back on the short stool next to the mower, a knowing look on his face. "So it is Bella. I fucking knew it!"

Oh fuck. Oh fucking hell, what had I just done? The one rule that was unbreakable was if anyone found out, it was over. Fuck!

"James, you can't say anything. Promise me you won't say a word." I was desperate.

He offered me a sympathetic look. "Who would I tell?"

Instantly, everything slammed into me at once: entering into this arrangement with Bella, the IM that first night, the first night when I slept with her, the war of thoughts I'd been having for weeks . . . and the fight we'd had last night. I chugged my beer, hoping like hell the alcohol would hit me fast and deaden my senses. I set the empty bottle down on the ground, cupped my head in my hands, and muttered to myself. "How did things get so fucked up?"

"Because you love her, Edward." His words were simple and spoke quietly but with directness.

Disbelief flooded me. "What?" I questioned how he knew, not what he said.

"You think I couldn't tell? Hell, man. I noticed it the night you two were over here. The way you were looking at her, protecting her. You think I didn't notice where you arm when around her? How you made sure she was always okay? The fucking looks you were giving her? You fucking love that girl, dude."

I'd had the same revelation overnight, to have my best friend see it and toss it back to me so cleanly, so honestly, I felt the air pull from my lungs. "How did I let this happen?"

"It always happens when you aren't expecting it." James gave me a curious look. "But I think you mean something else, right?"

I looked at James and saw the deep bond of friendship between us, along with the trust and the compassion. "For months, I've been thinking of her the way a friend shouldn't. I've sat next to her and just thought of a hundred ways to Sunday to fuck her. That's not something a friend should do." James didn't respond but I could tell from his expression he was thinking. "It was getting to a point where I couldn't be around her anymore thinking about her like I was. She made it clear she doesn't want to date anyone, and I don't either – then we talked on IM and . . . here we are, with this whole thing completely fucked."

James was silent for a few seconds. The sound of kids playing, dogs barking, and weed whackers and lawn mowers filled the silence. James clutched the tool in his hands and looked down at the garage floor. "Why haven't you talked to her about this?"

"And say what? 'Gee, Bella. Been great fucking you and all, but I want more'?"

He tapped the top of the screwdriver with his palm, and said, "Yeah. Why not?"

"Jesus, James. Are you listening to me? There's no way in hell I can. She made it clear she doesn't want to date anyone." The pang that hit my chest hurt like a thousand knives. "So what? I bring this up just to have her laugh at me? To have her remind me that this is just fucking for fucking sake? Because that's what it is. I never should have lost sight of that and fall—" I stopped myself before I actually admitted the darkest secret I'd ever known.

James's look hardened and his expression turned stern. "Edward, own up to it. You want to be with her. I bet you've had guilt every time you've slept with her because it isn't just fucking to you. I bet when you leave, you feel like shit because you don't really want to go. Do you ever want to just kiss her when you aren't fucking her? And don't tell me you aren't enjoying it, man, because all your self-loathing and self-inflicted torture can't be because it isn't good. It's because you love the girl."

I could only look at him. No words were forming, no thoughts, no anger.

James got up and grabbed us two more beers, twisted off the caps, and handed me one. "Why do you think I've been needling you all afternoon? You think I didn't know? Do you think I couldn't tell how you really felt about Bella? That you love her? Brother, I've always known." He paused to wait for a response, which I didn't give. He rested the screwdriver on his leg. "Edward, listen. Once I met Victoria, things changed. Like the universe flipped and I couldn't not be the man she wanted and deserved. I'll own up to being pussy whipped, but I wouldn't have my life any other way."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked, my voice thick with emotions. Everything he'd said was ringing true.

"Because, whether we want to admit it or not, no matter how much we want to act like we don't need them, we do. And . . . because . . . when we find her, we're scared shitless she won't want us."

"What if she doesn't? What if all she wants is just . . . sex?" My voice cracked. "What if she doesn't want me?"

He studied me for a few seconds. "You willing to take that chance?"

I shook my head slightly side to side, half out of uncertainly, half out of wondering how the hell I'd gotten here – falling for my best friend and scared shitless to tell her. My phone buzzed and I instinctively pulled it out of my pocket. It was a text from Bella and my gut plummeted again. I rubbed my hand over my forehead as I read her message.

I need you. Can you come over tonight? Maybe for a little Olympus, too?

James looked at the phone, then me. "Bella?"

"Yeah." My voice was rasping as I spoke. "She wants me to come over tonight."

"You gonna go?"

"I don't know." I could barely speak.

"Guess you need to figure out what you're going to do, huh?" he asked, his words taking on a double meaning.

I stared at her message and my chest constricted. A flurry of emotions coursed through me like a raging river. "Yeah. God help."

End Notes:

Oh snap to the snap! James knows! Edward confessed! More importantly, Edward admitted it to himself!

So what's to come? Will Edward tell Bella how he feels? Will James? Will Bella call it off if she finds out someone knows?

I hate to say this but . . . due to my rehearsal schedule, I won't be able to post for two weeks. I've got most of the chapter after this laid out however, I need to have those damn lines perfect (perfectionist that I am) since this is a paying gig and all . . . .

I'd love to hear what you think, so if you'd like to leave a little review, that would be awesome. NGL, reviews are massive love.

Until next time . . .

3

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