Our Moments

by pamhalpert

J/L "He was going to tell her right here, right now. He was going to say it out loud: how he really felt about her. He knew there was something else there. There had to be. And she was so close and so warm" - Important moments in the L/J relationship

14. The First Secret: Part III

Disclaimer: I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

A/N: Hey everyone! Look! Another update within 3 weeks! I'll be honest, I was surprised how quickly this chapter came together because a) when I first started planning it I only knew what was going to happen in the beginning and at the end and had no clue what I was going to add in the middle, b) once I started writing it, it became apparent that it was going to be really long, c) as I was writing, more and more ideas kept coming to me. It took practically three days of nothing but writing but this chapter was really easy for me to finish. There are quite a few cheesy moments, but I liked writing them. Please enjoy!

Chapter 14: The First Secret: Part III - The First Christmas

"How did I get here?" Lily wondered grumpily as she sat in a cramped compartment on the train, speeding away from the castle much too early on a Saturday morning. Her feet were propped up on the seat across from her, one leg over the other. There was happy chatter all around her but she wasn't paying attention to any of it. She didn't notice the people talking cheerfully outside in the corridor or the many people who popped their heads in to say hello. All she could focus on were the events that had led to her sitting here heading away from what would have been a comfortable albeit lonely Christmas at the castle. Instead, she was headed toward an uncomfortable and nerve-wracking Christmas at the Potters'.

-&-&-&-

It was blustery in Hogsmeade, absolutely freezing. The snow was coming down so thickly and the wind was blowing so hard that it was impossible to even see the names of the stores from the street. Lily wrapped her scarf tightly around her neck and scurried in between some people she didn't recognize (though most of the people on the street had hats pulled down over their eyes and thick scarves wrapped around their heads hiding their mouths. So, she might have known them, she just couldn't see them). She hurried through the doors of the shop she thought was the book store. She glanced around the dusty shelves, unwrapping her scarf and brushing the snow out of her long hair. There weren't too many people in there, Lily was pleased to observe. She'd left the crowds and lines at Zonko's and Honeydukes. She could just hear the quiet music playing from the wireless over the idle chatter; a peppy Christmas carol.

She made her way to the discount shelves at the back o f the store. She normally enjoyed Christmas shopping. She loved analyzing her friends' personalities and latest interests and trying to find the perfect gift for each person. This year had been more difficult though. Her funds were far more limited as it was, and now she was buying gifts for James, Sirius, Remus and Peter as well. There were few feelings she hated more than finding the perfect gift and having to pass it by and she'd experienced it too many times today already.

James had been especially difficult to buy for. She couldn't decide between getting him a funny, gag gift or a sentimental gift. But she thought she'd finally come across the perfect gift and was actually pretty proud of herself.

"Fancy meeting you here," James remarked as he walked out of one row of shelves and came to stand next to her. He didn't look at her, pretending to peruse through a magical recipe book. Lily watched him out of the corner of her eye, suppressing a smile. He still had flecks of snow in his dark hair and his ears and nose were both bright red.

"Hmm…it is a surprise. However did you know you would find me here?" Lily asked playfully going along with his ruse. She spotted the book she was looking for and pulled it off the shelf, flipping through it, searching for any flaws that would make it unsuitable.

"Intuition, I'd say. I know you so well that I instinctively know where you'll be at any given point of the day."

Lily furrowed her brow and hugged the book (which passed her inspection) to her chest and turned to face him, leaning against the book case. "Aside from that statement being exceedingly creepy…Are you sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I told you I'd be here?"

"Ah yes, maybe that was it after all," James said, turning toward her as well. He shot his half-grin at her and she lifted her hand to brush the remaining snow flurries out of his damp, messy hair.

"Are you getting that?" she asked, gesturing to the second hand book he was still holding.

"No, I just picked it up. I already finished all of my shopping. You want it?" He handed it to her and crossed his arms across his chest. He liked the way the wind had made Lily's hair look wildly tousled around her head and the way the temperature had given her a natural flush.

Lily flipped through the book for a moment, a curious expression on her face. "Actually, it would be kind of funny to send to my sister. The only thing Petunia ever writes about, besides how much she hates me, is all the new recipes she's trying with Vernon," Lily mocked, no attempt at all to mask the bitterness in her voice. "She'd love this. Getting a book full of recipes that require magical ingredients and 'wand flicks.' I was going to give her a Snitch ornament I saw in Diagon Alley this summer, but this is much better."

James watched her silently for a moment, unsure of what to say. She seemed lost in her own world and as though she'd forgotten he was even there. He finally cleared his throat. "And what about that one? Are you going to buy that one as well?"

"Oh…yeah. It's Mary's favorite author. It isn't the new book that just came out…the one she really wants…but I know she hasn't read this one yet, so…"

"Why don't…" James began slowly, pulling the two books out of her grasp, "you let me get these for you."

"No, absolutely not!" Lily argued, grabbing the books back and fixing him with a piercing glare. She and James had already had this discussion multiple times over the past several days.

"Lily," James murmured, lowering his voice, "it's not a big deal. Money doesn't mean anything to me. I wouldn't feel like you owed me anything." He'd been trying to convince her to let him help her with her money situation. He knew how much she hated not being able to buy the perfect gift.

"You might not feel it, but I still would." When he just rolled his eyes and didn't seem convinced she continued. "Every time I'd look at you all I'd be able to think about is how I own you money."

"Oh, come on!" James drawled. "How much are they even worth? Five sickles?"

"Two galleons," she protested. "Besides, if you buy them it isn't my gift to them, it's yours."

"Well, why don't you let me buy them, give them as a gift to you, and then you can re-gift them to Mary and Petunia," James said in his most persuasive voice. "Since you forbid me from getting you a gift, at least let me do that." During one of their more recent discussions about it, James, frustrated, had jokingly suggested giving Lily a giant bag of gold for Christmas. Her response had been to go right ahead and forbid him from getting her anything at all.

"You're being ridiculous," she groaned with a smile while reluctantly handed over the books.

James winked at her and walked toward the register. "Be right back!" he called over his shoulder.

Lily grinned to herself and shook her head while looking back at the books. She wasn't searching for anything in particular. But she was distracted enough not to notice when another figure approached from the other side of the bookshelf.

"That…was an interesting exchange," came the slow, quiet drawl of Severus Snape. Her spine instinctively straightened and she felt the smile leave her face. She turned to look at him, her eyes narrowed dangerously. "You and Potter sure seem to be spending lots of time together." His demeanor was carefully aloof but she didn't miss the way he practically spit James's name at her.

"We are the Head students. That tends to happen," Lily replied coolly. Her mind was numb to him. She'd spent the majority of her sixth year attempting to hurt him as deeply as he had hurt her. But now…her life now was so different from the one it had been when he was a part of it. He'd hurt her deeply, the kind of hurt that you can't undo. But she didn't care for him anymore. He was just another student to her now. He couldn't hurt her anymore. Not even if he wanted to.

"It didn't sound to me as though you were talking business just now," he countered. He didn't look well, she noted. He looked thinner, his skin more sallow.

"I don't see why it should matter to you, but as he is my best friend, we are prone to having non-business exchanges."

She was ready to leave and looked past Snape for James so she didn't see the way her words affected him. Shock was painfully clear in his dark black eyes, but he recovered quickly enough, the shock replaced by a hardened mask. "Your standards certainly seem to have fallen," he remarked venomously.

Lily's eyes snapped up to meet his, her eyes narrowed darkly. "You'd better get going. James'll be back in a minute. And I think we both know how your exchanges with him typically go."

Snape's pale cheeks flushed. "Like he would even think about touching me while you're around," he hissed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily snapped, her temper flaring.

Snape was about to retort when James actually did walk up to them. He looked between Lily and Snape, eyeing the latter with intense dislike and a challenge in his hazel eyes. Snape similarly was looking at James with a deep loathing, his hooked nose scrunched in distaste.

"Do you need anything else or are you ready to go?" James asked, addressing Lily but not peeling his eyes away from Snape. His voice was not cruel, but it held no trace of the playful banter it had before Snape had shown up.

"No, I'm ready," she answered, picking up her bags and pushing past Snape.

She and James were silent as then made their way out of the store. As they stepped outside, the frigidly cold air blasting them, Lily moved closer to him. James looked over at her, an eyebrow raised. "What're you doing?"

"Using you to block the wind," she quipped.

"Is it working?" he asked her as a violent shiver ripped through her body.

"No," she answered truthfully. "I think the wind is coming from all directions." He grinned at her and rolled his eyes. "Where are we going anyway?"

"Three Broomsticks," he said, pointing at a building that she couldn't identify through the snow, but she trusted him.

She looked at her wristwatch, confusion clear in her expression. "We aren't supposed to meet the others for another half hour."

"Well…we are both finished shopping and I figured you wouldn't be opposed to spending thirty minutes alone with me," he said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "But if you'd rather go somewhere else…lead the way. I'd be happy to let you block the wind for me."

Lily chuckled, her body shaking gently against his. "I suppose I could handle thirty minutes alone with you…if I have to," she grinned and then followed him happily as he led the way into the crowded but warm pub. "I'm going to go grab that booth," she practically shouted at him as she spotted an open table big enough for their group in the back corner.

"Okay," he answered, "I'm going to get a Butterbeer. You want anything?"

"No, thanks. You already bought my books, I can't let you buy my drink too." He rolled his eyes at her and as she headed for the back of the pub she thought she heard him mumbling something about "girls and their stupid pride." She had grabbed his bags out of his hands and dropped their things off. But the welcoming scent of the Butterbeers around her was too tempting. So without stopping to sit down she headed straight back for the bar where James was still waiting. "I changed my mind," Lily whispered, sneaking up next to him.

"You changed your mind about letting me buy you a drink?" he prompted hopefully.

"Of course not," she answered with a smirk. "Besides, since you're not getting me a gift, I'm not getting you one so I have a few extra coins to get my own."

"What can I get for…well, if it isn't James Potter!" Madam Rosmerta said happily as she recognized James and made her way to the part of the bar that James and Lily were waiting at. "I was wondering how long it would be before I saw you again! Usually I see you a few times in between Hogwarts visits."

"Ah Rosie…I've been pretty busy this year. But you know I can never stay away for long," James flirted good-naturedly causing Lily to hide a grin behind her hand.

"Well I should think so," Madam Rosmerta remarked. "After all the free drinks I've given you and Sirius over the years, I think I deserve a couple of extra visits a year."

James chuckled. "Speaking of drinks…can we get two Butterbeers?" he asked gesturing to Lily who gave a small wave and a smile.

"Of course you can," she said, pulling two tankards out from under the bar and pouring the foaming liquid into them. "Is the rest of your gang coming?"

"They'll be around later," Lily answered as she rummaged in her purse for a few sickles.

"Oh dear, don't worry about that. It's on the house," Madam Rosmerta said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"Are you sure? It's not a big deal at all," Lily contested, pulling her coins out.

"It's not a problem. Sirius and Remus alone drink enough in one sitting to pay the rent on this place," she laughed.

"Well, thank you, so much."

"Yeah, thanks Rosie," James said with a wink, slapping his hands on the bar and discreetly leaving a galleon in the place of his own tankard.

Lily grabbed her drink and headed to the booth. When James fell into step next to her, she asked, "Should I be jealous?" with a grin on her face.

James laughed and slid into the booth opposite her. "You have nothing to worry about. Rosie and I both know it could never work out. I'm blowing dodge as soon as graduation is over and she'll never leave her precious pub. We're just two people who, despite our feelings for one another, will never be able to be together."

"Is that so?" James nodded solemnly and took a sip of his drink. "Good to know that my status as second choice is safe." He laughed and took a swig but it was only too obvious where his eyes had landed. "What are you looking at? Stop it!" she exclaimed, shoving her bags under the table and out of sight.

"What's in that Zonko's bag?" he asked suspiciously, trying to peer over the edge of the table to see what was in her shopping bags. "Did you get me a gift even though you swore up and down that you wouldn't?"

"No!" Lily exclaimed defensively. "That stuff is for Sirius."

A gentle smile crept up James' face. "You got Padfoot a present?"

"Of course," Lily said, her cheeks tinged a bright pink. She tried to say it as though it were an obvious question but suddenly she became much more interested in the foam atop her Butterbeer. James was silent for a moment, smiling for a number of reasons. He knew it would mean a lot to Sirius that Lily got him a present even if he would pretend like he had expected it. And also, for some reason James couldn't quite explain, the idea that Lily felt close enough to his best friend to get him a Christmas present even when she barely had money to buy her friends presents made him inexpressibly happy.

"What else have you got there?" he asked, returning to their playful banter.

"Well, I got Peter a ton of Honeydukes candy: Peppermint toads, chocolate frogs, Drooble's Best Blowing gum, those new toffees, a couple of sugar quills…mind you, those may not make it to him as I might eat them first…and a few acid pops. For Remus…I didn't really get him anything. He's so sick all the time and I know he's just dreadful at Potions, so I'm going to make him a boatload of Pepperup Potion."

James laughed loudly at that, causing a few people at the tables near them to stare. "He's going to love that!"

"You think so?" she asked anxiously. He nodded vigorously. "Great! Well, you already saw what I got Mary and Petunia. And then I got Jenna a subscription to her favorite gossip magazine."

"I'd say you did a great job choosing gifts. I am impressed. You have a talent, my dear," James complimented as he took another sip of his drink. When he looked back up, his eyes focused on something behind her. "There's Jenna." He waved and got her attention. She smiled and waved back, shoving her way through the crowd and plopping down on the seat next to Lily.

"It's really coming down out there, isn't it?" she said, her teeth chattering. "I can't feel my ears or my nose…or my feet come to that. I'm going to grab a Butterbeer." She was eyeing Lily's thoughtfully as she made this proclamation.

Soon, the rest of their group had joined them. The seemingly spacious booth was now cramped with seven people and all of their shopping bags. Jenna was crushed between Lily and Peter on their side and Sirius was struggling to stay on the seat, nearly getting knocked out of the booth every time Mary, Remus or James moved at all.

"It's better this way," Sirius asserted after Mary had complained that she was practically sitting in his lap. "The body heat will keep us warm." His voice was teasingly suggestive and Mary gave him a look of disgust.

"You can keep your body heat to yourself, thanks," Mary stated, determinedly shoving her way down between Remus and Sirius, actually managing to push the latter off of the seat completely. He went crashing to the floor to the great amusement of the rest of the group. He cursed loudly, earning the table another reproving look from the people around them.

As they were finishing their drinks and everyone except for James and Lily were preparing to finish their shopping, Jenna said, "I need to know where everyone will be over Christmas. I'm going to go ahead and send my gifts at the Post Office today so I need addresses."

"Why are you sending them so early?" Remus asked, before swallowing the last bit of his fourth Butterbeer.

"My family and I are going skiing in an entirely non-magical area and I don't trust the Muggle post," she explained.

"Well, I'll just be at my parents' house. We usually don't do much for the holidays," Remus supplied vaguely.

Jenna turned her gaze to Peter who piped up with, "My mum and I are visiting my grandma in Ireland."

"I'll be at Prongs' place, avoiding my family at all costs," Sirius proclaimed bitterly.

"Yeah, we'll just be at my parents' house," James confirmed.

"I feel sorry for your parents," Jenna teased with a wink. "Imagine having to put up with the two of you nonstop for three weeks!" Sirius laughed sarcastically and James just muttered something about now that we know how you really feel. "And Mary, you'll be at your brother's wedding in Australia, right?" Marry nodded. "What're you doing Lily?"

"I'm staying at Hogwarts," Lily answered, keeping her eyes lowered.

"What?" James asked indignantly, causing Lily to snap her head up and meet his eyes. He looked upset, almost angry at her admission. "No you're not."

She waited a moment, unsure if he was being serious or not. Everyone in the group was looking back and forth between the two of them. "Yes, I am!" she argued. "I don't want to spend three weeks with Petunia and her awful in-laws. Even if I wanted to, she has made it perfectly clear that I'm not welcome on Privet Drive."

"That's doesn't mean you have to stay here by yourself over Christmas. You can come home with me," James offered, completely unaware of the surprised looks on all of their friends' faces. Lily, on the other hand was only too aware of everyone's eyes on them and the all-knowing look that Mary and Jenna had just exchanged.

"James, just drop it," she muttered, giving him a severe look and hoping that for once in his life he would listen to her. "It's not a big deal. I don't mind staying here."

Sensing the tension, Remus was quick to pipe up. "You know Prongs, I hear staying at Hogwarts over Christmas is fun. Dumbledore and McGonagall supposedly get a little loose over the holidays. And Hogwarts would be nice and relaxing without Snape, Avery, and Mulciber lurking around." James didn't look fully convinced but didn't say anything else at the pleading look Lily was giving him.

They walked silently next to one another with the rest of their friends, a silent agreement to resume their discussion once they were out of earshot. Jenna lingered momentarily but eventually headed off to Gladrags and Lily and James headed up High Street toward the castle together.

"Why are you staying here over break?" James asked, clearly irritated with her stubborn stance.

"Because James, I don't have a family to go home to and I'm certainly not going to spend Christmas with Petunia and Vernon." She couldn't understand why he was making such a big deal about this. She had expected him of all people to be understanding. She had grown to depend on that from him, especially in regard to her parents.

"No, I get that," he said, irritation still present. "But just because you don't want to go to Surrey for Christmas doesn't mean you have to stay here. Come home with me." He said it like it was the most obvious solution in the world and as though they had discussed it hundreds of times before.

"That's very nice of you to offer," she began sardonically, "but I think I'll just stay here."

"There is no good reason for you to stay here when you could come home with me," James persisted.

"How about this one: I don't want to," Lily said viciously. James raised an eyebrow at her, challenging the genuineness of her statement. She took a deep breath to try and calm down. "Sorry," she muttered quickly. "I don't really want to talk about this right now. Let's just go up to the castle and enjoy the last few days we have before you all leave." She turned and began walking more quickly through the sheet of snow that was falling around them.

"Lily, I know you. You won't have any fun staying here by yourself. You'll just sit here all alone and stew and be miserable," he said, jogging to catch up to her. He gently grabbed her elbow to slow her down to his pace.

"If you know me so well, why are you pressing me on this Christmas thing?"

"Why are you so opposed to spending Christmas with me?" His face was calm, expressing a polite interest in her answer, but his voice betrayed his matching annoyance with her.

"It just seems like a very…girlfriendy thing for me to do." Lily practically spat the word out.

"Well, you are my girlfriend…" James said acidly, releasing her arm.

"You know what I mean," Lily snapped. "You don't think it's a little suspicious? Did you see the way everyone was staring at you in the pub? Why would I spend the holidays with you if we're not dating?"

"You know how I feel about that," James grumbled. "You could just tell them we're dating and then it wouldn't be an issue." Lily pierced him with a disparaging look. "It's not like you're spending Christmas with just me either. Padfoot will be there too. And it's not like you could spend Christmas with anyone else. It makes perfect sense." Lily sighed, resignedly. She didn't feel like arguing today, especially not with James. This time of year was already going to be hard enough without spending the next three weeks regretting a fight they'd had before he left. "There really is no good reason not to spend Christmas with me…unless…" and now he dropped his hazel eyes to the pure white ground. "…unless you really don't want to." He said this so quietly that Lily could hardly hear it over the whistling wind. Everything from his stance to the tone of his voice told Lily that this was a legitimate worry of his and she felt the lingering traces of her anger melt away.

She tentatively closed the space between them and grabbed his hand.

"James…" she whispered. "You think I don't want to be with you?" He gave her a half smile which she returned, holding his gaze. "Staying here over Christmas has nothing to do with not wanting to be with you, I promise. I want you, and I want to be with you, don't doubt that." He studied her for a moment and then gave her an apologetic smile before releasing her hand as someone came into view ahead of them.

He was silent for a moment, a contemplative smile on his face. "Fine, I'll stay here then," he resolved.

"No, don't do that. I don't want to be responsible for dragging you away from your family," she said with a shake of her head.

"What do you want me to do then?" he asked.

"Well, I don't want you doing anything just because you feel sorry for me. Just go home, enjoy the break and I'll see you when you get back. It's not a big deal."

James looked at her incredulously for a moment. "You think I'm only inviting you over because I feel sorry for you?" Lily shrugged. "Well, I've got news for you honey, I invited you over because I don't want to go three weeks without seeing you unless I absolutely have to. Even if you were going to spend Christmas with your parents, I would still have wanted you to come over for a few days. Or I'd want to come visit you." Lily grinned, the giddy feeling she was becoming so accustomed to when she was around James returning. "And if you're here…I won't see you at all. And that would just be the worst Christmas present ever."

Lily sighed heavily. He was making sense to her and he knew it. She could tell by the poorly veiled look of excitement on his face. "I dunno, James."

"You can just tell people that you didn't want to stay here and you didn't want to go to Petunia's and that I was the only one you could go home with. It makes sense. No one would suspect anything," he said in his most persuasive voice.

-&-&-&-

That's how she had ended up in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express heading back to London for Christmas. Sirius was playing a very poor game of chess against James (who, in contrast to Lily's anxiety, had been nothing short of giddy at the idea of Lily meeting his family) on the ground while Peter was sound asleep, his head lolling in what looked to be an extremely uncomfortable position. Remus, who had been sick again earlier in the week and still looked rather ill, had found an empty, quiet compartment in the back of the train to sleep in. Jenna had been in the compartment with them earlier but had left to find Mary who was sitting with Emmett in a different compartment.

Lily was chewing on her bottom lip and looking anxiously out of the window at the passing countryside. It was a fairly nice day. It had stopped snowing and the sun was peeking through the rolling clouds. The rolling hills looked stunning blanketed in the white powder.

James glanced quickly at Peter to make sure he was asleep. "You know, if you're trying to convince people that we're not dating by acting like you're not excited at all by the prospect of coming home with me, you're doing an excellent job," he commented as his queen brutally knocked Sirius's bishop off of the board.

It took Lily a second to realize that James was speaking to her. Once she did, she looked over at him, his quizzical eyes piercing her. She smiled half-heartedly. "Sorry…And it's not that I'm not 'excited' I'm just a little nervous, I guess." She slid off of the seat and sat next to Sirius, occasionally pointing out a move he should make on the board.

"Why are you nervous?" he asked.

"Are you serious? James, I'm meeting your parents. Wouldn't you be nervous if our positions were reversed?"

James smirked. "Nah, people love me. I have no doubt that your parents would be the same way."

"Ha, ha," Lily said sarcastically before showing Sirius that his castle could take James's queen. James pierced her with a disgruntled look.

"You don't have anything to be nervous about. My folks are going to love you."

Lily bit her lower lip again, debating internally whether or not she should voice her main concern, one that had been bothering her since she had agreed to go home with him for Christmas. "They won't be disappointed because…well, because you're dating a Mudblood?"

Sirius winced and James looked up at her, the emotion in his eyes a mixture of anger and pain. "Don't call yourself that," he said fiercely threw gritted teeth. "And no, they won't care at all that you're Muggleborn. Dad started at the Ministry as an assistant in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office and Mum is fascinated with Muggles. She's always going over to our neighbors' houses for dinner parties. So you can just…don't even think about that. Only idiots care about blood lines, and my parents aren't idiots."

"Seriously Lily, the Potters are great. You'll love them. Last summer was the best summer of my life," Sirius chimed in, sensing Lily's unease. "And trust me, they care nothing about the family you came from. If they did, they wouldn't let me set foot inside their house. A house full of Muggles has nothing on the noble house of Black."

But despite James's reassurances before their friends had returned, when she felt the train stop with a lurch, her stomach filled with butterflies once again at the idea of meeting his parents. She really wanted them to like her. She wasn't under the impression that James would dump her if they didn't, but she knew how much family meant to him and she also knew that their approval would mean the world to him.

She chewed on the corner of her lower lip as she remained seated, staring out of the frosty window at the crowded platform. Everyone else in their compartment was standing up, pulling their trunks down, muttering hurried goodbyes and exiting the train. James pulled her trunk off the luggage rack for her and put his hand on her arm, running it soothingly up and down, sensing her tension. When he heard the door to the compartment slide open, he let his arm drop quickly to his side.

"You guys have fun!" she said in a cheerful voice with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. "Behave yourselves." Lily could hear her giggling as she walked away. If Lily hadn't been so nervous she would have been furious, but there wasn't enough room in her already crowded mind to harbor any more emotions.

James gave her a warm smile as he lowered his own trunk and then set out into the corridor. She followed him, allowing him to push through the throng of students ahead of them.

The air was chilly out on the platform where Sirius stood waiting for them. The steam billowing from the engine made it difficult to see too far ahead of them but the roar of hundreds of student reuniting with their parents was all around them.

Lily was looking around anxiously, trying to find someone with dark, messy hair or deep hazel eyes or someone who was exceedingly tall but James was forging a path headed straight for the line waiting to get through the barrier. "Mum and Dad usually wait on the other side," James explained. Though the line was long, they made their way to the front fairly quickly.

"Go ahead you three," wheezed a very old and portly wizard who was perched somewhat precariously atop a stool.

The butterflies in her stomach multiplied as they pushed through the solid barrier, the Muggle station opening up before them and Platform 9 ¾ disappearing. James was beaming as his eyes darted around in search of his parents. Sirius looked more like Lily felt. Though he had a grin in place, it didn't reach his eyes.

She was about to ask him what was wrong when she heard a voice squeal, "There they are!" James dropped his trunk with a bang and headed for a petite woman who was rushing toward him. She wore a wide smile and had vivid, red hair. While Lily's was a dark red, this woman's was more of a fiery orange-red though it also had streaks of grey. Her dancing eyes were the exact same shade of hazel that looked back at her when she was looking into James' eyes. This woman barely reached her son's shoulders and when she beamed at him, it accentuated the deep laugh lines around her eyes. As she hugged James around the middle, chatting nonstop about how thin he was and that she swore he was two feet taller than he'd been when he left for Hogwarts, Lily got the distinct impression that James had inherited his never ending energy and exuberance from his mother.

As his mother moved to embrace Sirius ("How long are you going to let your hair grow, dear? You look more like a dog than a boy!"), Lily noticed the man who shook James's hand and then pulled him into a tight hug as well. In a sharp comparison to his wife, Mr. Potter had a quiet power and confidence. He oozed pride and strength though somehow still wasn't intimidating. His hair, though completely white, stuck up in every direction. Also, like his son, he was extremely tall, though he still had a few inches on James.

He shook hands with Sirius too, telling him to ignore his wife, that his hair looked fine.

Lily watched from a few feet away as though a stranger watching another family. A part of her ached painfully as she remembered her father picking her up in this same spot, twirling her in the air as she ran into his arms.

"And this must be the famous Lily Evans!" declared Mrs. Potter, snapping Lily from her reverie. The small woman was walking toward her with a warm smile on her face and before Lily knew what was happening, she had Lily in a tight embrace similar to the one she had given her son only moments earlier. "So nice to meet you, dear!"

"Thank you," Lily breathed as Mrs. Potter released her. "If my staying with you is too much of a burden, I can go stay with my sister…" she bumbled.

"Nonsense, dear. The more the merrier. Davis and I have been dying to meet you anyway. The way James has talked about you over the holidays the past six years…well, let's just say that we've been placing bets about which parts are true and which aren't." Lily grinned as James blushed. Mr. Potter grabbed her trunk and began walking toward the street.

"Oh, Mr. Potter, you don't need to do that! I can carry it," Lily protested as she moved to stop him.

"It's nothing at all. And do call me Davis," he replied quietly.

"And I'm Arie," Mrs. Potter piped up. "We were so thrilled to get James' owl telling us you were coming. Of course, we'd hoped you would. But I've been all a flutter getting the guest room ready for you. Oh, it was no trouble at all, dear!" Mrs. Potter said hurriedly, spotting the apologetic look on Lily's face. "Sirius will stay in James's room. I am just so excited to have you and Sirius with us. I was the youngest of eight children in my family and so I grew up with huge family Christmases. But Davis and I didn't get married until we were quite a bit older and James was a bit of a miracle for us so of course he was an only child." Mrs. Potter was talking a mile a minute, her words barely separate from each other. James was eyeing his mother warily while Mr. Potter and Sirius kept exchanging amused looks and were attempting not to double over in silent laughter. "Don't get me wrong, we loved our small Christmases and we were able to take some nice vacations, but it will be nice to have more people around the house. Of course, Davis is excited to have a girl around too. He always wanted a daughter so I think he's excited to see…"

"MUM!" James shouted, clearly exasperated with his mother. "Let her breathe, would you?" Lily noticed that his ears were a particularly bright shade of pink while Sirius was sniggering heartily and mumbling something about 'miracles.'

"It's not bothering me," Lily commented, but had to suppress a laugh at the look of disbelief and embarrassment James gave her. He and his father loaded the trunks into the car and then they all piled into a nice sedan.

Arie seemed to sense her son's irritation and decided instead to talk to Sirius. "So, James tells us you're dating Rosalyn again. Is she the same girl who spent a few days with us last summer?"

"Oh…um…yes, that's the same girl. We broke up though, a few weeks ago."

"I'm sorry," Arie said, though based on the look in her eyes, Lily doubted she truly was.

"I'm not," Sirius stated abruptly causing Davis to snort loudly. Arie shot him a reproving look though her eyes were alight with amusement.

"Well, honestly dear, from what we saw of her, she wasn't good enough for you anyway. And I still think it's ridiculous for a girl to spend and hour fixing her hair and makeup when you were going swimming." Now all of the men were chuckling heartily.

The conversation was light on the drive north through London. Everyone was recounting the more significant things that had happened since their separation at the beginning of September. When Mrs. Potter began talking about the neighbors' latest dinner party, Lily found her attention drifting, her eyes staring out of the window at the passing buildings. Feelings she had been working hard to suppress, feelings which had been easier to ignore in light of all the drama between herself and James, were beginning to resurface. Before, she was able to pretend her parents' deaths weren't real because she didn't see them while she was at school anyway. She was able to push any unpleasant thoughts or emotions to the back of her mind. But this was harder. Being with parents, being with a family she didn't belong to was hard. She knew James meant well and she knew that she would be happier here with him than alone at Hogwarts, but it didn't change the fact that being at the castle would make her continued denial easier.

"Evans!" Sirius exclaimed, getting her attention. He and Mrs. Potter were looking at her expectantly. James was watching her as well but his expression was one of veiled concern and she knew that he was aware of what she was thinking and feeling.

"I'm sorry. I guess my mind was wandering," Lily apologized.

"No problem. I was just asking where you live. Is it around London?" Arie asked politely, her smile still in place.

"I live…or lived rather…at Spinner's End," Lily answered, cringing as she said the word in past tense.

"Spinner's End? That's a lovely area. My eldest brother lived there with his wife for a long time before he died…"

James was still watching her carefully. Though she didn't want him spending his whole Christmas watching and worrying about her, Lily felt a rush of gratitude toward him. It was a relief to be around someone who knew her so well that she didn't even have to say anything for him to know what she was thinking. She knew that her being here with him at his home with his family meant a lot to him. She also knew that if she were miserable the entire holiday, moping about and crying the whole time that she would ruin it for him. So as she gave him a smile and reached her hand over and placed it in his, she made a vow to herself to enjoy this break, to act like she was having a good time regardless of how she was feeling at the moment. And as they made their way out of London and she listened to the easy laughter, she thought that maybe she wouldn't be faking it that often.

They pulled up to a pretty house with a large front yard. There were flower beds beneath the windows which were bare at the moment but Lily could imagine them blooming with large flowers of all shapes and colors. It was a one story house and while it was comfortable looking, it was not the mansion she had always imagined James had lived in. The untouched snow made the house look like it belonged on a Christmas card.

"I'll show you where your room is," James muttered as he heaved their trunks out of the car. "I'll get yours," he protested as she made to grab for hers.

"James, you can barely drag yours. There's no way you'll be able to get both of ours."

"Wanna bet?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow. He checked over his shoulder, looking out for peeping neighbors, then proceeded to pull out his wand, flicked it twice and then lifted the trunks as if they were no heavier than a couple of Transfiguration books.

"That's illegal," Lily pointed out, though her tone was far from accusatory.

"Nah, the Ministry can't tell whether I did the charm or my parents. Mum usually lets me over the Christmas holiday. She doesn't like me to do it over the summer though. The last two summers she's had to hide my wand because I kept doing magic anyway." James chuckled but Lily wasn't listening anymore.

They had entered the house, walking right into a high-ceilinged entryway. There was a very elegant formal living room on the right but James was heading down a hallway on the left. She followed him but her eyes were skimming the photographs lining the walls. They were all of James. One showed him giggling and playing with some toys in his crib. Another showed James on a toy broomstick zooming around the back yard, his father tossing objects at him which he avoided. One, which Lily assumed was taken during his third or forth year at Hogwarts, had all three Potters smiling and waving on what seemed to be a snow capped mountain. And another showed Sirius with James, which Lily assumed had been taken last summer, playing chess. James was looking very sour indeed while Sirius looked smug. James must have been losing.

"Here you are," James announced, pushing open the door and walking in ahead of her. She made her way into the room slowly, taking in the calming blue color of the walls, the freshly picked tulips in the vase on the table by the window, the antique, queen sized bed frame, the motionless, black and white pictures on the wall. James, who was watching her nervously, noticed her gaze. "Mum fancies herself a Muggle photographer. Dad and I both think she's crazy, but it makes her happy so…and you met her. Dad and I do whatever we can to keep Mum happy. Because as fast as she talks normally, it's like warp speed when she's upset." Lily giggled, still looking around the room. When her eyes fell on James again, he was leaning against the wall watching her with a warm and awed look in his eyes. It made her stomach flip.

"What?" she asked, attempting to keep her voice even.

"Nothing," he answered, pushing off the wall and moving toward her, his eyes still smoldering. "I just can't believe that you are finally here."

"What do you mean? You thought I wouldn't make it all the way from King's Cross or something?"

"No," he said, still thoughtful. He stepped right up to her and snuck his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer. "I mean, it makes this seem…real, you know? I always dreamed of you being here and now here you are. It's just a little surreal."

"Now, now, you two," Sirius said from behind them in a mock reprimanding voice. "Are you going to be able to control your hormones well enough to be sleeping this close to each other? I don't want any shenanigans taking place. Nothing kills a secret relationship faster than an illegitimate child."

"Padfoot!" James scolded, but Sirius merely smirked at them.

"Where will you two be sleeping then?" Lily asked, releasing herself from James' grasp. They walked out of the guest room and in through a door on the immediate left. There was a twin bed shoved against the wall and a cot set up next to it. Covering every inch of wall and ceiling space were posters of various Quidditch teams, many of them autographed.

"Good thing your mum made you take down that steamy Celestina Warbeck poster, eh, Prongs? Lily here probably wouldn't like that too much, would she?"

"Oh, shut up!" James said, picking up a deflated Quaffle from his dresser and chucking it at his best friend's head. Sirius ducked but wasn't quick enough and got hit, the Quaffle making a dull thud when it connected with his forehead. Sirius never missed a beat though, immediately picking up a magazine and hurling it back at James. This went on for several minutes, Lily dodging the occasional pillow or figurine that went flying in her direction when one of the boys had poor aim. It only stopped when Arie popped her head in.

"We'll be leaving for dinner in half and hour so you three be ready, all right!"

"Where are we going?" Lily asked as James started putting things back where they belonged.

"Well…here's the thing about my family. We have a lot of traditions that we observe." Sirius was nodding enthusiastically behind him. "The three nights preceding Christmas we all get dressed up and go out for dinner. Dad picks tonight, Mum picks tomorrow and I'll pick Christmas Eve. We also go caroling with the local church group on Christmas Eve. Then, on Christmas Day we sleep in. Our town does a parade thing to look at Christmas decorations that we march in. Then there is the traditional Potter family snowball fight followed by a huge Christmas dinner. Then we take a family photo, which Mum has to develop right away and then we open gifts right before bed."

"Sounds fun," Lily remarked as she turned to head back to her room to get ready.

"Does it?" she heard Sirius ask sarcastically before the sound of more things being thrown around met her ears.

-&-&-&-

Lily had been right. Spending time with the Potters was easy. She often felt shocked when she realized that not only was she having a wonderful time, but that she wasn't really thinking about her parents very much at all. She had a blast watching James interact with his parents. She quickly discovered that though he got his exuberance from his mother, his sense of humor and sense of pride and loyalty had been inherited from his father.

She also noticed that though Sirius was James' friend, the Potters treated him as though he were their second son. They teased him the same way, scolded him the same way, and Mrs. Potter kissed him good night the same way she did her natural son.

Nights were the hardest for Lily though. That was when she didn't have anything to distract her from the pain. She would lay awake for hours, staring at the ceiling, listening to the snores drifting into her bedroom from the room next door. As much fun as she was having, it was hard in the darkness to keep the thoughts about what she would be doing if her parents were still alive at bay.

She was thankful on Christmas morning for the opportunity to sleep in. When she rolled out of bed, the sun was already up in the sky and she could hear the murmurs of James and his mother in the kitchen across the house. She pulled on her dressing gown over her pajamas and combed through her hair with her fingers before making her way into the kitchen.

"Ah, sleeping beauty has awaken," Mr. Potter announced as he peered over the top of his paper at her.

"Is 'beauty' the right word?" Sirius teased through a mouthful of breakfast. Mr. Potter chuckled but quickly pretended to be coughing at the severe look his wife was giving him.

"I think you look wonderful," James said as he set down the pan he had just flipped a pancake in and quickly kissed her on the cheek.

She grinned at him. "That's why I'm dating you instead of Sirius," she quipped, smirking at Sirius and taking a seat next to Mrs. Potter.

"I hope that's not the only reason," James said turning back to his pancakes.

"Coffee, dear?" Arie asked, offering Lily a mug. She took it, thanking her and then taking a swallow, allowing the warmth of the coffee to warm her from the inside out. James set a plate of perfect pancakes down in front of her and then took a seat himself. "The parade starts in two hours," Mrs. Potter reminded everyone although how anyone could forget was beyond Lily. Mrs. Potter had been going on about it for the last two days talking about how Mrs. So-and-so had spent extra money this year hiring a professional light crew to do her lights and how Mr. Something-or-other had declared the whole season to be far too commercial and had left his Halloween decorations up all through November and December. "We need to be at the corner of the street at noon so that we aren't late. And boys," she turned her attention to James and Sirius who suddenly had extremely innocent looks on their faces which fooled no one. "Try not to embarrass me this year. Your little stunt last Christmas had people talking until Easter."

"What did they do?" Lily asked curiously.

"We were just trying to get the thing moving a little quicker," Sirius defended, though a mischievous glint in his eyes gave him away.

Mrs. Potter gave him a stern look. "They thought it would be funny to throw bewitched snowballs at people who were moving too slowly. You're lucky you didn't get in trouble for violating the Statute of Secrecy!"

"Oh Mum, you make it sound like we were standing in the middle of the street doing it. We hid behind Mrs. Applegate's nativity display."

"If anything that makes it worse!" she sputtered. "Trying to make it look like baby Jesus or the wise men were throwing snowballs at innocent bystanders…"

Lily was trying very hard to keep her shocked expression in place so that Mrs. Potter thought she was on her side, but the desire to giggle was quickly overtaking her.

"It's not like we didn't get a proper punishment for that anyway," James argued.

"Yeah! I still don't know how Mrs. Applegate's Dobermans got out of her backyard but that 'Beware of Dog' sign wasn't kidding. Those things bite hard."

"I don't think that you two were the only ones with your wands out that day," Mr. Potter speculated from behind his Daily Prophet. At these words, Arie's face went extremely red and she became very interested in stirring her coffee more thoroughly. But James and Sirius had understood Mr. Potter's hint perfectly and turned accusatory faces on Arie.

"Mum…you did that?" James asked sounding very betrayed.

"Well! I had to get you to stop, didn't I?"

"I couldn't walk right for two weeks!" Sirius exclaimed.

Lily couldn't fight her giggles anymore.

James was still muttering incoherently about family disloyalty when Lily got up and headed for the shower. She was ready to leave before anyone else but five people sharing two bathrooms meant that Sirius didn't get his turn to shower until twenty minutes before it was time to leave. The other four were sitting in the living room, waiting. Mr. Potter and James were talking about some story having to do with England's Quidditch team they had read about in the paper while Mrs. Potter flipped through a photography magazine with Lily observing quietly.

She couldn't help but notice certain similarities between the Potter men. Both sat with one leg folded atop the other and gestured a lot with their hands while trying to make a point. Davis had his arm draped around Arie's shoulders the same way James had his resting on Lily's. And both Potter boys it seemed had a thing for red heads.

"James, I'm telling you, Abernathy is going to retire at the end of this season. And even if he wasn't, you're a better Chaser than he is anyway. If you go and try out after you graduate, you're sure to make the squad," Mr. Potter urged in a way that made Lily think that they had probably already had this conversation several times before.

"And I'm telling you, Dad, I don't want to play professional Quidditch. I decided that a while ago. Maybe I can join a club team or coach or something, but there are more worthwhile things I want to do with my life…"

"I'm not saying you can't do those things, just play a little Quidditch first. You have a gift that not many people have," Davis interjected.

"I am not playing professional Quidditch, Dad," James said with such a note of finality that Mrs. Potter looked up from her magazine and Mr. Potter didn't say anything else about it.

"You're not?" Lily questioned. She had always assumed that that was something James would undoubtedly do after Hogwarts. As good as he was and as much as he loved it, Lily had never considered that he wouldn't at least try out for a team before starting a different career.

"No," James answered and looked like he was ready to roll into a speech he had given multiple times before when Sirius popped into the living room, his hair still wet.

"Perfect timing!" Arie proclaimed as she stood up from the loveseat and pulled out her wand. She pointed it at Sirius's head and a rush of warm air blew out of it, blowing his hair out behind him. "But you'll catch your death going out into the cold with your hair dripping like that."

"Ah, Arie, I was just going to see if icicles would form on my hair," he protested, though he stood still and let her finish drying it anyway.

"Hmmm, I'm sure that would look very interesting, but try it at Hogwarts will you? I'll feel much better knowing that you died on Albus Dumbledore's watch than on mine," she said, a giant smile forming on her lips. "Okay, coats on you four," she ordered as she pulled on her own.

It was a cool day but as the wind wasn't blowing, it was a bearable cold. They made their way down the street and met up with the rest of their neighbors. They all seemed to know the Potters and Sirius so for a full ten minutes, James ushered Lily around and through the crowd, introducing her to people who would clap him on the back and ask him how school was going. Many of them seemed shocked to see Lily.

"Never thought I'd see the day James Potter brought a girl home," said Mr. Carter, a tall man with an angular face and five o'clock shadow even though it was just now noon. "Thought you'd end up an old bachelor like me," he chortled.

"I was just waiting for the right one, I guess," James answered, smiling at Lily and putting his arm around her shoulders. She was blushing, but grinning all the same.

Mr. Carter looked her over, sizing her up. "Yes, well, I suppose that's nice for some. I went through a phase like that once too. Thought I'd found 'the right one' as you say, but eventually I realized there's nothing better than the single life; going from one woman to the next, never tied down. That's true happiness, James m'boy. And I'm sure you'll figure that out soon enough. Though this will be fun for you until you graduate," he said, gesturing at Lily.

James was silent for an uncomfortable moment while Lily's eyebrows were raised and her mouth was hanging open.

Finally, James seemed to snap out of his stupor. "Yeah," he drawled, dragging out the syllable. "Well, it was nice seeing you Mr. Carter. I'm going to go say hello to the Olivers. See you." He began directing Lily away from the man who still seemed to think that he had imparted a valuable bit of wisdom onto James. "What a horrible thing to say…slimy git," he muttered into Lily's ear.

"No, he seemed friendly…and full of worldly advice," Lily commented sarcastically. James chuckled and threw a contemptuous glance over his shoulder.

"JAMES!" called a female voice from farther out. Lily watched as a very pretty girl with wavy dark brown hair pushed her way through the crowd and ran full speed toward them. When it became apparent that she wasn't going to slow down, James removed his arm from around Lily's shoulders and prepared himself for impact. The girl flung herself into James' arms, knocking him backward slightly as he steadied himself. She lifted her feet off of the ground and clung tightly around his neck. She was giggling when he put her down and rubbing his chest, wincing slightly.

"Hey Abby," he breathed, seeming to have had the wind knocked out of him. "Good to see you."

"Sorry if I hurt you, I just wasn't expecting you to be here, that's all," she said, still giggling and smiling at him with her perfectly straight teeth.

"Why would you think I wouldn't be here?" he asked, puzzlement on his face.

"Your mum always worries that you'll decide to stay at school over the holidays. Plus I thought…maybe you would stay away because you'd be afraid that things might be…you know…awkward between us," she answered, her tone thick with implication. Though, if Lily guessed correctly, it seemed as though Abby was hoping that James were feeling a little awkward. "Did I really hurt you?" she asked, concern in her voice for the first time as James was still rubbing a spot on his chest.

"Oh no, don't worry about it. My sternum was already bruised from a totally unrelated event," he said with just the tiniest hint of sarcasm. Abby didn't pick up on it but Lily spent so much time with James that she heard it instantly. She tried to suppress her laugh but failed. Abby turned her dark, chocolate eyes on Lily, her face full of curious dislike.

"Who's this?" she asked James, her tone implying that she thought Lily to be something disgusting, like a bug she'd like to crush under the heel of her shoe.

"This is Lily, my girlfriend. Lily this is Abby, our neighbor from down the street." Lily held out her hand and Abby took it reluctantly. She didn't look happy at all to have been described as the 'neighbor.' She was glaring at Lily, not working at all to conceal her dislike.

"Your girlfriend?" she squeaked. James nodded, but seemed to sense Abby's unhappiness and did not push it further by replacing his arm around Lily, but shoved both hands deep into his pockets. "I thought that this was your 'last year at school' and that you didn't need to be 'tied down in case you decided to do something else with your life,'" she mocked, using air quotes liberally. "Or was that just something you told me to let me down easily so that you didn't have to man up and tell me the real reason you didn't want to date anymore?"

Lily felt torn between laughing at the horrified look on James' face and feeling intensely awkward at being witness to a conversation that probably shouldn't be taking place, especially in a public area. She pursed her lips and looked around, spotting Sirius flirting with another girl. He was leaning against a fence post, his hair falling elegantly into his eyes. The girl was practically a puddle on the ground. Lily figured that that situation was bound to be less awkward than this one so she headed over to where Sirius stood.

"Hey Sirius," Lily murmured as she walked up to him. The girl he was talking to gave her a dirty look, one which Lily felt she certainly didn't deserve.

"Where's Prongs?" he asked.

"He's been detained," Lily explained, pointing to where James stood. Abby looked as though she were lecturing him and she was talking so quickly that he didn't have a chance to say a word in his defense. The look on his face amused her the most. He had the same expression that he wore whenever Professor McGonagall was yelling at him for his latest bought of rule breaking: mildly ashamed but mostly like he was ready to sprint as fast as he could away from her. He kept shooting pathetic glances over to the spot that Sirius and Lily stood which only seemed to infuriate Abby more and spur her on to another tirade.

"Lily, this is Olivia, by the way," Sirius said as a means of introduction. Olivia, who was still eyeing Lily suspiciously, grasped Lily's outstretched hand and gripped it rather hard. "Lily is James' girlfriend," Sirius further explained. At this proclamation, Olivia's body language changed completely. She was smiling brightly at Lily and began explaining that she was Abby's older sister and that she had warned Abby that James was a no good, heartbreaker. Apparently, Olivia didn't care how Lily's status affected her sister as long as she wasn't standing in the way of a date with Sirius.

Olivia wasn't very interesting. She laughed much too boisterously at all of Sirius's mediocre jokes and kept going on and on about what a horrible person James was. Just about the time Lily started trying to come up with excuses to get away and find the Potters, James walked dejectedly toward her, looking battered.

"Thanks for leaving me…traitor," he grumbled mutinously at Lily.

"Hey…I didn't ask you to break that poor girl's heart," Lily teased.

"I didn't think she'd still be upset about it," he protested. "And you saw the way she reacted when she saw me. Who runs into someone else's arms when you're still that furious at them?"

"She cried for weeks over you," Olivia told them, her eyes flashing coldly at James before refocusing on Sirius.

James sighed and let his head drop down onto his chest. Lily smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Poor James, it must be hard on you, being this irresistible," she said. He nodded his head in agreement and forced a pout onto his lips. "Having women throwing themselves at your feet and then having to deal with the fallout of the trail of broken hearts you leave in your wake. How do you do it?"

He was grinning now and shrugged. "You know, lots of training. It's not an easy job being an 'old bachelor' as Mr. Carter would say, but someone's got to do it."

"James, I care about you," Lily said, her voice very serious. "I promise that when you break my heart I will not throw myself into your arms and then yell at you. I will simply ignore you to the best of my ability and pretend that you no longer exist."

"Thank you," James said gratefully. "I appreciate that." He smiled full on now and leaned down to press his cold lips to hers briefly. Lily smiled up at him and then stepped away but he maintained a hold on her hand, intertwining their fingers.

"This is what I've had to put up with for month," Sirius was telling Olivia in a much too loud voice. "Makes you want to puke, doesn't it?" Olivia giggled a little too loudly, but Sirius didn't seem to mind.

They saw movement ahead as the people in the crowd joined the parade that was now marching down the street. Lily was surprised by the sheer number of people who were coming from the other drives in the neighborhood. As much as James and Sirius seemed to resent this tradition, Lily had assumed that most of the other people who lived here would too. Mrs. Potter ran up behind them, excitement obvious on her face. Mr. Potter was always a few paces behind her, smiling serenely, quietly enjoying the scene surrounding him.

"It's time, you three! It's time! I'm keeping you in my sights this year though," she declared with a fierce look that did nothing to scare the boys as it was trumped by the wide smile on her face. She was practically bouncing with anticipation.

"Oh Mum, we're not going to do that again this year," James repeated.

"Yeah, we're much too creative to do the same thing two years in a row!" Everyone laughed, including Mrs. Potter. Olivia headed off to meet her family with one last wave and a wink at Sirius.

"Really Sirius?" Lily asked, eyeing Olivia as she joined Abby (who was still sending death glares at Lily and James).

"What?" Sirius asked innocently.

"You're way too good for that," Lily explained. He scoffed and wave his hand. "Back me up, James."

"Oh, Padfoot can do whatever he wants. He's a big boy, he knows what he's getting into. And we're only going to be here for a couple of weeks. How much damage can he really do?" James said dismissively.

"Based on what we've already seen from that family, I'd say quite a bit." She chanced another glance over at Abby whose eyes were narrowed into slits so thin Lily wondered how she could see out of them at all. "That Abby girl hates me. It's understandable that she'd hate you, but why me?"

"She doesn't hate you," James argued, looking over at her and seeing the expression on Abby's face. "Okay, maybe she does. But she's crazy so…you can't expect normal human behavior from a crazy person." He laughed at his own joke causing Lily to roll her eyes and shake her head.

"If she's so crazy, why did you date her?" Lily asked, her eyebrows raised.

"Why did you go on that date with Kevin Hildebrand?" he countered.

Lily paused a moment. She had not expected that to be the next thing out of his mouth. She scrunched up her face in concentration. That date seemed like a lifetime ago. She had to search to remember why she had gone on that date with him at all. "Because…I was trying to forget my feelings for you. I was trying to force myself to like someone else," she answered honestly.

He quirked his head and lifted his hand as if to say, "There you have it."

"Really?" Lily asked doubtfully.

"Sure," he said. Lily was giving him a look that clearly depicted her disbelief. "Is that so hard to believe? Especially last summer. We left school right at the time when you'd finally stopped hating me. We had had a couple of conversations, albeit short ones, that didn't end in you telling me how repulsive you thought I was or with me begging you to go out with me. I dunno, Lily, it was a confusing time. Believe it or not, I actually had been trying to convince myself to give up on you. That's the only reason I stopped asking you out in the first place. I'd given up hope. But just because I thought it would never happen didn't change the way I felt about you. So I spent the whole summer trying to stop liking you." He shrugged again. "Clearly the way I went about it wasn't the best idea…but that was the motivation at any rate."

"But then you broke up with her?"

"Well, I'm not stupid," James said in a quieter voice. "I knew she was crazy. And I also knew we didn't have a future. She doesn't know I'm a wizard…and did I mention that she's crazy." Lily giggled and began looking around at the decorations as they passed a house that had every square inch covered in bright blue bulbs. "Plus," James continued, "Once I decided that I wasn't going to give up, I knew that I only had one year left to convince you that I was worth a second glance and I wasn't going to waste any of that time dating some girl I obviously don't care about."

"And look how quickly you managed to do that! It only took you three months," Lily said in a cheery voice as if commending him on a great achievement.

"The most agonizing three months of my life," James added, grinning.

"Agonizing?" Lily said, concern in her voice, a crease between her eyebrows. "Why agonizing?"

James looked at her as if it were obvious. "Really? You don't know?" Lily shook her head. "Well, there we were getting along better than I thought was really possible and I kept thinking to myself 'I have a chance. As long as I don't screw it up and do something stupid, I've got a chance.' And for a long time I was sure you liked me but you kept insisting that we were just friends. And then after the Halloween dance, which I now know is when you discovered you liked me, I felt like every time I got even a step closer to what I wanted you retreated. And it was always so extreme too. You wouldn't look at me, you wouldn't talk to me. You avoided me at all costs. It was like I had done something wrong but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what it was. And then we kissed and to be fair, we both overreacted to that." Lily nodded her agreement but remained silent. She had no idea that this is what had been going through James' mind all year. "But by that point I was convinced that you didn't like me and I was ready to settle for just being your friend if it meant you would start spending time with me again. It was Padfoot actually who convinced me that I needed to tell you how I really felt…but yeah, I'd say most of that was pretty agonizing. And then when I thought you were ashamed of dating me…that sucked a lot too."

Lily was silent for a long moment, processing everything he had just told her. "I didn't know that you were feeling all of that this year. I'm sorry." She took a step closer to him, closing the miniscule gap between them as they walked and rested her head on his shoulder.

He looked warmly down at her and kissed her forehead. "It was worth it." She smiled, her heart beating more quickly for a moment, deep emotions stirring within her. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he stated and picked up the pace a bit.

As they walked, he pointed out different places that he had haunted during his childhood. There was an icy looking playground off in the distance where he said he had his first memory of seeing his powers working. "I was spinning really fast on the merry-go-round and flew off into that tree. I should have probably broken my neck but I just kind of bounced off of it like it was stuffed with feathers. I told Mum that I wanted to try again and she said 'absolutely not' and walked me home." He pointed to a house that had moving reindeer in the front yard and a giant, plastic Santa Claus waving from the roof and told her that that is where his first best friend had lived. They reached a house at the end of one street that had a massive nativity scene in the yard and he informed her that behind the manger and barn is where he and Sirius had hidden the year before to throw snowballs.

"Isn't this nice?" he asked after an hour of walking as they turned back onto his street.

"Isn't what nice?" she asked though she was having such a lovely time that she figured anything he pointed to specifically she would agree was nice.

"This," he said, swinging their hands in between them. "Being able to hold hands in public."

She prepared to give him an annoyed look and to tell him off for bringing that up when they were having a perfectly wonderful time. But instead she answered, "Yeah, it is." He seemed as surprised as she was to hear that come out of her mouth. "I was actually thinking that earlier too. It's kind of nice not having to check who else is in the room before I go and sit next to you. And being in the restaurant last night, getting to hold your hand under the table and let you put your arm around me, I liked that. And you know what I really like?" she asked. He shook his head, still staring at her in bewilderment at her sudden burst of honesty. "I like getting to kiss you goodnight and then actually going to bed and not having to pretend to be asleep until midnight and then sneaking out of my room. I am a big fan of that."

"Ha, ha," James said sarcastically, though he was still smiling. "So, why not just tell people we're dating?" he suggested.

"James, you promised you weren't going to push me," she reminded him, looking imploringly up into his eyes.

"That's right, I did."

"Look, I have a deadline and now I know what it feels like to not have to hide our relationship. Just, let me take it at my own pace, okay."

"Okay," James said soothingly as they reached the front gate of his house. "I didn't mean to push you. I was just pointing it out." Before he could say anything else however, a giant snowball came hurling from his left and hit him in the side of the head causing him to stagger. Lily jumped and looked to her right and saw his dad smiling innocently, his gloves a darker blue than usual from the melting snow.

"It is now time to commence the annual Potter/Black family snowball fight," Sirius announced in his most professional commentator voice. "The fight will begin in five minutes time. Competitors, prepare yourselves." James released Lily and he and Sirius immediately set to building a barrier between themselves and the other side of the yard where Davis had begun making a mound of enormous snowballs behind a thick oak tree.

"Come on, dear," Mrs. Potter said, linking her arm with Lily's. "The Potter family snowball fight is no place for a lady. It is tradition that the men freeze to death hurling snow at one another and it is tradition that the women sit on the heated porch cheering the boys on." Lily felt grateful for this. Normally, she would never want to go against a team of James and Sirius but she wasn't sure she wanted to be on the receiving end of one of Mr. Potter's throws. The force of the snowball he'd thrown at James had nearly taken him to the ground.

"See how nice this is?" Mrs. Potter asked as she and Lily took their seats on the squeaking porch swing.

She was right. The porch had been magically heated, blocking out the surrounding cold. They had a perfect view of the fight as well. Mr. Potter was still making giant snowballs, his collection looking more like a hill of snow, reaching above his knees. James and Sirius were discussing tactics and drawing squiggly lines in the snow behind their fort.

"Who usually wins these fights?" Lily asked, thinking to herself that Davis probably won uncontested.

"Oh, Davis will usually beat James down a few pegs. But, and I don't know if you've noticed this or not, James is a bit competitive…so once he starts looking really downtrodden, Davis usually backs off a bit. I suppose you could say he lets him win, but we choose to view it more as a fostering of his self esteem." She gave Lily a wink, checked her watch, and roared, "LET THE GAMES BEGIN!"

Lily watched as the first few snowballs began to fly, James and Sirius both being hit with impressive force by Mr. Potter's throws. Though the boys' speed seemed to have taken Mr. Potter by surprise as he'd been hit quite a few times himself.

"So, this 'fostering of his self esteem,' has it been going on for a while?" Lily asked, amused.

"Since the beginning," Mrs. Potter replied shamelessly. "I guess you could say we have a bit of a soft spot for him." She paused and winked at Lily again. "What parent doesn't for their child though? And Davis and I had given up hope of ever having children years before we had James, so naturally we spoil him a bit. But it's all done out of love." Lily didn't say anything but took in what Mrs. Potter was saying. It explained a lot about who James was. It explained why when he came to Hogwarts he seemed to have everything. It explained his air confidence and arrogance. It also explained why he grew out of the horrible phase he had been in. "Which is why we are so glad you're here, dear," Mrs. Potter said, wrenching Lily from her thoughts.

"What do you mean," Lily said, confused.

"I don't think I've ever seen James as happy as he is right now…when he's with you." Lily was shocked into a stunned silence. Whatever she had expected, it had not been that. Mrs. Potter pierced her with an all-knowing look. "I mean, we both know he's a pretty happy-go-lucky person. There's not a lot that can knock the smile off of his face. But…it's hard to explain, but there's something different."

Lily opened her mouth and then closed it again, unable to think of anything to say in reply as she watched James get flattened.

"Davis and I were talking about it last night and he agrees with me. We've seen him with girlfriends before…plenty of times…"

"Abby," Lily interjected.

"Ah, you met Abby," Mrs. Potter said with a significant look over at Lily. "Yes, she was James' August. What a little adventure she was…but the thing with all of his other girlfriends was that it seemed like he was just using them to pass the time. He felt like it was something he was supposed to do and so he did it. I'm not saying he never felt anything for those other girls, but we've never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you. And he just…I dunno, he just emanates happiness. It's almost as though it's radiating from him," Mrs. Potter explained, a small smile creeping up her lips.

Lily was wringing her hands in her lap. "It's probably just circumstantial," Lily uttered quietly. "A lot of things are going well for him right now."

"It's not though…that's the thing. That's the difference," Mrs. Potter argued, the look on her face suggesting that she was just now working this out. "It isn't a happiness that comes from what's going on around him. It's coming from the inside. He seems content. As though everything in the world could go wrong and he would scarcely notice. And it's because of you."

Lily squirmed a little in her seat. Again she found herself at a loss for words. She watched the fight quietly, trying to absorb everything that Mrs. Potter had said. Part of it made her feel wonderful. She didn't really doubt James's feelings for her, but it was nice to hear that his mother noticed it as well. But the part of her that still inexplicably feared the day when their relationship would fall to pieces hated hearing that he was going to be hurting just as severely as she would when it happened.

The fight was getting more amusing as time went on. James was trying to create some sort of diversion so that Sirius could get a better angle on Mr. Potter. In his attempt to do so, he tried to stop abruptly and run in the opposite direction he was going, but his feet slipped out from under him and he landed with a thud on the ground moments before a massive snowball found its way to his stomach. He was laughing and trying to scramble behind his crumbling snow wall, more snowballs being hurtled his way, his feet still slipping in the slosh. He glanced up at Lily, his eyes twinkling, sending a wave of emotion through her body.

"He's made me really happy too," Lily finally said quietly, keeping her eyes on her hands for a few moments before looking over to see Mrs. Potter looking at her with a motherly expression. "Happier than I thought was possible."

Arie reached over and grabbed Lily's hand. The gesture was almost too much for Lily to handle. From one perspective, it meant a great deal to her to have been so accepted by James's mother. And from another, the gesture reminded Lily painfully of her own mother.

They made conversation for the duration of the fight, their chatter occasionally interrupted by a cheer for the boys. James and Sirius finally conceded after nearly two hours of being leveled by Mr. Potter.

James walked up the steps of the porch and put his arm around Lily who was smiling at him. "I'm a bit embarrassed that you saw the first game we ever lost…or I guess I should say the first game Dad ever let us win." Davis, who was grinning from ear to ear, pretended not to have a clue what James was talking about. "Yes, Dad, I am aware that you let us win every year. I'm not stupid."

The family made their way into the house.

"You're disgusting," Lily pointed out, holding her nose and pushing away from James.

"Yes, well, I just got my butt kicked for two hours, didn't I? You'd probably be pretty disgusting too if you'd just endured the humiliation I just did."

"I doubt it," Lily teased.

"Oh really?" James asked, piercing her with a look of scrutiny. "You think so, huh?" She nodded and then he put both of his hands in his hair and started flicking the leftover bits of snow off of himself and onto her.

"Okay! OKAY!" she shrieked through her laughter. "I would be that disgusting! Stop it! That's so gross!"

James stopped but then pulled her into a tight hug. "You like this sweat, honey? Hmm?" She was trying hard to push away from him but he was holding her too tightly, rubbing his cheek across her forehead, leaving a trail of sweat. She was cringing but still laughing hard, which between that and the grip with which he was holding onto her made it difficult for her to breathe. He released her, laughing while she gasped for air and then hit him playfully in the stomach.

The afternoon was very relaxed. James, Sirius and Davis all showered and then everyone sat around in the living room, talking and laughing. There was lots of talk about the most outrageous decorations they'd seen and the more idiotic things James and Sirius had tried during their fight. Around five, Lily drifted off to sleep, her head resting on an arm of the couch.

Mrs. Potter woke her up a little over an hour later announcing dinner.

Dinner itself was a lovely affair. The table was set and arranged pristinely and every Christmas dish imaginable was available for them to eat. There were lots of jokes and teasing and Mrs. Potter made everyone at the table say something they were thankful for.

When dinner was over, all of the boys groaned when Mrs. Potter pulled out her camera.

"It's tradition," she stated as if that settled the matter. Lily quietly edged her way out of the photo. "And Miss Evans, what exactly do you think you are doing?" Arie questioned when she noticed what Lily had done.

Lily shook her head. "It's a family photo…I'm not family."

"You're family this Christmas, now get back over next to James. I won't take 'no' for an answer." She stood stubbornly behind her camera, waiting for Lily to move. When she finally gave in and stood begrudgingly next to James (who was doing a poor attempt at hiding his grin), Mrs. Potter smiled and whipped out her wand. She levitated the camera up to eye level and stood in front of her husband. "One…two…three," she said brightly before jabbing her wand. They all heard the shutter. "I'll just go develop it and then we can get started on those presents."

Mr. Potter took out his wand and made a sweeping motion at the dishes in the kitchen and Lily watched as they all began washing themselves. They made their way into the formal living room where the tree, lit up brilliantly in the window, was waiting with the presents piled beneath it. Mr. Potter took his place on the loveseat while Sirius, James and Lily occupied the sofa. Mrs. Potter apparently took longer than usual because James, who was starting to get antsy, got up and yelled down the hall for his mother to get a move on.

She finally arrived with a small parcel in her hands which she placed delicately under the tree. "I forgot that I had one more present to wrap," she explained with a secretive look at her husband.

Lily liked the way that the Potters did Christmas. Mr. Potter handed out gifts one at a time, everyone watching as one of the five opened a gift. Then, with each gift opening, the recipient would get up and hug the person who had given it to them. It was very personal and full of gratitude. Plus, Lily liked seeing what everyone else got.

James had just finished opening a box of very nice dress robes and thanking his mother when Mr. Potter handed Lily a box. It took her by surprise as she'd already opened her gifts from Jenna and Mary and Sirius. She looked at the card and then turned on James.

"You swore you weren't going to get me anything!" she accused.

"The fact that you actually believed me shows just how little you know me," he replied, an eager grin on his face. "Now let's just pretend we already did the part where you're irritated at me for doing what you told me not to and open your gift."

She rolled her eyes but ripped open the paper to find not one, but three boxes of sugar quills taped together. She started laughing. "My favorite!" she exclaimed. "Thank you." She leaned in and quickly kissed him, blushing from having done it in front of his parents.

"You're welcome. And there should be enough in there to get you through another two terms of History of Magic lectures." Lily giggled again and set her candies down next to her other gifts.

Next, Mrs. Potter opened a pair of stunning pearl earrings from Mr. Potter and James got a pair of Tornadoes Quidditch tickets for the summer.

Sirius got the next gift. Lily watched anxiously as he ripped the paper off and started grinning like a madman. "Wow! Thanks Lily!" It was a huge supply of dungbombs, fanged Frisbees and other forbidden items from Zonko's. "I was running really low on stink pellets!"

"They do come with a condition though," Lily piped up. "You are not allowed to use the dungbombs in any room I am currently or will soon be occupying. And if you get caught with any of that stuff, we never met." He laughed and agreed, standing up to walk around the couch and give her a hug.

James' next gift was a very tiny box. "To: James, from…from: Lexi," he read, a look of confusion passing across his face. He looked over at Lily who wasn't smiling any longer but looking at the parcel with a raised eyebrow. "I feel bad, I didn't get anything for her."

"See what it is before you start to feel bad," Sirius muttered, earning him a reproving look from Mrs. Potter.

James carefully pulled the wrapping paper off revealing a plastic case which held an autographed Snitch. Lily didn't recognize the name but assumed it was a big deal based on Davis and Sirius's reactions. James, for his part, though obviously pleased with the gift, simply said, "I'll have to remember to thank her when we get back…And maybe buy a present and lie about it getting lost in the mail."

Lily's stomach had dropped. Lexi had gotten him an autographed Snitch. Her gift didn't compare to that at all. Her gift was stupid in comparison to that.

But before she'd had too much time to brood about it, Mr. Potter had handed her yet another parcel, this one much smaller than the last one had been. She read the tag and again rounded on James.

"I couldn't resist," he said with a smile, though he was clearly more concerned about what her reaction to this gift would be. It was long and thin and Lily opened it with trepidation. The paper revealed a velvet box stamped with the Gladrags logo. She looked over at James again before opening up the box. Her heart seemed to have stopped in her chest. Inside the box was a beautiful bracelet, much nicer than anything she had ever owned before. There were three apparently simple silver strands that bent and curved in an intricate design and everywhere they intertwined was a small, glimmering diamond.

She looked over at James, all words escaping her. He was watching her apprehensively with a cautious smile. "Do you like it?" he finally asked after a few moments of silence. She nodded, still unable to remember any words that might help her express herself. "I know that you said no gifts, but I saw it and I just had to get it for you. I know you probably think it's too nice…" he said quickly as he pulled the bracelet out of the box and began fastening it around her wrist.

"Too nice," Lily blurted out, finally managing to make a sound. "Much too nice," she repeated. "You didn't need to…"

"I know I didn't need to," he interrupted. "I wanted to."

"Thank you," she mouthed, looking down at the delicate trinket on her arm. "I love it," she whispered before kissing him again, a little longer than last time, but still brief.

Her head was still spinning when Mr. Potter handed James the gift that she had given him and all of a sudden her wonder at the gift she had received disappeared to be replaced by the embarrassment at the gift she had given.

"To: James, from: Lily," he gazed over at her, "And you said you weren't going to get me anything."

"Oh…it's really not a big deal. Just a cheap kind of gag gift. It's nothing like this," she said gesturing at her wrist. He gave her a hard look but didn't say anything. He ripped off the paper and opened the top of the massive box. He started laughing and pulled out a pair of gently used hockey skates.

"I just thought," Lily began in defense of her gift, "maybe you could train up a bit and then we could go skating without all of the falling."

James was smiling warmly at her. He knew she thought the gift was stupid, but it meant a lot to him. That first date had been one of the best days of his life. "It's really great."

She grinned, embarrassed, but encouraged by his reaction. "And look, they're hockey skates so…no toe pick," she explained, pointing to the front of the blade. James laughed too, before rummaging around in the box and pulling out a stuffed envelope.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Oh," Lily muttered, her face turning a brilliant shade of red. "Well, all your talk of traditions reminded me of one of mine. In the Evans family we write letters to…erm…people of significance and put them in their gifts. And…I dunno…I was just thinking that you're kind of my only…'person of significance.' So I wrote you a letter." James was smiling, an emotion flashing in his eyes that she couldn't really recognize.

"Can I read it?" he asked.

Lily nodded sheepishly. "Not out loud though…please. I'd be too embarrassed."

James opened the parchment envelope while the Potters gave their gift to Sirius and he began to read it. Lily was watching him out of the corner of her eye, trying to gauge his reaction. She had spent quite a bit of time toiling over the correct wording of the letter and an even longer time talking herself into actually putting it into the box.

"'Dear James,'" he read silently. "'I wanted to thank you for inviting me to come to Christmas with your family. I have had a blast and am definitely enjoying myself more than I would if I were stuck in the castle all alone. You were right. Surprise, surprise.

'The point of these letters is to tell you how much you mean to me. I've been sitting here for a while now trying to find the perfect way to explain my feelings for you, but words have failed me. Nothing really seems strong enough. As I've already told you this year, you're my best friend. When I hear something exciting, you're the first person I want to tell. When I'm upset, yours are the arms that I want to run into. Whenever I have a secret I have to divulge, you're the person I trust the most to keep it. And whenever I want to hang out with anyone, you're the first person I go looking for. You're my best friend. But you're more than that too. I didn't think that feelings like this actually existed until I met you. People are always saying that real life isn't like a fairy tale; that finding someone who makes you feel perfect with a look, giddy with a smile, or who can make you melt with a kiss is impossible. But I think they're wrong. They clearly haven't met you. I know that I can never do anything good enough to deserve everything you have already given me. You mean more to me than I ever thought possible and in only a few short months I feel stronger for you than I ever could have dreamed.

'Merry Christmas, James.'"

Lily was watching him openly now as he folded up his letter and put it back into the box. He didn't know that his parents were watching and seemed to care nothing at all that Sirius was staring at them. He cleared his throat and swallowed hard before looking deeply into those bright green eyes that he adored.

"Thank you," he murmured, his voice low and husky. He was aware of the gravel in his voice and that it gave away the raw emotion he was feeling. He knew that he had let his guard down and that everything he felt for her was there in plain sight on his face for everyone to see, but he didn't care.

"I know it's no autographed Snitch but…" she began, her eyes dropping down to her hands.

James shook his head to silence her. "This," he said, gesturing to the letter, "is possibly the greatest gift anyone has ever given me." She looked deep into his eyes and she knew that he was being genuine. It was evident. Her words had impacted him and she was glad. Too often she felt that he was the one chasing her. He was always the one having to make the first admission to get their relationship going or to keep it going. It was time for her to give a little of that back to him.

"Even better than the Tornadoes tickets?" Sirius boomed making Lily jump. Everyone laughed, the moment gone but Lily noticed that James grabbed her hand and held it tenderly, occasionally running his fingers through her hair.

"And now, here's ours to Lily," Davis said, grabbing the small package that Mrs. Potter had brought into the room earlier and handing it to Lily.

Her eyes grew large and her mouth opened in shock. The shook her head and said pleadingly, "No, this is too much. I didn't get you anything and you're letting me stay here. That's gift enough."

"Oh, honestly dear, it's not a big deal," Mrs. Potter retorted and her husband sat next to her, dropping an arm around her shoulders.

"Well, can I get you something later then?" Lily asked. She was mortified that James's parents had given her a gift when she had not even thought to get them anything. How poorly that must reflect on her.

"No, don't be ridiculous. Just open it. It really isn't anything."

Lily sighed and looked over at James who was giving her an encouraging smile. She tore the paper off of the package and found enclosed a simple silver frame with the picture from earlier already in place. The family portrait. There she was, smiling and waving shyly next to James, Sirius, Arie and Davis. Lily looked up, smiling. Both Arie and Davis were watching her with a warm smile on their lips.

"It's wonderful. Thank you," she said hoarsely and stood up, meeting Arie halfway across the living room and hugging her tightly.

"You're welcome anytime, dear," she whispered into Lily's ear. "And I also developed it the Muggle way so if you want the still picture, it's behind the moving one." Lily laughed and nodded, afraid to open her mouth for fear of the onslaught of tears.

Davis was waiting behind his wife and pulled Lily into a hug as well. His arms were strong like James' and she briefly felt the protection of a father once more.

Lily sniffed and sat down on the couch next to James once more, feeling more satisfied and more whole than she had in quite some time.

"That's it everyone. Merry Christmas," Davis said, standing up and stretching.

"Dad, there's one more down there," James pointed out. "It's pushed further back behind the tree."

"Oh, so there is." He picked it up and looked and the tag and to Lily's horror handed it to her.

She immediately turned an accusing glare at James. "You didn't," she exploded.

But his eyes were innocent. "I didn't," he repeated.

She looked down at the box which wasn't wrapped very well in search of a card. She found a small piece of cardboard taped to the top and read aloud. "To: Lily, from: Petunia." She glanced at James again who looked as confused as she felt. "Why would she send me something?" she asked, more to herself than anyone else. She pulled the card off and saw that there was more writing on the back. "I found this while cleaning out Mum's and Dad's place. It was already addressed to you so I thought I would send it along."

Lily looked at the gift as though she were waiting for it to explode. A sense of foreboding and trepidation had filled her. She didn't know why, but she knew that she didn't want to open that gift. But everyone was staring at her and they might find it a little strange if she stood up and threw the thing out without even opening it. "No good can come of this," she thought as she pulled the top of the box off. When she saw what was inside, she froze. Her heart seemed to be beating twice as fast as normal and yet at the same time felt as though it had stopped.

"What's in it?" James asked, his voice full of concern.

"It's…um…knitting needles, a pattern book and some yarn…and a letter," Lily answered, her voice breaking multiple times. She looked over at James, who was obviously confused about the meaning of the present. "Ever since I started at Hogwarts," Lily explained, her voice still shaking wildly, "I would come home over the summer and be bored because I couldn't do magic so I would decide to take up some kind of Muggle hobby. If I hadn't dropped it by the time school started again, I certainly did once I got back to the castle. As a joke, Mum would go out and buy all this stuff relating to my hobby and give it to me for Christmas. I guess she had already bought this when…"

James nodded and Lily was subconsciously aware of how quiet and still everyone else in the room had become. "What does the letter say?" he asked.

Lily opened it up, but like James elected to read it silently.

"'Dear Lily, Merry Christmas sweet girl. I can't believe you're already almost done with school and almost an of-age wizard. Your father and I are so proud of you. Every once in a while it still strikes us as odd that our sweet angel is actually a witch and how strange that sounds, but we know that you are going to go on to do great things.

'Your father is reading this over my shoulder and telling me to save some of the sappy stuff for your actual graduation party. I suppose he's right. But we love you. Maybe now that you're nearly done with school you'll be able to do some knitting. Not likely I know, but who knows. Maybe you'll pick it up and then whenever you have your first child we can sit together and knit little booties for him or her or make a cute little hat. And hey, since you'll be of-age, you can finally teach me how to make that anti-aging potion!

We are so proud of you, sweetheart! No matter how old you get, or where you go in life, always remember that we love you more than anything in the world.

I love you, angel. Love, Mum.'"

Lily's hands were shaking, the paper in her hand crinkling where she was gripping it tightly. Tears were stinging the corners of her eyes. She didn't want to break down right here. Not in front of everyone. And she knew that this would be a big one. The hole in her chest that was finally starting to be filled and mended had ripped painfully open once again.

Without a word, Lily began gathering up her gifts into a neat pile to carry into her bedroom.

"Lily?" James said, his voice cautious but wrought with worry.

She looked over at him, the concern in his eyes nearly enough to push her over the edge. "I'm really tired. That parade really took it out of me. I think I'm going to go to bed, if that's all right." Even she could hear how hollow and empty her voice sounded and from the looks on everyone else's faces, she assumed that they had heard it too. "Thank you for a wonderful Christmas. Goodnight."

She heard everyone mumbling a goodnight. She wanted to run into her bedroom but she couldn't seem to force her legs to move. Her body felt empty, her chest hollow. She got ready for bed as if nothing had happened. She washed her face and brushed her teeth. She got into her pajamas. But as she sat on the edge of her bed, she pulled out the letter again. Her mother's handwriting…her mother's words. Making plans for a future that was no longer possible. Pain licked her insides. Not physical pain. That she could handle. That would be welcome in comparison to what she was experiencing right now. She was face-to-face with a reality that she had been avoiding for months. It felt like wave after wave of truth kept hitting her, knocking her painfully backwards. Every time she would be about able to get control of herself again, another wave of pain would hit her and drag her back under. It was like being caught in a rip tide in the ocean. How was she supposed to survive?

The rest of the group stayed awake and seated in the living room for another hour. No one talked about what had happened and no one said anything when James seemed distant. The conversation felt forced as everyone was worried and wondering what Lily was doing or thinking at that moment.

James was relieved when his parents said goodnight. He got ready for bed and informed Sirius that he was going to check on Lily. It was a sign of how serious the situation was that Sirius didn't make any rude or suggestive comments when James told him what he was doing. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep with the memory of the look on her face as she had read that letter. He knew she was hurting and he couldn't bear it.

He put his ear up next to her door. He didn't want to knock and wake her up if she'd been able to fall asleep. He knew she hadn't been sleeping well. The bags under her eyes gave her away. But he distinctly heard sniffles and so he felt no guilt in knocking softly.

"Come in," she said, her voice faint and broken but no longer hollow. He could hear the pain in her voice and the strangled way she was attempting to sound okay. He could tell she'd been crying. Her eyes were red and swollen and her cheeks were shining with tears. There were a few used tissues littering the ground around her feet. "Hey," she murmured as a greeting, her pained eyes cutting through him like a knife.

"Hey," he managed, surprised by her calm demeanor.

"I figured you'd be in soon," she said, sniffing again as James walked in and closed the door behind him. He tentatively took a seat on the edge of the bed next to her. She had the letter gripped tightly in her hand. He didn't say anything for a moment and as he sat there, she began to break down again. Tears were leaking out of her eyes once more and her hands were shaking violently. She was trying desperately to keep herself under control but it wasn't working very well.

"What kind of person does this?" she whispered, anger mingled with the pain now. Her voice was shrill and kept cracking. "Why would she do this at all?"

"Your mum?"

"No!" Lily whimpered. "Petunia! Why would she do this to me?"

"Maybe she thought you would like it. Maybe she thought it would help you heal," James speculated, though from everything he'd ever heard about Petunia, he highly doubted either of those things were true.

Lily apparently agreed with his train of thought. She scoffed angrily and threw the letter onto the ground with the tissues. "Hah! Petunia wouldn't have sent it if she thought it would help me. She knew that it would hurt. She knew that it would do this to me and she sent it anyway." The tears were coming faster now and she was taking great gasps of air in between her words. James didn't really know what to do. There wasn't anything he could say that could possibly make her feel better. So he did the only thing he could think of, he put his arm around her and drew her close. She rested her head on his shoulder, crying even harder now.

"And I'm so mad at myself," she slurred, wiping impatiently at her cheeks.

"What?" James asked, staring at her in shock. "Why?"

She looked up at him, those wet, green eyes so filled with pain that James felt it as well. "Because…I promised myself I wouldn't get upset," she explained though not making much sense at all to James. "I knew how much my being here meant to you and I didn't want to ruin your Christmas by being all moody the whole time. And I think I was doing a pretty good job…and then this happened and now I'm destroying your Christmas too…" she ranted.

"Lily," James said fiercely, turning on the bed so that he could stare more directly into her eyes, emphasizing his point. "You're not ruining my Christmas because you are upset about something you should be upset about." He stroked her hair softly and cupped her cheek. "It's okay to be upset about this. It's okay to wish they were here."

Her bottom lip trembled and she fell forward into his arms, the sobs coming freely now. "I just miss them so much," she wept, her voice muffled by his shirt. "It's not fair…"

Their embrace was so familiar, the situation so reminiscent, that Lily recalled the similar position she'd been in earlier this semester. She was clinging tightly to James and his arms were firmly around her back, holding her close. She had to hold on tightly. She was too afraid that if she let go that she would sink and never recover. Yet unlike the previous time, there was no denial; no anger. There was merely release and acceptance. She knew that he was there and though it didn't make the situation better, it did comfort her. He didn't say anything for the longest time, allowing her to cry. He knew there was nothing to be done, that all he could do was sit there and hold her and wish that he could take on her pain himself. This time she didn't feel the embarrassment that had followed before. She knew that he was there because he wanted to be, not because of some strange obligation he felt.

She held onto him tightly until she felt that all the moisture that her tear ducts required had left her body. She still felt miserable but the crying had stopped. He gave her a weak, half grin whenever she pulled out of his embrace. She barely managed to return it but tried her best.

"Sorry I'm gross," she muttered, picking up a tissue and weakly wiping her nose. She tried to wipe at her cheeks with the sleeve of her pajamas but before she could, James had taken her face in his hands and kissed her slowly. It wasn't terribly long or passionate, but sweet and loving and exactly what Lily needed.

"You could never be 'gross' to me," he said softly and rather than rolling her eyes as she normally would have done, all she had the strength for was to gaze back at him and believe him. After a long moment, he leaned away. "Will you be okay now? I won't be able to sleep if I think you're in here crying again."

She nodded her answer though the thought of James leaving made her heart thump uncomfortably. The only reason she'd been okay this Christmas at all was because he was close. What would happen when he left? Her stomach knotted when he stood up and before she knew what she was doing, she reached up and grabbed his hand, holding him back. He looked inquisitively back down at her, his tired, hazel eyes glinting at her from behind his glasses.

"Don't go," she whispered, pleading. He looked stunned for a moment and then torn. She knew he wanted to stay, that much was clear. But the noble part of him was resisting, and she could tell that it was winning. So before he had a chance to decline, she quickly said, "I just don't think I'll be able to sleep without you here. I can't be alone right now."

And that did it. The desperation in her voice coupled with the need in her eyes swayed him. He nodded and walked over to the other side of the bed. "I'll just get in, shall I?"

"Typically that is what one does with a bed," she said, the sadness in her voice canceling out the sarcasm. She crawled beneath the sheets and sat, waiting for him.

He hesitated for a moment, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Do you want me to sleep on top of the covers? Would that make you feel more comfortable?"

Lily shook her head, amazed at the way he could be such a gentlemen even when he knew that nothing was going to happen. "Don't be stupid. The only reason you should sleep on top of the covers is if you're planning on taking advantage of my extremely vulnerable state." He still didn't move. "Are you planning on taking advantage of my extremely vulnerable state?"

"No," he answered.

"Then get in." He sighed and scooted beneath the covers, very careful to keep a foot of space between himself and Lily. He pulled off his glasses and pointed his wand at the candles in the room, extinguishing them. They lay in semidarkness, James feeling awkward and Lily feeling empty. There was light streaming in the window from a streetlamp further on down the road. She could see his profile and knew his eyes were still open, staring at the ceiling. She felt slightly amused by his awkwardness but didn't push it. Just having him in the same room was enough for her.

But as she lay in the darkness, memories began attacking her: memories of past Christmases, memories of Christmases that would never be, memories of her mother's failed attempts at teaching her to knit. Tears found their way to her eyes again and she felt the familiar drowning sensation. She didn't want to feel it anymore.

"James," she whispered in a shaky voice. She felt the bed shift as he turned toward her and she felt around blindly for his hand. She found it quickly, under the sheets and somewhere in the middle between their two bodies. Just that small amount of contact made her feel better, safer.

"What is it?" he asked, concern filling his voice.

"Can you just…hold me until I fall asleep?" she asked as she moved toward him.

"Yeah, of course," he said after a few moments of silence. She heard him moving toward her as well and felt him slip and arm around her back.

And as naturally as everything else in their relationship had come to them, they found that lying in one another's arms did as well. She settled just underneath his shoulder, her head resting on his chest and her arm draped around his waist. His arms encircled her completely, holding her close to his body. Their legs intertwined beneath the covers. She instantly felt better, as though she could breathe easily. If only she could stay in this position for the rest of her life, nothing bad could ever happen again.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this. I want to thank all of you who have been reviewing and for all the people who are adding me/this story to your alerts and favorites. It's really hard for me (and I'm sure all other people who put their writing up) to put myself out there and so any kind of affirmation that people do like this story really does help me. And, though I've never really considered not finishing, every review is like a happy reminder that I need to get a move on with the next chapter. So thank you all so much! I can never truly express my gratitude.