Chapter 14
Haley stood in her living room surrounded by people reminiscing about Jimmy James. The funeral had ended shortly ago, her and Nathan drove back to her house together but despite feeling close with him earlier, Haley had managed to pull away from Nathan and was trying desperately to ignore him. She was barely paying attention to what one of her father's old co-workers was saying about him; instead she was solely focussed on where Nathan was and how she could get away if he possibly approached her.
Meanwhile, Nathan stood with his four friends in the James' kitchen being pestered about talking to Haley.
"Go talk to her," Brooke urged.
"I don't think right now is a good time, Brooke, seeing as how we just got back from her dad's funeral," he pointed out.
"Oh, bullshit, Nathan. You're just scared she'll reject you," Peyton countered.
"Well wouldn't you be scared?"
"Sure, I would, but we all not that there's not a chance in hell that Haley would reject being with you."
"I agree, regardless of what Haley says she knows she's in love with you and wouldn't dare run you off," Brooke piped in.
Nathan shook his head in disagreement and turned to Lucas and Jake. "What do you guys think?"
"I think the girls are right, Haley wouldn't do anything to hurt you," Jake offered.
"Yeah, I mean, Haley's always gone on about how sex is a big deal to her right? She'd only sleep with you if she had feelings for you," Lucas said.
Nathan, Peyton, and Jake looked at him shocked. "How did you know that?" Nathan asked.
"Brooke told me."
Nathan whirred around to face Brooke. "How did you know?"
"Haley told me," she shrugged.
"Did she tell you anything else that happened, or how she feels about it?" he asked nervously.
"Yeah, but I can't tell you anything she said, best friend confidentiality," Brooke smiled.
Nathan glared at her but someone else spoke before he had the chance. "Whoa, can we like slow down and back up? When did you and Haley sleep together?" Peyton interjected.
"The night before we left for LA. I heard someone making a bunch of noise in the hall, and it was Haley. She was gonna leave for Tree Hill and then she told me what happened. One thing led to another and we slept together."
Peyton shook her head. "You two never could keep your hands off each other," she joked.
"Not funny," Nathan glared at her.
Brooke laughed softly at his irritation before she returned to the original subject. "So, are you gonna go talk to her now?"
He sighed and walked out of the room in Haley's direction, silently.
Haley stood with the same group of men when she noticed Nathan walking towards her. She glanced at each exit from the room and saw that she'd be unable to escape without being stopped by someone, so they could tell her they were sorry for her loss.
She sighed and decided to remain where she was, hoping that she was not his intended destination and that he would just bypass her to talk to someone else.
She cringed when she heard his approaching footsteps stop right behind her, but turned around anyway.
He looked down at her, stone faced. "Can we talk?" he muttered.
"Yeah, sure. We can go up to my room, I guess." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her four friends peeking out from behind the kitchen door, no doubt spying on her and Nathan. She rolled her eyes at them and walked briskly up to her bedroom.
When the pair made up the stairs and inside the room, Haley closed the door behind them before turning around. He stared at her awkwardly and she reciprocated the gaze.
"So..." she trailed off.
"So..." he mimicked, at a loss for words.
"What did you want to talk to me about?" Haley asked, cutting to the chase.
Nathan ran a hand over his face in an attempt to calm his nerves. "The night we spent together."
"Nathan I-"
"No, just hear me out first, and then you can talk," he interrupted and looked pleadingly at her.
She nodded in agreement and he continued. "I love you, Haley, and I want us to try and be together. I know I screwed up and broke your heart the first time around, but I promise that if you just give me a chance, I'll prove to you that I'm not that guy anymore. I need to be with you, Haley, please give me a chance."
Haley sighed. "Nathan," she began, attempting to keep her tears at bay. "I – I can't be with you."
The smile that had been present on Nathan's face vanished within a millisecond of Haley speaking. "What are you talking about? You said you loved me that night, Haley!"
"I do love you Nathan! I just can't bring myself to be with you."
"Why the hell not?"
"Don't you get it, Nathan?" she asked desperately.
"Get what?" he yelled, losing his patience quickly.
"I was so painfully in love with you, and you shattered me. My feelings for you never went away in seven years. I couldn't ever bring myself to be with a man for more than a month or two because my feelings for you would always make me push him away!"
"So if you've had feelings for me all this time, why can't we be together now?" he pleaded.
"Because! I love you, Nathan, but that doesn't change the fact that if we got back together I'd be terrified that you would break my heart again! I can't trust you and I sure as hell will never put myself in the position to go through heartbreak all over again."
"Haley, I told you that I'm not that guy anymore. I wouldn't even dream of hurting you the way I did again, I promise."
Haley shook her head. "You can't promise me something like that, Nathan. We don't know what could happen, you could break my heart without even meaning to."
"Please, Haley, just give me a chance," he begged again.
Haley sighed softly. "I love you, Nathan, I really do, but I think we'd both be better off as friends and just not venture into a relationship again. The first time around ended in a big enough disaster to last a lifetime."
Nathan became silent, rooted to the spot. He stared at Haley not believing that their conversation was real. There was no way on Earth she had rejected him, she loved him, and if she loved him she wouldn't do that to him. Finally, he shook his head still trying to fathom that she was going to be stubborn and try to protect her heart. He walked past her and down the stairs.
It took Haley a couple seconds to realize that Nathan had walked away. She turned and began chasing after him. "Nathan," she called, but he didn't respond. "Nathan, where are you going," she tried again.
Nathan refused to stop for her. If she was going to just flat out reject him without even giving a relationship a shot, she didn't deserve to say anything more to him. He was storming down the main hallway of the house past the family room where everyone had a clear view of him. The guests were definitely optimizing the lack of walls between the family room and hallway, staring as Nathan came into sight storming down the stairs as Haley called after him.
Haley managed to catch up to Nathan right in front of the wide entrance to the family room. She grabbed his forearm as hard as she could, forcing him to stop. Neither spoke as Nathan faced her, his face cold. The entire house was silent as Haley took in the look upon his face and she instantly knew why he was leaving so quickly. She scoffed. "Are you actually mad at me?"
Nathan narrowed his eyes slightly but refused to speak. "You're unbelievable. I can't give you what you want so you decide, 'hey, I'm not getting my way so I'll just walk out again.'"
Nathan full on glared this time. "You forgave me for that. The past has nothing to do with the present," he spoke, his voice gravelly.
"Were you not paying attention to anything I said upstairs? Our past has everything to do with the present, Nathan!"
"Whatever, Haley. Why don't you stop making excuses and just admit that you're just too scared to be with me again," he suggested.
"You're right, Nathan, I am scared. I'm terrified to get hurt again, you didn't see what I went through, I barely survived last time."
"Whatever, I give up," Nathan said and stalked out of the house.
Haley remained stock still. She shook her head in disbelief over what just transpired. She turned and saw everyone in her home staring at her in silence. She ignored them and marched over to Lucas, her eyes not leaving his once. She stopped in front of him and ignored her other friends surrounding them, keeping her eyes fixed on Lucas. "Why did you call him?" she asked with anger evident in her voice.
Lucas sighed. "You needed him Hales."
"I don't need anything from someone like him," she disagreed.
"Don't kid yourself, Haley. You know you need him, you're just being stubborn and refuse to admit it right now."
"I'm not being stubborn at all, actually. It's the four of you that are now trying to push Nathan and I back together. Do you not remember everything I told you guys about what happened then?" she said while pointing at the four of her friends.
Lucas sighed. "Maybe this isn't the best place to have this conversation," he stated while gesturing to all the people blatantly staring and listening to them.
"I don't care whose listening; we're having this conversation now."
"Fine. Yes, we remember what happened seven years ago. It haunts me that I didn't know until last week, but you have to move on with your life, Haley, there's no use holding on to the pain."
Out of the corner of her eye Haley saw her mother asking all their guests to leave, but she didn't bother stopping her present conversation to say good bye. "Do you think I like carrying around what happened with me every day? It's not by choice Lucas, everything that happened will never just go away, especially now since my whole relationship was chronicled – wrongly might I add – on the cover of a god damn magazine."
"Tell the public the truth about what happened between the two of you and maybe it would be easier to let go of!" Lucas pushed.
All the guests had grudgingly left the house and only Haley's siblings, mother, and friends remained, and all of them were still silent except for her and Lucas. "How am I supposed to tell the entire world that I got pregnant when I was eighteen years old, without being called every bad name in the book?" she yelled."
Everyone in the room was eerily silent. Haley's hand shot to her mouth when she realized her family was still present in the room and had heard what she said. She turned around slowly and locked eyes with Lydia James. "You got pregnant?" she asked calmly.
Haley nodded in response before Lydia continued. "And you didn't tell me?"
Once again, Haley nodded while biting her lip. "You got an abortion?" Lydia assumed.
Haley averted her gaze to the floor and shook her head. "Then what happened?"
As always, tears filled Haley's eyes at the thought of losing her unborn child. She forced herself to look her mother in the eye and swallowed hard. "I miscarried, if you can even really call it that..." she whispered.
Lydia looked at her youngest daughter sadly. She walked over to her and wrapped her arms around her tightly. "Come sit down and tell us everything that happened," she suggested while beginning to walk to one of the couches.
"Mom, we just had Daddy's funeral. Now really isn't the best time to be telling you guys how I got my heart broken," she said desperately trying to avoid telling her family everything.
Lydia shook her head and smiled softly knowing exactly what Haley was trying to do. "Now is as good a time as any."
Haley looked back at her friends searching for some back-up but all she received was four encouraging nods. They walked closer to her and she sighed. She and Lucas hugged softly, signalling their brief fight was finished and the five friends walked closer to the couches where her family had already situated themselves. Haley sat down between Lydia and Quinn and leaned her head on her mom's shoulder.
A minute later, Haley sat up straight again and began explaining to her family what happened between her and Nathan seven years prior.
It had taken Haley only about an hour to fill her family in on what happened between her and Nathan. Her mom was currently hugging her tightly as everyone else in the room looked at her with sadness.
She pulled away from Lydia's comforting embrace and stood up. "I'm just gonna go up to bed, I'm really tired."
Brooke looked at her confused. "Haley, it's only like 5."
"Yeah, I know, I'm just tired," she repeated and walked to her bedroom leaving behind her family and best friends looking puzzled.
Lydia turned to Brooke when she knew her daughter was out of hearing distance. "Is there anything else I should know?"
"Well, we think the person who gave the information to that magazine was Rachel Gatina, Nathan's ex-girlfriend."
Lydia shook her head disapprovingly. "Is that all?"
"Yeah," Brooke said a little too quickly.
Lydia looked at questioningly. "What else is there, Brooke?"
"It's nothing, it doesn't matter."
"Brooke," she pushed.
Brooke sighed. "Saturday morning, after Quinn called, Haley freaked out and almost left right after they got off the phone. Nathan heard her and convinced her to wait until morning, and they ended up sleeping together. Then, later that night after we had flown in, Haley went for a walk I guess and wound up at Tric and got wasted, which you know is completely out of character for her."
Lydia raised her eyebrows. "They slept together? That's not like Haley either," she stated.
"I know. I'm really worried about her; her emotions have been everywhere the past week."
Everyone in the room nodded in understanding and agreement. "How about I order some takeout for dinner, it's been a long day," Lydia suggested, signalling the topic of Haley and Nathan was now closed.
Once again, the occupants of the room nodded to signal their agreement and Lydia picked up the phone sitting next to her and ordered dinner for the group.
Brooke and Peyton excused themselves and headed upstairs to Haley's bedroom. They knocked on the door once, but after receiving no answer they walked straight in. They saw their friend sitting on her bed staring blankly at the wall next to the door. Peyton and Brooke walked to the bed and sat down on either side of Haley. Peyton nudged her to make her aware of the company she now had. She smiled unenthusiastically at the pair and went back to staring at nothing.
"What's going on with you, Hales?" Peyton asked.
Haley shrugged. "Nothing, I'm fine."
Brooke sighed. "Come on, Haley, we're your best friends, we know when you're flat out lying to our faces."
Haley continued to stare at the wall but spoke softly. "Why did you guys push him into talking to me?"
"Why do you think we forced him to do anything?" Brooke asked.
"Because I know you guys."
Peyton laughed softly and explained themselves. "We thought you wanted to be with Nathan, but you just hadn't quite realized it yet. Nathan didn't agree with us so we pushed him to you, thinking he would be thanking us later once you guys got back together."
"Well that was stupid, huh?" Haley asked while nudging them both playfully with her shoulder.
Glad the conversation was remaining light hearted, Brooke turned to face her friend and they met each other's eyes. "Why did you tell him you don't want to be with him though?"
"Because I don't want to be with him."
"Why though?" Peyton urged.
"You two were there last time. I don't want to get hurt and have to be that way again, because I don't like that version of myself."
"Need I point out that you're still miserable now without him? The only difference between then and now is that you actually want to be with him deep down. Why don't you tell us the other reason why you don't want to be with him?" Brooke offered.
Haley smiled to herself; her friends really did know her too well. "Nathan and I live completely different lives. I mean, sure, we both live in LA but I travel all the time for appearances and touring, and he's all over the country a majority of the year playing basketball. There's no way with our careers that we could actually have a real relationship, we would barely even see each other!"
"You wouldn't know until you tried, Haley," Peyton said.
Haley shook her head. "It wouldn't work. But speaking of touring, I think I want to go on like a short one month tour just across the country."
Peyton looked at her questioningly. "I thought you decided to delay the tour for the new CD so you could help Brooke with wedding plans."
Haley looked at Brooke. "Would you mind if I bailed on planning for a bit?"
"No, if you feel like you need to tour, go on tour."
Haley smiled and turned back to Peyton. "Can you figure it out on such short notice?"
"Well, since all your concerts pretty much sell out in a day or two, you can probably have the first concert early next week."
Haley nodded. "I think this is what I need, to just clear my head."
"Can I come with you? I haven't been with you on tour in so long!" Brooke asked excitedly.
Haley laughed softly. "Sure, Brookie, you can keep me company, and obviously Lucas can come too."
"Jake and I are flying back home tomorrow morning, so I'll get on the phone and work out a schedule and hopefully have it finished by the end of the day and you'll leave next week!"
Haley smiled. "Don't think this tour gets you out of talking about all your Nathan drama though," Brooke warned.
"Yes, I know, Brooke. Can we lay off of it for a little while though?"
Brooke nodded and the three girls spent the rest of the night in Haley's bedroom talking, eating pizza, and having fun with each other, something Haley hadn't been able to do with her two best friends in months. For the first time in a long time, Haley fell asleep with a smile on her face.