Chapter 14
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It was the anniversary of Karen's death, and Ruby's birthday. A day when Matthew had lost someone, but also gained a daughter. They had celebrated Ruby's birthday a few days earlier. Wanting it to be a joyous day.
Matthew and Ruby were visiting Karen's grave, although the little girl wouldn't understand any of it. April was standing by the window, thinking. Taking a glance at the picture of Karen on the shelf in their living room. In the picture she was looking downwards to her pregnant belly and smiling, being happy. Just because she wasn't around anymore, didn't mean she wasn't part of their life. Matthew had taken several pictures of Karen and framed them, placing them on the wall in Ruby's room. So that she would be told who her mother is, and where she has gone. She would hear stories about her real mother, even if she wouldn't get to know her.
April might be the mother figure she will grow up to know and love, but it didn't mean she would replace Karen. She felt ache in her heart every time she thought that Karen wasn't here to raise her baby girl, she didn't get to see her first smile, hear her laughter or see her take her first steps. She didn't get the chance to get to know the sweet little girl April had gotten to know the past year. Thinking back to the day when Karen had died, she still wondered if she could have done something differently, but it wouldn't help to second guess her decisions during that day. It wouldn't change the past.
And how differently would her life have gone if Karen had survived? Where would she have ended up if Matthew never had showed up on her doorstep? It was scary to think the aftermath of that day, not recognizing the person she had started to become.
She heard his car a while later as she was in the kitchen. He came in with Ruby and placed her by the playing area in the living room, she saw the little girl go play with the toys and thought that to Ruby the day was like any other day. Harriet would come home later the day and life would go on.
She walked to give Matthew a tight hug. Wanting him to know she was there for him. She knew that this day would be rough. She still remembered the first anniversary of Samuel's death.
At the time she was miles away from where her son was buried. Away from her husband. To keep her mind of from the pain of that particular day, she had tried to focus on her work. To the wounded. But it wasn't easy as she had lost a patient that day. She had been angry at the patient's death and due to this patient she had to face her own sorrow. Face the real reason why she was so agitated over the death of a patient. She could still so easily picture Samuel in her arms, as she cried in her private quarters that evening. Remembering every second they had with their son. So she knew there was no words of comfort to say, nothing that would help in the moment.