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No war in Ba Sing Se.

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trigger warning: Non-con and sexual abuse alluded to.

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So dinner was eventful.

Very eventful.

After all the usual diplomatic blah blah about how our two tribes were coming together for the first time in 80 years and more blah blah about water-tribe pride, dinner got under way. I was sitting next to Han, who was spent most of the time being nasty. By nasty I mean he'd stare at my boobs and make lame double entendres that I'm sure were meant to be witty and sexy, but in reality they were just sleazy. This display, oh spirits, was Han "putting on the charm" for me. I put up with it because I needed to sit next to him to give my speech – but oh how powerfully did I feel the urge to say not in a million years – you're so nasty – leave me alone. Thankfully I had Aang next to me on the other side, so I could spend the majority of time talking to him and trying to ignore Han.

I was planning on waiting until between the entrees and the main to give a rant about women's rights to the complete cohort of northern water tribe men. They needed to hear it even more than my tribe did. I wanted to wait for between courses. Everyone would be here and seated and no one would storm out. Everyone in my tribe will put up with anything for meat. Waiting till just before the meat course would give me at least 10 full minutes to make my various points. This was my plan. It was a great plan.

But things never really go according to the plans we make in out head.

Yugoda came into dinner a little bit late. I was actually delighted to see her. I didn't even know she was here. We had a small exchange of waves. She was sitting not far from me (not at the head table, but just a few seats down from it). She was looking a little tired since I last saw her. She made a polite excuse and said that she had been held up with the Joo Dees again.

The Joo Dees? What?

The man next to her ( I later learned he was her husband) snorted derisively and said he didn't know why she bothered with hopeless cases like that. Then her husband chastised her for being late over the Joo Dees. He talked to her like she was small child in front of everyone.

My Dad was sitting near her and he tried to "make it better". Dad hates seeing people embarrassed in public. He introduced himself to Yugoda, and said that he had heard nothing but great things about Yugoda from me. He said that he didn't know who the Joo Dees were, but if she felt that they were a worthy investment of her time, then he was sure that they were.

Yugoda smiled gratefully at my Dad and said that the Joo Dees did take up a great deal of her time. The rest of the Northern watertribe already knew about them, but Yugoda explained for us. They were women who had been brainwashed and terribly abused in Ba Sing Se.

Oh my spirits. I had never gave the Joo Dees much thought before. But now that I did, I was horrified.

For some reason, the plight of the Joo Dees seemed to amuse Han slightly. Well, he choose this moment to ask if we wanted to hear a joke about the Joo Dees. Then without waiting for a response he proceeded to tell the most tasteless joke I have ever heard.

He started with what do you tell a Joo Dee with two black eyes? Then his voice did that thing that Sokka's does when he thinks he's about to say something really funny. It got a little more high pitched as he said Nothing! You've already told her twice. Then Han and a few other northerners had a right good chortle over that. Yugoda made an exceptionally unhappy face.

And I lost my nut in a big way.

Look Han's "little joke" was the last straw.

I told my would-be-husband-if-Pakku-got-his-way exactly what I thought of him, his little joke and of the Northern watertribe in general (none of that was ...err, very flattering). I then, oh spirits, I can't believe I did this in front of everyone... Han said something about how I just needed to cool my tits (yes he used that phrase) and then he leaned towards me (in an inappropriately intimate manner, if my opinion) and whispered that he knew that this little tirade was because I was obviously sexually frustrated...but it's okay, Han could help me out with that.

And here is where it got really undignified.

I couldn't think of anything to say that would adequately express my very strong reactions to Han's proposal. I don't have the words to express that much revulsion. Suddenly, unbidden, I remembered something that Zuko had said at his coronation party. Sometimes when life is just too ridiculous, and a situation is just trying beyond words, the only sensible solution is for someone to get hit with a snack tray.

So Han was hit with a snack tray.

I skipped over a few steps in the decision making process and I reached down and grabbed it and bopped him straight over the head. One good solid bop!

I felt great for one second.

But then I felt terrible.

I'd made a spectacle of myself and this sort of behaviour would embarrass my Dad and make all the northerners think that they were right all along about us southerners. I heard the way they whispered about us. Uncouth, uncivilised, undignified. And now I had gone and proved that point for them.

I was banished from the top table by Arnook and sent to sit with my father and brother. But as I walked past Yugoda, I swear she winked at me. But I can't be sure.

-o-

Aang was the next to make a scene.

Aang has now found out about Seige of the North from bloody chief Arnook. You'd think the chief would have more common sense and just more damn tact – but no. Well, in fairness, chief Arnook did not know that Aang doesn't remember what he did in the Avatar state.

What happened was Aang was still at the top table (he had yet to disgrace himself like me and dad.) He was being congratulated a whole bunch for his avatar-ness– which Aang enjoys. Then he started being congratulated on how much he had fucked things up for the firenation – and Aang started to look uncomfortable at that.

Arnook was cracking himself up over how Aang left Ozai alive "just to mess with those motherfuckers". Arnook was under the impression that Aang had done this to deliberately destabilise the whole firenation (rather than out of a misguided adherence to his beliefs).

Aang really looked uncomfortable now. Aang already knows he made a mistake Ozai – But I think he and Zuko are cool with it. Zuko and Iroh never harp on at Aang about it, at least.

Arnook harped on. It was congratulatory harping on – but that didn't make it any better for Aang. He said that it was so nice that Aang had ensured that there would be infighting in the firenation. The firenation fighting itself seemed like an apt punishment to Arnook.

Aang spoke up and tried to very politely disagree with Arnook. He said that he hadn't left Ozai alive to destabilise the firenation, or punish them or potentially start a civil war. He'd done it because he believed in the sanctity of life. This got him a good loud laugh from the top table. They laughed for a fair bit. Aang was slapped on the back by Arnook, who said Oh Avatar Aang, how you do joke!

Aang was very confused about why anyone would think he was joking. He is completely sincere in his belief in the sanctity of life. Aang asked for a explanation as to why Arnook thought he was joking. Arnook told him, despite the fact that me and Sokka were making huge and frantic "shut-up-now" gestures.

For so long, we have been keeping what happened at the Siege of the North from Aang. Miraculously, we had been able to keep it from him the whole time we were in the firenation. All that work and effort keeping this secret from Aang - only to have Arnook go a blab it out thoughtlessly at a dinner party.

The secret all spilled out like water from a glass. Indeed, that is almost what it felt like. You know when you just knock a glass over off a table and the glass always seems to fall in slow motion. There is always that split second where you think to yourself maybe I can stop it? Maybe I can catch it in time. But gravity and Arnook's big mouth are both immutable forces of the universe.

Aang looked at Arnook in confusion and slowly dawning horror as Arnook explained. Well... you know...you did decimate the entire northern fleet in such a spectacular manner...Arnook's common sense kicked in a few moments too late. He trailed off as he looked at Aang's horror-struck face. Aang asked, in a soft voice, what do you mean decimated their fleet – nobody was killed - were they?

Chief Arnook seemed to realise his error and choose now to be delicate. He demurred about how they didn't need to discuss it now, not at dinner. Aang got rather cross (by Aang standards) and he stood up and demanded Chief Arnook tell him what he meant. Arnook got a bit defensive in the face of Aang's angry tone and shot back Lots of people were killed! What do you think decimating a fleet means?

Aang recoiled and looked devastated. Arnook looked sorry. He said, more gently, You sank almost every single one of their ships. The water was below freezing. Not even firebenders can last that long in freezing water. At that moment Aang started backing away from the head table very rapidly. Arnook kept trying to "make it better" - when he really should have shut up like five minutes ago. He said kindly You saved us, the only way you could. There was nothing else to be done.

This did not have the effect Arnook wanted. It didn't calm or comfort Aang. Instead Aang put up his scooter and zoomed away faster than I have ever seen him move.

Oh Aang.

I knew deep down, that I couldn't protect him forever. It was like the Southern Air Temple all over again. Aang was always going to find out. It was just a matter of when. should have told him before now. In a calm and quiet place. He shouldn't have had to find out like this. I set off after him.

-o-

I searched for Aang high and low. I found him in the new avatar suite. He had flung himself down on the bed and was sobbing his heart out. The sobs were shaking his body. I felt that twisting horrible feeling in my gut. I felt so furious at Arnook for making Aang feel this way. I went straight over to Aang and lay next to him on the bed and pulled him into a big hug. He held me and cried.

I soothed and shushed and hushed and said all the comforting things that you are meant to say. But I didn't know how to make this better. Aang was such an innocent sweet kid and he clung to his Air Nomad beliefs like a drowning man clings to a life raft and hopes for salvation. Now he had found out that he had killed a vast amount of people – and it has turned his whole world upside down.

As mad as I was at Arnook, I was angrier at myself. This was my fault. I have always tried to take care of Aang and protect Aang from everything and shield him from the world and reality. It was too much for Aang. I knew that the weight of it all would just crush his gentle spirit.

I tried to lighten his load. I told him that, as horrible as all those people dying was, it was something that had to happen. If Aang hadn't done what he did at the North Pole, there would be no more Northern Water Tribe. Furthermore, it was war – and there were always terrible casualties in war. That's what war was, in my opinion, one long stream of senseless deaths. All these senseless deaths were no one's fault...especially not Aang's. Aang had done his duty and saved the water tribes.

Aang had stilled by this point – but as I said the word duty his face clouded. He asked, in a soft and sad voice do you think my duty as avatar will always involve killing? I was so taken aback by the question that I just gasped. I denied it quickly – but perhaps not quick enough for Aang. Aang shrank further in on himself and pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them tight and shied away from me.

I reached for him and he pulled away from me. This stung a little. He asked me in a soft, but slightly angry voice why didn't anyone tell me? I confessed that I had made everyone promise not to tell him. I said that we had found out just before Sozin' s comet, and none of us had wanted to upset Aang then (or for Aang to run away – and look at how that ended up).

His next question surprised me greatly. How on earth did you get Zuko to agree to all this secrecy? Aang was a bit pissed off that Zuko, at least, hadn't seen fit to tell him, seen as though there was such a large number of firenation casualties.

I remembered that day – the day of the memorial ceremony, and how upset Zuko had been. How angry he'd been that Aang didn't know. I remembered how we'd gotten drunk together on firewhiskey and toasted his lost crew.

I said that he had wanted to – he had wanted Aang to know. But I had asked him not to. Aang made an unreadable face at that. I had absolutely no idea what he was thinking. He muttered well this certainly makes the way everyone was acting around me in the firenation make sense now under his breath with a great deal of disgruntlement.

I tried to comfort him again. I said that I just didn't want Aang to have to bear this burden on his soul. I had just been trying to protect him. Protect me from the truth?Aang asked in an accusatory tone.

Yes. Exactly that. Yes.

I said that all I wanted to do was look after Aang and protect him. So yes, I wanted to protect Aang from the truth, if the truth would only hurt him. I wanted to protect him from anything that would ever hurt him. And if that made me the bad guy, then okay. But I was still going to look out for Aang in anyway I could. I don't know if Aang was mollified by this or not.

There was a short silence and it seemed like Aang was collecting his thoughts. Eventually he said Monk Gyatso was always trying to protect me from the truth too. The other elders in the temple wanted me training non-stop, but Monk Gyatso wouldn't let them press me that hard. I thought they were just doing it to be horrible...but now I realise... they knew the war was coming and they were afraid. But Monk Gyatso liked to pretend that everything was fine and nothing had to change just because I was the Avatar. He didn't want me to give up who I was...just because I was the avatar.

I said that Monk Gyatso sounded very wise. Aang looked away from me and out the window. He was looking at the sky and the clouds so intently. He sat up a little straighter. It was like thinking about Monk Gyatso gave him some sort of certainty. He turned back to me and said he was wise with a great deal of solemnity. What would Gyatso think of all this? Aang asked quietly.

I laid my hand on Aang's shoulder and said that I was sure that Gyasto would understand. Some times desperate times call for desperate measures.

Aang disagreed with me and told me that Monk Gyatso believed the opposite. Gyatso had absolutely put his foot down when the other monks wanted to teach Aang lung bending because of the growing trouble with the firenation. It was one of the darkest forms of airbending and was utterly and completely forbidden by all air nomad teachings. It was the ability to pull the air out of someone's lungs. Very fast. Very Fatal. Very evil.

Their fear of the coming war made the other elders willing to abandon their beliefs and desecrate the scared teachings in the hope of sure victory. But Monk Gyatso had said no. Being the Avatar was about bringing peace and balance. The Avatar was not meant to hurt people.

As soon as Aang said that out loud, it was like a sudden jolt went through him. He sat up abruptly, wiped his face and said that he was going back to the dinner. Chief Arnook and the rest of the northern water tribe thought that the Avatar was all about hurting people. They thought that these peace negotiations would give them some vengeance – rather than a lasting peace. It was Aang's duty to set them straight.

We strode back to the dining hall together. Aang was walking purposely. He wasn't running any more.

-o-

Aang delivered an inspiring speech to the tribes. He strode back in and stood on his chair and put two fingers in his mouth and made the most enormous whistle. That got everyone's attention. Aang then announced that he had something to say.

He addressed Chief Arnook and the Northern Water Tribes in general and reminded them that he had saved them when he merged with the ocean spirit. He said that while he was happy to have helped save them – he would be even happier if no one ever, ever called him a hero for what he did that night. Killing all those people was not at all heroic. It was the least Avatar-like thing Aang had ever done.

Aang said that he would like to make one thing absolutely clear to everybody - This peace negotiation was going to be about PEACE! It was not going to be about punishing the firenation. Aang said that he would like to remind everyone that the firenation were coming here to negotiate a peace on their own accord. And while Aang had stopped Ozai, he had not stopped the war singlehandedly. The war had stopped because of Firelord Zuko and General Iroh. Aang said that he knew that Zuko and Iroh were dedicated to peace – Arnook and the Northern water tribe should be equally as willing to compromise. If there was to be lasting peace, then the North needed to let go of their anger.

There was much polite scepticism from Arnook. He said that he appreciated Aang's position as Avatar – but letting go of his anger was not going to happen for Arnook. Not after he lost Yue the way he did. The water tribes have memories older than the icebergs. Previous experience has shown that being diplomatic with the firenation is like trying to reason with a rampaging snowleopardbear.

It's just not worth it.

Sokka piped up in support of Aang. The mention of Yue had stirred something in Sokka. He said that Yue had sacrificed herself to save her tribe. She was a good and kind and gentle person. She wouldn't want this. She wouldn't want revenge. She'd want peace. Arnook snapped at Sokka to never lecture him on what his daughter would have wanted. Dad snapped at Arnook for snapping at Sokka.

Undignified male squabbling ensued.

Dad defended Sokka's wisdom and Aang's position and even Zuko's ability as firelord. Arnook got stroppy back and tried to throw his weight around as the leader of the bigger, more populous and more wealthy tribe. He insinuated that the north was so affluent because of his influence as leader – therefore, he should be listened to over my Dad, because Dad's leadership had brought our tribe nothing but increased hardship. Dad said the only reason why the North was so fucking affluent was because they were fucking cowards who stayed safe behind their icewalls.

It looked like there was going to be inelegant fisticuffs (the north like to act like they're better than us, but they are not above inelegant fisticuffs).

But suddenly Yugoda diffused the situation like some situation diffusing god. She banged a gong with much alacrity. When she had everyone's attention – she apologised for interrupting the...negotiations, but she just wanted to inform everyone that softshell creams were being served with blubbered rum in the east balcony (this was a favourite desert in the north) and Honeycrunch crumble with ice wine (a delicacy in my tribe) was being served on the west. She advised people to pick their refreshments. There was some bitter muttering, but mostly our tribes split along the middle. My tribe (and Aang) went west, the Northerners went east. Peace was temporarily returned.

Yugoda is a clever woman.

I took the chance to tell her so, after all the menfolk had left. She smiled gratefully at me and gave me another little wink and said that she learned that little trick from my Gran Gran. Gran Gran apparently used to say that food bribery was the only way to get any sensible behaviour out of the menfolk. I said a few choice things about the menfolk. Yugoda tilted her head at me and remarked curiously you really are serious about the whole women's rights thing aren't you?

I was a bit taken aback by this comment. I mean wasn't every woman? Didn't every woman want to be treated equally? Yugoda said simply, that she had been treated unequally her whole life and she had learnt various ways around it. I said that just because she had been treated unequally her whole life didn't make unequal treatment right – it just meant that she was used to it. Yugoda said you do just get so used to it simply.

She seemed so perplexed by the whole women's rights thing. She was the first other Water Tribe woman that I had spoken too about this and she just acted like the fact that men thought they were superior to us was just something that women had to get used to. I asked her if she was trying to tell me to back off.

She snapped her head around at that and said of course not! quite spiritedly. She looked at me kindly and said no, you've got far too much of your grandmother in you to give up now. I asked her if she agreed with me then, about women's equality. Really I just wanted to hear another water tribe woman say it. Yugoda said I'm going to tell you a little something about me. I am widely renowned as one of the best healers the Northern Water Tribe has ever seen...yet my husband still talks to me like I am fool. Tui and La, do I agree with you.

Conversation moved on to healing. Yugoda had apparently gotten a messenger hawk from Doctor Yang, near the start of my apprenticeship. Mostly Dr Yang was enquiring about what Yugoda had taught me, so she wouldn't overlap. But then they had started exchanging letters frequently about the different healing techniques. Dr Yang had never let on at all to me – which seems a little sneaky.

Yugoda smiled and said that no matter how she tried to explain water healing – it still seemed to mystify Dr Yang. Her tendency to call it "my powers" continues in her letters. Dr Yang had suggested if Yugoda ever got the time, she could try and give me more training with "my powers" as that was something that Dr Yang would not be able to help me with at all.

Yugoda smiled at me and said but I know that you were not very fond of learning healing with me – so I wont press you into doing it. I told her that I would absolutely love to learn more about water bending healing with her. If there was more to know - I wanted to know it. I offered my services in helping her with the Joo Dees. Yugoda smiled sadly and said yes..well, we need all the help we can get.

-0-

Early the next morning I got up to meet Yugoda and she walked me to the very lowest levels of the Palace. We had to through several sets of guards, but they all let Yugoda pass. Deeper and deeper we went, while Yugoda asked me all sorts of questions about my apprenticeship with Dr Yang, what I had learned etc. I told her everything and she nodded along with me.

She then told me what she and a few other healers had been doing with the Joo Dees and filled me on the situation. Sweet spirits it is so much worse than I thought. I feel this odd guilt in the centre of my stomach. I thought of the two Joo Dees who served us and their blank empty faces. I thought of that horrible room full of them that we'd passed when looking for Appa.

I'd just walked right past it.

Yugoda has been here for weeks. She first noticed something funny about the Joo Dees – who at that time were still serving as guides/guards of all the guests of the Earth Kingdom. Yugoda had done a bit of investigating (she is wily) and found out all about the Joo Dees. She had kicked up a big stink, and Pakku had backed her up. Because had been administrator then, the Joo Dees had fallen under Yugoda's supervision – within limits.

The Joo Dees are still classified as prisoners – under the artifice that they knew delicate information, so they were not allowed to be treated at a normal hospital, with fresh air and sunlight, which was what Yugoda would have preferred. Instead they were kept in a specially designed hospital ward, deep under the palace while they recovered. Yugoda used the term recovered loosely. So far none had completely recovered their minds, despite her team's best efforts.

Yugoda told me that Joo Dees were normally poor refugee women who had caught the misfortune of drawing attention of the Dai Li. Most Dai Li prisoners were thrown in the various secret prisons all over Ba Sing Se. The 'pretty women' however, were selected for an entirely different form of punishment. They had their minds ...tampered with... The Dai Li would wipe their minds clean of all the memories, and all the personality and then all that would be left was an empty-eyed, completely compliant woman.

In this blank state, the Joo Dees would be used... I foolishly interject used as guides? here. My only previous experience with the Joo Dees were the two who had acted as our guides. But Yugoda looked at me soberly and just said if they were lucky.

Oh.

I thought about what other things Yugoda could have meant by used, and came to the most logical conclusion. Yugoda was still talking, she was explaining in clinical terms, that they women who had been used by men were often more...broken than the women who had been used as spies or guides. So far none of those Joo Dees had recovered any of their memories and Yugoda found that her technique often brought out adverse reactions in them. Some of them had been treated very ill, but they had been brainwashed to the extent that they didn't fight back or try to escape. They didn't even know they were being held prisoner.

I was revolted. My stomach rebelled.

I lost the entire contents of my stomach and Yugoda fussed over me and apologised for her comments. As horrible as knowing these things was, I was glad that she was talking to me like and adult and telling me the truth. So I collected myself and we continued walking.

Yugoda explained that she was trying to reverse the Dai Li process, through working collaboratively with the Earth Kingdom healers. She was using the water to sooth the trouble minds of the Joo Dees and help them recall memories. It was so tricky because many of these women had forgotten completely who they were, so it was hard to remind them of their lives before. Yugoda was having some success with the women who had been Joo Dees for less than a year. More than a year meant that their minds had been tampered with a great deal – Yugoda hoped that with more time recuperating and without the constant brainwashing, these women too, would also begin to recover.

The women who had been sexually abused were kept in a separate ward, where they were made comfortable and cared for. But Yugoda was going to give it a little bit of time before she tried her technique with these women again. Their trauma was too great and often any attempt to help them recover memories brought up things best not remembered.

-o-

Yugoda showed me this technique that she has been working on to calm the mind and to prompt memories. It is a little like what I did with Jet, when we found out he was brainwashed. Only it is more technically complex. Also with Jet, I knew who he was and what his past was like and so it was a little easier to prompt real memories from him. It is much trickier with the Joo Dees because they were such blank slates and came from such a wide variety of places.

-o-

I would introduce myself kindly and always get the same response. A very polite hello, I am Joo Dee. Then I'd put my healing water on their temples and go through the list of questions and prompts that Yugoda had written down for me. Sometimes something triggered a memory and for a brief moment the women would be themselves again.

Yugoda had written out a list of the common places where refugees had come from. I asked the women if they were from any of these places. For one Joo Dee (really called Tai) just hearing the name of her home town was enough. Her eyes lost that glazed look, her smiled dropped and for a moment she was herself again.

She was able to remember the rice fields that surrounded her town, her name and the fact that she had a husband somewhere – I tried to ask a few more questions, to try and find out some contact details for the husband, but her eyes glazed over again and she was Joo Dee once more.

However, we now know her name and where she came from and that is enough to be getting on with. I made up a name tag for her and walked her back to her ward.

The worst moment was when I realised that the Joo Dee I was treating had been the second one that had guided Sokka, Aang, Toph and me around Ba Sing Se. I think I felt guilty for not trying to do anything to help her then, even though I knew something was fishy. I tried extra hard with this Joo Dee.

She has a home and a family who miss her somewhere. So many of these Joo Dees do.

I wanted to see this one back with her family, but for today I would have just settled for her real name. I tried my very best, but she still looked blank and smiled at me eerily. I gave up in defeat after having no progress with her for over an hour. I walked her back to her ward and made her comfortable. I told her that I was so so sorry – thought it meant little to her. There was a flicker of something in her eyes and she said don't be sad dear. Be happy that you are in Ba Sing Se. There is no war in Ba Sing Se.

It wasn't the war that was making me sad right now. But I did not have the words to explain it and she didn't have the ability to comprehend.

Then I felt so overwhelmed by how horrible everything was. I slumped down against the wall outside the ward and just felt so tired. That was how Yugoda found me when she came to drop off the Joo Dee she'd been working with. I tried to stand up and pretend that I was fine, but Yugoda saw right through that. She pulled me into a hug and called me a dear girl and took me for a tea break.

-o-

Yugoda walked me back up to the water tribe section of the palace and we had a cup of tea together. Yugoda said that I had done enough work for today and should relax for the rest of the afternoon. I tried to protest. I wanted to help. I had seen how many Joo Dees there were. Hundreds and hundreds of blank faced women. I had only seen a handful today and I had only had a break-through with one. Yugoda had such a small team of helpers. I wanted to do something meaningful to help.

Yugoda poured me another cup and offered that if I really wanted to help, there was something I could do that was even more invaluable than another pair of healing hands. I could use my status as a war hero and my powers of persuasion to try convince the Earth King to release the Joo Dees and the other Dai Li prisoners.

If the Joo Dees were no longer classified as prisoners, then Yugoda and the Earth Kingdom healers could treat them at a proper hospital. Right now, the underground wards were a lot like where the Joo Dees had been kept when they were used by the Dai Li. Yugoda felt that this was hindering the healing process for a lot of them.

-o-

It was very fortuitous that an opportunity to speak to the Earth King arose over lunch. We were all back together - Dad and Sokka and Aang were back from a meeting which they had found very tedious. I told them all about the Joo Dees. Sokka and Aang were very vocal about their outrage. Dad just looked very grim and said fucking hell under his breath. I don't know, but seeing my Dad at a loss for words and just swearing angrily like that, well it kind of made me feel better. Like I wasn't being an idiot for being so upset and affected by everything.

I told them about how Yugoda had asked to try and meet with the Earth King and convince him to release the Dai Li prisoners. Aang said that he had a meeting with the Earth King this afternoon, and he'd be delighted if I would come along to. Aang was a bit confused that the Dai Li prisoners were still being held, especially after the end of the war. Yugoda had told me that someone in the earth kingdom bureaucracy felt that the Dai Li had originally arrested all its prisoners for a reason and they were legitimate criminals – so I passed that on.

So Aang and I will go see the Earth King together this afternoon. The meeting is scheduled for just before Zuko and the others are meant to arrive, and Aang has a few other things that he needs to discuss with Kuei, so I will have to be concise. But at least I get a chance to talk to him today – and then Zuko will be here and I can tell him all about everything that has happened and see what he thinks.

I feel stupid and soppy for writing this, but I'm really looking forward to seeing Zuko again. I can't believe how much I've missed his stupid self! It wasn't even just when Pakku was being terrible last night, or when I was with the Joo Dees this morning. I mean whenever I feel gloomy about the state of everything, I want to talk to him. But I also want to talk to him when I'm happy...and confused...and cross.

I want to talk to him all the time.

I've been getting up earlier every day, back in the firenation – because I just can't wait to see him every morning and hear whatever he says next. I was such an idiot for pretending that I didn't want to talk to him and that I wouldn't miss him. I miss him. I'm cross at him. I can't wait to see him again. And it is all a big old mess.

Just as I was getting nervous and excited about seeing him – Sokka piped up that we wouldn't have to rush out meeting with the Earth King. Zuko wasn't going to arrive tonight. There'd been an incident on the airhsip. He'd gotten word from Suki.

I felt the bottom fall out of my stomach with dread. I imagined the worst possibilities ever (because my brain instantly leaps to catastrophe). I didn't take into account Sokka's amusement, which wouldn't be there if something terrible had happened.

So when Sokka innocently brandished the letter as proof, I snatched it quick as a flash. I was my worry acting, I swear. I wanted to know how bad it was. Sokka got a bit irate and tried to snatch the letter back (as it was from Suki and contained much lovey doveyness and he was called Smushybear repeatedly in it).

I was not at all worried about Smushy-bear endearments. I only wanted to read the exact details of the incident. We had a small chase, and then a small squabble and then I made Sokka slip on ice and locked myself in my room to read the letter.

-o-

I skipped over all the gross lovey-dovey stuff at the beginning of the letter, and got to the part that interested me. I know it was intrusive etc, but after I started reading, I found that I couldn't stop.

So, we've had a bit of an incident and aren't going to make our scheduled arrival time. It turns out that Uncle Iroh was the sort of sailor who really did have a woman in every port. The stop in Oyster Bay was publicised. Several of Iroh's old girlfriends have shown up to 're-kindle' things with him. Re-kindle geddit? Because he's a firebender.

Anyway, chaos has ensued. Iroh is occupied with his lady friends – Zuko is adamant that Iroh can't bring any of them to Ba Sing Se, especially after what happened at blue mountain bay. It was, according to Zuko, apparently quite disgusting and lead to engine failure and burns in ...unlikely places for Iroh.

The mind boggles ….but neither of them see fit to elaborate further on this incident and quite frankly I am happy to keep it that way.

I really don't want to know.

Anyway Iroh has decided firmly against two of the women. However, he had his ...err hands full with the others, so he asked if Zuko could let them down gently for him - which I feel was an unwise suggestion. Toph saw fit to interject here and say that if Uncle let Zuko do the breaking up for him, Zuko would get Uncle accidentally engaged or some shit like that...given his previous track record with trying to break up with people.

Then Zuko got a bit stroppy. He and Toph had a small argument about him and Gloomy Hairbuns. Gloomy overheard and then it became a three way argument.

The words you smell – you smell like the smelliest sock that ever smelled bad. The sort of sock that got all sweaty and gross, but you were feeling too lazy to wash it and you thought you could get one more day out of it – that's how much you smell were uttered indignantly by Zuko. To which, Toph countered, your face smells! This should give you an indication of the maturity level of this argument.

Honestly those two.

I had to send them to opposite sides of the airship last night.

They never used to squabble. But now Toph is trying to 'fix' Zuko's life by moaning loudly and frequently about how much she hates Gloomy and how much Gloomy sucks, frequently within Gloomy's hearing. Which just gets a bit awkward for everybody. I've tried to teach Toph about 'tact' and 'time and place' …..but no dice so far.

I mean, I know Toph means well – but Zuko is as stubborn as all fuck and isn't taking her attempts at 'fixing his life for him' very well. Zuko just seems resigned to Gloomy. We had a small, tactful and secret conversation, out of Gloomy's hearing. He just says that he made a choice and now he has to live with the consequences, made his bed and now he has to lie in it etc. (by sheer force of will I managed to avoid making a fabulous pun over that last one...because there is a time and a place for my fabulous puns).

Gloomy has been, well rather...she's not been very nice to Zuko at the best of times, and this really isn't the best of times. They really aren't very good together. So I can understand why Toph doesn't want them to stay together. But the more Toph bangs on about it, the more pissed off and obstinate Zuko gets. Now he's determined to 'prove Toph wrong' – which is a noble aspiration, but it has to be one of the worst reasons ever to stay with someone.

So there have been shenanigans aplenty today. We are now five hours behind schedule – but I can't say for sure when we'll be taking off again. We are currently missing some crucial people.

Gloomy has now vanished with Rena and Ty Lee - we presume they are getting drunk together.

Toph has vanished with Rozin and we hope they are not getting drunk together.

Uncle has vanished with one of his lady friends.

And after they left, a whole bunch of people absconded to go sight-seeing.

Zuko went out to try and collect everyone, but it is apparently like trying to herd cats.

Zuko is now doing that 'woe is me' thing he does. He's getting drunk with Jee on nasty cider, moaning about his life (how is this my life? Why do the spirits hate me?) and complaining that all girls are crazy especially when they get all pissed off for no reason.

Note: I think the main reason Gloomy is pissed off is because we accidentally, kind of...maybe forgot her ...just a little... at the last stop. She was in the restaurant toilet, but we thought she was on board and took off. Her mum noticed pretty quickly and we turned the airship back around to pick her up and the whole process only took about ten minutes.

However Gloomy knows that Zuko forgot her again and he's been in trouble with her since then. He really will never live this one down and he can't even use lightning brain as an excuse this time.

Jee is making many sassy remarks that this is just like old times on their ship. Zuko is grumpy and hates his life, Iroh is off either making his own hot springs or having nasty sex or both, everything is in disarray and we are woefully and dreadfully and irrevocably behind schedule. All they need now is for the cook to do something inappropriate with a Koalasheep in the engine room and cock up the gears.

There are no koalasheep in Oyster Bay province.

I checked.

Thank goodness.

There was no more about Zuko. Indeed the rest of the letter was just lovey-dovey blah blah about how much Cherryblossom missed her Smushybear. I felt like a right idiot for reacting so strongly and snatching the letter. I also felt like I was very much intruding in Sokka's privacy. I opened the door, handed the letter back to him, a little red faced, and apologised.

-o-

I put on my very best dress – the one that had no holes, tears or burn marks. I was trying look as posh as I could for my meeting with the Earth King. I still ended up feeling woefully under-dressed when we were actually all sitting down together for tea. Kuei and the Dowager were both dressed resplendently in the finest silks. Even Aang looked more dignified in his new airnomad robes. I have never really worried that much about my looks before. But looks really matter here in Ba Sing Se. I know that I am fairly pretty, but I couldn't help but feel that I didn't look nice enough to be having tea with these people.

However I tried to snap myself out of that as Aang talked about air nomad festivals. I sipped my cup and told myself what Gran Gran always used to say to me. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Well I did not consent.

The Dowager did most of the speaking. She actually seemed less intimidating today, now that we were sitting down together. She is a small, slight woman who wears very similar glasses to Kuei. They perch on her little nose and make her look somewhat like an owl. She still looked up and down her nose at my dress – but aside from that she had very gracious manners as she poured the tea in the traditional ceremonial manner.

I waited for Aang to finish talking. He talked a lot about how he wanted the peace negotiations to be healing. He wanted these negotiations to be a reconciliation, not retribution. Kuei and the Dowager nodded along. Aang then turned to a matter much closer to his heart. Next Saturday would be the end of the scheduled negotiations – but it would also mark the start of the Air Nomad East Wind Festival and he was hoping that Kuei and the Dowager would consent to celebrating it.

All airnomads were born around the same time in autumn, but their birthdays were celebrated communally with one week long festival. The East Wing festival marked where things begin. Aang hoped that these negotiations would mark the start of a new era. The East Wind had not been celebrated in over 100 years and he could not think of a more fitting way to honour his people and usher in a new era.

The symbolism of Aang's idea was not lost on us. The Dowager agreed very quickly and said that she would love for the Avatar to share his cultural traditions with the city. She had always been a big fan of cultural traditions after all. She added that they could hardly refuse Aang such a simple request when he had saved the whole world.

My conversation was nowhere near as seamless. After Aang was done, I brought up the matter of the Joo Dees. I had honestly thought that it would be like the war and there was no way that Kuei and the Dowager knew about the Joo Dees. I thought that telling them would be enough really. I would tell them, and they would be horrified and do something about it.

But instead it quickly became apparent that they both knew about the Joo Dees, but believed them to be criminals – along with all the other Dai Li prisoners. Well I say they, when really the dowager did most of the talking. She said that while she had disagreed with Long Feng's methods, she believed that he was correct in his pursuit of maintaining cultural standards.

The traditions of Ba Sing Se, the principles on which it was founded (fortitude, resilience, honour and duty) needed to be protected. In the Dowager's mind, the Dai Li existed to protect the cultural heritage of Ba Sing Se – they would not go around arresting innocent people willy-nilly. The Dowager just wanted to live in a simpler world, where manners and culture mattered the way they used to. The truth of the Joo Dees did not sit very well with her world view.

It was a very difficult conversation, but I kept my cool and remained reasonable. I ended up actually taking them down to the Joo Dee wards (because sometimes showing is better than telling). I suggested this and the Earth King very quickly agreed that he thought this was a good idea. He wanted to see the truth of the situation for himself.

This little outburst marked the first time he had spoken ahead of his mother. She agreed with him though – but this was mostly because she was rather sceptical of my claims and wanted to see the proof for herself too. That was how they ended up following me along the parts of their own palace that they had never explored.

Yugoda was still down there and still working with the Joo Dees. She was very surprised to have royal guests. She managed well and explained the situation much better than I could – clinically and without overt emotion or judgement. She gave them a small tour. They got to meet the other healers and well as two Joo Dees (names yet unknown). Then she gave them her recommendations -as though the Joo Dee problem was a simple medical problem.

I took them back to the tea room, however the walk back up was much more silent. Kuei and the Dowager both seemed to be thinking hard. It can't be an easy thing – finding out something like this is happening in your own country – under your very nose. I informed them that the problem of cruelly treated prisoners wasn't only confined to the Joo Dee.

I remembered Jet and how he told me he had been arrested for speaking about against firebenders. All those prisoners could be people like Jet, who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. People who made the error of speaking out about the war. No one else should have to die, deep underground, in a place like Lake Laogai – just because they spoke out about the war.

Kuei wanted to instantly call for a release of all Dai Li prisoners, and after a rather long pause, the Dowager agreed that was probably for the best. Kuei went off to make arrangements, leaving Aang and me alone with his mother.

She appeared quite discomfited by her discovery this afternoon. For a few moments she fussed with the tea set and her hair and seemed to want to look anywhere else except at me and Aang. But she did not dismiss us.

I'm not that familiar with Earth Kingdom manners, but I remembered Toph telling me that if someone of a superior rank started talking to us, we could not leave until they had properly dismissed us. So Aang and I stayed.

The Dowager called for more tea – and she did the ceremonial pouring again before she handed Aang and me our cups. You know, I never once suspected... she began awkwardly. She said that she knew Long Feng had ambitions for power – which was not so unforgivable, all things considered. Power ambitions aside, the Dowager had sincerely believed that Long Feng was looking after the cultural heritage of the city. She had never imagined how he had interpreted 'looking after the cultural heritage'.

The Dowager said that we had to understand how important manners and decorum were to the Earth Kingdom. Manners made the Kingdom go round – that was what her mother always told her, and the Dowager sincerely believed that. The cultural heritage, the customs, the ceremonies was what made the Earth Kingdom the Earth Kingdom, moreso than the ground beneath our feet. Without the culture to protect, the Earth Kingdom would be no better than the firenation.

There was something in her tone when she said 'no better than the firenation' that I didn't like. I mean in all honesty, considering what I had found out today about the Joo Dees, I would agree with that statement.

The Dowager, however said that she simply meant that, all politics and history aside, the firenation people had no sense of decorum. The Dowager is all about decorum and politeness. In her opinion, stomping about the world "making things happen" the way the firenation does, was very ill-mannered. In fact it was just the height of rudeness. Not only were they a very cruel race – but they were vulgar to boot!

I thought of Ty Lee and her tendency to talk about naked and thrust her boobs forward when she fancied someone. Dr Yang and her get the hell out of my way, I am very busy and important attitude. Iroh and his tendency towards the inappropriate. Zuko and his... Zukoness. None of them would classify as well-mannered by Earth Kingdom standards, and yet I still felt compelled to defend them. These were people I cared about and I hated hearing the Dowager dismiss them so.

I tried to think of a polite rebuke – considering the Dowager's strong feelings on the subject of rudeness (thank goodness she did not know about me bopping Han on the head with the snack tray). I said that the Dowager had never really interacted with anyone from the firenation...perhaps they would surprise her by how much propriety they had, when they arrived here. The Dowager sipped her tea and just said we shall see.

-o-

The water-tribes chose to have dinner separately tonight (thank goodness). Dad and Sokka praised our success with the Earth King and the Dowager. Aang explained to us more about the East Wind ceremony. Aang was wished an early happy birthday. (Just think, next saturday he'll be 13...or 113, depending on how you look at it). And we all bitched about the Northern Water Tribe. And much fun was had by all.

-o-

The next day, I choose to help Yugoda with the Joo Dees again. A tribal meeting was taking place today, but I was not allowed to attend. It made me cross, but I didn't want to waste my energy on being cross when there was so much to be done for the Joo Dees. They are being moved to the far eastern wing of the Palace, which will serve as their new hospital ward. It is below the servants quarters, but more importantly, it is near the garden and out of the darkness of the underground. Kuei pardoned them all last night, so the Joo Dees are no longer officially prisoners. If only undoing what the Dai Li did to their minds was a simple as a stroke of a pen.

Yugoda sent me along to the rooms, to make sure that everything was ready and in order. Imagine my surprise when I found the Dowager there. She was ordering around a small horde of servants and getting them all to make the place 'ship-shape'. She was personally ensuring that there was a nice big bunch of flowers in every room and that the place looked welcoming. These women would be staying in her palace and she did not want to be a bad host. (She actually almost sounded like a Joo Dee herself when she expressed her fear of being a bad host.)

There was so much else that needed to be done, that I felt like arranging flowers at a time like this was a bit silly and superfluous. I felt like saying that these women weren't going to be worried about what kind of host she was – not after they had been violated in the worst possible way. But I refrained. I could see that the flowers had been picked with care and arranged nicely and they did cheer up the rooms remarkably. And I knew that this was the Dowager's way of helping. Not all of us can be healers.

-o-

The rooms are big and bright and airy and overlook the gardens. The Joo Dees seem a bit happier here – although it is hard to tell what they are really feeling. I spent all yesterday and all today with them. I can understand how Yugoda gets so caught up in this. I just feel so elated when I see a flicker of something in one of them. When I help them remember who they are, it buoys my spirits a little. The Dai Li thought that they had wiped these women of their memories and their personality altogether – but every time one of them remembers something, I am reminded that nothing is lost forever.

-o-

Sokka and Dad and Aang and I watched the steady stream of released prisoners be escorted out of the Palace after dinner. This Palace goes so deep underground that there must be a prison the size of boiling rock down there.

It was a right old procession. There were so many faces and so many people. The Guards ushered them along through the upper ring at a frenetic speed. Most of them are from the refugee districts – and they were being taken back there by the quickest possible route, so that they wouldn't 'disturb' folks in the upper ring too much.

Aang stood rather close next to me and watched all the released prisoners, with something like a contented look. He turned to me and smiled and pointed at the prisoners leaving and said we did that. I agreed that with our powers combined, we had done something good.

Aang started to say something else, but then I cut him off excitedly. I asked is that Jet?! I saw a boy in the crowd who looked so much like Jet – but then the crowd surged and I lost sight of him. But I needed some corroboration from someone else who had known Jet – I didn't really trust my own eyes.

Aang looked darkly in the direction I had pointed, and then said that he couldn't see anyone who looked like Jet. Oh. The faint glimmer of hope died a swift death. I had been hoping it was Jet. That he was alive. Somehow.

It's probably just wishful thinking on my part. I have been thinking a bit about Jet lately. Things just seem to remind me of him - what with the Joo Dees and being back in Ba Sing Se. I think I was just hoping to see him – If he was alive, it would have meant he survived lake Laogai and I hadn't failed him. If I had known then even a quarter of what I know now – I would have been able to save him.

-o-

The weirdest thing happened just now. I don't even...Wow, I don't know what to do about this. I wish I did. I wish I could just make this go away. But it has happened now and it is too late and now that feelings have been declared – there is no magical undo button.

I can never again plead ignorance and that I did not know how Aang felt about me.

Because he just confessed it to me.

Just now.

To my face.

He is apparently in love with me again.

Why why why?

Why me?

What did I do wrong spirits?

Am I doomed to always disappoint one of my dearest friends in this respect?

Aang came by my room after we had all gone to bed. He gave me his small speech with such earnestness. Apparently Aang realised something, after what I had said to him after Ty Lee's rejection. I said that love never grew without a solid base of friendship (boo, that was me). Aang and I are great friends. I said that love took a while to grow (Yes, I also said this). Aang and I have known each other for ages now. I had said that the best person for Aang would be someone who made him feel safe and protected him(this was also me). I fulfil all these functions for Aang.

Aang realised, when I was talking about how much I wanted to protect him from everything that could hurt him the other day, that all I had ever done was try to look after him and protect him. He feels safe and protected with me. We are friends and have been for ages. Therefore Aang has decided that we are perfect for each other, and surely I must agree, given what I said.

Boo!

No! No! No! How can my own words be used against me so!

Also Aang knows my deep reluctance to hurt him in anyway – and to reject him now, after such a heartfelt confession, would have hurt him terribly. Instead of nipping it in the bud, I just stammered in confusion and disbelief. Mostly because I couldn't believe that this was happening.

Aang continued in his confession. He said that he fancied me before he fancied Ty Lee and apparently, now those feelings are back with a vengeance. He was thinking a lot about the Earth King, who never told his peasant woman that he loved her and now regrets it. Aang does not want that to be us. He wants me to know how he feels. And now I know.

Aang leaned forward for a second, like he was going to try and kiss me again. I think I must have taken an imperceptible step backwards. Aang paused, unsure, and then he leaned back and started rocking on his heels and leaning backwards and forwards. I think this backwards and forwards motion was meant to disguise the fact that he had been leaning in to kiss me. Because I want to pretend that never happened, I was happy to let this ruse continue.

There was a long and awkward pause.

I seriously did not know what to say to this deluge of love.

I had honestly thought we had moved past this.

He's not meant to feel this way any more.

I'm not meant to be in this position. Again!

I started trying to frame the kindest, nicest no I could, but Aang, who was looking nervous suddenly, said you don't need to answer right now. Just think about it please. He said this quickly and with a slightly pleading tone in his voice. Even Aang seemed to be able to hear that slight plead. He tried a different tack, and said that he just wanted to give me time to properly consider my decision. Because Iroh said that it was polite to give a lady time to consider her answer.

Aang said he wanted me to have a good think and tell him by the East Wind Festival. I breathed a sigh of relief, because it meant that I didn't have to have this horrible conversation right now. Aang seemed encouraged by my sigh and he smiled widely at me and said hopefully the best birthday present I could ever get is you. Then his cheeks flushed pink, and he scooted away from me, down the hall.

Bollocks, bugger, shit!

-o-

The Airship landed today in the afternoon. After spending so long with the Joo Dees, who are all soft-spoken politeness, and the Dowager, who is all about decorum – having a giant airship teeming with loud, opinionated people land and spill all its passengers out in a loud opinionated, free-for-all, was a bit jarring. It was a breath of fresh air really.

Suki was off first. She and three other Kyoshi Warriors dropped down gracefully on ropes from the airship and tried to secure it to the ground. Her task complete, Suki came over to Sokka almost immediately and flung herself into his arms. Sokka was absolutely delighted to see her and soppiness abounded.

Suki was looking a little harassed. Her hair was a little unkempt. She seemed rather frustrated. Sokka asked her what was wrong. What's wrong is that people are not meant to spend such a long time confined in a giant metal box together, that's what's wrong. Suki was apparently tapped out, the tact fairy was done for the day! She had closed up shop. She was not sorting out one more squabble.

Ty Lee was one of the other four Kyoshi warriors that had dropped down. She had secured her rope by this time and she came over and gave Suki a light hug and said see – we're all here alive and nobody has murdered anybody else in a nasty fashion in her usual cheerful manner. Suki just muttered that it was a close thing. Ty Lee said I know right. She then turned to Sokka and admonished him by saying you really need to fix that airship – it has such bad energy! Sokka was a bit confused by what she meant by "bad energy." Ty Lee said it makes people argue like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

At that moment we heard the sound of Toph and Zuko, arguing loudly. We looked up to see a crowd of people had gotten off the airships. Uncle was canoodling with some random woman. Toph and Zuko had also disembarked the airship and were walking towards us. Zuko was asking indignantly Why would you say that? Why? Toph replied that she was just being honest and Zuko was the one who was always telling her it was "good" to be honest. Zuko said that he hadn't meant that Toph should be honest about this.

I asked Suki what had happened. Suki groaned extravagantly and then explained that this latest argument had come about because this morning Iroh had asked Toph why she honestly thought Zuko was sticking it out with Gloomy. Toph had replied that she thought they must be having hot kinky perverted sex – because that was literally the only explanation for why they are still together, loudly and within Zuko's hearing.

Since this rather dramatic start to the day, Iroh had been trying to corner Zuko for a "serious talk". Zuko had taken to avoiding his Uncle like the plague and had actually hidden on the roof of the airship at one point.

Zuko and Toph had stopped a short way off from us, to argue some more. But we could all overhear every word. Their conversation went like this:

Toph: I'm not even crazy! Look great sex is literally the only explanation at this point. She must have... like fireflake flavoured nipples for you to put up with her.

Zuko: (sounding scandalized)Toph!

Toph: Oh don't sound so scandalised.

Zuko:I just...I don't want to hear you say nipples... ever again.

Toph: (with footstamp)Nipples nipples nipples nipples nipples nipples nipples!

Zuko: Oh my agni! Will you stop saying nipples! And you're wrong anyway! It's not even sex you know. We haven't even... not since...I am not having this conversation with you! Not again!

Toph: (confused) Well if it's not sex...is she really good at blowjobs? Because you'd have to be getting something to put up with the way she fucking talks to you.

Zuko: (running his hands through his hair in that sexy way of his...mmmmhhhh) This is not my life. This is not my life.

Toph: So it's not blow jobs then?

Zuko: (looking up at the sky in frustration) Why don't you just smite me, oh mighty smiter! I don't want to live any more.

Toph: (scoffing) Now your just being melodramatic - I don't even see what the big deal is. I just told Uncle.

Zuko: Look, there are just some things that I just don't want to talk about with Uncle. Now he's going to want to talk to me... about sex.

Toph: but he always talks about sex.

Zuko: I'd prefer if sex didn't feature in our conversations as much as it does! (trying for a reasonable sounding tone) Look, I'm sure there are some things you wouldn't want to talk about with your Dad.

Toph: Nope! Next time I see Dad, I am going to be very upfront with him about everything.

Zuko: Okay Miss Upfront - how about if I find your dad and tell him that you started every day when we were on ember island having a nosey bogey flicking competition with Aang...And you won every morning - even though Aang was using his airbending to cheat. (Aang looked a bit indignant at this).

Toph: (horrified face)...

Zuko: Then he's going to want to talk to you about doing inappropriate things with nosey bogeys and that conversation is going to be awkward as all fuck!

Toph: Wait, you lost me – is Mai the nosey-bogey?

Zuko: (loudly and with frustration) Of course Mai is the nose-bogey!

The spirits obviously do hate Zuko.

Gloomy Hairbuns appeared just behind him, in enough time to hear him shout that she was the nose bogey. She appeared immensely unimpressed by this and drawled oh, thanks Zuko with a great deal of sarcasm and stalked off. Zuko took a second to mime straggling at Toph and then turned and set off after Nose Bogey (Nee Gloomy Friggin Hairbuns).

Toph came over to us. Suki sighed her long suffering sigh and said Leave off him Toph. Toph got a bit defensive and said it wasn't even her. Zuko was the one being unreasonable. His life would just be so much easier if he let Toph run it. Suki hid a smile and then said sternly true – but as I recall, you ran into some fierce opposition when you suggested that sweetie.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The rambly authors notes:

Thanks so much for everyone for being so patient with me! I appreciate you all! I hope you've enjoyed "no war in Ba Sing Se' and that it cleared up some question about the last chapter for you. In this chapter we got to meet Yugoda again (because I like her and I also like to think about what happens to those minor characters), we also get to find out what happened to the Joo Dees and we get a glimpse of Jet! It was him that Katara saw. And Aang confesses his love.

YMMV on absolutely everything!

So this chapter, there are shenanigans between the water tribes and Aang has found out about the Seige of the North. Aang finding out was inevitable – he had to find out sometime. Logically, the North see it as their great victory and gloat over it, so I can see Aang finding out this way. The North think it is very funny/ironic that Aang/ocean spirit killed so many firenation soldiers at the North Pole, but then left Ozai alive "because he believed in the sanctity of life". They see the deliberate hypocrisy and feel that this is Aang's way of punishing the firenation – because leaving Ozai alive does destabilise the nation.

The North do want to see the firenation punished. Arnook especially, who is still moving through the stages of grief and is probably in anger at the moment, wants to see some retribution for the loss of his daughter. These negotiations are personal for him – they are not just a political forum. Sokka disagrees with Arnook over what Yue would have wanted – But Arnook does not take that very well.

Katara also gets to talk with another water tribe woman about her stance on women's rights. I realised that she had never had a chance to discuss it with another water tribe woman and I wanted to remedy that. Yugoda supports her, but she is a bit mystified by the whole women's rights thing. Living in the north has made her think that it was never even a possibility or something to work towards.

Yugoda has been treated like a second class citizen her whole life, and in many respects it is what she is used to. This ties into that attitude that the status quo should always remain the same, out of tradition. This applies to most oppressed groups and the struggle for equality. The stauts quo dictates that group x is treated worse than group y, and group x should just accept that and stop bucking tradition and complaining, because things have always been that way.

Yugoda was not one to buck tradition over women's rights (due to her northern upbringing, she might not have even registered that women's rights was a thing she could buck tradition over) – but she is still a woman who is unafraid to take a stand over medical matters (her field of expertise). She has taken a stand over the matter of the Joo Dees. Yugoda would have noticed straight away that there was something fishy about the Joo Dees (who were still being used as guides for all the foreign visitors when Yugoda arrived). Her investigations would have discovered the truth – and as a medical professional, she could not abide what was going on.

So this is my theory about the Joo Dees – and naturally YMMV. But I started thinking about why only the young, pretty women are singled out to be made into Joo Dees. Then I realised the Dai Li are a ruthless, all-male organisation – none of their members have much of a social life outside being Dai Li agents. They don't appear to have wives or families or anything.

Then I drew the logical conclusions about what the Dai Li might do with their free time and the large number of beautiful, but brainwashed and completely compliant women hidden in their various headquarters. The Joo Dees also appear to live in the underground headquarters, meaning the Dai Li oversee their accommodation and meals and have pretty much complete control over them.

The horror of the Joo Dees is that they are young, pretty women, who are then brainwashed and made completely compliant and devoid of personality. They would never refuse sex if the Dai Li brainwashed them that way. I can see how easy it would be for a Dai Li agent to justify it to himself. She's not resisting or refusing – so that's almost the same as consent. ...except it's not at all.

The more I think about the Joo Dees, the more I creep myself out. I always felt like the Joo Dees was an unfinished plot point. Those women are being systematically brainwashed and I have a hard time believing that no one in the Gaang would care. They all saw that room under lake laogai, after all. They must know some messed up stuff is going down.

Anyway, Yugoda found out about all this and was horrified. She kicked up a huge stink to Pakku. Pakku, for all his faults, is not a bad man. But even he could see how wrong what happened to the Joo Dees was. He would have taken Yugoda's side and fought for her right to treat them and heal them. There would have been a fair bit of reluctance on the part of the Earth Kingdom officials who knew about them – because the Joo Dees are such a shameful thing. I imagine that this is the sort of thing that many high ranking Earth Kingdom officials would want to keep secret.

Pakku would have taken the matter higher up – to Kuei and the Dowager. They would have agreed that Yugoda could treat the Joo Dees – but because the Joo Dees would have been originally arrested for crimes against Ba Sing Se by the Dai Li, they would have been reluctant to release them officially. The Dowager firmly believes that the Dai Li would only arrest people for a reason.

The Dowager is very old school and longs for a simpler time, where everyone was well mannered and upheld certain standards. She might be looking back on the past with rose coloured glasses, however, she firmly believes that the core of the Dai Li, protecting the cultural heritage of Ba Sing Se, is a worthy goal. She agrees with what she thought Long Feng was doing, but not his methods. The Dai Li do call themselves the guardians of culture after all. Though "culture" in this sense just seems to mean reinforcing the status quo, rather than preserving fine paintings etc.

I feel I should say that the Dowager is not a power-hungry political mastermind. She is merely someone who has stepped in to fill the power vacuum that would currently be in place. However, she conducts this role in a very behind-the-scenes way and Kuei is still officially the King. She is Kuei's Iroh...only a little less worldly and wise.

I don't see her as competing with Long Feng for power, before the fall of Ba Sing Se, because she agreed with what he stood for and did not feel it was "her place". I think she would have done the very traditional obedient wife/mother role for so long. She belonged in the private sphere – not the public one.

She's a big traditionalist, however she is not a fool. She's a clever woman, and she understand a lot about manners and how things look – and both of these things matter a great deal in Ba Sing Se. She has stepped into a role that she never fully planned for herself, out of necessity and to help her son.

What has happened now, in the aftermath of liberation, is that someone needs to step up. Kuei is a bit hopeless and lovesick and is finding adjusting to his role as King very difficult. His mother sees that he is floundering and is trying to help. She would have gotten a little peak at how much influence she really wielded over her son and the feeling that governing power would have been a surprise and delight. I'd never say that she is not enjoying her power. But I will say that she never sought it that much. But she is not a cruel or unkind woman – once she is smacked about the head with the truth of what the Dai Li were getting up to – she is horrified and tries to make amends as best she can.

Botton line is that someone in the EK has to make the hard decisions and Kuei is not ready. Kuei listens to his mother's guidance and she was a very bossy and domineering mother to begin with. She is trying to rebuild Ba Sing Se under her ideals – ideals that she thought the Dai Li were protecting. So there will be a greater emphasis on "good manners" and "knowing one's place" on the Dowager's watch. The EK as a whole seem more concerned with good manners than the FN.

We also get to see a bit more progress from Aang here. He's taking baby-steps forward with his attitude to romance (not forcing a kiss on Katara, but giving her space to think) and big leaps forward in his attitude as Avatar (thinking constructively about Monk Gyatso).

Finding out about the Seige of the North is a huge blow to Aang's spirit and soul and confidence. In some ways, his newly realised "love" for a Katara, is a reaction to this revelation. Katara is the ultimate coping mechanism for Aang. She is eternally coddling Aang – and Aang longs for that constant reassurance that Katara normally provides, that he is right, that he is doing a good job and being a good avatar.

In many ways, I think that a Kataang relationship would keep Katara and Aang locked in these unhealthy mother/son roles. But right now , after finding out about 'Siege of the North' Aang really longs to be "the son" - the kid - and have life be simple again. I think his desire to regress back to that child-like innocence he feels with Katara is an understandable reaction.

In other ways – Aang is starting to move forward and think about who he really is – as a person and as an Avatar. He is no longer blindly adhering to Airnomad principles, but he is thinking much more constructively about them. He thinks on Monk Gyatso, who was his previous and only parental figure. In the Guru, Katara being the reincarnation of Gyasto's love for Aang is alluded to. Many Kataangers see this as 'proof' of their romantic love. I'm not sure about the whole re-incarnation thing, but Katara definitely fulfils the parental role in Aang's life.

Aang acknowledges the similarity between Gyatso and Katara's attitude towards him. They both tried their best to protect Aang from the harsh realities of the world. Katara didn't want Aang to be used as a weapon at General Fong's base – and Monk Gyatso didn't want Aang to be taught the dark art of lung bending.

Lung Bending would be the airnomad equivalent of blood bending in my opinion. If water benders can affect the water in the blood, it stands to reason that Airnomads could manipulate the air in the body – their religion would prohibit the practice, but the skill is still there. I imagine that this is how Gyatso killed so many firenation soldiers. His body is literally on a mountain of firenation corpses, so he clearly took many of them down with him. Gyatso felt that Aang would not be able to handle the horror of lung bending and should not have such a vile technique thrust upon him, under the guise of "desperate times call for desperate measures." Gyatso believed that Aang was too gentle for that and furthermore, the avatar should be above such techniques.

Katara and Gyatso both saw Aang as a person first. It is no wonder that Katara agrees with Monk Gyatso's stance. Aang however, acknowledges that while this stance is very loving and wonderful, the other monks back at the temple also had a point. War was coming, and they were scared. It turns out that their fears were well founded. Aang realises that he doesn't want the truth hidden from him any more, because when that happens – people get hurt.

Aang thinks about what Gyatso would have wanted for him, which was to never lose sight of who he was. Aang is trying to forge his own identity as the avatar – he is starting to be the avatar on his own terms. He wants to show deference to his Air Nomad upbringing, but not blind adherence.

I see Aang growing from this to become a 'technical pacifist' like Dr Who. (I have this mad idea for an almost Dr Who like future fic, with Aang travelling around, trying to fix things and having adventures and all of the Gaang periodically acting as his companions. Toph would be sassy like Donna Noble and they would always be mistaken for a couple) …

..err...Anyway, Aang won't be the sort of avatar who will say that the means justifies the end, and he will always look around for the most peaceful solution – however he will acknowledge that sometimes, some deaths are necessary and death is just a part of the cycle.

Aang is getting more ready to fulfil his duty as the Avatar and keep balance between the nations. He will impress upon all the nations that these negotiations are about reconciliation and not retribution. Aang's birthday is also coming up. He's growing in age and he's growing as a person. Bless his cotton socks.

Many shenanigans happened on the Airship ride over – we only get a brief glimpse at the goings on in Suki's letter. Some of them will be written into very silly drabbles. The fall out of these shenanigans will become apparent in the coming chapters.

Next chapter, there will be an awkward conversation, a dorky apology, a dress will be bought, a decision will be made and a kiss will result. You guys can probably figure out what kiss I mean. Oh noes! There will be shenanigans post-kiss...of the dorky kind.

Til then my lovelies...