Emma's POV

After our brief holiday in the Lake District we all had to go back to the Dumping Ground to spend Christmas there. I guess it was nice but then school started and although the teachers agreed to prolong my exams they decided to make up for the revision by swamping me with homework. I was kept so busy I was forgetting what day was approaching ever closer.

It wasn't until one morning when I got a text from one of my old friends from South Oak asking if I wanted to attend a special memorial that I suddenly remembered it was the one year anniversary of Alex's death. I sat up suddenly cursing, I desperately wanted to go the memorial but Mike would not let me with such short notice. Still, I really needed to go and surely he would understand.

I dressed hurriedly and ran down the stairs and burst straight into his office where he was sorting files.

"Good morning Emma," he said, "What brings you here in such a hurry?"

"Mike," I began gently debating what tactic would be best, "Could you take me to my old house?"

He looked at me surprised, "Well…maybe," he said "But I'd have to fill in a lot of paperwork not to mean talking to your social worker but-"

"No I meant today," I interrupted.

"Today!" he said taking off his glasses, "I'm sorry Emma, that's impossible."
"No it's not," I argued, "You could drive me down!"

"Emma, you know we can't take you there without consulting people first," he said firmly, "And even then it's unlikely we'll let you. There's too many risks."

"That's not fair though," I said, "Anyone else can get driven down to a certain place at short notice! Just because I'm a care kid doesn't mean I'm any different!"
"I'm not suggesting that at all," said Mike, "But there are strict guidelines on exposing care kids to old memories."

"What's going on?" May-Li had wandered through the door,

"May-Li, could you drive me down to Tunbridge Wells please?" I started on her immediately, "I really, really need to go!"

She also looked surprised and looked at Mike, "I…don't know Emma, probably not."

I sighed frustratingly, "Why don't you understand? I really need to go! You pretend to know it all but you don't know anything!"

"Why are you so desperate all of a sudden?" Mike asked me but I had worked myself up now that I didn't want to answer that.

"There doesn't always have to be a reason Mike," I said, "And you know that."

With that I walked out of the office and marched into the kitchen. It smelt delicious. Kazima was baking masses of pasties for a care worker conference taking place later today.

"Morning Emma," said Finn brightly handing me a cup of coffee.

"Morning," I said more bitterly than I intended.

"Ooh someone got out the wrong side of the bed this morning," Tyler said grinning.

"It's not that," I said sitting down next to him, "Mike won't let me go to Tunbridge Wells,"

"Why do you want to go there?" asked Floss.

"No reason," I muttered, I didn't want to tell them. I'd either get sympathy or scepticism and although I couldn't stand anyone talking bad about Alex I also didn't like people taking too much pity on me. It made me feel like a burden.

Ryan was watching me but didn't say anything until we finished breakfast and he caught me just as I left the room.

"Tunbridge Wells right?" he said, "I can help you get there."

I looked at him suspiciously, "And why would you help me do that?"

He shrugged, "Why not? I can see you really want to go."

"Ok," I agreed, "What's the plan?"

"Get your stuff and meet me here in five minutes ok?" he instructed me.

I did as I was told, no idea what he was planning, but packing my phone, food and money in a small bag and found Ryan in the empty lounge behind the computer looking up train tickets.

"Ooh that's expensive," I said after we managed to look up the cheapest one, "It may be cheaper to go via London."

"Yep," said Ryan pointing at the screen, "But even that's going to cost us loads."
I looked at him, "Us?"

"You don't think I'm letting you go there by yourself?" he said, "Plus I've always wanted to travel to the south of the country."

"Sure, but that makes it even more expensive," I said, "We're never going to afford it. We've got to find a way to make money."
I could see him thinking until suddenly his eyes lit up.

"Got it," he said and I followed him out of the lounge.

I wandered into the kitchen where Kazima was lining up the pasties in rows on baking trays.

"Mm Kaz they look lovely," I said sidling beside her, "May I have some?"

She frowned, "They're for the care worker's conference."

"I know, but they're never going to eat all of them," I said, "You see I'm going to Katie's house and she's setting up a sleepover and we all need to bring food and I haven't got any."

"I guess I could spare a few," she said, "How many girls will be there?"
I thought quickly, "Umm…fifteen."
She looked surprised but didn't question it and handed me fifteen golden pasties in a little basket.

"Here you go," she said, "I hope you enjoy them."
"Thank you so much Kazima," I said gratefully, "I owe you big time."

I ran out of the kitchen before she could change her mind where Ryan was waiting.

"Good," he said peering in the basket, "Now we've got to sell them somewhere in town where we're unlikely to see anyone who'll recognise us."

"How much do pasties usually sell for?" I wondered as we slipped out of the door.

He hesitated, "I'd guess no more than £4.50."

"That might just get us to London added with what we've already got," I said, "But not any further."

"Let's increase it to £5.50 then," he said, "But any more, people are unlikely to buy any at all."

We walked into town without anyone spotting us, I'd told Mike I was going to visit Katie and he'd let me so I felt a little bad I'd betrayed his trust but I desperately needed to get to Tunbridge Wells and with a bit of luck we'd be back at a reasonable time.

For a while it seemed like no-body was remotely interested in buying pasties but as the time creeped towards twelve and one o clock people began looking interested and Ryan did what he did best: Persuade and charm them to pieces. They couldn't resist and finally all the pasties were sold and thankfully we made just enough money to get to Tunbridge Wells and back.

"Yes!" I said, once I'd counted it all, "Come on, let's get to the station."

We both had bus passes so we could get the bus to the station without paying anything and at the station tracked down a ticket machine and had to count out all the coins until we had exactly the right amount with a little left over. The train wasn't busy and we were able to sit by the window with a table without any problems. I checked my phone but so far there were no suspicions from Mike and May-Li. I had a text from one of my old mates saying the memorial was at two but I knew I couldn't make that so I informed them of that and sat back feeling a little deflated.

"You all right?" asked Ryan who was sat opposite me.

I sighed, "I can't make the thing I'm meant to be going to."

He looked confused, "What were you meant to be going to?"

"Well a year ago," I began, "Before you came, one of my friends from my old school died after being hit by a lorry and there is a memorial there today for the one year anniversary but I got such short notice Mike can't take me there because there are guidelines about exposing care kids to old memories." I said quoting Mike.

"So what do you want to do now?" asked Ryan.

I considered, "I'd like to buy flowers and visit the spot where she, well you know…died."

Ryan was looking at me with possible sympathy but I couldn't really tell so I pressed on, "And I'd love to see my old house where I used to live, I haven't been there in years."

"Ok," said Ryan, "I don't mind, you can lead the way."
Lead the way. I hadn't been there in ages so I quickly whipped out my phone to check routes and I vaguely remembered it.

Soon we got to the station and I we walked into the town which I began to recognise and found a florist and bought a big bunch of flowers and we eventually found the bus station because I couldn't remember exactly where it was. We got on the right bus and sat down upstairs and I took the time to write a message on the card attached to the flowers. I was feeling a little nervous especially as we got off the bus as I could see the spot almost immediately as it was covered in bunches of flowers.

I stared but didn't move. Ryan was watching me, "Are you ok?" he asked me.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I insisted and walked shakily towards the spot. There was no one else there but there certainly had been. There were flowers and pictures and cakes everywhere as they were her favourite foods. I placed my bunch against the nearest lamppost with a green ribbon tied around it as that was her favourite colour. I stepped back and just stared. This was where she died one year ago at 17 minutes past 5; it was hard to get my head around and I certainly didn't want to stay long. Ryan was still stood next to me and didn't say anything but put his hand on my shoulder as a form of comfort which I appreciated greatly.

After a further few minutes I sighed, "Come on, let's just go," I found it extremely difficult to stand there and watch the cars go by. Maybe Mike did have a point.

We turned around to walk back to the bus stop when we nearly bumped into two girls carrying huge wreaths.

"Sorry," I said and then instantly recognised them. Tori Sparks and Alina Brown: My two worst enemies back in school. We had never got on but it made sense they were here because Alex's bumbling, kind personality had drawn them in.

"Emma?" they gasped, "Oh my god what are you doing here?"

"I um, came to pay my respects to Alex," I mumbled.

"You should have come to the memorial then," said Alina laying her wreath down.

"I tried," I said, "But the train was late."
"Shame," said Tori but before I could reply she eyed up Ryan, "Whose this?" she asked.

"Oh I'm-"

"My foster brother," I interjected quickly. He gave me a strange look but didn't comment and just nodded.

"Oh yeah you got taken into care didn't you?" said Alina, "So how's that been?"

"Fine," I shrugged.

"Hmm, well it's been lovely speaking to you but we've got things to be doing," said Tori "See you Emma."

They shoved past and we made our way to the bus stop.

"God, I can't stand them," I said, "This is meant to be a sad, remembering occasion and they're still as bad as they used to be. You'd think they'd be nice at least for today. It's not likely they're going to see me again."

"Never mind them," said Ryan, "They don't matter. Are you sure you want to go to your old house?"
"Yes," I said determinedly stepping on the bus.

I didn't recognise the first part of the route but slowly things started looking familiar and I remembered the correct stop and soon saw the name of the road I lived down. I walked down it slowly not saying a word until I reached number twenty two. It looked exactly the same.

The garden was still an untidy mess of flowers and grass, the windows had the same curtains and the door had exactly the same knocker.

"How are you going to get in?" asked Ryan but I'd already thought about that. I began searching through the many flowerpots littered by the door until I found a small, rusty key in a pot of drooping tulips. I stuck it in the lock with shaking hands and walked in.

It was dusty but tidy with books stacked in neat piles around the hall and the shoes lined up on the mat, the chairs were tucked under the table and the furniture was exactly where it should be.

"No-one's been here in ages," I said wiping my finger along the mantelpiece.

"When was the last time you were here?" asked Ryan examining various objects.

"Ummm," I thought hard, "I was about 10?"

"Is that you?" asked Ryan pointing to a dusty photo of a toddler in the garden hanging on the wall.

"Yes," I said, "And I used to have black hair?!"

"It suited you," commented Ryan, "Whose that next to you?"

I wiped the dust away gently and saw the smiling face of David before he went bad.

"That's…um, one of my brothers," I said, "I don't see them anymore."
"I understand," said Ryan surprisingly, and when I looked at him I saw genuine sadness in his eyes, "I have a sister." He said looking down, "I don't see her either."

It was the most I'd got out of him about his mysterious past but I knew he wasn't the huggy type so I laid my hand on his shoulder sympathetically like he's done half an hour earlier.

"Come on then," said Ryan suddenly, "Where was your bedroom?"

"Upstairs," I said pointing and made my way up to the first bedroom on the left quickly grabbing the photo and putting it in my pocket.

Inside it was still painted beige with various posters of animals and friends and me at parties or with family. Half the posters were peeling and the desk had collected dust but my bed was still made with the same duvet cover I used to have.

"When my gran came to collect Ed, she must have forgotten about me," I said, "All my stuff is here."

"Do you want any of it?" asked Ryan.

I took the photo out of my pocket and stared hard at it. Although it was a happy memory, it haunted me, David had once been such a sweet innocent child but wasn't any more so I shook my head, "No, too many bad memories."

"Fair enough," said Ryan and we went back downstairs to see if there was any edible food left over in the cupboards. We'd skipped lunch as there were no pasties and the minimal food I'd quickly snuck in my bag was long since eaten.

There was plenty but most of it had gone off though we scoured everywhere.

"Ugh," I said pulling out rotten fruits and vegetables, "I'm dumping these."

"And this," said Ryan disgustedly, pouring a can of soup twenty years out of date down the sink.

Eventually we found a can of cold sweetcorn, some chewy Haribos and some microwavable popcorn which we finished quickly. It made us very thirsty but we tried some water from the tap but it had gone a funny colour so we left it.

"Come on," I said, "I've still got a bit of money left; we can buy a bottle of water."
I looked around the house one more time and then shut the door sadly behind me and considered taking the key with me, but in the end decided against it and placed it back inside the pot of drooping tulips.

"Can we help you?" a voice suddenly said.

Ryan and I whipped around to see a girl and a boy there of about our age. The girl was very pretty with blonde hair curled into a bun and rosy cheeks and the boy was dressed in sports stuff and was holding a basketball under his arm. He looked at me confused and then suddenly lit up.

"Emma?"

I stared at them and suddenly realised, "George and Georgina?"

They had been a pair of twins that had lived a few houses down and I always used to play sports with them. Although we were at different schools we had still been very good friends.

"Oh my god Emma, what brings you here?" asked Georgina, "And how have you been?"

"Umm, I came to attend Alex's memorial and then I came here to see how much it changed." I explained quickly.

"Oh yes we heard about that," said George, "I'm so sorry."
"Thanks," I said awkwardly.

"Do you still play basketball?" asked Georgina.

"No," I said, "I never had the opportunity."
"Well do you fancy a game now?" offered George twirling the ball on his finger, "And you're friend can join in too," he said nodding at Ryan.

"Ooh definitely," said Georgina smiling so sweetly at him, it made my skin crawl.

"Actually he's my foster brother," I said again, hopefully making her see, we were close and to stay away. I realise now how jealous I must have been.

"Come on then," said George and he led us to the basketball court which had changed considerably since I'd been there. It had been spruced up considerably and there was now a proper surface as oppose to cracked concrete.

I had never seen Ryan play basketball and he too me back by being surprisingly nippy up and down the court. George had split the teams: Me and him versus Georgina and Ryan. They were much better than they used to be and I hadn't played for years so we were fairly evenly matched. But after an hour I checked my watch and jumped. If we didn't get the train now, we wouldn't be back before midnight.

"Thanks guys that was fun," I said calling a halt to it, "But we really need to go, train to catch and stuff."
"Oh ok!" said George, "But please call us or come again sometime! You'd always be welcome."
"Yes and you can take Ryan with you," said Georgina slipping her number in his hand, "Good bye."

"Come on Ryan," I said nudging him away from her.

"She gave me her number," he said looking at it as we walked back to the bus stop, "Should I call her?"

"If you want to," I said bitterly, "But she's a real player."
"Really?" he said, "She didn't seem like it."
"Ring her, don't ring her, I don't really mind," I said, "I'm probably never going to see her again."
"What's got you?" he asked.

"Nothing." I said shortly, "Come on, we've got a bus to catch."

Ryan didn't say anything but when we passed a bin he chucked the paper with her number on it in there.

"There, that's the place for that," he said and looked at me.

I didn't say anything, but I smiled at him.