Well, ok, Tad wasn't exactly my boyfriend, and I had honestly believed that his dad was a vampire.

"Behold the influence of Father D," Jake said. "Imagine how good April fools would with his help"

"Yeah, we'll totally PWN Suze!" Brad snickered.

"I despair of you. I really do," David rolled his eyes.

But guess what? He wasn't. And I killed him.

How unpopular was that going to make me?

"Very."

"Is that all she cares about?"

And this little bubble of hysteria started rising up into my throat. I could tell I was going to scream. I really didn't want to. But there I was in a room with an unconscious kid and his psycho dad, whom I had just staked through the heart with a Number Two pencil. How could I help thinking, you know, they are so totally going to kick me off the student council...

"No, they won't, they'll be too busy gossiping about your arrest," Jake snorted.

"She needs to sort out her priorities," David agreed.

"She hysterical, she's allowed to have strange thoughts," Helen glared at the boys.

Come on. You'd have started screaming too.

"Nope."

"Nada."

"No."

"Probably but I think I'd be busy running."

But no sooner had I sucked in a lungful of air and was getting reading to let it out in a shriek guaranteed to bring Yoshi and all those waiters who'd served me dinner come running, than someone standing behind me asked sharply, "What happened here?"

"The joys of having servants. No privacy but great murder witnesses."

"David! Don't say that, Suze isn't a killer."

"Sorry Mom just meant in general."

I spun around. And there, looking stunned, stood Marcus, Red Beaumont's secretary.

I said the first thing that came into my head, which was, "I didn't mean to, I swear it. Only he was scaring me, so I stabbed him."

Marcus, dressed much like the last time I'd seen him, in a suit and tie, rushed towards me. Not towards his boss, who was sprawled out on the floor: But towards me.

"Probably didn't like his boss much," Brad said.

"Or he doesn't want his boss to suffer a law suit," Helen pointed out. If her baby came home with bite marks and hysteria about Red Beaumont, Helen would have sued the hell out of the businessman.

"Are you all right?" he demanded, grabbing me by the shoulders and looking all up and down my body...but mostly at my neck. "Did he hurt you?"

"No, thank God."

Marcus' face was white with anxiety.

"I'm fine," I said. I was starting to feel a lump in my throat. "It's your boss you ought to be worried about..." My gaze flitted toward Tad, still face-down on the couch. "Oh, and his kid. He poisoned his kid"

"Didn't Mr Beaumont tell her that Tad was only drugged?"

"Brad, do you really think Suze would believe a man who she thinks is a murderer?"

"Err..."

Marcus went over to Tad and pried open one of his eyelids. Then he bent and listened to his breathing. "No," he said, almost to himself. "Not poisoned. Just drugged."

"Oh," I said with a nervous laugh. "Oh, then that's ok."

What the hell was going on here? Was this guy for real?

"No, he's just a figment of your imagination." Brad said sarcastically, "And you all think I'm the stupid one"

"Brad, do you even know the meaning of figment?"

"That's not the point!"

He seemed so. He was obviously very concerned. He shoved the coffee table out of the way, then bent and turned his boss over.

I had to look away. I didn't think I could bear to see that pencil sticking out of Mr Beaumont's chest.

Helen winced while Andy had difficulty to hide his amusement. The mental image was rather comical in his mind. Both Brad and Jake snorted causing Helen to glare at them.

I mean, I had rammed ghosts in the chest with all sorts of stuff – pickaxes, butcher's knives, tent poles, whatever was handy.

Brad paled and Jake's smile vanished. "Remember not to get on Suze's bad side, Brad" Jake said.

But the thing about ghosts is...well they're already dead. Tad's father had been alive when I'd jabbed that pencil into him.

Oh, God, why had I let Father Dom put that stupid vampire idea into my head? What kind of idiot believes in vampires?

"Twilight fans?"

"Anne Rice fanatics?"

"Weridos?"

I must have been out of my mind.

"I knew that long ago."

"Bradley, I'm warning you!"

"Is he..." I could barely choke the question out. I had to keep my gaze on Tad because if I looked down at his dad, I had a feeling I'd hurl all that lamb and mesclun salad.

"No lamb and mesclun salad" Andy mumbled to himself as he jotted it down on his list. He had to remember that the next dinner he cooks.

Even in my anxiety I couldn't help noticing that, unconscious, Tad still looked pretty hot.

The boys groaned and rolled their eyes.

He certainly wasn't drooling or anything.

"But drool can be cute!" Helen beamed up at Andy.

"Oh, yuck." Brad grumbled.

"Is he dead?"

And I thought my mother was going to be mad if she found out about the mediator thing. Could you imagine how mad she'd be if she found out I'm a teenage killer?

"I don't think mad is the word I'd use," Helen said thoughtfully, "I'd probably be distraught."

"You'd be hysterical." Andy confirmed. "I'd be the angry one."

Marcus's voice sounded surprised. "Of course he's not dead," he said. "Just fainted. You must have given him quite a little scare."

Brad snickered. "I bet."

I snuck a peek in his direction. He had straightened up, and was standing there with my pencil in his hands. I looked hastily away, my stomach lurching.

"Is this what you used on him?" Marcus asked me in a wry voice. When I nodded silently still not willing to glance in his direction in case I caught a glimpse of Mr Beaumont's blood, he said, "Don't worry. It didn't go in very far. You hit his sternum."

"His what?"

"The sternum (plural sterna or sternums, from Greek στέρνον, sternon, "chest" or breastbone) is a long flat bone (or, in some instances, set of three bones) shaped like a capital 'T' located in the center of the thorax (chest). It connects to the rib bones via cartilage, forming the anterior section of the rib cage with them, and thus helps to protect the lungs, heart and major blood vessels from physical trauma" David said, sounding like he memorized a biology text.

"Err...right." Brad said.

David sighed. "It's a bone."

"Ooh...now that makes sense!"

Jeesh. Good thing Red Beaumont hadn't turned out to be the real thing or I'd have been in serious trouble. I couldn't even stake a guy properly. I really must be losing my touch.

"What touch? Nothing gentle or healing or even feminine."

As it was, all I had succeeded in doing was making a complete ass of myself. I said, still feeling that little bubble of hysteria in my chest, which I blamed for causing me to babble a little incoherently, "He poisoned Tad, and then he grabbed me, and I just freaked out..."

Marcus left his boss's unconscious body and laid a comforting hand on my arm. He said, "Shh, I know, I know," in a soothing voice.

"I'm really sorry," I jabbered on. "But he has that thing about sunlight, and then he wouldn't eat, and then when he smiled, he had those pointy teeth and I really thought-"

"Dental surgery. He must have had it done, definitely wealthy enough to afford it."

"Definitely insane enough to do it."

"- he was a vampire." Marcus, to my surprise, finished my sentence for me. "I know, Miss Simon."

"Cover ups."

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but the truth is, I was pretty close to bursting into tears.

"What? Really? On my god, call the press, Suze can cry!"

"Stop being a git, Brad."

Marcus's admission, however, made me forget all about my urge to break down into big weepy sobs.

"Now, that sounds like the Suze we all know and...Well you lot love her."

"Brad!" Andy exclaimed. "How could you be so cold to your own sister?"

"Because she's evil."

"You know?" I echoed, staring up at him incredulously.

He nodded. His expression was grim. "It's what his doctors call a fixation.

"Wha-"

"Fixation is a psychological disorder where a person becomes obsessed on either a human, object or idea. Sigmund Freud had theorised this was due to a lack of proper gratification during one of the psychosexual stages of development. However, I personally would not take his word on it since this is a man that believes females suffer penius envy and Suze is the living embodiment that that is certainly not true. She has no envy of either her own father or ours. Fixation has symptoms similar to OCD due to the obsession factor in both psychological disorders." David said before Brad could even finish his question.

"So he's nuts?" Brad summarised.

"Yes."

"Why didn't you just say so?"

"Because I hope one day you absorbed something I tell you and use your own brain."

"David!" everyone cried out in shock.

He's on medication for it, and most days, he does all right. But sometimes, when we aren't careful, he skips a dose, and...Well, you can see the results for yourself. He becomes convinced that he is a dangerous vampire who has killed dozens of people-"

"Yeah," I said. "He mentioned that too." and had looked very upset about it too.

"At least he's remorseful." Helen muttered grudgingly.

"But I assure you, Miss Simon, that he isn't in any way a menace to society. He's actually quite harmless – he's never hurt a soul."

Jake snorted. Terrifying his sister was what he'd call hurting a soul. Especially since Suze is usually fearless.

My gaze strayed over towards Tad. Marcus must have noticed because he added quickly, "Well, let's just say he's never caused any permanent damage."

Permanent damage? Your own dad slipping you a Mickey wasn't considered permanent damage around here? And how did that explain Mrs Fiske and those missing environmentalists?

"Maybe he did kill them when he forgot his medication?" David suggested. "Or someone else did and he blames himself?"

"I can't apologize enough to you, Miss Simon," Marcus was saying. He had put his arm around me, and was walking me away from the couch, and towards, of all things, the front entranceway. "I'm very sorry you had to witness this disturbing scene."

"Getting rid of her in a gentle and smooth way, he'll be threatening legal action if she tries anything." Helen mumbled.

I glanced over my shoulder: Behind me, Yoshi had appeared. He turned Tad over so his face wasn't squashed into the seat cushion, then draped a blanket over him while a couple of other guys hauled Mr Beaumont to his feet. He murmured something and rolled his head around.

Not dead. Definitely not dead.

"Of course, I needn't point out to you that none of this would have happened-" Marcus didn't sound quite so apologetic as he had before – "if you hadn't plated that little prank on him last night. Mr Beaumont is not a well man. He is very easily agitated. And one thing that gets him particularly excited is any mention whatsoever of the occult. The so-called dream that you described to him only served to trigger another one of his episodes."

"Very true," David agreed.

"It's not like she had much choice, though," Jake pointed out. "She had to deliver to dead lady's message or she'll be stuck with an eternity of no sleep."

I felt that I had to try, at least, to defend myself. And so I said, "Well, how was I supposed to know that? I mean, if he's so prone to episodes, why don't you keep him locked up?"

Helen glared. "Add a lecture on people with disorders having rights on that list."

"Yes, dear."

"Because this isn't the Middle Ages, young lady."

Marcus removed his arm from around my shoulders and stood looking down at me very severely.

"Today, physicians prefer to treat persons suffering from disorders like the one Mr Beaumont had with medication and therapy rather than keeping him in isolation from his family," Marcus informed me. "Tad's father can function normally, and even well, so long as little girls who don't know what's good for them keep their noses out of his business."

"Ooh..."

"Ye-ouch."

"Harsh."

Ouch! That was harsh. I had to remind myself that I wasn't the bad guy here. I mean, I wasn't the one running around insisting I was a vampire.

And I hadn't caused a bunch of people to disappear just because they'd stood in the way of my building another strip mall.

But even as I thought it, I wondered if it were true. I mean, it didn't seem as if Tad's father had enough marbles rolling around in his head to organize something as sophisticated as a kidnapping and murder. Either my weirdo meter was out of whack or there was something seriously wrong here...and a mere 'fixation' just didn't explain it. What, I wondered, about Mrs Fiske? She was dead and Mr Beaumont had killed her – she'd said so herself. Marcus was obviously trying to downplay the severity of his employer's psychosis.

"Or there's something else going on."

Or was he? A man who fainted just because a girl poked him with a pencil didn't exactly seem the sort to successfully carry out a murder:

The boys and Andy snickered until Helen gave them a stern look.

Was it possible he hadn't been suffering from his current 'disorder' when he offed Mrs Fiske and those other people?

"Maybe...that's a rather reasonable theory."

I was still trying to puzzle all of this out when Marcus, who'd shepherded me to the front door; produced my coat. He helped me into it, then said, "Aikiku will drive you home, Miss Simon."

I looked around and saw another Japanese guy, this one all in black, standing by the front door. He bowed politely to me.

"And let's get one thing straight."

Marcus was still speaking to me in fatherly tones. He seemed irritated, but not really mad.

"Unlike some real fathers," Brad said cheekily.

"He doesn't have the burden of three teenage boys and one teenage girl who sees ghosts," Andy said smiling. "If he did, he'll be truly angry."

"What happened here tonight," he went on, "was very strange, it's true. But no one was injured..."

"Covering up." Helen said knowingly.

He must have noticed my gaze skitter towards Tad still passed out on the couch, since he added, "Not seriously hurt, anyway. And so I think it would behove you to keep your mouth shut about what you've seen here. because if you should take it into your head to tell anyone about what you've seen here," Marcus went on in a manner one might almost called friendly, "I will, of course, have to tell your parents about that unfortunate prank you played on Mr Beaumont...and press formal assault charges against you, of course."

"Rich bastard!"

"Brad, language!"

"What? It's true?"

"Actually Brad, it's rich bastard's lackey." David corrected his older brother.

Andy glared at his middle son. "See what language you're teaching your younger brother?"

Brad flushed. "Sorry!" he mumbled.

"Actually Dad, bastard is a perfectly acceptable term for children who were born without their parents being married to one another. Royalty usually had many bastards from their mistresses and they were giving high status despite their bastardry."

Andy felt a headache coming on. "I know what the context means now, David, and it's the disgusting language I don't want to hear from you three and Suze. Got it?"

"Yes, Dad" David said innocently.

My mouth dropped open. I realized it, after a second, and snapped it shut again.

"But he-" I began.

Marcus cut me off. "Did he?" he looked down at me meaningfully. "Did he really? There was no witness to that fact, save yourself. And do you really believe anyone is going to take the word of a little juvenile delinquent like yourself over the word of a respectable businessman?"

"Especially with Suze's record." Helen sighed.

The jerk had me, and he knew it.

"Of course."

He smiled down at me, a little triumphant twinkle in his eye.

"Goodnight, Miss Simon," he said.

Proving once again that the life of a mediator just ain't all it's cracked up to be: I didn't even get to stay for dessert.

"Bet it would have been an excellent dessert if any of the other courses were to go by," Andy said wistfully. "Poor girl, missing out on good cooking."

"It's not like she likes to eat anyway going by her reaction to the quesadillas." Brad pointed out.

"Because you and your brothers disgusting eating habits ruined her appetite" Andy shot back. "Maybe I should give you all etiquette lessons so we wouldn't have this problem"

"No!" all three boys moaned.