*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.
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Chapter 13: Gravity
It's an amazing feeling to float weightless, like gravity has been turned off. Carefree and freshly-Edward-kissed, I was in a daze. Emmett's knowing looks and my dad's cluelessness allowed me to stay that way.
The rest of the world drifted around me like particles in space.
Edward kept it going too. In late night texts, he thanked me for telling him what he was doing wrong so he could do it right. In turn, I thanked him for letting me break not one, but two of his rules.
After he said goodnight, he added, "Bella, those rules never applied to you."
It's hard to sleep when you can't stop smiling. Even when life can't get any better and the rest of the world ceases to exist, you can't stay in that place forever. No one gets to soar and fall at the same time for their whole lives. When the gravity switch gets turned back on, no one falls back on the same axis they were lifted off from.
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For the third day in a row, I sit down in the cafeteria next to the only person who has been occupying the table I usually sit at.
Jessica pulls out a compact and starts applying powder to her face. "How long do you think before Angela and Ben don't go make out in his truck every chance they get?"
"I don't know. I hope they never stop. If two people as timid as those two can get to the point where they can't keep their hands off each other, there's hope for everyone."
Jessica snorts. "Right, and how do you let Edward be all the way over there, and you're all the way over here? You're the only girl in the world who would take what you have for granted."
I look out the window over to the grassy hill Edward and Jasper are sitting on. They're lucky it hasn't rained. They've been doing this the last three days. Each day, Jasper has his guitar and Edward is writing things down. Sometimes, Jasper takes the paper from Edward, wads it up into a ball, and throws it down the hill. Once, I looked over just in time to see the paper ball go flying at Jasper's head. With how many years Edward's been playing baseball, that paper ball probably hurt.
I look back to Jessica. "Even if we were together—which we aren't—I'm not clingy."
I haven't gotten many chances to talk to Edward during school. He's been dealing with Jasper's creative slump and even though he's asked if I wanted to sit outside with them, it feels most appropriate to leave them alone. I know Jasper won't be able to focus on anything else until he gets the song out of wherever it stems from.
Several times though, I've caught Edward's eye, and he gives me shy smiles. He was never shy with me before. He's been texting me too. Almost every hour it seems he asks me a yes or no or an either or question. I can't wait for this weekend when we may be able to find some time alone.
My phone chimes with a new text. I'm expecting it to be Edward again, but this time, it's Alice. I wish she would start going to school here already, even if she is proving to be the most dramatic person I know.
I told her everything that happened with Edward, and her reaction was the opposite of what I would have expected.
"Are you sure you're ready? I mean… he's going to ruin everything."
What was he going to ruin exactly? Apparently, many things I never knew I wanted. Things I'm okay with never doing.
According to Alice, I'll never get picked up at a club by a perfect stranger. I'll never get inebriated and make a move on someone I wouldn't normally make a move on. I kind of did that though, but Alice said, "If it's with Edward, it doesn't count." There's no way to know if Edward's the best kisser because I haven't been kissed enough. It would have been better to find out before because now, someday, I'm going to get curious about what else is out there, and everything I share with Edward will be ruined.
The list went on and on until Alice suggested I'd never get drunk and run around my house topless. That's when I cut her off. I told her, if it was something she wanted to do, Rose would probably be up for it and Jasper could get alcohol. The conversation shifted then from how Edward was ruining my life to how inconsiderate it is to give out your friends' phone numbers without their permission.
I didn't give out anyone's number and, whether Alice believed me or not, she apologized later, blaming her attitude on hormones.
Alice: Carpool to class tonight?
I text Alice "yes" while Jessica babbles about Mike Newton's sporadic chest hair. The first day I was stuck with Jessica, I wished I had known she was going to be the only one here. I would have just gone to the library. By the end of lunch, I realized the awkward things Jessica says are actually kind of funny. Annoying doesn't equal evil, and if Jessica doesn't see a problem with us eating together, why should I?
"Edward's really soft, huh?" she asks, closing her compact with a snap.
"Yeah, I guess. Haven't you touched him before?"
"Kind of. Mike's soft, but it's like bubbly soft. He's not smooth soft."
I don't know what that means.
"Is Mike your boyfriend?" I ask before eating the pretzels I got for lunch from the vending machine.
"No. We're just dating. He doesn't do commitments." She brushes off the subject, but I can tell it bothers her. I don't know if the fact that they both incessantly flirt with other people makes them perfect for each other or if they should just stop pretending. "You know, Bella, if I knew you were into Edward, I would have just focused on Jasper."
I laugh because there is no end to how ridiculous this girl is. Yet here I've been, eating lunch with Jessica Stanley for the last three days. Lauren decided to join drama club, leaving Jessica just as alone as I've come to be.
I'm not sure where Emmett's been taking her during lunch. Rosalie has been moping about having to go to her dad's this weekend. She's supposed to go every other weekend anyway, but because he lives several hours away, she gets away with only going every other month. I went with her last year for spring break. It was pointless being there; most days her dad gave us money and had his assistant drop us off at the mall. Rosalie must secretly like her dad, because according to Emmett, her dad has a new girlfriend and Rose is taking it pretty rough.
Jessica's eyes open wide as she stares off. I follow her gaze and see Mike and Tyler are walking through the cafeteria. When Mike stops and tickles a freshman girl—I think her name is Bree—I look back at Jessica and her face falls. Mike doesn't look at Jessica at all.
"Hey, Bella. Your boyfriend wants you," Jessica says with an annoyed tone.
I look back at Edward, who is not my boyfriend, and he waves me over. Jessica is looking down and she looks miserable. I can't just leave her here.
The metal legs on the chair scrape against the floor as I stand. "Are you coming?"
Her face relaxes and she follows me outside.
The small hill is fairly steep until you get to the top. When Edward sees us making our way to them, he reaches his hand out to help me up. I reach back and pull Jessica with us.
Jasper picks at his guitar strings with his fingers and doesn't acknowledge us. When I sit down on the grass beside Edward, I don't miss the way Jasper's shoulders stiffen.
Jessica gives Edward a small, awkward wave.
"Hey," he says, but it's dismissive. I don't really get why she likes him. I get why I like Edward, but why would Jessica? I've never seen him be very nice to her.
Jessica sits an uncomfortable distance away.
"Did you finish the song?" I ask Edward.
Edward shakes his head, perplexed. I want to touch him or sit closer, but I don't know how close is okay. I don't know if it's my move or his, but this feels like too much space.
"I could help," Jessica says. "I write poems sometimes."
Edward looks at me confused and tries not to laugh.
Jasper smiles at her. "That's cool." He goes back to playing and acting like I'm not here.
Jessica is blushing. I'm sure she thinks she's in love with Jasper now. This will be great. Jasper will actually answer her calls and listen to her poems. He'll think it's harmless and she will think it's amazing. I'll have to figure out a nice way of warning her that it's not going to happen with Jasper, at least not anytime soon.
Jasper stops plucking at his guitar strings and gives me a pointed glare. "Maybe you should write the song since you know all about this."
I remember what Edward told me the other day.
"This morning he said something like 'How can liking someone make you feel so bad?'"
I nod and his eyes soften. All those times he thought he was relating to me in sadness for my mother, I was lost in myself pining for Edward. I've had years to suppress any feelings I have from my mom. Edward's always been on the surface.
"You could have told me." He pulls at a string with just his thumb, and I watch it vibrate.
I don't know what to say. I know I could have told him, but should we really be having this conversation right now?
"Sometimes there are no words." I look down and start picking at clovers on the ground.
"Sometimes you can sum it all up in three," Jasper says, all the while playing chords that seem more random than purposeful.
I look up and see Edward writing something down, but this conversation is not a song. I can't give Jasper his right words.
I look over at the girl beside me and she shrugs her shoulders. As much as I don't really like her, it's hard to be mad at her. She doesn't really belong anywhere, so I give her a clover. She holds it between her fingers and gives me a silly, confused smile that asks, "Why would you give me this?"
I don't really know, so I tell her by putting my hands up and shrugging my shoulders. I don't think about it as I do it, but one of my palm-to-the-sky hands is almost touching Edward. I feel his touch on my arm, and I automatically lean until I'm against him. The closeness is not something new, but it's different. The air around us is easier to breathe than it's ever been with Edward before.
Jasper starts playing with purpose, and no one moves or speaks until he stops.
Edward shifts to face me. "Hey. You deal with him for a minute. I'm going to talk to Jessica about her boundary issues."
He kisses me in the spot that's almost my jaw and almost my neck just under and behind my ear. I realize I may not have gotten that kiss if Jessica hadn't needed a clover. As they make their way down the hill I also realize that if Jessica hadn't asked Edward to winter formal, I might not be going with him now. What would have happened Saturday if I didn't already know we had an almost date for me to look forward to?
Jessica loses her balance and Edward grabs her elbow. That must be why she likes him. Even if he doesn't like her, he wouldn't let her fall. Mike probably would have let her fall.
I know Edward is about to chew her out, so I call out, "Hey, you be nice to her."
He looks back and shakes his head, but I hope he listens.
Jasper doesn't speak for a while. I don't know what there is to say, so I just wait.
"He didn't have to leave. If he thinks I need to talk to you, I don't."
"What do you need?"
"I'll know when I figure it out." He places his guitar in its worn, brown leather case. "I could have helped you, you know?"
I shrug my shoulders. "I thought about that a few times. I just needed time to sort out my own feelings and come to terms with the fact that this isn't a fairy tale. I can't sit around and dream about what could happen and let myself be hurt when it doesn't." I take Jasper's offered hand and he helps me up. "I guess we'll see where it goes from here."
I side-step down the hill and can see Edward exiting the cafeteria alone.
"I hope you can be patient because he is going to take this so slow."
"What do you mean? Why would he do that?"
"To make it perfect. He'll probably save all his declarations for that damn dance. When is that?"
One, two, three…I count the weeks on my fingers. "Seven weeks." I figure it out right as Edward reaches us.
"What's seven weeks?" Edward asks, and Jasper laughs, shaking his head as he leaves.
"I don't know. Does seven weeks mean anything to you?"
His eyes move up like he's counting weeks. "My birthday is in six weeks."
The first bell rings, and we start walking toward my math class.
"It is. What do you want?" Last year, he said Jell-O. He was deprived from having plain Jell-O without all his mom's additions. This year, I can't imagine giving him something as simple as Jell-O.
He tries to cover his grin with his hands.
I stop walking. I have a very demanding need to know what he wants to say. "Just say it."
"No," he says and keeps walking.
I walk fast to catch up to him. "Tell me."
He stops when we get to my class. He comes close to me and puts his hand on my hip. It's as close as a hug, but we aren't hugging. "I don't want to say something and then have to wait six weeks."
"Or seven."
"Or seven." He repeats my words, but I'm not sure if we're talking about different things. I just hope Jasper doesn't know what he is talking about. If there are declarations to be had, I'd like them to not take seven weeks.
He backs away smiling and as he turns away, I remember it's Wednesday, and I need him to walk Roofus.
"Hey, Edward. Don't forget…"
He turns back around and interrupts me. "I know what day it is, Bella. Just trust me."
I try to answer, but his face and the tone of his voice don't sound like he's just talking about walking the dog. All I manage is a nod.
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Alice is too quiet. No lectures, no questioning. I get nothing but one word answers and silence. When the teacher is done instructing us on creating brownies, I dump some cocoa powder on the table and use my finger to draw a heart with an arrow through it. When I look up at Alice, she smiles and draws her own arrow with a heart, but her heart has more character. It has a twirl at the bottom and her arrow is more elaborate.
I measure out all the ingredients, but I let Alice do the rest. Alice doesn't belong in a beginners baking class.
Alice drives me to my house in silence. There are two plates of untouched brownies in my lap. That's another bad sign. Alice isn't talking, and Alice is refusing sweets.
Alice parks behind my dad's cruiser. Next to his car is an old blue one that would only be here at this time and day for one reason.
"Whose Trans Am?" Alice asks.
"Jasper's. It was his dad's. Do you want to come in?"
"Why do you say it like that? Did his dad die or something?"
"Not technically. But who knows, maybe he did. I haven't heard anything in a while."
"Oh," She says, looking down.
"Alice? You know I'm okay with you talking to Jasper. If you like him, that doesn't change anything between me and you."
I reach out and rub her shoulder. She doesn't say anything, but eventually she leans over, and I hug her. When she starts sniffling, I hold her tighter. Three songs start and end on the radio; all the while Alice and I stay pressed shoulder to shoulder.
She never relaxes.
"Come inside with me?" I don't want to push her to do something she's not ready for, but I want to encourage her if that's what she needs.
"Alice, I really want to help you. Tell me how I can help you."
She loosens her hold and backs up just barely. I feel her cheek rub against mine before she kisses me full on the mouth. I'm caught off guard and confused. She kisses me again harder, and on the third time I kiss her back.
I don't know what is more awkward—her kissing me or me not kissing her back. Or kissing her back.
"Sorry, I should have asked first." She lifts her butt off the seat and reaches into the back pocket of her white-washed jeans.
"It's okay," I say.
She unfolds a crease-worn piece of paper and pulls out a pen from her purse. When she checks something off, I know exactly what it is. Alice just accomplished her goal of kissing a girl. I didn't know she had a written out list.
"Do you want me to sign off on that?"
She laughs for the first time tonight. "Sure."
Skinny dip–Check
Kiss someone I just met–Check
Dance with two people at once
Kiss seven other guys–III
Kiss a girl–Check–Bella
After I find the one to sign, I use the well-worn creases to fold the paper back the way it was. I hand the list back to Alice. Her list of all the things she wants to do before she's with her soul mate.
"He's ruining everything, isn't he?"
She swipes the salty overflow from her eyes. "Yes."
"Let's go yell at him."
"No, it's okay."
"Can we go say hi though? He thinks you hate him."
She sighs. "Okay. I can do that."
I get out of the car and have to fight the hinges to get the door to close.
Jasper comes out the front door before we get to it. Edward follows right behind. I didn't realize he was here, but I should have known. I want to hug him. I think it would be an appropriate form of greeting, but I'm holding a plate of brownies. I should drop them.
Edward smiles big, and Jasper looks unsure.
When they get to us, I hand Edward the plate. "These are for you. Happy Birthday."
"I'll take these, but this has nothing to do with my birthday." He smirks, and I need to know what he's thinking every time his mouth turns up like that.
I still can't hug him though. Now he's holding the brownies. I should have given them to Jasper and told him they were from Alice. She's the one who did all the work making them.
Edward says he's setting the plate in the car, and Alice feels the need to go with him. I watch Jasper as his eyes follow her. He looks as if he's watching her from the other side of a window. Edward starts laughing and Jasper snaps out of it and looks at me. I want to tell him she'll come around. I want to tell him she's just not ready. It's hard knowing something that could mean the world to one person but betray the confidence of another.
"Just be patient," I tell him.
"For how long?"
There's no time frame to give him, so I say the first thing that comes to mind. "Seven weeks."
Jasper smiles and shakes his head.
"What's in seven weeks?" Alice asks as she comes up beside me.
"I don't know," I answer. Jasper's predictions are not factual, but I'll tell Alice when Edward's not around.
Edward's arms wrap around my shoulders from behind me. "They were kissing," he says.
Why would Alice tell him that?
Jasper looks from me to Alice and back to me. "I thought you were going to tell me if you were going to do that."
Keeping an arm around me, Edward reaches over and shoves Jasper's shoulder. "You didn't tell me they were planning it."
I look over at Alice and shake my head. Her lips are pinched together, but she can't hide the fact that she she's smiling.
The front door creaks open as Edward wraps his arm back around me.
"Bella, come on," Emmett shouts out and then closes the door.
It's not that late. Why should I have to go in?
"Can I call you in a while?" Edward asks as he loosens his hold.
I turn towards him and nod.
He reaches for my hand and squeezes my fingers, and says to Jasper, "Let's go."
Jasper says goodnight to Alice and tells me he'll see me tomorrow.
As I watch them leave, I analyze the way Edward said goodbye. He'll call me later, and he squeezed my fingers. Shouldn't I be happy about that? A week ago, I probably would have been. Analyzing Edward has never gotten me anywhere. I should leave the analyzing to Alice.
"Why did you tell Edward that?"
"So I could apologize." Her lips pucker as she shrugs.
"Oh. What did he say?"
"He said it's fine."
"Okay. You didn't need to tell him though. It's not really his business who I kiss."
"Oh, yeah? He also said, 'Don't let it happen again.'" Her voice is deeper as she quotes Edward. "Did you have to give him all the brownies?"
"I didn't. There's another plate in your car."
Emmett starts calling for me to come in. Again, why?
I give Alice a hug goodbye but keep an obvious distance between our faces so she can't kiss me. She laughs, and I know it's unlikely she will be trying it again. Kissing a girl is already checked off the list.
Rosalie and Emmett are inside watching an old western movie with my dad. A bowl of popcorn sits between them. Rosalie smiles, but my dad and Emmett don't look at me.
Why did I have to come in? I glare at the side of my dad's head. "Did you need me for something?"
He glances at me before turning back to the movie. "No, but I'm sure you have homework you need to be doing."
It's been years since my dad worried about my homework. I've never given him a reason to worry about it. As I walk upstairs, I take out my annoyance with each loud, heavy step.
When I get to my room, Rosalie comes in behind me and closes the door. "He's more worried about Edward's homework than yours."
"Why?"
"Because he was here the whole time you were gone."
I sigh and take off my shoes. Why does Edward keep coming over when I'm gone?
Rose slides off her platform flip-flops and sets them behind my door. "Did you sleep with him?"
"No. Wait, who?"
"Edward."
"No."
"Jasper?"
"No. Geez, I'm not sleeping with anyone."
"Tonight, you're sleeping with me."
"It's a school night."
"I know, but my dad's girlfriend found out Emmett has a game in Aberdeen Friday night. Isn't that wonderful? Now they can come with to watch him play, and I can follow them home. It's like family." The high-pitched, almost southern-sounding voice Rose uses makes me wonder what her dad's girlfriend actually sounds like.
I can picture her sitting in the bleachers for the away team. The game is too far away, most likely, no one else will be there. It will just be her and her father and his girlfriend. And what if they don't show? She'll be alone.
"Can I go with you?"
"You want to go to my dad's all weekend?"
Not really, but neither does Rose.
I shrug. "Sure."
"So, did you kiss him?"
"Who?"
"Edward."
I can't help smiling.
Rose's eyebrows go up. "Because you wanted to, or just for fun?"
"I guess both."
"Does that mean you like him?"
"Please don't interfere."
"I won't." She grabs her bag that's already on my bed. "So, what was it like?"
I don't know how to describe kissing Edward. I smile and feel my temperature rise thinking about it.
"Never mind. Eww." Rosalie pulls her sleep clothes out of her bag.
I turn my back while she changes and pull some clothes out of my dresser. After opening the door just wide enough for me to slip through, I go to the bathroom to change.
My emotions are a twister. I float to the clouds on an Edward high, but reality drifts in and out about the fact that I don't really know what's going on with us. Rose knowing is an inevitable disaster.
I need to stabilize my moods. Edward knows Rose. If she says anything about me and him, I think he would know how to deal with it. It would be okay—embarrassing, but okay. I look in the mirror and smile. Edward may call any moment, so I change fast.
When I get back to my room, I can hear Rose talking even before I open the door.
She's lying on her stomach on my bed with her legs bent up at her knees and crossed at her ankles. "Edward, seriously? I'm not going to kiss your girlfriend."
No. I want to rip my phone away from her, but I can't move. He's probably going to feel the need to clarify that I am not his girlfriend. I don't want to hear that. I'm well aware, but I don't want to hear it from him.
"I had every intention of keeping my hands to myself, but you keep putting ideas in my head."
I lie down next to her and she winks at me before saying, "No. She never talks about you at all. Why would she talk about you?"
I don't want him thinking that either. "Can I have the phone?"
She hands it to me without saying goodbye to Edward. "I have to brush my teeth anyway."
"Hi," I say into the phone as Rose gets off the bed.
"Hey."
"Were you talking about me?"
"No. I never talk about you. Why would I talk about you?" he asks sarcastically.
"Well, that sucks. I've been talking about you all day."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
I can hear Jasper's guitar in the background. "How's the song?"
"Better. It's shifted from miserable to hopeful."
"That's good."
We talk about the brownies and that the dance is in seven weeks. He thinks he has it figured out; I tell him the truth that he's close, but it's not exactly what we were talking about.
Rose spends the night with just me for the first time in a while. She sleeps on top of the covers and it makes mine tighter around me. I don't say anything about what she said to Edward. Everything turned out fine. She's so different than me, but maybe I need to follow her example and not worry so much.
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A/N:
Hi! Oops...this chapter took a week longer than I expected. I was writing slow, but I'm writing faster now. Thanks everyone who reads and for all your reviews.
Thanks a million to everyone who helped me with this chapter: dazzled eyes22, ttharman, EdwardsMate4ever, and BelleDuJour.
Thanks for reading. See you next weekish. Tell me your thoughts?