Thanks for all the feedback- I really appreciate it!

Just to give you an idea of where this is heading- it is a pretty long story and there are many more revelations to come. I like happy endings, but they are more satisfying if they don't come too quickly or easily. That's all I'm saying for now... ; )

Chapter 14

Leia and Luke were busy cutting up fruit when Padme found them in the kitchen. It startled her to see them handling knives but she approached them calmly, afraid that yelling might cause them to hurt themselves. They smiled at her, acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Good morning, Mommy. We're making breakfast.'" Luke told her.

She looked at his eyes that were so much like Anakin's, it hurt her to see them. They were only trying to help, she told herself. But still, they should know what they were doing was not allowed. She watched for a minute, while silently asking herself how the new Padme was going to handle this.

"Twins, knives are very dangerous. They aren't for children to play with...you could cut yourselves." She congratulated herself for being so calm and rational before adding, "What made you think it was okay to do this?"

She put her fist up to her mouth, two seconds too late to prevent those last words from escaping. Immediately, she knew how critical it sounded, even though it wasn't meant to be. Luke stopped, his hand coming to a rest at his side as he looked to his sister. Leia inhaled sharply before blowing it out in frustration. Instead of lifting her head, she raised her eyes slightly, staring at Padme with an icy gaze.

"Well then, Mother," she began in a caustic tone, "It's a good thing that we aren't playing with them." She lowered her eyes back to the cutting board and continued her work.

Padme saw Luke glancing nervously back and forth at both of them. Determined that the day would not start off badly, she tried again.

"I'm sorry if I sounded mean Leia, because that wasn't my intention. I only wanted to know why the two of you were doing something that an adult should do, that's all. "

Leia put the knife down and studied her mother carefully. When she seemed satisfied that Padme was telling the truth, she spoke softly.

"We always help Daddy and Uncle Obi Wan with breakfast. We just wanted to do something nice."

"Daddy let you use knives?" She had a hard time believing Anakin would be so reckless with them. They answered her question at the same time.

Leia's confident response of "yes", was almost loud enough to drown out Luke's hesitant "no." She turned on him so quickly, he barely had time to react. If it weren't for his jedi reflexes, he would have been shoved to the floor. Instead, their hands clashed and wrestled in a battle of strength.

"Stop it! Both of you. What's the matter?"

They stood with their eyes locked for a moment before slowly lowering their arms. Some kind of understanding passed between them and Luke raised a hand to gently stroke his sister's cheek in a comforting gesture. Once again, Padme was reminded how much her son was growing to be like his father. Leia jumped down from the chair she was standing on and pulled it over to the sink. After washing her hands, she went outside without looking back. Luke started to speak, but then thought better of it. She ruffled his hair and nodded in encouragement.

"We're worried about Uncle. What if he doesn't come home, like Daddy?"

The ache that had settled into her heart flared into a searing pain once again. He stiffened slightly at first, as she hugged him close to her.

"Oh, Luke, Obi Wan will be fine. He knows what he's doing."

He surprised her by jerking himself from her grasp in anger.

"Daddy knew what he was doing, too!"

She cursed herself for saying the wrong thing again. 'Maybe I should call Cora and Sabe back' she thought.

"I know he did, baby. I wasn't saying he didn't. It's just, Uncle Obi Wan knows of the danger now. Daddy didn't. And Uncle has more people to help keep him safe. He'll return to us."

He looked out on the veranda, at his sister sitting on the stone wall meditating.

"We want to go home, Mommy." She saw the tears in his eyes.

"Okay. I have some business to take care of today, but we can be back on Coruscant by evening."

"No. Not your house. Home is where we lived with Daddy."

She didn't try to hide the hurt in her voice as she spoke to him. "You can have more than one home, Luke. The two of you spend as much time at my..."

"It's different. Home is where you don't have to try to be somebody you're not. Where people love you, even if you don't always say the right thing or use the proper fork at dinner."

He ran out to join Leia. The sat close together holding hands, legs crossed in front of them, heads tilted toward the sky.

Padme busied herself with gathering the rest of the stuff for their breakfast and assembling it on a tray. She could see why Anakin had been worried about Leia's behavior, and it concerned her how quickly her daughter's temper had risen. And Luke's feelings about home, would they ever be able to feel comfortable with her? Already they had made some progress, but it was going to be a slow process, overcoming the harsh way she had treated them in the past.

Her expectations had been high at times, but she always told herself it was because she wanted them to live up to their potential, do something more significant than just settling into the life of a jedi. She never admitted it was a spiteful way to undermine Anakin's influence on them, her way of showing disapproval of him. Just another awful mistake in a whole line of them. Another mistake to learn from and move on.

There would be no more apologies, not for now anyway, she decided. If she told them she was sorry for all the miserable ways she had used them over the years, there would be no time for any other words and too much time had already been wasted. They would become a loving family, she was determined to make it happen. They might take one step forward and two back for awhile, but somehow, they would eventually make it.

Luke climbed down from the railing and turned to offer a helping hand to Leia. Padme saw them look at the empty chair as they sat down and wondered if they were thinking of Anakin or Obi Wan. She couldn't remember a time when it was just the three of them, Cora or Sabe usually ate with them. It was something they would have to get used to, she thought sadly. Their chance to sit together and share a peaceful meal with both their parents was gone forever. Something as simple as that, something billions of families did across the galaxy every day , and her children had never experienced it. She watched as they ate, thinking she would give anything to have Anakin here with them, to see him smile at her one more time. The little things in life were what made it worth living. She had just never taken the time to notice them before.

"We have some things to take care of today, including a visit with the Queen, so after breakfast you need to get ready quickly. Okay?"

They both let out a loud groan.

"That means a suit for me and a gown for Leia, doesn't it?" Luke's voice was small and defeated sounding.

"No, it doesn't. I want the two of you to be who you are and wear what you want. If you will be happier in your jedi robes, that is what you will wear. Being a jedi is something to be proud of. There will be no more pretending, no more trying to be something you're not. "

They looked at one another, truly surprised at the change in their mother. Leia considered the idea carefully before making a decision.

"Mommy, if we are going to see the Queen, I want to look nice, but I don't want to wear a gown. Can I just wear a dress and keep my braids? Headpieces are too heavy and uncomfortable."

It was Padme's turn to be surprised. "Of course, Leia. I want you to be happy." A tiny spark of hope was lit inside her and she basked in its warmth. It was almost enough to take her mind off the discomfort rising behind her eyes once again.

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The wedding ring slid onto her finger easily and she turned her hand so that the sunlight reflected off of it. It had felt special once, over the years when she could only wear it in secret. She remembered relishing the feel of it against her skin, wrapped around her finger as a symbol of her and Anakin bound together for life. Her pledge to be a faithful and loving wife, made tangible in a shinning band of gold. She had been honored to wear it then. Until everything collapsed around them and Anakin insisted on bringing their indiscretion to light. It was never the same after that. It seemed ironic that once they no longer had to hide, she went out of her way to do exactly that.

While he proudly displayed his commitment, she had taken to leaving hers in a jewelry box. Even after the twins were born and she could no longer use swollen fingers as an excuse, she still didn't wear it. He would take her hand in his, gently rubbing the spot where it should be and looking questioningly into her eyes, but he never asked aloud about it. They both knew things weren't right between them, but he seemed to think it was because of the adjustment they were making to their new life and caring for two newborns.

It wasn't until they were six months old, that he decided to press the issue. His timing couldn't have been worse, as she had already been considering asking for a divorce. Even though he had moved into the Temple two months prior, it wasn't uncommon for him to be at her apartment when she came home from work. He visited with his babies every spare minute. Only that night, he had been standing, staring out into the lights in the darkness instead of cuddling the twins to his chest. She could feel his torment, even before he turned to face her with that haunted look in his eyes. He slowly lifted his arm, revealing her ring sitting in the palm of his hand. She stood speechless, as he closed the gap between them and reached for her, sliding it gently back on her finger.

"It's over, Padme. This separation ends tonight. I can't bear to be away from you or them another moment. I won't. We'll work it out...I'll make things right. Try and remember! Remember how much you wanted to be Mrs. Skywalker. Please..."

Pulling the ring off, she shook off the awful memory. As much as she wanted to wear it, she couldn't. After pushing him away and renouncing his name, she had no right to. Instead, she placed it back onto the cord with the japor snippet and fastened it around her neck. She would take comfort in the weight of it against her chest, just as he had. It would have to do. Wearing his ring on her finger was an honor she no longer deserved.

She glanced in the mirror one final time to make sure her hair was in place, and the reflection of Anakin's things caught her eye. She sat on the bed carefully, trying not to wrinkle her gown in the process. The picture was on top of the worn book and she took a minute to study it again, wishing she had the time to delve deeper into his past.
But it would have to wait. Her audience with the Queen was expected, her decision about the future already made. Flipping quickly through the pages, she saw the progression of his writing, going from childish scribble to polished script. Somewhere in there, she hoped, were the answers she needed.

As she came across the last page, she realized there was an envelope tucked between it and the back cover. The return address was from a neighborhood just outside the university district of Theed and the handwriting had a feminine slant to it. The familiar tingle of jealousy curled around her heart, but she quickly dismissed it. Although time was running short, she decided she couldn't leave without reading the letter. It was dated two weeks before he left for his final mission.

Dear Master Anakin,

I hope this correspondence finds you well and that it pleases you to see my words on paper. This first year at school has been challenging, but I am truly grateful for the opportunity. Your Father in Law is a gracious, patient man who has helped me more times than I can count. He deserves a medal for his efforts.

Anyway, I know you said it isn't necessary, but I want to thank you again for all you have done for me. If I live to be a hundred, I could never thank you enough. When the deed to the house arrived the other day, I was shocked. You are an incredibly kind and generous man, Anakin Skywalker. I spent the day weeping tears of joy and happiness out in the garden. My garden. I think the neighbors are convinced I'm insane but they could never understand, even if I tried explaining it. You understand, though, and thats enough for me.

Aside from the material things you have provided, I thank you most for giving me my life. Some things have been quite difficult and others may never be easy, but I can find pleasure in just having the chance to try. The choice. You gave all that to me and more.

As I am thanking you, I feel the need to apologize once again for my mistrust at first. I'm sorry I doubted your intentions, didn't have faith in your motive. You were the only man who didn't lie when you told me I had nothing to fear from you. I thought men of honor existed only in fairy tales. You proved me wrong.

I now realize how generous it was of you to offer to let me keep your name. You were too modest to tell me of the respect and prestige it would afford me. In the end, though, I am glad you advised me to take back my own. I will succeed or fail as my true self, carrying the legacy I was meant to, the legacy she would have.

She is smiling down on you, Master Anakin. I believe that with all my heart. She knows you did this for her as much as you did it for me, probably more so. Please don't mourn her any longer or continue to punish yourself for things you had no control over. She would not want that. Sometimes we just have to accept that our best isn't good enough. A wise man once told me that when I was struggling to adjust to this new life. I hope he takes his own words to heart.

I hope my words were acceptable and promise they will be better next time I write. In the meantime, I wish only good things for you. Have faith that everything will turn out as you want. You deserve that and so much more. May the Force Be With You.

With much gratitude and love,

Trinia Starline

Things were no clearer to Padme after she read the letter a second and third time. What was Anakin up to now? And how was her own father involved with this?

She took a minute to jot down the address on the envelope and then went to round up the twins.

"Leia, go grab something comfortable to change into after we see the queen. We're going to visit your grandparents."

She pinched the bridge of her nose and willed the pain to go away. There wasn't time for weakness. And tomorrow would be soon enough to make good on her promise to Obi Wan to see her medic. Today, she needed answers.

Queen Auriella and Padme stood at the window, looking down at the twins in the gardens. Two of the queen's most trusted handmaidens held their hands, while several security guards followed closely, trying to make their presence as unobtrusive as possible. The threat of danger was unlikely, but it was standard procedure and it made it easier for Padme to let them go off without her.

" They have grown so much since I saw them last. I can understand your wish to spend more time with them, but your resignation saddens me. Are you sure there isn't anything that will change your mind?"

Padme glanced over her shoulder at the rest of the staff that were only a short distance away. "Your highness, there is more I wish to share with you, but it must be kept in strict confidence at this time. Is there any way..."

The queen nodded and went to her head advisor, talking softly. He bowed formally and the small group turned to leave. " I shall be right outside the door, if you should need anything, your highness."

The two women made themselves comfortable once they were alone. Padme took a deep breath, preparing herself for sharing her pain.

" I'm afraid there is more to my retirement than it appears. But, what I'm about to tell you, must not leave this room, not until the Jedi are ready to make this information public. The Naboo have always been supportive of the Jedi, and I know I can trust you to appoint a successor that will keep with that tradition."

The queen smiled. "Of course. Is that what you are worried about? Naboo has never and will never question it's alliance with the Jedi."

Padme visibly relaxed. "Yes, I know. It's just, this is a sensitive matter. The supporters of Palpatine have been organizing and they are at the point where they could pose a serious threat. The Jedi have been involved in an investigation, the results of which they hope to present to the Senate when it reconvenes. They will need all the help they can get."

The queen smiled and nodded again. " Well, of course we will do all that we can. But I don't understand why you want to resign when they are coming up against such a difficult time. What are you not telling me?"

"My ex-husband, Master Skywalker, he was gathering information about this matter. It was a very dangerous mission and he didn't... he didn't come back. I..."

She swallowed with some difficulty and the queen placed a hand on her arm in sympathy. " My children were very close to their father, and we need some time to adjust to life without him. After many years of service, I have decided that raising my family is what I want to do most. It scares me to leave, but it really is long overdue. I sometimes wish I had decided not to come back after my maternity leave. Things would be..." she trailed off, unable to finish her thoughts.

" I am very sorry to hear of Anakin's passing. He will be sorely missed. All the people he has helped here over the years, the impact he made... he was a wonderful man. As soon as news of his passing can be announced, we will have a day of mourning for him. His kindness will not be forgotten, I assure you."

The queen blotted her eyes with a tissue. Although it confused her, Padme was touched by her show of emotion.

" You speak as though you knew my husband. Did the two of you ever meet?"

"Of course, Padme. Anakin had adopted Naboo as his home. Anytime there was a problem, he could be counted on to lend a hand. Most of the time, we never had to contact him, he just arrived, ready to do what needed to be done. Last summer, when those storms hit the lower region, he came and worked tirelessly, helping with evacuations, tending to the injured and trying to keep peace. It wasn't just the big stuff, either. He was always willing to help out any cause, no matter how small. For years he has given talks at the schools, mentored children, helped raise money and awareness for charities. People were much more willing to help when Anakin Skywalker was involved."

Padme sat in stunned silence. Obviously, there was a lot about Anakin that she didn't know. But was she the only one who saw his flaws?

"I never knew. He never mentioned..."

"No, he was quiet about the things he did. He insisted that any publicity featuring him, had to stay local. And he only allowed that to help make the people in the area aware of the need. He gave without fanfare, in the shadows most of the time. He was extraordinary."

A touch of indignation rose in her. Even though the queen was only trying to offer her something to find solace in, she felt judged. There had to be that underlying question of why they divorced if he was so special, surely there must be something wrong with her. No such implication had been made but still, she felt insecure.

"I had no idea. He was so young when we married and divorced. He really matured into a different person over the years. I had no idea he was so perfect." The last sentence came out with more animosity than she had intended. The queen laughed loudly.

"Perfect? Oh, while he was a great humanitarian in many ways, I would hardly call Anakin Skywalker perfect. He had his faults."

Padme laughed too, in an effort to cover the embarrassment she was feeling. She couldn't believe how quickly she had become defensive.

"And those would be?"

" He was demanding and he expected a lot. He had a reputation for being a difficult taskmaster. There was no tolerance for what he viewed as laziness. It never took long for word to spread that you had to be willing to work hard if you wanted to be in his group. Mind you, it didn't deter many people, he usually had plenty of volunteers. Most of them went home sore and exhausted at the end of the day, but they had respect for him. Even those that hated him."

"Now that sounds more like the Anakin I knew." Padme smiled sadly. "Not everyone would view his extreme work ethic as a fault, though."

"No, they wouldn't. But he wasn't always a patient man and he did have a temper at times. His reputation from the war made him seem infallible, so it came as a shock to some when they realized he was human. They didn't expect to see The Hero With No Fear throw a shovel in frustration or walk off and break down when he came across victims that were beyond saving. He was far from perfect, but he was a good man. The world will be a colder place now that he is gone."

The two women talked for a while longer, both of them sharing memories of Anakin, alternately laughing and crying. Eventually, their conversation shifted to other serious matters and Padme made arrangements to help with the transition of her replacement in the Senate. They ended their visit with a hug and the promise to stay in close contact over the coming weeks, as more information about the Imperials became available.

After getting the twins and the various rocks, sticks and flowers they had gathered in the Royal Garden settled into the speeder, Padme headed toward her parent's house. It would be hard, having to share the bad news once again, but they needed to know. Her family liked Anakin, and she knew they never approved of her divorcing him. She had felt betrayed when they took his side at first. They didn't understand her anger and she wasn't willing to share her deepest hurts with them. Eventually, things were smoothed over and the subject of him and their broken marriage was rarely brought up. There was still some underlying tension, but it was tolerable. Anakin was no longer a part of their lives, and she took that as their way of supporting her decision without actually admitting they had been wrong to doubt her.

After reading that letter, she had to wonder. Obviously her father had some contact with Anakin in the past year, and not just at the excruciating family functions they subjected themselves to. Was her mother involved in this little secret the two of them were keeping? Did she really know any of these people like she thought she did?

Replaying her talk with Queen Auriella in her mind, something else was bothering her. A lie that she had become so comfortable telling herself, that it just rolled off her tongue. She blamed the destruction of her marriage on Anakin's youth and lack of maturity, making claims that he was a much different person now. In truth, all the good that others saw in him, was there all along. He did mature, but he was still the same person with the same integrity and capacity to love as he had always been. She just never wanted to acknowledge it, because to do so, would be to admit she was wrong.

How many more revelations of her own faults could she take? Visiting her family was probably going to further damage her wounded pride, she realized.

Placing her hand over the japor snippet and ring, she thought of Anakin's strength and undying love.

"Oh Anakin," she whispered, "I have a bad feeling about this."