Disclaimer: If I had three wishes, I'd use them all to make Warehouse 13 mine
AN: All together now, "Final-fucking-ly"
… how much I love you…
Chapter Fourteen: Kiss and Make up (or Out)
She missed Kurt's call watching Helena walk away, so she called him back, sitting heavily on the swing she had only just vacated. She looked to the swaying swing beside her as the dial tone rang in her ear.
"Bunny!" Kurt sighed on the other end, "I'm glad I caught you. Listen, I was talking to my friends, and I think I made a mistake. I want us to be together, Bunny, we just need to talk about this, about how we need to be close like we used to. You just have changed so much…"
"Kurt, Kurt," Myka cut him off, not wanting to hear him speak anymore, "I can't do this anymore."
"What?" He sounded shocked, "Why not, Bunny?"
"First off, Kurt, I really hate that nickname," Myka pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger, "I wanted to talk to you, I thought I wanted to make things work with you, but- but I realized that I really don't want to make things work between us. You say that I've changed, that I've not been myself. When, in reality, the only time I wasn't myself, was when I pretended to be happy all summer. I'm actually kind of happy now. Or at least, I was."
There was a pause on the other end of the phone, "There's someone else, isn't there?"
"No…" Myka said, but that felt dishonest somehow, "Yes. I don't know."
Kurt sighed, "Does he make you happy?"
"Actually, she makes me furious." Myka growled.
"Oh… Oh…" Kurt finally understood something, "It was never going to work with us, was it?"
"I really wanted it to," Myka sighed, "But no."
"So, you're gay?" Kurt asked, still a little taken aback by this whole conversation that had not gone as he planned.
"I'm not gay." Myka rolled her eyes, but she thought of how she felt about Helena, about how she had always felt. Okay I might be gay, she admitted to herself, "I'm confused." She admitted aloud.
"It's okay, Myka," Kurt reassured her, "Just do whatever makes you happy."
There it was again. Someone telling her to do what would make her happy. The only problem was, she didn't know what would make her happy. All she felt right now was confusion, that slowly began to give way to anger and annoyance the longer she sat alone with her thoughts.
The sun was setting when she finally moved from the swing, stomping her way home. She was going to have a word with Helena. Who did she think she was? Why would she just drop something like that on Myka and just walk away? And why now? If she had felt like this about Myka for so long, why had she waited to tell her anything?
She was mad that she hadn't driven her car to Abigale's, and it was dark by the time she burst through her own front door. Steve and Claudia looked up from the couch at her, Helena was nowhere to be seen.
"Where is she?" Myka demanded, "Where's HG?"
"She's in the dorms I think." Claudia looked to Steve for help, trying to understand the mood Myka was in, "She wasn't really feeling up for a night out even though it's Nate's night to look after Christina."
Further angered by the fact that Helena had promised to be there and wasn't, Myka ripped open the freezer and pulled her keys out. She slammed the front door behind her, ausing Claudia to flinch.
"What was that about?" Steve asked.
"I have no idea." Claudia shook her head.
Myka drove in a blind rage to the dorms, angry that she had to park rather far away, but the anger was useful. She allowed it to fuel her as she stomped across the quad, up the stairwells, down the hall. It kept her from thinking too long on what she was doing.
Myka hit her fist heavily on the door, her breathing heavy and her hands clenching in an dout of fists.
Helena looked surprised when she pulled open her door, "Myka?"
"We need to talk." Myka declared before pushingher way into the room.
"By all means, Myka, do come in." Helena's voice was laced with more sarcasm than strictly necessary, but she was trying to cover up the fact that she had been up here crying her eyes out.
Myka began pacing back and forth and it was making HG both dizzy and nervous.
"Look Helena," Myka breathed and HG felt her heart skip, it was one of the few times she had called her by her first name since she left at the beginning of summer. Something that vaguely felt like hope began to fill her as she closed her eyes briefly, trying to absorb the feeling.
Myka didn't notice, to wrapped up in her own thoughts, "There's this thing between us, but we never talk about it. And maybe that's my fault but I want to talk about it now."
HG nodded for her to continue, like she had a say in the matter.
"You left." Myka's voice cracked, "You got on a plane and you didn't write or call. You went back to play pretend with your ex-fiancé and you left us behind. You left me behind. And I know you did it because of your daughter, and I love Christina, and I understand why you had to go. But you broke me, and I have to wake up every day and remind myself that not everyone will hurt me like you did.
"So I threw myself into a relationship I thought would help me forget you," she seemed to be fighting tears, and HG just wanted to pull her to a stop and hold her, but she restrained herself, wrapping her arms tightly around her chest, "Kurt was the opposite of you in every feasible way! And I was doing okay. I was eating again, I was going out, I laughed. And then you showed up and it was all for nothing.
"You looked at me like nothing had changed, that you hadn't left for three months," Myka's anger resurfaced, "Like we were just going out for coffee at Leena's, like we were who we used to be. And all our flirting and sharing and, god the way you look at me some times is infuriating. I know you know what you're doing, that look you give me where you're looking into my eyes, then quickly look down at my lips. That look is going to be the death of me. I don't know how much more my heart can take, Helena." She finally stopped, standing less than a foot from HG, and yet the space felt insurmountable.
"I wrote you." HG spoke softly, but Myka heard every word, "I wrote you every day, sometimes more than once a day, it was the only time I could get peace. I held on to the belief that you were somewhere, reading my words and smiling. There was a hole and I couldn't figure out what it was. It was you, Myka. I shouldn't have left, or maybe I should have taken you with me. And I know, alright? I know I fucked up when I left you. And I wish I could take it back, but I know I can't."
"Why?" Myka asked, "Tell me why then you would tell me you love me before telling me to fight for him."
"I told you, Myka," Her voice cracked, "all I want is for you to be happy."
"I don't want to fight for him." Myka shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts that were becoming so muddled.
"Then what do you want?" Helena demanded, trying not to show how much she was hurting now.
"You!" Myka said, "I want you, but I can't..." she trailed off.
"That's why I'm here, trying to be your friend, like we used to be." Helena wore a look of painful resignation.
"What if I don't want it to be like we used to be?"
Helena swallowed thickly, "Then, just know, my heart is, and will always be, yours."
"Sense and sensibility," Myka shook her head in wonder, "Will you ever stop quoting 19th century literature to me?"
"Would you like me to?" HG was having trouble reading the look in Myka's eyes now.
"God no." she breathed before stepping forward, tangling her fingers in those beautiful raven locks and pressing her lips against Helena's.
After a moment of surprise, she was kissing her back. HG moaned under the pressure, wrapping her arms around the taller woman's waist and pulling her impossibly closer. She wanted to memorize this moment, this perfect moment. The smell of Myka's shampoo, something indescribably sweet, the feel of her hands threading through her hair, the heat of their bodies, the taste of her lips… she ran her tongue along Myka's lower lip to better taste it.
Myka immediately responded, allowing her entrance, though not passively. Months of stored up need was released all at once and Myka bit HG's lip softly, soothing it with her tongue and loving the way Helena shuddered at the feeling.
HG's knees gave out, and she was lucky they somehow made it to the bed and Myka let her down softly, following after her. Helena reveled in the weight pressing on her, allowing her hands to travel from Myka's hips slowly, under her shirt, allowing her fingers to brush against the overheated skin along Myka's ribs.
Myka moaned Helena's name into her hair as she pulled away from their kiss. And Helena would have given anything to hear it again and again.
Much to HG's dismay, the warmth of Myka disappeared as she stood up. She rose up on her elbows and watched the curly haired brunette rub her hands over her eyes roughly, her breathing still erratic. Helena knew that if she reached out and pulled Myka back down to her, it would all be over for Myka's self-restraint.
"I can't." Myka's voice was low, and it made HG bite her lip, "I can't do this, not yet." She finally opened her eyes and saw how dark Helena's had become with want. She wanted to take a step back from the tempting bed, but her body fought to stand still.
"And why is that?" HG rose up to her knees, reaching out, grabbing the collar of Myka's shirt and pulling her forward, "Has the whole world not been waiting for this very moment?"
"Yes?" Myka wasn't even paying attention to the words HG was saying, far more entranced by the accent that had grown thick with Helena's desire, too deliciously distracted by the way her red lips seemed to dance over the words.
She was kissing her again before she realized what was happening. And she was so close to giving in, but she couldn't.
"No," Myka pulled back, and HG used the opportunity to leave a trail of wet kisses from Myka's jaw, down her neck, before placing a soft bite on her shoulder, "Helena, if you don't stop I'm not going to be able to think clearly for much longer."
"I fail to see an issue here," she trailed her fingers down Myka's spine as she worked her way back up the path she just left.
"The issue is," Myka paused to catch her breath, "I'd really like to, I don't know, take you on a date before we do this?" she blushed and Helena stopped her kissing, pulling back to look into those ever distracting summer green eyes of hers, "I don't want this to be our relationship. I want it all with you HG, the awkward first date, the cheesiness that makes our friends sick… I don't want this to be our first time. I need for it to be perfect."
Helena wanted to argue that just being with Myka would make it perfect for her, but she didn't. Instead, she smiled and placed a soft kiss on Myka's lips once more, "Alright, darling."
"And I think I need to go before I lose all sense of self-control." Myka sighed.
Helena nodded as she rose from the bed, walking with her to the door of her dorm room.
They had an extended kiss good bye, so very close to just walking back to the bed and picking up where they left off.
As Myka walked the stairs down alone, she felt both lighter and yet more fulfilled. The butterflies were at full riot in her stomach and she found herself touching the places HG's lips had been. She couldn't seem to wipe the smile from her face.
Perhaps it was this distraction that kept her from noticing the dark form that pulled away from the shadows as she left the dorm. Looking back, maybe walking alone in the darkness hadn't been her smartest move. How could she have predicted Walter Sykes ambushing her?
She hadn't spared the pre-med student a single thought since they solved the mystery of his key.
He shoved her roughly from behind and she tumbled to the ground, not expecting it, too lost in lustful thoughts. She rolled, putting her hands up when she was met with the barrel of the gun.
"Where is it?" he demanded, his hand trembling slightly.
"What?" Myka asked, unable to catch up to this sudden turn of events.
"My key!" he barked, "The one you stole from me in the library, you bitch! You ruined my life, you know, that day you and your friends stole what was rightfully mine. I want it back, and you're going to give it to me."
Myka grabbed the front of her shirt, feeling the familiar weight of the key she had worn every day since Helena had given it to her. She wanted to rip it off and give it to him, anything to get him to put the gun away, but she hesitated, this key represented the world of endless wonder that she had been introduced to, and it was so difficult to simply throw that away. It was the same reason she hadn't stored it away in a box with all of the other memories from that time.
That split second was a mistake.
Sykes dishwater blue eyes zeroed in on her movement and he grimaced, mistaking her grabbing hands as a refusal to hand it over. His finger squeezed the trigger.
The sound was surprisingly loud. That's what Myka noticed. Followed by the intense pain as the bullet ripped through her. If she cried out in pain, she couldn't tell. She was suddenly laying back on the ground, staring at the stars, thinking of when she and Helena had stayed up half the night finding constellations. It was such a good memory, and she held on to it with all her might as darkness filled her vision and Walter Sykes tore the silver chain from around her neck.
Her last wish before the darkness consumed her, was that she hadn't been such a perfectionist. That she had given in to what she wanted so badly. Not tonight, but the first time Myka had ever seen HG. Looking beautiful in her light blue button down shirt tucked in with a waist coat buttoned. A hand running through those gorgeous locks of hers, shorter then, but as dark and amazing as ever. Her teeth worrying her lower lip as she looked from a schedule to a building and back. She wished she had closed her book and walked to her then. Introduced herself and skipped all the craziness of the two years that followed.
It seemed unfair that she had gotten so little time with Helena. But she thanked whatever god was listening that she got the time she did. That she got to kiss her at least once.
AN: Don't get mad at me, be glad I didn't go on hiatus again HERE instead. I'll fix this, don't worry.