The first week or so that he was away at school, Ponyboy called every night. But now that it's mid-September, classes are in full swing, and he has his new friends to hang out with, he's calling less. Darry hasn't heard from him in over a week. He's glad that Pony seems to be having a good time, but he hates not hearing from him. He misses him. Walking past the bedroom that Pony and Soda used to share makes his heart hurt. He can't stand looking in it and seeing Soda's things that he didn't get to come home to. Even with the door closed, he's still aware of what's behind it. He's still aware that Sodapop will never see that room again.
He's lonely. The house is cavernous and too quiet now that it's just him. He remembers a time when the house always seemed crowded and loud, and he would have given anything to have the place to himself for a couple of days. Now that he has it, he hates it. He keeps the TV on to make the place feel less empty, but it doesn't help much. He'll hate to see the house that he grew up in go, but he's seriously considering moving. He doesn't know if he can handle staying there.
Darry tries his best to stay distracted with work and quiet his thoughts with alcohol, but he knows Betty is the reason why he hasn't totally lost it. They might as well be living together. She keeps her cosmetics in the bathroom and some of her clothes and shoes in his closet. She comes over almost every night after the salon closes, and she doesn't leave until they both go to work the next morning.
She spends the evenings curled up next to him on the couch while he works or watches TV. She tells him stories about her day at work and gives him kisses in an attempt to distract him and keep him from drinking so much, but it doesn't work. He falls into a fitful, drunken sleep in her arms every night, and he's woken up hungover more times than he wants to admit.
But although they're practically roommates, Betty still spends one or two nights a week at her old place. She says it's because she doesn't want Pearl getting too lonely, but Darry wonders if it's really because she needs a break from him every now and then. Whatever the reason, he hates those nights when she's gone. He always drinks too much because so lonely, and he always ends up falling asleep with his head in the toilet for a few hours before he's able to drag himself to bed. And the next morning, he's always hungover and miserable when he gets to the job site, and he doesn't work as hard as he should. He's afraid that his boss is starting to notice.
He knows that he's a wreck, and he knows that he needs to shape up or else he'll lose her. He'll lose everything. But he's been caught in this downward spiral for so long that he doesn't know how to drag himself out, and it scares him shitless.
XXX
She's in a black bra, black panties, black garter belt and thigh-highs, and posing seductively on his bed. She did her hair and makeup like a pinup girl. She's so beautiful and so sexy, and all the thought she put into this is really paying off. He can't remember the last time he was this turned on.
"What's the occasion?" he purrs as he joins her in the bed.
He kisses her, and the way she kisses back is so desperate that he suddenly knows why she's doing this. He didn't touch her all summer. Not since Sodapop died. He pulls back and sighs.
"God, Betty. I've been an awful boyfriend these past few months, haven't I?"
She kisses his forehead and cuddles up next to him.
"No, honey. You've been grieving. It's OK."
"I should be over it by now. Hell, even Pony's gotten past it."
He sighs and shakes his head. "What the hell's wrong with me?"
She tightens her arms around him and nuzzles his neck.
"You're OK," she says softly. "You'll get through this when you get through this."
They lay next to each other in silence, and he knows that he killed the mood Betty had worked so hard for.
"This isn't just about Sodapop, is it?" Betty asks.
Darry shakes his head, and Betty nods in understanding.
"You tend to bear your soul when you're drunk," she says. "I know a lot more than you think I do."
"Oh, glory," he says. He rubs his eyes with his palms.
"You've been through so much," she says. "But I know you're gonna get through it. You know that I'm here. I'll take care of you as long as you want me."
He kisses her softly. He wants to say that he'll always want her, and that he can't imagine life without her any more. He's never regretted backing out of proposing to her as much as he regrets it now, and part of him wants to roll out of bed and drop down on one knee.
But instead, he just kisses her again and says, "guess I really ruined the mood, huh?"
She laughs. "Honey, I've been in the mood for a month straight. I'd take you standing up in an alley behind a bar at this point."
He smiles, kisses her deeply, and then he's on top of her. He forces himself to push away the thoughts that have been haunting him for the past few months.
"Well, how about I take care of that?" he teases.
She puts a hand on the back of his neck and pulls him to her, kissing him deeply. He's suddenly aware that he's smiling against her lips.
He's missed this.
XXX
He breathes in, takes a big gulp from his bottle of cheap whiskey, and breathes out. He opens the door to the bedroom.
The air smells stale because the door was closed for so long, and everything looks the same as it did the day that Ponyboy left for college. He knows that all of Soda's stuff is in the closet and the bottom two drawers of the dresser. He wishes that he had taken Betty up on her offer to clean out the room. He doesn't want to do this.
But he just sighs heavily, takes a few more sips from the bottle, and opens the closet door.
Soda's clothes, his shoes, and his old DX uniform are all hanging there in a sort of suspended animation. His shoes rest on the closet floor. They were waiting for him to come back, but he's not coming. He'll never wear them again.
He doesn't know if he's sad or angry, but his vision suddenly blurs with tears and then goes white. He grabs a fistful of clothes and stuffs them into the garbage bag. He grabs another handful and then reaches down for Soda's shoes. He cleans out his dresser drawers quicker than he cleaned out the closet. Darry quickly double checks the bedroom and decides that he put everything of Soda's in the bag.
Then he starts on the rest of the house. There's Soda's shampoo and toothpaste sitting in the medicine cabinet, his favorite coffee mug in the cupboard, the boxes of food coloring in the pantry, and his rodeo trophy on the mantle. He can't stand to look at them, so he grabs them and stuffs them in the bag. By the time he's finished his second walkthrough of the house, he's sobbing so hard that he can hardly see, and the bottle of bourbon is empty. He flops down on the couch and lets himself cry. The empty bottle is the last thing to go in the bag.
XXX
Betty finds him a few hours later. She tangles a hand in his hair and sits silently next to him for a while. Then he hears the plastic rustling, a sigh from her, and a whisper that sounds like, "honey, I'm sorry".
In the end, she's the one who takes the bag and puts in the trashcan outside by the curb. The sound of the metal lid on the metal can rings in his head, and it hurts. She sits on the arm of the couch, strokes his hair, and whispers sweet nothings to him until he's asleep.
I know these past few chapters have been heavy, but this wasn't exactly supposed to be a happy story. But at any rate, here's a joke to cheer you up.
Two fish are in a tank. One fish turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?!"
I'd love some reviews! :D