The Doctor stayed with Rose on her bed until her crying slowed and stopped. She sniffled pitifully and coughed. The Doctor moved his head from on top of hers, leaving his arms wrapped around her. She wiped at her face with stiff hands. The blanket covering her knees was dark with mucus and tears. She chuckled quietly, embarrassed. "Ugh, look at the mess I made," she mumbled. The Doctor didn't want to let go, but he knew she wanted to clean herself up. He released her and reached into his pocket, producing another TARDIS blue handkerchief like the one from when they cleaned out her mother's apartment. Rose took it gratefully, wiping at her eyes, her face, her nose and the comforter. The Doctor smiled sadly, still feeling too guilty to laugh.
Rose offered the damp kerchief back to the Doctor and he took it gingerly, grimacing a bit. He set the cloth on his jacket at the end of the bed then refocused on Rose. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked quietly.
Rose nodded quickly, clearing her throat. "I'm fine. I mean, I will be. I-," Rose couldn't believe she lost it like that. You'd think this was her first night on the TARDIS. "I'm sorry for… freaking out I guess."
"No, no, don't be. It's a perfectly natural reaction. You're only…" he trailed off, flinching internally. He couldn't believe he had started to say that.
Rose smiled at him. "You were going to say, 'you're only human,' weren't you?"
The Doctor looked up at the ceiling. "Well… yeah. Yeah I was. Sorry."
Rose chuckled. "Don't be. You're only a man," she countered.
He smiled at her and Rose could feel her subconscious urging her forward. She reached for him wrapping her arms around his neck. He returned her embrace, holding her close. He could feel her chest moving, breathing under his fingers. He could smell her hair, the product she used on it, and the fresh, animalistic scent of tears. It was a hot, wet smell that he equated to rain in a humid region. Except with tears, there was a more human aspect, rather salty. He wanted to stay like that, with her, as long as he could. He rubbed her back, comforting her, enjoying the feel of her ribs under his palms.
Rose pulled back, resting her hands on his shoulders, and the Doctor's hands fell to her waist. "Thank you, Doctor," she whispered. The Doctor's eyebrows furrowed with confusion. Why would she thank him? If she'd never met him, she would still have a mother and a boyfriend and a job. She would still be human, for God's sake! "Thank you for everything. I could never imagine some of the places you've taken me and the adventures I've had these past two years. Even though it cost me my… human-ness, I wouldn't change anything."
The Doctor tensed nervously, his fists clenching and his face losing any emotion. He set his fists on his lap and stared down at them. "Does that mean you're going to leave?"
Rose's hands floated into her own lap as well. "Don't you want me to? I've given you so much trouble and now this—." Rose's voice broke. She clutched her stomach and took a deep breath. "I'm not human anymore. Doesn't that change my appeal?"
The Doctor moved so quickly that Rose almost jumped. He took her face in his hands, his palms flat against her face and his thumbs on the apples of her cheeks. "I will never want you to leave. I would let you, but I would never want you to. And I will always try to bring you back." His eyes were intense as Rose looked into them. She blinked, speechless. He brushed away a lock of hair from her face and set his hands on her shoulders. "Alright?"
Rose nodded once, still shaken by the ferocity of his gaze. He stood up and started gathering his things. "Are you going to be able to sleep now? Did I answer your questions?"
Rose's face fell. "Some of them, but I was hoping you could sleep in here tonight."
The Doctor felt himself grow hot, and he had to try hard to keep his smile from showing. "I don't sleep."
Rose smiled and rolled her eyes. "Maybe you could not sleep in here? Just once?" Her face grew somber and she looked down at the bed. "I'm scared. I don't want to have nightmares again," she admitted quietly.
The Doctor's chest hurt as he wondered what could possibly scare his Rose so much. Even more so as he realized most of her nightmares were surely from their adventures. He set his jacket back on the bed and crawled onto the bed. He made his way up to lay back against the pillows next to Rose. She smiled at him- a dazzling smile filled with happiness and affection, and lay down next to him. The Doctor put his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder. "Now, what in the whole wide universe and beyond could scare Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth?"
Rose didn't want to talk about it. When he talked about her as some brave soul, fighting off the hordes of evil on a daily basis, she felt ashamed to be so vulnerable. So human. She opened her mouth to speak but her voice caught. She cleared her throat but her words still sounded low and hoarse. "I'm afraid of being alone. Of being forgotten." She stopped. She didn't want to say the next words, but if he was going to keep her around, maybe it would be a good thing. Rose could barely get her voice to whisper, "Of being left behind."
There was a long silence and Rose wondered if the Doctor actually had fallen asleep. She shifted against his chest trying to sit up.
"Don't get up," came the command, his voice no louder than her own and catching in his throat. She didn't listen. She sat up and looked at him. He was crying. He refused to look up at her. She couldn't remember him crying, not once. Not this Doctor. The hand he had not wrapped around her rested on his stomach. The long fingers curled into claws, digging into his flesh then buckling under into fists.
Rose didn't know what to do. She had never seen him so… hurting. So full of self-hatred and scorn and devastation that all he wanted to do was hurt. She took up the hand on his stomach and held it to her cheek. "I'm sorry," she murmured. Her own eyes were misty but she didn't think she had any more tears left to cry.
She kissed the back of his hand and, like the key to a lock, it relaxed and cupped her face. He sat up from the pillows. She looked up at his face. He met her gaze this time. "I'm so sorry, Rose," he returned. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, gently, painfully. "I will never leave you behind, I will never leave you alone, and I will never forget you."