I disclaim. I own nothing

AN: This is another chapter that will be split into two seperate updates. The second part will be up next week.

Chapter 12

He waited for her to say something, to acknowledge the words she whispered to him. But when she was fully awake she merely kissed him good morning before climbing over him and out of the bed. Jax tried not to be bothered by that, realized that with Nikolai being sick the night before she needed to check on him. Thought she just needed to do that first, that she'd say something before he left. So he showered and dressed before making his way down the hall.

"Mommy, I wash your face."

"Okay, but we have to finish brushing our teeth first."

Coming to the bathroom, Jax leaned against the doorjamb. Nikolai was standing on a stepstool that allowed him to reach the sink. Jax thought it was kind of cute the way Nikolai seemed to be mimicking Tara's movements, even holding his toothbrush the exact way she was.

"Morning."

"Hi, Axe."

Tara glanced over at Jax, started to smile before realizing she had a mouth full of toothpaste. "Sorry," She mumbled before leaning over the sink to rinse her mouth. "Hey, good morning."

"Axe we brush our teeth."

"I can see that buddy."

"We have to do it together." Tara ran her hand over Nikolai's hair before dropping a kiss to the top of his head. "Okay, Nicky time to rinse." She had to help him, give him a little leverage or he'd spew water all over the mirror. But the rest-placing his toothbrush back in the holder, washing his face-he did himself.

"Okay, Mommy, I wash your face."

Tara didn't fully understand what this was about, his need to wash her face. But he often had random urges that she didn't understand. Deciding to just go with it, she propped him up on the counter before running another washcloth under the warm water and handing it to him.

There was a smile playing on Jax's lips as he watched Nikolai's brow crease, a line furrowing between his eyebrows so that he looked even more like Tara than he ever had. But despite the concentration on the kid's face, there was a look of complete adoration in his eyes. His movements tender and loving. What's more, Tara was looking at him the exact same way.

"All done?"

Nikolai nodded. "All done."

"All clean?"

The tips of Nikolai's fingers danced over Tara's cheeks. "Pretty Mommy."

As Jax watched, Tara's face lit up with a smile that was unlike any he'd ever seen. He wondered if they realized he was still there. If they knew this is what he wanted for Abel. Jax knew his mother loved him with a fierceness that would frightened most that did not understand their world. But there was something about the way Tara loved her son, the way they were together that he wanted for Abel.

"Jax is pretty, too." Tara shot him a teasing look. "Why don't you wash his face?"

Jax was going to back out of that, but Nikolai gave a shout of excitement. It made him long for the days when something so damn simple could make him so damn happy. And because Nikolai was looking at him with such hopeful excitement, he couldn't back out.

Stepping into the bathroom, he placed a hand on Tara's hip to turn her slightly towards him. His hands came up to cup her face, fingers tangling in her hair so he could tilt her head back. He searched her eyes, for some reason believing he could see the words she whispered to him. But as his study of her eyes continued, all he saw was confusion. To keep her from asking, he flashed her a quick smile before lowering his mouth to hers in a quick kiss.

"Try not to make too much of a mess."

Jax scoffed. "Give me some credit, Tara."

Twenty minutes later, Jax walked into the kitchen with his wet T-shirt clutched in his hand. He was carrying Nikolai, who was dressed in dry clothes even though his hair was wet.

Tara was standing at the counter, a cup of coffee in one hand and her cell in the other. She was in the middle of responding to a text from Donna when she noticed them come in. "Really?"

Jax grinned. "What?"

Neither of them looked innocent. Actually, Tara thought they both looked mighty pleased with themselves. It made her afraid to even think about what her bathroom looked like. "Here," She held her hand out towards Jax. "I'll toss your shirt in the dryer." She tried not to think about how he looked, shirtless, lovingly holding her baby in his arms.

"Thanks." Jax placed Nikolai in a chair at the table before going to the coffee pot.

"So," Tara began as she stepped back into the kitchen. "You excited about today?"

Jax grinned, tried not to let his nerves show. He was excited, not to mention relieved. With each passing day he fell more and more in love with his son. The thought of anything happening to him, of losing him, twisted him up in a way he didn't know was possible. When he found out Abel was being released, he felt he could relax. Reasoning that his son had to be healthy or else they wouldn't allow him to go home. He just didn't think he could handle anything happening to his son now. "Finally starting to feel like a dad, you know."

"Nervous?"

"Naw." His grin turned just a little wicked. "I mean, you're a parent how hard can it can it possibly be."

Tara had just pulled a box of cereal out of the cabinet for Nikolai, because it was in her hand and Jax was seated at the table, it seemed the most reasonable thing in the world to do to slap him on the back of the head with it. "Asshole."

"Were you nervous the first time you brought the little man home." Because Nikolai recognized his nickname, he turned to Jax with a wide grin. Who, in turn, ran his hand over the little boy's hair.

"Nervous?" Tara smiled, nervous was way too tame a word. She and Alexei had been absolute wrecks. "Half an hour simply strapping in his car seat. Then I made Happy and Kozik rock the car back and forth as hard as they could to make sure the seat stayed where it was before I'd put Nicky in it." After fixing Nikolai's bowl of cereal, Tara sat down at the table opposite Jax. "Before he was born I'd read all these books. Probably every book I could find on childbirth and babies and parenting. I even bought books on tape so I could listen to them while I was in the car."

Jax had to laugh because it was such a Tara thing to do. He'd made himself stay away from her while she was pregnant. He hadn't been strong enough, not nearly strong enough to see with her another man's child inside of her. But he knew his girl and he could just imagine how she'd been.

"But when I got him home, none of the things I read mattered. I mean, I remembered what the books said, knew what the experts told me I should do, but I knew what my instincts told me to do. I couldn't stop looking at him." She and Alexei had spent hours in the nursery just watching Nikolai as he slept.

"Probably fucked you up how much he looked like you." It had thrown him for a loop. A good one, as it twisted him up when he thought he might look at Tara's child and see the Russian's face.

"That one actually still gets me." There was a soft, wistful smile on her lips. "Abel looks like you."

"Yeah. So how does it work, the discharge? Do I just swing by the hospital later and pick him up?"

Hearing the buzzer go off on the dryer, Tara stood to walk back into the laundry area. "That's almost cute. No, that's not how it works at all. There's paper work, lots of it, that you have to fill out. Then there's the waiting game, if you have stuff to do, you might want to have Gemma hang around."

"You think Gemma would be anywhere else?" Standing from the table he met her as she came out of the laundry room. "So, you want me to follow you over to Gemma's?"

Tara was confused for a moment. "Oh, no I talked to Donna this morning. I'm going to be taking Nicky over there. She says she missed him" She gave a bit of an eye roll. "Between me and you, I think she wants another baby."

Jax didn't know anything about that and wasn't about to get into it with her. "Niko wanted to be there when we picked up Abel. I promised him he could."

It was just at the tip of her tongue to demand just who the hell he was to make promises to her son. But she knew it was unnecessarily bitchy. It was just that she really didn't know where things were going with Jax, how they'd end up. And with Gemma already filling Nikolai's head with things that weren't true and may never be, she couldn't have Jax reinforcing those things. Nikolai had already lost one father, she wasn't going to set him up to lose another.

"You should have talked to me about that first."

Jax didn't like the way she avoided his eyes, didn't like that he really couldn't tell what she was thinking. "He wants to be there, Tara. I promised him."

"It's just not a good idea, Jax. I don't know how long it'll take for Abel to be discharged, Nikolai would go crazy. He doesn't do boredom well. It's just better all around if he stays with Donna."

Though that may have been true, Jax didn't like it. Not only was this the second time Tara was making him break a promise he made to Nikolai, but he felt she was trying to pull Nikolai away from him. He didn't know why, but he would have sworn he saw something in her eyes. Tara was good at shutting down, pulling away, and it looked like she was pulling her son away from him. Reminding him, again, that Nikolai was not his. And it pissed him off that she didn't even seem to want him to be. "Yeah, I should get going."

He didn't kiss her goodbye. And as she watched him stop behind Nikolai's chair to drop a kiss on the top of his head, Tara realized that she handled things all wrong. Again.

Tara really didn't know what the hell to do with Jax. He'd clearly been pissed off when he left her house, practically pouting when he walked out the door. Hours later he shows up to the hospital, acting like they were buddies. Like they didn't spend the morning together with her son. She couldn't stand it. Didn't want things to be this way, especially with Nikolai and Abel in the picture. Shit would get way too confusing and they had to consider how that kind of confusion would affect the boys.

She could have slapped him when he brought up Wendy. Brought up there being an upside to being married to a junky. Then for him to casually remind her how they felt about each other, like she wouldn't remember how crazy things had gotten between them. Wouldn't remember feeling capable of burning down all of Charming just to get to him, be with him. He told her he could still go to that place, that dark place where death was a better option than being apart.

She tried to be casual, as casual as he was being. Giving him a playful smirk when he asked her for a little time to figure his shit out. On the inside she was fuming, wanting to grab him and shake him until he told her what it was he wanted from her.

Some part of her was afraid that he was going back to Wendy, that he was going to stay with her to help her get clean all the while expecting Tara to save his place in her bed. Making her the other woman, just as Wendy had a accused her of being.

God, had that been humiliating. Tara had wanted so bad to drive her fist into Wendy's face. Could practically hear Gemma and Cas in her ear telling her she didn't take shit from anyone. The words that floated through her head-Junky, Bitch, Second Best-trembled on her lips but did not escape. Tara hated herself for even thinking them. Hated herself for reverting back so easily.

"Think you could maybe reign in your daughter-in-law?"

Standing over Abel's bassinet, Gemma looked up at Tara with a frown. For a moment she was honestly at a loss as to who exactly Tara was talking about. "Wendy? That bitch is a lot of things, but my daughter-in-law isn't one of them." Her eyes narrowed momentarily. "What did she do?"

"Warned me off of Jax. I was with my co-workers, Gemma, and she accused me of having an affair with her husband."

"I hope you told her to go to hell. Bitch has a lot of nerve." Fastening Abel's diaper, she started to straighten out his clothes when she caught the look on Tara's face. "Tell me you let that junky whore have it."

Guilt washed over her, even though she wasn't sure if it was from Gemma's disappointment in her or not letting the junky whore have it. "She wasn't entirely wrong. They are still married."

"What's wrong with you? I didn't raise you to take shit from some delusional junky." When Abel winced at her harsh tone, Gemma lifted him into her arms to soothe, and couldn't help but smile when Tara took him from her and instantly began to rock him. "You and Jax love each other. That's why things didn't work with Wendy and why they never will. Because he will always love you."

As she started to walk Gemma out to the elevators, Tara was beginning to feel better. To believe that she and Jax could figure things out.

"Is Jax bringing Nikolai with him?" Gemma asked as she took Abel out of Tara's arms.

"Nicky's with Donna, I'm picking him up when I get off."

Gemma stopped walking. "Jax wanted him here when he picked up Abel." And she wanted him there so that Wendy wouldn't get any ideas. "Nikolai wanted to be here."

Tara knew better than to tell Gemma of her fears. Knew how the other woman would react to her being afraid of Jax and Nikolai getting too close only for Nikolai to lose him. Even though she knew Gemma would understand her doing everything she could to keep her baby from getting his heart broken. She also knew Gemma would insist that it just wasn't a possibility with Jax. "The wait would have drove him crazy. And Jax couldn't have very well brought him on his bike."

"Right," Gemma didn't believe that excuse for a second but she let it go for now. "I'm calling Donna and telling her to bring Nikolai over now."

Tara nodded. "Of course you are."

Proud to see that bite back in her girl, Gemma smirked. But before they reached the elevators she stopped walking again. "You want Jax, you bounce that Junky right out of town."

"I'm not going to kick a recovering addict, Gemma." She did want Jax, but she kind of resented having to get rid of Wendy to have him.

When he showed up at the hospital to pick up Abel, Wendy at his side, they looked like a family. That hurt more than she thought it would and she kind of wanted to kick somebody's ass on principle. He nodded at her, gave a grin like the last few weeks between them hadn't happened. Even though she was afraid that she may be losing him, Tara found herself more than a little pissed off at Jax.

Most everyone had arrived at Jax's by the time Tara had got there. Which really wasn't all that late, but the way Gemma was texting her it was like she'd missed the party all together. The front door was open and Tara didn't really question that because no one in there right mind would just wander into Jax Teller's house.

The first person she saw when she walked inside was Opie, though Tara figured Opie would be the first person anyone would see in any room they walked into. She was glad to see him, even more she was glad to see him with Donna.

"Hey, babe."

There was an easy grin on Opie's face as he leaned down to wrap one arm around Tara's waist and lift her into a hug. "Hey, darlin'."

Pulling back Tara looked at Opie, really looked at him, and she would have sworn she had not seen him this relaxed, this happy since before he went inside.

"Hey," Gemma was holding Nikolai on her hip when she came up behind Tara, impatiently pulling her away from Opie. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Somebody's in trouble." Opie muttered softly, his eyes lighting up as if he were excited to see Tara get yelled at. Which wouldn't surprise her if he was.

Reaching out, Tara easily lifted Nikolai out of Gemma's arms and settled him into her own. "I got off of work, like, twenty minutes ago, Gemma."

"The hospitals not twenty minutes away, Tara."

Not fully understanding what this was about or why Gemma was jumping up her ass this way, Tara turned to Opie who merely shrugged. "I'm sorry?" She always felt that certain situations with Gemma were best worked out with an apology.

"I just worry about you, baby." Gemma cupped her face in her hands, placed a kiss on her check before walking away, seemingly to go snap at Juice.

Tara's eyes followed Gemma until they landed on Wendy, who was staring her down as if thoughts alone would strike her dead. "This is going to be so much fun."

Opie nodded. "You should probably start drinking now."

It took some time, but Tara was finally able to corner Donna in the relative privacy of the back hallway. "You look happy."

"That's because I am happy." Donna smiled. "I want my family together, Tara. And I'm going to do everything in my power to keep us that way."

Tara couldn't help the wide grin that broke out on her face as she and Donna started back out to the front of the house. Opie had his arm bent at the elbow, Nikolai had both hands locked on his bicep and was happily swinging several inches off the floor. "The world better watch out."

"Damn right."

When they reached the front, Tara walked straight into Clay. She tried to back away, but he caught her, one large arm wrapping around her shoulder to pull her close.

"Excuse us for a second, Donna?" Clay waited until the other woman walked away before turning his attention to Tara, his voice lowering. "Just wanted to say the club appreciates what you did for us. I know how much your old man means to you and not taking that opportunity to get him out must have been hard for you."

Actually, it hadn't been hard for her at all. Keeping her mouth shut about the club was so ingrained in her that it never occurred to her to take Stahl's deal. It was one of those things she knew drove Donna mad, the way she, Jax, and Opie reacted on instinct where the club was concerned. "Come on, Clay. You know me better than that."

Clay smiled before giving her a one armed hug. "Well, sometimes people surprise you. Not necessarily for the better." He dropped a kiss to her head before walking away.

Tara frowned, not sure how to take Clay's words. But before she could think too much on them, Chibs came up behind her.

"I saw the work you did on the Irishman. You stitch like a fucking girl. Little dainty things, disgusting."

Use to this game, as they'd been playing it since she started med school, Tara rolled her eyes. "Not everyone wants large obnoxious stitches. Look at the scar you left on Kozik's chin. That's amateur shit."

"Spend a couple years at some big fancy school and all of a sudden she's a fucking expert." Chibs' expression was completely unimpressed. "We're gonna settle this, you little shit, don't go anywhere."

"I was called in because it was too much for you." Tara called after him. "Far as I'm concerned it's settled." When he merely shot her the finger over his shoulder, she couldn't help but laugh. Stepping into the living room she noticed Jax settled into the corner of the couch. Her eyes drifted to Wendy before she made her way over to drop onto the arm of the couch next to Jax.

When he glanced up and gave her an absent smile, his eyes flicking briefly to Wendy, it was all Tara could do to keep from smashing her fist into his incredibly attractive face. She could feel the restless energy coursing through her, the need to do something, anything to claim her place.

"Come here, little girl."

Piney's booming voice cut through her thoughts, had confusion creasing her brow. "Yeah?"

"I said come here."

Still confused and running over what she could have possible done to piss Piney off this time, Tara moved off the couch to cross the room to Piney. Opie, who was still standing against the wall allowing Nikolai to use his arm as a swing, chuckled softly.

"Quiet boy." Piney bit out at his son.

Tara and Opie shared a grin, not to mention an eye roll, as she dropped onto the arm of the couch next to Piney, making sure to keep her back to the room. Or more specifically to Jax. When he caught her shirt in his hand to tug her closer, Tara braced her arms on the back of the couch so that she could lean close to him.

"I know that look in your eye, little girl. You and Jax are too old to still be doing this shit. And the last thing your boy needs is to see you fighting for some man. This is exactly what Lenny didn't want for you."

The words hit hard. Piney was always, always, careful to stay out of her and Jax's relationship mess. That he would say something, caused her to consider his words carefully. Her father, for all the misogyny in the club-perpetrated mostly by him-had always stressed to her that she was above it. That she wasn't like the other women involved in the club, she wasn't some croweater or sweet butt. Though he never said it aloud, she was his princess.

"You're right."

"Think I said this shit for my health."

With a roll of her eyes, Tara pulled back just enough to brush her lips over his cheek. "Speaking of your health, you've had enough to drink." When she reached for the cup in his hand he held it out away from her.

"Careful, little girl."

"What was that about?" Opie asked as Tara came over to stand next to him and Donna. But before she could even answer, Jax came up behind her.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure."

Opie gave her a sympathetic look. "Catching it coming and going tonight, huh."

"Apparently." And as she followed Jax back to Abel's nursery, Tara thought she should have just gone home. Actually, with Piney's words playing in her ears, she thought she should have just gone back to Tacoma and avoided all this bullshit to begin with.

Jax could see that with each word he spoke Tara became increasingly upset. Couldn't help but wonder if there was anyway to have this conversation with her that wouldn't end up with her becoming upset.

"So what your saying," Tara began in a voice that was a litte too controlled. "Is that, because of Wendy, I have to act like a fucking stranger with the people I've known my whole life."

"That's not what I'm saying." He didn't know why she was being so goddamn bullheaded about this. Tara wasn't stupid, she knew how she was acting, how Wendy would interpret it. "From the second you stepped in the house you were acting like my Old Lady."

"And Wendy's your Old Lady. Right?"

Jax knew that there was no way for him to answer that correctly. "She's like a heartbeat sober." And he and Tara had done their fair share of fucking Wendy up. Piling on now, especially when he didn't even know where Tara's head was, just seemed cruel. "She's always reacted to you, there's no need to push her. Especially not with whatever this is between us."

Tara's eyes hardened, her jaw clenched. "Whatever this is?"

"I didn't mean it like that. Tara-"

"Mommy, I gotta pee-pee."

Realizing he hadn't spent much time with Nikolai since he arrived, as Gemma kept the kid close to her most of the night, Jax reached out for him. "Come on, little man. I'll take you." A little space between him and Tara right now would be the best thing.

"No." Tara quickly swung Nikolai up in her arms. "I'll take him. Don't want to give Wendy the wrong idea."

With a weary sigh, Jax scrubbed his hands over his face taking a moment to get himself together before stepping out of the nursery. He could never understand why his and Tara's ability to communicate with one another always broke down when it mattered most.

"Kid's been home barely an hour and you already look like shit, bro."

Because he hadn't really been paying attention, a frown creased Jax's brow as he came to a stop at the front door and found himself face to face with probably the last guy he wanted to see at the moment.

"Where's our kid? I saw that bucket our girl is driving so I know she's here somewhere."

Correction, Jax thought as his gaze spread from Kozik to Cas, the last two guys he wanted to see at the moment.