Frank was still sitting in the chair, petting Luna's head, when Harry strolled up.
"Excuse me," he said, "Professor Dumbledore would like to see us in his office."
It was odd, Harry noticed, to see Frank so lost in thought that he didn't seem to notice he'd been spoken to.
"It's alright, Harry." Luna raised her head. "He's been like this for almost an hour. It's very nice when he's quiet."
Harry pointed. "He's still petting you. Do you think he's sleep-petting or something?"
She shook her head.
"No. He's gone away inside his head. The Teksies say so. And he also stopped breathing."
Harry gave a start.
"Not breathing?! We've got to get him help or something! I'll run and get Madame Pomfrey!"
"Calm down, Harry. He's still warm. I don't think he's very normal at all."
"But!" Harry teetered on the edge of panic.
Luna shifted, so Frank's hand flopped instead of landing on her head. The man in the chair shook. Once. Twice. And then he inhaled.
Frank's eyes focused on Harry. His eyebrows went up, and he spoke.
"Hey."
"Luna," he pointed at his classmate, "said you weren't breathing!"
"Oh. Sorry, kids. I didn't mean to panic you like that." Frank frowned. "Every so often, I do that. Usually when I'm thinking very hard."
Harry shuffled his feet. It was another bizarre thing to add to the list of bizarre things that happened around Frank Stewart.
"I'm glad you're alive. I came to fetch you. Dumbledore would like to see us to discuss this morning."
"Got it." Frank got up from the chair and held out a hand for Luna. "Thank you for sitting with me, Luna. It was nice to have company."
She pulled herself up and thanked him in return.
"You're very kind and it was very pleasant for me, too. Good day Harry, and you too, Mr. Stewart."
The two of them watched the singular young woman slip away down the hall.
"Luna is adorable," Frank said, "but just a little on the far side of typical teenager."
"Do you mean she's barmy?" Harry asked, shifting in his robe and trying very hard to keep anger from his voice. Luna was a good friend of his, after all.
"No. She's not crazy at all. If anything, she's disturbingly observant and honest. Really refreshing, if you ask me."
He smiled, it was a wistful sort of smile. Another thing Harry took note of.
They walked off together and didn't say a word until they gave the proper password to the gargoyle. Dumbledore called out for them to enter as the reached the top of the stairs.
"Good afternoon, Harry, Frank. Do come in."
Harry walked into the office and sat in one of the chairs in front of Dumbledore's desk. It was habit. Frank walked over to the nearest bookshelves and leaned against them.
"So, Harry, I'm told that Frank's flair for drama has caused you some distress."
"Yes!" Potter remembered how upset he'd been earlier. "I don't need a bodyguard, and it isn't right to make decisions without me!"
Professor Dumbledore nodded.
"I understand your feelings. In fact, before you brought Frank into our world, I would have agreed that you don't need a bodyguard. That being said, the Room of Requirement provides what you need, and it called out to you, specifically."
Harry's mentor leaned across his desk. "You do realize, of course, that this has very little to do with you needing protection?"
"Yes, but...er...what?"
"Frank, clearly, is here for you. You either need him now, or will soon." The professor indicated the man by the books. "He and I have spent a number of days testing every spell and charm I know that may be used against a person."
Frank stepped into the conversation.
"Dumbledore and I learned that magic really doesn't do anything much to me."
"Truly? Every spell...wait!" Harry turned back to Dumbledore. "You didn't try the Unforgivables, did you?"
His professor nodded.
"The Killing Curse, as you can see, does not kill Frank. Cruciatus has no effect at all, nor does the Imperious Curse. Some spells, like Bombarda, cause damage, but he heals very quickly."
Harry's jaw dropped. It was impossible.
"Mind you," Frank added, "Wingardium Leviosa does make me float, but only for a few moments. Incarcerous only lasts until I cut myself loose."
"Can you…" Words failed young Potter. "Are… Why?"
"Our friend is loathe to admit it, but he is a much a Muggle as we are. Our Frank Stewart is," Dumbledore paused, "quite unique in our world, and in his own."
"Enough about me, let's deal with the thing that bothers you, Harry. I swore to be your protector, and you'd like a good reason for it. We have three. Professor?"
Dumbledore nodded towards Frank. "Frank is more than a match for any Death Eater or other enemy you're likely to encounter. Truly, I believe Frank could take on a dragon and send it limping away!"
"I'll tell you if I meet one." Frank allowed himself a grin. "The next reason is of a purely tactical nature. I explained this to Hermione earlier in order to avoid her curly wrath."
Harry had to laugh, he'd been there a time or two himself.
"People have a tendency to look at the new thing, the dangerous thing, or the unusual thing, rather than what they've become used to." Frank continued. "I am that new thing, and by pledging myself to your protection, I've become even more notable. Not only will I be keeping you safer, I'll also be taking some of the spotlight off you."
"Do you mean that people will take less notice of me?" This was something he could get behind.
"Yes." Frank nodded. "You'll be able to move around a little more freely, and any things you undertake may meet with less resistance."
"I don't take your meaning."
"Okay. Death Eaters will be busy trying to kill me, not you. Trust me, I'll keep them occupied. Actually, that leads into our third reason for appointing me to this job. Professor?"
"The notoriety that Frank will develop could bring our enemy out of hiding sooner than he has planned upon. To kill you, he now has to overcome your protector, and will spend his resources in hopes of doing just that. Without those resources, the enemy is forced into a corner. He must either leave the battlefield, or press his advance in hopes of victory."
"If Tom Riddle decides to run and hide, we have time to hunt him down." Frank shrugged as if doing such a thing was simple. "On the other hand, if he's stupid enough to engage you, or me, he's going to die. Simple. Problem solved."
Harry Potter sat in the chair, stunned. Frank's declaration hadn't been a spur of the moment decision, and it didn't reflect on whether he was capable of taking care of himself. It was quite a relief to know what was going on behind his back.
"How will you know I'm in trouble if you're not near me?" It was a good, practical question.
"Just call my name and I'll hear you, day or night. Also, I've been doing a little exploration of Hogwarts and the school grounds, and I can get almost anywhere in between two and four minutes if I need to."
"That's mad! No one moves that fast!"
"Harry, have you forgotten what you saw me do in the tunnel when we first met?" Frank stared down his nose at Potter. "Your memory is better than that."
"I. Well, I do remember. Maybe I didn't realize that's normal for you."
Frank laughed. "I wouldn't call it normal, but it is within my power to move that fast when I need to, and I don't mind climbing or falling from great heights."
"So," Professor Dumbledore said, smiling, "do our plans make more sense to you know?
"Yes, Sir. Thank you. Thank you both."
"Very good. Run along to feast, Harry. We will be along presently."
Harry stood up, nodded to both men, and took his leave.
-**HPDEB**-
"It's nice, not having to lie to him."
Dumbledore looked at me and nodded.
"What is nice, Frank, is knowing that your promise to him is not a sham."
"No. I would never do such a thing."
The old man smiled, and waggled his newly healed hand at me. "And that, dear boy, is why I can entrust him to you without concern! But what are we going to do so we can keep track of him if he's in trouble?" Dumbledore asked me.
"Healing you gave me the solution. I put a few machines in his bloodstream. They'll monitor his location and health, and inform me if I need to be there. In an extreme circumstance, I can borrow his senses."
"You've tested this?"
"Yes. I just didn't tell anyone about it. Magical textbooks, I learned, can be a little dry." I just couldn't get interested in potions. I never liked chemistry in school and it reminds me a lot of that.
After I excused myself from Dumbledore's office, I stood in the Gargoyle Hallway and grinned. I had this sudden urge to wear that kilt. Dinner could wait a few minutes.
-**HPDEB**-
Dinner at the Gryffindor table was odd that night. It began with a million little whispers the moment Frank walked into the hall about five minutes late. He looked very uncomfortable at the hubub.
Harry wondered why, and reminded himself that none of them had been in the meeting with Frank and Professor Dumbledore. No one else quite knew what to expect of Frank next.
For himself, Harry was glad of the earlier conversation, because his anger at being surprised with a bodyguard was gone, and he better understood the reasons for it.
Still, Frank had made a huge impression on everyone, slamming that weapon on the stones and making such a grand pronouncement. No wonder it got all whispery when he arrived.
"Good evening, Frank," he said when the man approached the table.
"Hi Scruffy. Is there room for one more?"
Hermione scooted over so quickly, Harry was sure she'd have a splinter in her bum.
He spent a moment wondering who she'd slept with. Krum hadn't been around in some time. Quite a mystery!
Frank sat down between them, nodded at the other students, and quietly put his hands on the table. That's when he apologized for shocking everyone so badly at breakfast.
Harry was the first to say, "Oh, don't mention it." The rest of Gryffindor exploded with individual replies of a similar nature.
"'S alright," Ron said. "Next time, not so loud. Oh, and no surprises 'bout Hermione's sex life."
"RONALD WEASELY!" Hermione whispered very loudly. "At least I have one! From what I hear, you little eunuch, you don't!"
Harry's eyes bugged out. The world was about to come to an end, right at the Gryffindor table!
Lavender looked ready to pass out.
Parvati looked prepared to run away.
"Children!" Frank said sternly, but quietly. "This is NOT the time or the place. Personal lives are PERSONAL. Act your age."
Harry and the rest were stunned. Hermione sat back, Ron's face slowly changed back to a normal pink color, and the threat of imminent damnation dissipated.
"Yes, Sir," Hermione whispered.
"Right. Erm. Sorry."
Frank looked over the table and pointed. "Ron, take care of your girlfriend. Someone passing out would bring way too much attention."
Eventually, friendly good humor returned to the table. Frank even did some silly tricks with his right arm. The "talking snake" was terribly disturbing, but gut wrenchingly funny too!
"Maybe it won't be so bad," Harry thought, "to have someone to watch my back. I can't imagine how scary Frank would be if he wanted."
-**HPDEB**-
I wandered off to bed after checking to make sure all was well in the Gryffindor common room. The students were definitely getting used to me, and had even started to get on my case about my choice of clothing.
"Mister Stewart, didn' ya' know kilts are outta style!" Seamus called out.
"I don't care."
"What're you standin' like that for, legs all akimbo?" Neville asked when he looked up from the chess board.
"My young friend, I am catching a breeze!"
Harry laughed himself sick. Ron got a chuckle in as well. Hermione, well, she blushed.
I noticed that I got some interesting looks from Lavender and Parvati as well. Had someone been talking to her friends? I wonder.
Answers might be forthcoming if I had another visitation from a certain young woman that night.
"Well, you all sleep well. Okay?"
They chorused their farewells—always makes me smile—and I strolled off to my room.
I felt Hermione's eyes burning into my back as I left. Yeah. Night visitor.
-**HPDEB**-
Sneaking out was harder. Parvati and Lavender were probably faking being asleep. Their curiosity was unending, but then so was hers.
Hermione avoided Prefects in the halls with the ease of long practice, and a periodic charm at the right time, in the right place. She could probably bluff her way through as a prefect, but she'd need her wits about her to do that. It was lucky she could think at all. Frank had changed clothes after they'd spoken...and dallied...and wore a kilt to dinner.
All she could imagine was her hands sliding up his legs and under the wool. Knowing what she'd find, and the effect she had on him, was intoxicating. Tonight, she was sure, she wanted his pleasure more than her own.
God knows, she'd had plenty of that!
She found his door open, so she sauntered inside. Of course, he was waiting. He'd known she was on her way. It boggled her, what the machines allowed him to do.
"You know," he said, "Lavender and Parvati were giving me very curious looks tonight."
She blushed to her hairline.
"They pressured me. I didn't tell them everything. In fact, I barely told them more than things felt amazing."
She shuffled her feet, and got angry at herself for it. Where did her implacable will go?
Frank laughed.
"But you did tell them it was me?"
She blushed. "Lavender guessed, Sir."
He waved his hand and told her that he wasn't angry, but he did wonder what would come of them knowing.
"They know that I'd take a very dim view of them sharing information. I'd make their little lives miserable." She didn't fight baring her teeth at the thought.
"Curly, you are scary. I kind of like it."
"Um, I don't want to be for you. I want all the things I've said, and more."
"I know you do. What do you want to learn tonight?"
Hermione's stomach did a flip, but she managed to walk across to where he was seated on the edge of the bed. She knelt down, and tried to indicate what she wanted without speaking, or being too rude.
"Oh. It's about me this time?"
"Yes, Sir. May I?"
"Certainly," he said, and moved his knees apart ever so slightly.
-**HPDEB**-
"How did you get so...OH MY!... at this?"
"Mumble," she said, and then leaned back from me. "I read everything."
"Oh dear."
Thank you, God (that I may or may not believe in) for girls who read everything!
"Oh! Hold up!" I waved her away. "We're going to have company in a minute. Did you charm things?"
"Drat!"
Hermione pulled her wand.
"Wait."
"Why?" Hermione asked, ready to wave her wand.
Frank laughed.
"It's Lavender, Parvati, and I think her sister Padma. Do we want to have some fun with this?"
She gave him a sidelong glance, and asked, "What kind of fun?"
"Oh, just a little…Oh my God. Parvati just wondered if you and I are exclusive."
"What?!" She couldn't believe her ears, but quickly filed that issue away for later discussion.
"Okay, we have to do some outrageous roleplay to get them all a-twitter before we drop the hammer on them. Just lock the door, and we can have some fun. They're at the bottom of the stairs right now."
"You know, after this," Hermione paused to lock the door, "I'm going to kill at least two of them."
"Turn the other cheek. Okay, they're just about here. Follow my lead?"
"Yes, Sir!"
-**HPDEB**-
The trio, led by Lavender, crept up the steps to Frank's room. She'd heard Ron mention the location a few days before and was sure to stuff the information away for future use.
"She's going to make our lives a living Hell for this, Lav." Padma wrung her hands, a habit her twin sister didn't share. "Is curiosity worth it? You're not even attracted to the man."
"Look, this is terribly exciting. Hermione's gone and had sex with an older man, and I want to learn everything about it...all for Won-won."
Parvati spoke up.
"Well, I find him quite easy on the eyes. Dashing. Dangerous. Scrumptious."
"Sis, you're mad! Do you think you could sway him away from her or something?"
"Padma, come on! Hermione never said they're exclusive or anything. He might have a little free time. You know."
"Shh! We have to get up the stairs, and hope they forgot to lock the door and silence the area. I want to see everything!" Lavender said, she was in her element and loved it. "Besides, a little scandal is delicious!"
The little troop gained the stairs and crept towards the door. Lavender tried the knob, but it was locked tight. They didn't hear anything unusual, but they didn't think a silencing charm had been applied.
"Poo!" Lav whispered. "Locked!"
"Well, she's not stupid!" Padma hissed. "Be happy she was too excited to silence the room."
-**HPDEB**-
"Do you remember what we discussed, Hermione? The things that we're going to do tonight?"
She smiled and said, "Oh, yes, Sir. You must take me that way! Please!"
Frank clapped his hand once. Hermione saw where he was going with it and moaned.
"Sir, again. Please. I need it. Tell me I'm a bad student."
Clap. Clap. Clap.
"Your grades are deplorable, Miss Granger. I'm very disappointed."
Clap. Clap. Clap.
"Yes, Professor, I'm such a very bad student. I'm so very naughty as well!"
"Yes," Frank said, clapping faster, "so very naughty. I'm going to make your perky bum red as punishment. Perhaps you'll learn to do better."
"Oh, oh God! Oh yes! Improve my study habits!"
-**HPDEB**-
Outside the door, the girls stared at one another. They couldn't believe their ears! Hermione was such a little pervert!
Parvati, on the other hand, was trying to cope with sudden arousal. Perverted or not, it sounded so hot!
Padma held her hands tight against her lips. She felt dirty even being near such a thing.
Lavender, her face flushed a vibrant pink, felt insanely jealous.
"I can't believe this," Parvati whispered, "Hermione of all people!"
"I know! I know!" Lavender hissed.
-**HPDEB**-
After a few minutes of increasingly frequent clapping, Hermione decided to take control of the story.
"Oh! Oh! Professor, please! Teach my Gryffindor sisters! Please!"
Frank looked at her like she'd lost her mind, but she waved him on.
"Yes, you naughty girl. I will teach them, soundly!" He kept clapping his hands every few seconds.
"GOD! Teach them your dark arts! Dark arts! GOD! I'm going to pass my exam! I'm going to pass my exam!"
"Yes, pass it. Pass it for Professor."
She moaned dramatically, and tried to keep a straight face.
"Make them good students...oh...make them naughty good students...oh…" Her voice trailed off.
Frank clapped his hands harder, and faked a noise that sounded like a growl and a groan of satisfaction. Hermione'd heard something like that before, in a certain circumstance, so she picked up the story with gusto.
"Oh, oh Professor. Oh! I want to watch while you teach Parvati the dark arts. Oh, please, use your magnificent wand and make her pass her exams!"
"Oh, I shall! I shall!" Wordless growls.
"She'll be so lovely when you teach her! Professor! She's a good naughty girl! Please teach her hard!"
"Of course, professor's pet. I will take her very seriously. Rrrrr."
"Lavender, too? She needs to be taught, vigorously. I want her to pass lots of exams. Ron can't teach her anything!"
-**HPDEB**-
The eavesdropping trio were speechless. Padma just stared at them and couldn't even imagine what they were feeling. What truly bothered her was how Parvati's eyes were closed and she was swaying back and forth.
Lavender, on the other hand, was wide-eyed, like she'd been caught with her hand in the chocolate frog box.
-**HPDEB**-
"He can't teach her?" Frank growled. "Well, perhaps I need to teach him my dark arts!"
-**HPDEB**-
It was just too much. Lavender squealed, "Leave my Won-won's bottom alone you nasty man!"
"Oh my GOD, Lav!" Parvati yipped and slapped her friend on top of her head.
"We're dead. We're very, very dead." Padma sighed and covered her head with both hands.
-**HPDEB**-
Frank and Hermione dissolved into hysterical laughter. They couldn't have gone on after that if they'd wanted to.
-**HPDEB**-
"We've...we've been had." Parvati whispered. "Lav, you stupid cow, we're going to die now, and we can't even run away. They'll find us."
"You know," Frank said from behind the door, "Hermione is quite angry with you."
Lavender faced the door, ran her hand through her hair, and prepared to meet her maker.
"I don't suppose," she said, "you'd accept a heartfelt apology?"
They heard Hermione's voice. It was colder than they'd ever heard before.
"Oh yes, very angry indeed. You're quite lucky, you know. He heard the three of you at the bottom of the stairs, and thought we'd give you a little show instead of teaching you a lesson straight away."
"We're sorry, Hermione!" Padma wailed. "I'm sorry! I deserve whatever's coming for me."
"You know, I'm a little annoyed that Frank won't let me teach you a lesson my way." Hermione growled a little at the end.
"I've noticed that she can be pretty harsh when she wants to be." He laughed. "So, the three of you are going to go back to bed and we won't speak of this again. Agreed?"
"Yes, Sir," they whispered in unison.
"Good," said Hermione, "we've got things to get back to. Enjoy not knowing about my 'exams' or how many times I 'finish'. Oh, and Parvati?"
"Yes, Hermione?"
"He's mine."
A moment later and there was nothing more to hear. Hermione had silenced the area.
Before the girls parted ways, Padma said, "Parvati?"
"Yes, Sis?"
"If she kills me, too, I'm never going to forgive you. Not ever."
"I know. Sleep well if you can. At least you're safe from her at night."
Disheartened and worried, they snuck back to their respective dorms.
Before Parvati and Lavender got in their beds, Parvati said, "They got us good. God, I'm envious, all the attention she's getting."
"Yes. I'm so angry that she's gets all the 'finishing' and I can't even get one."
Lavender crawled into bed and pulled the covers over her head, chagrined at what she'd just revealed.
"I just hope we don't wake up as toads in the morning."
-**HPDEB**-
"Finish?"
"Well, you know, Sir...orgasms."
"Oh!"
-**HPDEB**-
Hermione crept back into her room and was pleased to find her roommates asleep. She silenced the area around her bed and grabbed the book of hexes she'd checked out of the library under the assumption that they wouldn't be able to keep quiet.
She double checked the pages she'd marked to ensure she had the correct pronunciation and wand movements, then grinned evilly. Neither Lavender nor Parvati would have the sleek, shiny hair they were so proud of for the next couple of days. They'd also have difficulty keeping their legs shaved.
-**HPDEB**-
"Hermione, please, we're sorry. I didn't think it would be a problem to tell Padma. She's my twin. We share everything!"
"I warned you. I warned you both. This should keep you from forgetting again."
"We won't forget, Hermione. Honest! Just please, undo these hexes!"
Hermione almost felt sorry for the girls. "I can't."
"What do you mean you can't? Surely you didn't curse us with something that has no counter!" Lavender felt faint, unsure if her roommate would do such a thing. She hadn't forgotten what Hermione's charmed parchment had done to Marietta.
"They do have counters, if the traditional version is used. But this is timed. It will last for two days. Do it again, and who knows how long it will last."
"Two days!" The girls moaned.
"What are we going to do with our hair for two days?"
"I find a plait can work to some degree," Hermione said as she walked away from them. "Enjoy, girls."