Holly threw herself onto her bed, she had been up long enough to go to the bathroom. She didn't even know what time it was. Sometime in the afternoon, maybe. That's all that she knew. The sun was shining through her curtains and splashed in across her carpet and up the wall opposite her windows and children were laughing in the streets. How could the world be so happy? Didn't anybody remember that Noah had died two months earlier. Didn't those kids running around, remember running around and laughing remember that just two months earlier. There parents had baked casseroles and deserts, dressed them in their church clothes, and walked them to the DiNozzo's house and paid their respects, to Noah. To the boy who taught most of them to play soccer and would rush out with antiseptic and cartoon character bandages. When he saw a kid fall down or wipe out. The adults weren't much better they paid their respects and carried on with life as usual. Mrs. Cunningham from down the street had the nerve to ask her how her day was the other day. She responded with "How do you think?!" and then stormed back into her house. It was actually kind of funny to her. How quickly people moved on after somebody died. One minute they were grieving and sharing memories with the deceased's family members. Then the next they were playing and going back to work as if the person never existed. Even her father had gone back to work. He didn't show up half the time but he had still made an attempt to move on. How could he move on so quickly? Noah wasn't just some kid down the street of the child of a co-worker or friend. He was his son! His own flesh and blood but somehow he just move on. As if Noah never existed. As if Holly had always been an only child. She couldn't take this sunshine and laughter anymore. She found the box of tin-foil her dad kept in his room and hung on his windows when he worked a late case and needed to sleep during the day. She also took two of his disposable ear plugs and carried them to her room. She hung the foil over her window but the room still wasn't dark enough. So she shoved an old pair of jeans under hew door. She grabbed the pocket knife Gibbs had given her, off of her dresser and walked over and sat down at the end of her bed. She took the ear plugs out of her pocket and shoved them in her ears. Tony and Ziva were arguing downstairs. As much as she hated how happy everybody was. She was more than happy to be deaf to the fight as well. Once the room was dark and she was deaf. She rolled up her sleeves, flipped her knife open, and jammed it into her wrists. The blood trickled down her arm and formed a red puddle on the carpet. She used to think that girls who cut were just drama queens who did it for attention. Now that her brother was dead. She could see that, cutters didn't do it for attention. They did because they truly were depressed and lost. She could remember the first time she cut. It was the night they got back from Noah's funeral...

Holly had changed into her pajamas as soon as she got home from the airport. They had arrived home at two in the afternoon but she didn't care. She had managed not to get visibly drunk the night before but she still woke up with a killer hangover that morning. Luckily for her, her dad believed that she was just having a breakdown about Noah. She popped some Tylenol and got on the plane. Now she was home basically alone. Her dad had gone out for a jog with Gibbs and Ziva had returned to her home. Leaning Holly all by herself, for the first time since Noah died. She found herself upstairs, standing in the doorway of her brothers room. She hadn't been in their since he took his last breaths. Gibbs had shut the door after the medical supply store took his equipment away. She just wanted to see it but she couldn't actually step inside but she needed to go inside. So she took one deep breath and stepped inside. She surveyed the room and glint of light caught her eye. It was a shiny object sitting on his dresser. She walked over to the dresser and saw that it was Noah's pocket knife. Gibbs had given them each a knife for their eleventh birthday. Her's was under her pillow but Noah preferred just to keep his out. She picked it up and studied it. His showed more ware than hers, probably from being dropped so many times. Even with all the ware, she could still read the engraving on the front. "Noah K DiNozzo, Love Grandpa Gibbs". Gibbs was going to teach them how to do carving and engraving. It was supposed to be a summer project and Noah was so exited. He never got to learn. He would never learn anything again. That thought outraged her and broke her heart. She grabbed the knife and stormed into the bathroom. She climbed into the bathtub and drug the knife across each of her wrists...

From that moment on, it was a regular thing for her. Every day she would sit either in her room or in the bathroom and cut fresh slits into her wrists. One day she would work up the courage to make a vertical cut. Ducky had told her once, long before Noah's death and her subsequent destructive behavior. That vertical cuts were the most effective way to commit suicide by laceration. That would be how she left this miserable world. Her dad didn't care about her anyway. She popped her ear plugs out, long enough to hear her dad cry and with that they went straight back in. She put the knife back on the dresser and climbed into bed. At least there was a party tonight. Cora Rosewood held a party almost every weekend. Cora's mom cared for her grandfather on most weekends and her dad had died years ago. Leaving Cora in the care of her college aged sister Britney. Britney would buy beer for Cora and her friends and then go to the movies or just hangout in the basement. Another good thing about Britney was that if anybody got too drunk to go home to their parents. She would call the parents and say that "the kids were having so much fun. That they had decided to have a sleepover." Those calls had saved Holly more than once. Cora was two years older than Holly and all of her friends were at least Sophomores in high school but Cora was in Holly youth group with Holly and was the first one to offer her condolences after Noah died. She invited her to the first party, the first Friday after Noah's funeral and Tony forced her to go. Expecting it to be a prayer circle. Which Holly really did need at the time but, it wasn't prayer. It was a wild high school party. It turns out that Cora just used the goody two shoes, Jesus girl as a facade. She was actually a wild party girl, who didn't really believe in God at all. A belief that Holly found herself agreeing with more and more. What kind of God would take somebody like Noah so young?

A/N: Holly has totally fallen off the deep end. Tony needs to catch on and fast. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.