AN: I don't really know what to say about this chapter. I don't think it is a likeable chapter and I don't think that it is worth reading. In summary this accompanies the previous chapter dealing with Frost's suicide. Maura sort of forces Jane in therapy and Jane sort of loses it. I think in any relationship there are difficult moments; moments where you have to be cruel to be kind. Obviously partners will react badly to it, regardless of how good the other partner's intensions were. That was the basic idea behind this piece.

To keep things fair, I would eventually do something were Jane would force Maura into something for her own good (I have various scenarios thought out to use in "The couch"). However, don't expect to see it too soon.

If you choose to read ahead, I do apologize in advance.

The T-Word

Since the Detective Barry Frost's funeral, Jane Rizzoli hardly had time for a bathroom break. She had to be in the office early every day and then drag her body home when her wife was already sleeping. Jane was supposed to be grateful, happy or even relieved to be home at a decent hour. Especially when her wife was also home and they could spend some much needed quality time with each other. Yet, Jane felt nothing. Not even guilty for not being happy to be at home.

She found Maura on the couch reading. She silently greeted her wife with a kiss and then settled next to her. Maura smiled at her:

"You are home."

Jane shrugged. She was too tired to offer any comment on the obvious.

"Have you eaten?" Maura asked concerned.

Jane sighed. She really was not in the mood to discuss her eating habits at the moment. "Ma sent a sandwich." She offered.

Maura lifted her brow like she always does when she wanted to confront Jane. Of course she knew that Angela sending a sandwich did not equate to Jane actually eating it. She also had some reservations about the nutritional value of a sandwich. However, apparently Maura also decided not to say anything that may lead to a fight. She put her book down and pulled Jane closer for a cuddle.

Jane sighed and closed her eyes as she snuggled against Maura. She needed this. A moment of closeness. A moment to recharge. A moment to forget about everything. Jane was closer to total collapse than she would care to admit. In Maura's arms she could grow stronger and gain courage to face the world. It was too long since they had a moment to just be.

"I want to talk to you." Maura said quietly after a while.

"Not now." Jane mumbled, not willing to face anything at the moment.

Maura kissed Jane's temple. "We have to, Jane, before there is another murder or some other crisis."

Jane sighed again. She just wanted to cry. It is unfair. In these last few weeks she only had harsh realities to deal with. She did not want to talk now. She did not want to face whatever Maura want (need?) to throw at her. Yet, Jane also knew that if they did not talk now, they may not have another opportunity soon.

"Can't it wait?" Jane tried to get some reprieve.

"It has been waiting too long." Maura sighed.

Jane sat up aggressively. "What?"

Maura got a concerned look in her eyes. "You are right, this is not the time." She said softly and tried to pull Jane back to her.

"You already spoiled it, Maura. Just split it out." Jane barked while pushing Maura's arms away.

"I can't talk to you if you are like this." Maura was still trying to pacify her wife.

"Like what?"

"Aggressive –"

"I am not aggressive." Jane yelled.

Maura reached out again, taking Jane firmly by the shoulders. "Yes, you are aggressive Jane. That is why I need you to go into therapy." Maura said firmly.

"I don't need therapy." Jane declared, trying to shrug Maura of. But the doctor would not allow that. She pulled Jane's head closer so that their foreheads were touching. For a few minutes she did not say anything. Jane just decided that Maura gave up the talk, when Maura started explaining.

"You have been through so much this last few years. You never took the time to address your traumas, to sort through your feelings and to heal. I am sorry Jane, but you do need therapy."

This time Jane would not be hold back. She jump up, placed her one hand on her hip and pointed the other one accusingly at Maura.

"Therapy is for the weak. I am NOT weak. I am coping well."

Maura sat back on the couch, discarding all defences. She crossed her legs and folded her hands on her lap. Jane recognised the appearance of Dr. Isles. Maura was in full doctor mode.

"When will you need therapy, Jane?" Maura asked clinically. "When you find your answers on the bottom of a bottle?"

"You know that I never drink to cope with something." Jane said defensively.

Maura's eyes went cold. "When you snap and attack me? When you hurt any children that we may have? When you cannot live with yourself and put a bullet in your brain? Will you only need therapy when you have caused some serious damage?"

"I will never hurt you or our family." Jane retorted angrily.

"Jane Rizzoli won't." Maura admitted. "However the trauma in you may come out like that. If you don't master it, it will master you. Then no-one can predict what Jane Rizzoli would do. Jane, you can very well become an abusive monster."

It was like a cold bucket of water was thrown over Jane. Suddenly all aggression left her and she was standing empty. This was too much. She could not deal with this right know. Without saying a word the detective turned around and headed to her music room. She ignored Maura's attempts to call her back and closed the door behind her. She sat in front of the piano and let her fingers do as they pleased.

Jane always prided herself as a protector. Her friends, family and wife knew that they could always count on her to keep them safe. Just the hypothetical scenario of the contrary disgusted Jane to her soul. She hated fuckers who victimized their families because of their failures. She despised any person who mishandled those that were under their protection and care. A bullet was too good for them.

As the chords were thundering through the room, Jane recalled that often there was a background story to abusers and even killers. Somebody or something happened to them and they retaliated. It did not matter that their victims were innocent. Somebody had to pay the price. Even somebody that had the best intentions. Somebody like Maura.

Jane had no cause to be aggravated when Maura wanted to talk. She was not herself. She had this volcano in her and she allowed it to erupt over Maura. Jane's hands stilled and the last accord slowly faded away. What was the difference? Abuse is abuse. If she could become aggressive with Maura, what stopped her from throwing a punch at Maura? Where will it stop?

Jane started sobbing. Loud, heavy sobs that was tearing from her body. She folded her arms on the keyboard, lay her head on it and wept.

Jane did not know how long she was wailing. At one point she was done. She was too tired to lift her head. She was too fragile to face the world.

But Jane needed to speak to Maura. She will be damned if she did not check to make sure that Maura was okay. At the very least Jane owed her an apology. So she dragged herself away from the piano to go search for her wife.

Jane did not have to look far. Maura was waiting for her just outside the door. Jane could not say if Maura was crying for herself, with Jane or for Jane; but it was clear that many tears were shed outside the music room as well. Jane lowered herself down the wall so that she could sit next to Maura with her back resting against the wall. Both were facing forward.

"I shouldn't have said that." Maura was hoarse from crying.

"I overreacted." Jane did not have much of a voice left after her breakdown. "It just furthers your point." She was once again overwhelmed by tears.

Maura silently placed her hand on Jane's knees.

Jane desperately fought to control her tears, but it was a lost battle. "You are right. I could become abusive. I probably already am abusive."

"Jane, no!" Maura cried. "That is not what I was trying to get at."

Jane finally managed to stop crying again. "I need therapy." She whispered. "This is hard."

"Talk to me, Sweetheart." Maura probed.

"Perhaps I should leave the Force. There is nothing more important to me that your happiness and safety. But I think that the damage cannot be undone. Maura, if I threaten your happiness or safety . . .perhaps we should end it now before I fuck you up beyond all repair."

"Jane, what are you talking about? "

"Maura, you can find somebody that would not destroy you. Somebody that would love you, care for you and protect you. You don't deserve all this fucked up shit."

Maura crawled on to Jane lap. "Jane, I want you to listen to me and hear every word I say. Firstly, I am very sorry for what I said to you earlier. That was cruel, unkind and manipulative. There is no justification. I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me."

Jane wanted to argue, but Maura placed a finger over her mouth. "Just forgive me, please Jane?"

Jane reluctantly nodded. As far as she was concerned there was nothing to forgive. Maura had a valid point earlier.

"Now I want you to know that I would never find somebody that will love me better or more than you do. Nobody could take better care of me and nobody would be more protective. Besides, I cannot love anybody as much as I love you. I am safe with you. You are my happiness."

"Maura-" Jane was again silenced by the Medical Examiner.

"It is the truth, Jane. Also, you are not weak. Anything but. I also don't want you to leave the police force until the day you want to move on. It is your decision, don't let anybody influence you about that."

"Many cops –" Jane protested, but Maura would not hear it.

"You are not many cops. You won't ever let your job hurt your family."

"I wish I could believe that." Jane said quietly.

Maura rested their foreheads against each other. "I believe that for both of us. Jane, you are tired and drained. Let me take care of you."

"You always take care of me."

Maura kissed Jane gently. "That may be true, but there is no expiration date on my privilege to look after you."

Jane rested her head against Maura's shoulder. "I am tired." She confessed. "I don't know . . ." Jane could not even complete the thought, let alone voice it.

"You need rest." Maura stated.

Jane nodded. "And therapy. . ." she mumbled.

Maura stood up and then helped Jane to stand. "How about I tell Cavanaugh to give you a few days of and then we discuss therapy again when you have rested."

"Yes. No!"

Maura chuckled a bit. "Which is it?"

"I don't need to discuss therapy. I need it. I will do it as long as it takes." Jane had made up her mind about this.

"Okay. Will you take a few days off with me and then we can find you a suitable therapist?"

Jane nodded and then allowed Maura to put her to bed.