I waited outside for Ranger and Christian waited with me. He braved the cold and held on to me tight till Ranger pulled up.
Ranger got out of the SUV and frowned immediately. "Stephanie," he said softly and reached for me.
I just shook my head.
Christian stepped forward, "I'm Christian…the gay one," he sighed. "I'm afraid she's endured a rough evening. Brian's ex-fiancé showed up and showed her ass."
"Stephanie can handle a little ass showing," Ranger said after closing me up inside the warm SUV. "She can even give as good as she gets. So what happened?"
"I don't know that anything really did or if it just appeared that way. It seemed that Brian and Genevieve have some residual feelings for each other. She went to the restroom and on her way back saw them in the library. Well, he was holding her and kissing her on the head."
"And where is he now," Ranger raised a brow.
"I have no idea," Christian said a little uncomfortably. "But you can rest assured that I'll find out."
"Do that," Ranger handed him his card. "Let me know what you find out?"
"Shouldn't I let her know that," he waved toward me.
"I think it rather depends on what you have to tell her," he said quietly. "It was nice to meet you Christian. I'm sure we'll meet again."
"I'm sure we will," he said softly.
Ranger got into the car and pulled down the driveway.
"I'm not a baby. If it's bad, he can tell me himself."
Ranger glanced over at me before pulling out onto the neighborhood street. "I just…"
"I know you're trying to protect me," I sighed. "But if he wants her, he wants her and there's nothing anyone can do to change that."
He reached for my cold hand, "how could he possibly want a cold uptight bitch when he has a woman as warm and wonderful as you in his life?"
"The same way he wanted her for the last four years," I said absently. "The heart wants what the heart wants Ranger," I said the words sadly speaking as much of us as of Brian and Genevieve. Maybe he was just comforting her. Maybe he'd call me later and apologize and explain it all away. But right now, it just hurt.
"Babe," he said gently.
"You know…it's just…the way it is," I said dismissing his explanation. It really didn't matter. After all I was destined for some beer swilling, hairy Italian and that was that.
"Why are you being so dismissive," he asked in annoyance.
"Let me know when you get your heart broken and we'll talk about it," I said sarcastically. "Until then, you don't know how I feel. You couldn't know how I feel. You don't feel!"
He was quiet the rest of the way to the B&B.
I fretted and fumed as I changed out of my dress and into my pajamas. I was so sick of men who just didn't want to really be with me. I was sick of it. I was tired of being played with. Joe played with me. Dickie played with me. Craig had played with me. Ranger had played with me even if he didn't want to admit it. And now…Brian…fine upstanding Federal Agent Brian was playing with me. I was sick of men. I was sick of all men.
I took my clothes off and left them in a pile by the bathroom door. I took a long shower and pretended the evening had never happened. I wanted to erase it. I wanted to erase all memory of it and I would start by washing away my makeup and the smells I'd taken with me and brought back.
I got out of the shower and grabbed the first thing in my suitcase that was meant for sleep. It was a silk nightshirt. Natalie had given it to me for Christmas. It was part of Sizzlin's new line. I loved it. It felt good on my skin. It was sexy without being overt. I was digging through looking for underwear when the phone rang.
I reached for my ringing phone without looking at the number. "Yea…Stephanie Plum."
"I'm sorry," Brian said softly. "I'm really sorry."
"What are you sorry for," I said softly as I sank to the edge of my bed.
"What do you mean?"
"Are you sorry for the way your father treated me? Are you sorry for the way your brother treated me? Are you sorry Genevieve showed up? Are you sorry you put me though it all? Or…are you sorry that I saw you with her?"
"All of it," he sighed.
"I was afraid you'd say that," I sighed.
"I do love you Stephanie."
"But you're in love with Genevieve," I said quietly.
"But that doesn't mean that she's the right woman for me. I'm just confused."
"I know. I understand. You need to figure this out and I won't get in the way of that. The heart wants what the heart wants."
"Why are you so understanding when I feel like such a heel?"
"You know why," I said softly.
"I know," he sighed. "But I also know you'd never cross the line."
"Maybe not the big line, that doesn't mean I wouldn't cross the small ones. Sometimes I don't even know where the small ones are. Do you know what I mean?"
"You haven't…you know with him though, right?"
"Right," I nodded. "I haven't."
"Not that I have the right to ask you not to," he sighed. "I mean under the circumstances and all."
"So…we broke up," I whispered.
"How about a break," he said softly. "You know…give me some time to get my head together."
I swallowed the pain. "I'll…uh…send your grandmother's ring over to the house the next time anyone goes over there."
"No…I want you to keep it," he groaned.
"And I know that your mother would prefer that you give it to your wife someday so she can wear it all. I'll send it back."
"Steph…"
"It's a break," I said with a small forced smile in my voice. "That's a euphemism for a breakup that people use when they don't want to say it's final. But…it usually is Brian. It usually is."
"Steph…I don't know what to say."
"You'll figure out where you're going with Genevieve and I'll…"
"Get over Ranger or find a way to make that whole thing work," he said softly.
"Something like that," I agreed.
He sighed, "Steph…"
"Yea," I whispered.
"How do you know he doesn't love you too?"
I laughed, "Oh, I know."
"Has he told you that he doesn't love you?"
"Right," I rolled my eyes. "That would never happen. After all, you love me and even though it's not…"
"I just think… Well, I think a man like Ranger wouldn't let there be any doubt if he didn't love you."
"He does," I said quietly, "in his own way."
"Okay…I was just checking."
"Does she love you?"
"Genevieve?"
"No, the tooth fairy," I rolled my eyes and wiped at the threatening tears.
He was quiet a moment, "yea."
"Okay," I said briskly and took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry Stephanie."
"Me too," I sighed. "Goodnight Brian."
"Steph…" I heard him say as I clicked off the phone.
I sat there for a few moments in complete silence then rolled over and buried my face in my pillow and bawled. I mean great racking sobs. It wasn't really because Brian and I broke up as much as it was because I felt like the big loser that my family kept reminding me I was. I couldn't keep a nice guy like Brian from an evil she-devil like Genevieve even. I sucked.
I felt his hands on my arms and then he was beside me in the bed and I was tight against his chest.
"It's going to be okay Babe. It's going to be okay."
I wanted to ask him how he could possibly know that when he didn't even know what was wrong, but I didn't bother. It was surely his damn ESP. He eventually managed to roll me to his chest.
"What happened?"
"We broke up," I said softly. "He doesn't know it's forever yet, but I do."
"How do you," he asked pushing wet curls off my hot wet face.
"Because men don't want me," I said with trembling lips. "They want…they want someone else. I'm just something they play with until Ms. Right comes along. I'm more of a Ms. Right Now."
"Babe," he sighed and wiped at my eyes gently. "You're nobody's Ms. Right Now."
"Tell that the Dick," I whispered against his chest.
"He's barely a man," he said softly.
"Joe…"
"Don't go there. Don't make me go there," he growled softly in my ear.
"Craig," I sighed.
"Craig from EE Martin," he frowned. "I forgot about him."
"I didn't know I told you about him," I said hiccupping over my sobs.
"You didn't," he sighed. "But you're right…he's an ass."
"You," I whispered and hid my face again.
"Me? What about me," he said and stiffened.
"You played with me and sent me back to Joe with a bright red ribbon tied around my neck…or worse…my heart."
He was quiet for a few minutes and then sighed, "Yes. I did that. I thought it was for the best. I regret that I did that. I especially regret it knowing how it ended up."
I sighed as the last of the fight went out of me. "I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of being just what my mother thinks I am…a loser who can't get and keep a man. I should have known that it wouldn't work out with Brian, he's way too good for me."
"Stop that," he pushed my head up to stare into my eyes. "He's not too good for you. He's not good enough for you. He made you all kinds of promises knowing that it was possible that he couldn't fulfill them. That's not a man. A man doesn't make a woman promises on the hope he can be what she needs. He makes promises on the knowledge he can be what she needs. He knew it was possible he couldn't love you the right way and he still told you that he wanted marriage and children with you. That is wrong."
I blinked at him.
"I wouldn't do that Stephanie. I wouldn't promise a woman something I couldn't deliver….ever. If I can deliver good sex…and that's all, that's all I'll promise. Do you understand me?"
I nodded mutely.
"He wasn't good enough for you," he said pulling me back into his arms. "He wasn't."
"Is there ever going to be anyone," I swallowed.
"I know there will be," he said absolutely. "I know it. You're not going to be alone Babe. You're going to get the things you want with someone who will love you fiercely and willingly die for you. And I know that for a fact."
"I like your version better than mine," I whispered fighting the tears.
"Me too," he said softly and pushed my hair back again. "It's too bad he hurt you tonight. You looked devastatingly beautiful."
"Not so much now with my red nose and red eyes and wet face," I smiled.
"Actually…you just might be more beautiful," he said softly.
I reached up to touch his cheek. I was surprised by his words and very moved. For some reason my fingers just went to his clean shaven face and slid over the contours gently.
He turned into my hand and kissed my palm never taking his eyes from mine.
And my breath caught. His face moved in and our lips met. The kiss was gentle. It was not like any other kiss he'd ever given me. There was no barely controlled passion there. There was no friendly peck. It was soft and gentle and… I don't know. I never felt anything like it before.
My hand slid to his neck and around and he moved in closer and the kiss deepened. If this was his idea of comforting kissing, I'd take it. But right now…I didn't want to think about what it meant or what it could mean. I just wanted to feel. I wanted to feel something that didn't hurt.
It was a long time before hands began to stray and it wasn't his hands that started the process, it was mine. My hands slid over his chest and down and around to his back. I pushed his tee shirt up in the back and let my fingers glide over his smooth golden brown skin. He felt so good. Women spent millions at spas trying to get their skin to feel like his felt all the time. It was as though he had no pores. It was amazing.
The moment my hands touched his skin, the pace of the kisses changed and his hands roamed over me finally discarding my nightgown and his clothes. He kissed down my body and made love to that most feminine part of me. He didn't stop when I cried out from the pleasure of it all. He didn't even stop right away when I started begging him to. He just continued giving me all the pleasure he could without taking any for himself.
Then without any warning he slid up my body and he was inside of me and his mouth was on my mouth and the hunger was desperate. His kiss was desperate. I could feel the sexual hunger in his kiss, but there was something else there…beneath the surface that I couldn't quite get. And as he kissed me he moved in and out of my body leaving till there was only a bit of him inside of me before rushing back inside. My legs were too weak to climb up around his waist. All I could do was move my feet over his calves and let my hands touch whatever I could reach. He pushed and pushed until I came again then and only then did he push deep inside of me and whisper my name against my lips as he spilled inside of me.
After a few seconds he lifted his head and kissed me again softly and kept kissing me in that gentle way until I fell asleep.