Bad News
I hurled the remainder of my lunch into the toilet and wiped the fucking traitor tears from my eyes. I sat up and grabbed the bottle of water near the sink. After rinsing the nasty vomit from my mouth I walked back out to my room and stared at the crinkled, yellow paper.
The paper was the source of my misery and my pain, the cause of years of ignorance and mistakes.
All because of this lost piece of fucking yellow paper.
. . . -:- . . .
It was my own damn fault.
I was the reason for it all. Her long, dead stares into the darkness of the night, I could see her from my window. Late into the night she sat there on the windowsill.
The first few nights I thought nothing of it. Maybe she just couldn't sleep or something. But by Thursday I learned that it was a completely different story.
Bella was staying up late, looking out her window, and crying.
The light of the moon reflected off the salty tears that stained her cheeks. I couldn't fathom what could make her cry out to the moon.
Bella's tears were not the only thing that haunted my mind. Since our split a melody had been spinning around and around in my head. The smooth notes lingered at my fingertips.
I had yet to put anything on paper or keys. The song reminded me of Bella, soft and pure.
School had become more of a nightmare than I could have ever imagined. Exactly seven hours after I had broken up with Bella I realized it was a mistake. And in exactly one minute after that I realized we were both too stubborn to make up.
The buildup of resentment and hate had only been festering away while we were together, waiting to break open whenever we finally acknowledged our past.
And that's what happened. We were on the edge of a knife. The final conversation determined our fate and my actions sealed our destiny.
So I watched Bella when no one was looking, thought about her late at night, and found comfort in Tanya.
Tanya welcomed me with open arms. I felt guilty, of course. Tanya was such a bitch. And she would never understand me that way.
The way Bella did.
But Tanya was safe. Safe for me to hide from my past, my last month, and she offered a nice future. A future where her boobs and her presence were all the things our relationship required. There were no strings attached.
I fell into a similar routine, one of the Pre-Bella eras. Hanging out with Tanya at the Diner and fucking around between classes.
Only nothing was normal about my nights. Troubled notes dancing around in my head were a sure sign I had gone insane. Every night I watched her as the music grew more and more somber and grave.
The night before the Ball provided me with a nice tempo for the song. The rain belted out on the roof and the soft pitter-patter on the window inspired me.
I hummed along with the tune and glanced out my window.
Bella was there, in her room with Alice and Rose.
Uh-oh. That couldn't be good.
Abandoning my music I turned towards the window and tried to make out the shapes through the rain. Bella and Rose sat on the bed. Alice was pacing around the room. It was such a funny sight. What I wouldn't give to be a fly on her wall.
I sat there for hours watching Alice flit around the room. Bella looked at her with what I could imagine a look of bewilderment. Rosalie laughed. This was better than cable. And then there came the dress.
The dress was obscured from my view, but I could tell that whatever doubts Bella had about going to the Ball were thoroughly erased by that dress.
That stupid fucking Ball. I couldn't bring myself to ask Tanya, and so I was going it alone. I tore my eyes away from the window and glanced over at my tuxedo. Alice had informed me that it would look great with Bella's dress. Too bad we weren't going together anymore. I rolled my eyes at the pity of it all and continued watching my silent film across the lawn.
I'm not sure how long I sat there at my desk staring out the window. The rain eventually stopped and by morning the sun was streaming in.
I had fallen asleep at my desk. My body slumped forward and I knocked over my lamp.
"Fuck!" I screamed jerking my head from side to side. Where the fuck am I? I looked around and couldn't remember what time I had actually fallen asleep here.
I looked out the window, but Bella, Rose, and Alice were all gone.
The day passed by unceremoniously. I loitered around the house and hung out with Jasper and Emmett. Alice and Bella had gone over to Rose's house early that morning to start getting ready for the dance. Hair and nail appointments would keep them busy for much of the day.
I shuttered at the thought of it and thanked my lucky stars I only had to shower, comb my hair and throw on a tuxedo. Girls had way too much shit to do.
Finally Jasper and Emmett left to pick up their dates and I retreated upstairs not wanting to be confronted by Esme. Sure, I was going to the Ball, but I was flying solo. I dreaded the phone call to Tanya, but I knew I had to talk to her sooner or later.
I lay back on my bed and dialed the simple seven digit number. After the third ring Tanya picked up.
"Hi. I take it we're not going out to eat before the dance, huh?" I cringed at the thought of Tanya standing around waiting for me to pick her up.
I remained silent hoping she would get the message. After many more silent minutes she did.
"We're not going to this thing, together, are we?" I nodded my head into the phone and cleared my throat.
"Sorry, Tanya. I just can't do this anymore." She sighed and I waited for her response.
"Well, damn! Edward Cullen finally learned how to stand up on his own two feet." She chuckled. "I understand, Edward. I would choose difficulty over comfort, too."
"What?" I asked her.
"Bella. I know you love her and so I can't blame you for this whole mess. Her song has been stuck in your head, like it's on a constant loop; the tune that keeps you going during the day, and the lullaby that serenades you to sleep at night. Bella has been consuming your thoughts too much to give us another chance. Bye, Edward."
She hung up the phone and I sat there speechless. Bella's lullaby. That was what was playing over and over in my mind, the haunted tune itching to be let loose onto the keys. I jerked up off the bed and raced around the room in search of paper.
My school bag was in the kitchen, so I began searching my desk. When I found none, I went to my closet. My suit and the dance were long forgotten. My need to bring the notes to print overbore all other actions.
Reaching up on top of the closet I pulled down a box full of left over assignments from previous school years. Papers and report cards my mother had made me keep.
I sat it down on my desk and searched for a scrap, anything to write on.
And then I saw it.
Lying on top was a half-folded note. And it was addressed from Bella.
My heart dropped. This was the letter Bella had written after my mother had died.
I held the paper in my hands. It was so delicate, but I felt like this single piece of creased paper held the weight of the world.
I took a deep breath and opened the letter.
Dear Edward,
I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. She was a wonderful person and I am so grateful to have been given the opportunity to have met her. And you.
I will always remember our time together. She was so strong. I never even knew she had cancer. She never let it show. Elizabeth was always smiling and joking with us. I remember how she would beg you to play the piano. Her eyes would close and a small smile would form on her lips.
The two of you were so much alike with your bronze hair and bright green eyes.
And that's the reason I'm writing this instead of telling you in person. I cannot bear it, Edward. My heart aches whenever I think of her. She's…gone. And it's just too much pain for me to handle right now. I hope you can understand. I miss you. Just please give me time. I will come back!
Love, Bella
The letter fell from my shaking hands as I ran to the bathroom. I hurled the remainder of my lunch into the toilet and wiped the fucking traitor tears from my eyes. I sat up and grabbed the bottle of water near the sink. After rinsing the nasty vomit from my mouth I walked back out to my room and stared at the crinkled, yellow paper.
The paper was the source of my misery and my pain, the cause of years of ignorance and mistakes.
All because of this lost piece of fucking yellow paper.
I now understood all that had happened. Bella had never meant to hurt me. She was only hurting herself.
This letter had split through the cracks. It was so confusing and chaotic then. I had never seen the letter and so I thought Bella had abandoned me. Bella thinking I had read the letter felt my rejection of her when she came to my house a few months after the funeral.
My eyes burned as more tears came. I thought of the night Bella had come over to her house. I yelled at her and told her I didn't want to be her friend. I had said such revolting and hateful things to her.
She left immediately. And that was it. Neither one of us confronted each other. We went on to High School. Bella made friends with Angela and Jessica and I got mixed up with the wrong crowd.
How could I have been so fucking stupid?
I glanced at the clock.
As fast as I could, I removed my clothes and hopped in the shower. I wiped away the salt from my tears and sweat. I got out and shook my hair, the water flying everywhere. My tuxedo was off the hanger and on my body in less than thirty seconds.
I bypassed Esme and Carlisle going through the back door. My car stood there waiting. I looked down at my watch. It was eight. I had to hurry.
I had to tell Bella I was sorry. I had to make this right.
A/N: Hello, Mr. Cliffy! I realized while writing this chapter how similar this story is to another Twilight fanfic. I had no intention to do that. I had this idea before I even started to read that story. So let me just rec out: High Anxiety by EdwardsBloodType. Amazing story. I did not mean to copy her window stalking.
Big thank you to MEP. I couldn't do this without you!
Only a few more chapters left. Eeek! What are your thoughts on an Epilogue? 3