This week on: Prank Wars - We play with a piñata, we explore the true limits of duct tape, experiment with robotics, visit a bakery, and see a show at Mike's Inner Mind Theater. And explore whatJacob likes order in the mail.
Well everyone, this is it. The last chapter, and we certainly pulled out all the stops, or at least we tried to. This was a fun chapter to write and we may have gone a little overboard. But we hope you'll enjoy this last chapter. Please vote on the poll located on my profile so that we can know which story to work on next. When we do post new stories the links will still be provided in Every 28 Days, so please add it to your story alerts. Thank you to everyone who supported this story, we couldn't have done it without you and we greatly appreciate your support!
Chapter 14: Free for All
BPOV
April 11, 2009
The rest of last night had been uneventful. I had gotten home late and had taken a shower and falling asleep next to Edward, just like always. And, like always, he had been there in the morning when I woke up. I had wanted him to stay but I did have some homework to do. So he went back to his house and I started on my work. Strangely enough, the morning went without incident. It was kind of strange, actually.
RPOV
April 11, 2009
Things were too normal. Carlisle had gone to work, Esme was cleaning the house, the guys were playing video games in the living room and Alice and I had plans to go shopping at the mall. But I could feel something building in the air. The prank war had escaladed and no one quite knew what would happen next.
Would Bella seek an alliance with one of us? Who would turn on their family for a human? Besides Edward. No one could be sure. Except Alice. So to alleviate the tension we planned to start the craziness early. We had to make a few quick stops before we went to the mall.
BPOV
April 11, 2009
Around the middle of the day I got a text from Rosalie asking if could get over to their house ASAP. Charlie was at work so Edward appeared a moment later looking very confused. He didn't say anything as he hoisted me onto his back and started back towards his house. Then suddenly he started to laugh, a quite chuckle at first, that turned into a belly laugh, then laughter that could wake the dead and finally Edward collapsed just past the forest that surrounded his house and rolled on the ground, laughing uncontrollably and leaving me to hike all the way up to his house.
I finally found the rest of the Cullens out back. Alice was leaning up against a tree and trying desperately to control her laughter while Emmett was securing a rope around a tree branch. And that's when I noticed it. There was a big, brown, dog-shaped piñata sitting on the ground.
"What the-"
"Surprise!" Everyone yelled.
Esme came over and hugged me. "Congratulations, Bella, on having survived your first ever April Fool's Day with our family. To celebrate, Alice and Rosalie got you a piñata." At the mention of the piñata Alice and Rosalie started to laugh again. Edward staggered up drunkenly behind me, laughing all the while. Together they fell into a pile of laughing bodies. "They're been doing that all morning," Esme said, pegging the whole pile with a glare.
The rest of us just shrugged and finished setting up. Esme went a fair distance away and turned on the video camera. Emmett measured out what looked like half a mile's worth of string and walked away, testing the rope by jerking the piñata around a bit while Jasper gave me a metal pole.
Piñata's POV
April 11, 2009
This was going to be bad.
BPOV
April 11, 2009
This was getting to be infuriating. They hadn't spun me around and I wasn't blindfolded but I still couldn't hit the stupid piñata. Emmett, at first, had pulled the rope a little, but after I swung and accidentally sent the bat flying in his direction he decided to keep it steady. I kept swinging and swinging but no matter what I did I couldn't connect with the piñata.
At first the Cullens had snickered at me and my pitiful misses. But then the novelty had worn off and Jasper began booing me and Emmett was trying to help by calling out tips. Finally I stopped. I lined up my shot and built up all my rage into one powerful swing. Even if I missed the piñata I was sure I would hit something hard enough to gain some satisfaction. With my rage finally reaching its highest peaks I swung the pole straight for the main body and-
RPOV
April 11, 2009
One Hour Earlier
"Oh this is going to be fun," I giggled as we drove away from the grocery store. "I can't believe we're doing this! I mean, I had a feeling it would come to this one day but I just didn't think this is how he would meet his end."
Alice giggled in the seat next to me and peeked into the backseat. "Do you think we have enough glue? He's pretty big, after all."
"Yeah, it'll be fine. Worse case scenario we'll just have to staple it on."
Alice laughed again. Soon we arrived at our destination. We pulled ski masks over our faces, not that we really needed them, and grabbed the supplies we had stashed in my truck earlier that day.
"You take the rope, Alice," I said. "I'll use the duct tape and throw him in the sack."
"Right." Alice slipped the length of rope over her shoulder. "This is great, he'll never know what hit him!"
"Ready or not, Jacob, here we come."
BPOV
April 11, 2009
My aim was true and my force was great. I wound up and swung right for the exposed middle of the piñata, and then . . .
Piñata's POV
April 11, 2009
This is going to hurt like a bi-
BPOV
April 11, 2009
WHAM! I hit the piñata right in his sweet spot. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the guys all cringe in unison.
"Why are you guys cringing? I know it looks like it's a boy dog but it's not like its ali-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," a very familiar voice yelled.
"Jacob?!"
Jacob's POV
April 11, 2009
Why? Oh, God, why?! Ah! It hurts!
BPOV
April 11, 2009
Carlisle lowered Jacob to the ground where he proceeded to roll around inside his piñata suit for a while. Alice, Rosalie and Edward collapsed into another fit of laughter, Jasper complained about the lack of candy. After a few minutes we went back inside and resumed our normal activities.
A little while later Jacob staggered in. "Bells, tell these bloodsuckers to leave me out of their stupid war. I'm not a piñata and I won't be used for any more pie target practice!"
"This isn't a war," Alice said, not looking up from her magazine. "We do this every year. We just usually don't have this much fun."
"But a war would be interesting," Rosalie said.
"And we'd need some supplies," Edward said.
"I'll get Carlisle," Esme said, grabbing her car keys and digging out a large black bag from the closet marked "Hide the Evidence" before walking outside.
"So it's settled then," Emmett said, shutting off his video game. "We shall begin immediately."
"Wait, what?! Ah, no, I'm getting out of here," Jacob said, running from the house and leaving a trail of brightly colored confetti behind him.
CPOV
April 11, 2009
I will never understand how my family comes up with these ideas. I had only been at work for a few hours. I went to take my "lunch break" around noon and suddenly I find myself in the middle of a war zone. Or so I was told.
"Hello dear," Esme said, waltzing into my office. "I have a surprise for you, close you eyes."
Now I suppose that I should have been more suspicious, given all the crazy shenanigans that had been going on around her recently. But what can I say? I can never resist Esme.
So the next thing I knew I was inside a body bag. "Esme! Let me out! I told you last time that I would not do this again! You know I hate being in these things, remember what happened during that vacation?!"
"Fine," Esme said. Somewhere just above my head a hole appeared and a straw was thrust down into my mouth. "Is that better"
"Actually it-"
"How about now?"
I was about to point out that nothing had changed when suddenly something rushed down the straw and into my mouth. And then everything went black.
EPOV
April 11, 2009
I did feel a little bad about drugging my husband, but if he wasn't going to sit still while he was in the body bag I had no other choice. Once he stopped moving I pulled out the straw and re-zipped the bag. And then it was just a quick trip back through the front doors of the hospital.
I was happy to see that no one, not the doctors, nurses or even the patients, gave me a second glance as I dragged my black body bag from out of Carlisle's office. They had adjusted so well to us already. Unlike the last hospital where he worked. I shook my head, recalling the memory. Those poor children.
RPOV
April 11, 2009
I knew that Edward had an idea; he was getting that glint in his eye that meant he was working on something special. So I decided that now would be a good time to get Bella out of the house.
"Come on, Bella. Let's go to the mall. We need some supplies if we're going to win this war."
"But bad things happen tom e when we got to the mall," Bella whined.
"If you come," I whispered, "I can show you what all of Edward's weaknesses are."
Bella looked up at me with shining eyes. "Really?" I nodded. "Let's go!"
And with that we were out the door.
EPOV
April 11, 2009
"Floor it," Bella yelled from outside.
Good, my plan was working. Now if only Emmett and Jasper would leave . . .
"Jasper, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"That ducks should wear long pants?"
"Well . . . yes, now. But I was thinking something else." Emmett whispered for a moment and then Jasper began jumping up and down and clapping excitedly. "Quick, to the Batcave!"
"Na-na-na-na-na!"
And with that, Alice and I were alone.
"You know Alice," I said, "You're very small. Which makes you very light . . . on your feet that is."
"Edward, stop it, I don't know what you're planning but-"
"Oh please, Alice, I'm not planning anything." I started to move towards Alice and she backed up. "All I'm saying is that you're very small. Small enough to . . . oh say . . . fit into a pillowcase!" I grabbed the pillowcase I had hidden in my back pocket and scooped Alice up, plopping her inside. "Well what do you know, you fit!"
"Edward let me out! Let me out!"
"Hrm, perhaps I should use a little duct tape." I grabbed a role of silver tape out of a desk drawer and taped Alice's mouth shut. I looked at Alice and then at the tape. "You know," I said. "I bet there's enough tape her to cover you completely."
"Mmrvmph!"
"What? Oh fine, I won't cover your hair."
"Mmrvmph mmv."
Two minutes later I had covered Alice head-to-toe in duct tape and still had some left over. "Want to do a second layer?"
No, Alice thought.
"Great," I said.
Two more minutes and I had used up the entire roll of duct tape, covering Alice twice and making her some bunny ears. Satisfied with my work I threw her back in the pillow case and walked out of the house.
EmPOV
April 11, 2009
We couldn't find the Batcave.
JPOV
April 11, 2009
I'm a fisherman, now!
CPOV
April 11, 2009
The next thing I could really remember was waking up inside a dark, steel room. On the wall was a hand-made needlepoint sign that said "Cell, Sweet Prank War Prisoner Cell" in cheery pink letters.
I groaned, but I had to give it to family, they really went all out for April Fool's Day. I was just about to settle down in a corner and try and dig my way out of the cell with a spoon when I noticed something silver that was wriggling my way.
Maybe it was the drugs talking but to me that silver wiggly thing looked exactly like some sort of horrific alien from one of Emmett's video games. I screamed, loudly, and rushed towards the thing. Without a second thought I picked it up and sent it flying through the back wall of the cell, conveniently creating an escape route. I watched for a moment as the thing rolled down the hill we were sitting atop. It was headed straight for the water and part of me hoped it could swim. Another part of me didn't really care whether or not brain-eating aliens could swim or not.
I decided not to stick around and find out, instead opting to go find the rest of my family and end this war once and for all.
JPOV
April 11, 2009
"Darn fish just ain't biting today," I said to no one in particular. Just then a strange silver object whizzed past me and flew into the water. I sighed, "Looks like the government is busy testing those new robotic armadillos again."
"MMRVMPH!"
I looked around and discovered that the robotic armadillo was flopping around the surface of the water frantically.
"Poor thing," I said. "You probably can't swim can you? Alright, hang on." I cast out my line and tried my best to catch the poor creature. I got a hold of it in record time.
APOV
April 11, 2009
It took Jasper twenty minutes to fish me out of that water. I was furious with him by the time he finally pulled me onto dry land. I got him to pull the duct tape off my mouth and promptly began yelling at him.
JPOV
April 11, 2009
I took it's mouthpiece off and the poor thing started to malfunction. Oh well, maybe the water was better for it. Not bothering to listen to its angry rants and protests, I threw the armadillo back into the water and walked away.
RPOV
April 11, 2009
We were making good time on our way to the mall and, regardless of what Bella says, I am a great driver. That person was already headed towards the tree; I just got them there faster.
But as I zoomed down one street I saw something silver flash by. I slammed on the breaks, causing Bella to fly towards the dashboard before the seatbelt engaged and she was throttled back into her seat.
"What was that," I asked aloud.
"I don't know, my brains flying out of my head, perhaps?"
"No, it was silver." I started to follow the silver thing down the street and watched as it splashed into the water. I saw Jasper pull it out of the water and that's when I realized it, "That's Alice!"
"Is it?" Bella squinted out the windshield, "I just see Jasper with a fishing pole. Wait, what did he just throw into the water? And where's he going?!"
"That was Alice, come on, let's go get her."
APOV
April 11, 2009
Finally Rosalie and Bella pulled me out of the water and unwrapped me. When I could finally see them I saw that Rosalie had her tranquilizer gun in one hand and Bella in the other. She slipped the gun into a strap on her back and held her hand out to me.
"Let's go wreak havoc," she said, smiling widely.
I smiled back. "I knew there was a reason I loved you!"
EPOV
April 11, 2009
After I disposed of the bod–I mean, left Alice in the . . . new room, I went to the mall to stock up on ammunition. I knew that Alice saw this ending with us throwing things at each other from behind forts, so I decided it would be a better idea if we fought with something relatively soft. Like pie, it would still hurt, a bit, but it's one of the better options.
But I never even got to the bakery in the mall. Instead, I was intercepted by Emmett. "Good sir, it has become aware to me that you . . . are a COWARD!"
Usually I just ignore Emmett, but what can I say? I was in a punchy mood and decided to humor him. "A coward, you say? I am no coward! You sir are the COWARD!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"I challenge you to a duel!" Emmett grabbed a plastic knife and pointed it at my chest. So of course I did the only logical thing, I grabbed one and began dueling with Emmett, with plastic knives, in the middle of a mall.
BPOV
April 11, 2009
Alice was still pretty mad so I suggested that we get a little revenge on Jasper, instead of just shooting him with the tranquilizer gun. They were all for the idea but none of us could think of an original idea. And that's when I noticed that we were outside a costume shop. And there was a utility store a few stores down, and they were sure to have some rope. My idea was still just a few disjointed ideas floating around inside my head when I saw a children's train ride by on a track in front of us.
"That's it!"
JPOV
April 11, 2009
I was standing somewhere, waving my fishing pole and then, suddenly, everything went dark.
When I woke up again, I had a tranquilizer dart in my chest. Very common. I was in a dress. Still very common. I was tied up. I'd rank this as uncommon considering I wasn't in my bedroom with Alice. And I was on railroad tracks. Uncommon. And there was a train coming. Which, I suppose, made sense.
"Ahhh!!"
BPOV
April 11, 2009
While Jasper, the "damsel in distress," wriggled on the train tracks Rosalie, Alice and I had gotten fake mustaches and twirled the ends of them nefariously.
EPOV
April 11, 2009
I would have to start listening to Emmett more often; this plastic knife duel was simply thrilling. We had been rushing through the mall, dodging and rolling and thrusting and laughing hysterically. And now were began circling the fountain that was in the center of the mall. I, of course, had the upper hand and was dodging cupid statues while trying to stab Emmett, who was growing angrier by the minute.
I saw Bella and my sisters walk up and begin watching us. So of course I just had to show off. Although it really would have been better if I had decided just to ignore them. Instead I thrust my knife forwards towards Emmett and did, what was in my opinion, a splendid summersault through the air. Well of course I missed, and ending up poking something else. Something squishier than Emmett and that screamed like a girl. No it wasn't Mike, it was Jessica.
When I went sailing through the air I accidentally hit Jessica . . . in the chest . . . with a plastic knife. Now, rest assured, Jessica was fine. I barely tapped her with the knife. Unfortunately, I hit her hard enough that anything delicate would have been punctured. This is exactly what happened.
Jessica's POV
April 11, 2009
"My water bra!"
Mike's POV
April 11, 2009
"You're boobs! Oh God, not you boobs, anything but your boobs!"
Wait . . . would it be better if it was anything other than that?
Mike's Inner Mind Theater
April 11, 2009
Jessica and an extremely handsome man, known as Mike are walking in the mall. Jessica is fawning over Mike and he's trying politely to resist her, at least while they are in public. Suddenly, out of no where, an evil man, known as "Cullen," appears and throws acid all over the beautiful Jessica's face!
"Darn you, Cullen," the heroic Mike yells as the cowardly villain scampers off into the distance. "Jessica, are you alright?"
Jessica's face is now quite misshapen due to the acid, her chest, however, remains in perfect condition.
"Mike," the poor girl sniffles, "Do you still think I'm pretty?"
Mike looks at her face, and then at her chest. "Of course I do, baby."
"Mike," she sniffles again, "I can't see very well. Are you looking at my face or my chest?"
"Of course I'm looking at your face," Mike lies.
BPOV
April 11, 2009
I don't know what it was about that sentence. Maybe it was because Mike was talking about Jessica's boobs. Maybe it was because Mike was upset while he was talking about her boobs. Or maybe it was just because Mike was talking. I don't really know which one it was but the next thing I knew I was punching him and screaming, "Mike, you moron!"
And wow, what a punch! Mike flew backwards, went sailing through the air, looped around one of the cupid statues, almost paused mid-air above the water before racing back towards me, turning, still in the air, mind you, and landing crotch-first into one of cupid's arrows.
RPOV
April 11, 2009
I hated having to touch Mike, but I did get to cause him an insane amount of pain and Bella feels like she has magical punches now, so it's all okay.
EPOV
April 11, 2009
We all laughed for a bit after Mike got hit, once again, and then went back to dueling. Now by this point, we had taken a number of swipes at each other and both of our shirts had been torn off completely, much to the enjoyment of nearly every woman around us.
As we fought now, Emmett managed to back me into a bakery and ice cream shop. We kept trying to stab each other and probably scared the poor girl at the counter out of her mind. But unfortunately, this was war and I didn't have time to think about that. I did, however, have time to take a snack break.
"Hey Emmett, look behind you, Rosalie's in a swimsuit!"
"Oh!" Emmett immediately spun around and ran out of the store.
"Excuse me," I said to the girl at the counter. "I'd like to buy cupcake. It doesn't matter what kind."
"Okay," the girl said, a little shakily, "One moment please."
"Thank you," I said, smiling kindly. Bella had taught me to be polite to humans; we had a tendency to leave a big impression on their lives.
"Hey, you lied," Emmett yelled, barging back into the room.
"It's ready," the girl whispered quietly behind me, placing a cupcake on the counter.
"So I did, Emmett, have a cupcake." And then the little treat was flying through the air, right for Emmett's face. It landed with a splat right between his eyes, sending icing all over his face and creating a little mask.
"Oh yeah?!" Emmett raced over to the ice cream bar and grabbed a can of whipped cream. "Cover up, dude!" Emmett sprayed a man-thong on me and laughed hysterically for a good long minute. I just stared at him for a moment.
"Emmett you're a moron."
"I agree," someone piped up.
I turned to see Bella wearing a small black dance leotard in the doorway. "Bella," I said cautiously. "What are you wearing?"
"That's not important right now, Edward." Bella walked over and grabbed the can of whipped cream from Emmett, who was pretending to look innocent. "You can't have a thong without a matching demi-bra." And then she sprayed a whipped cream bra over my chest. "And you'll need to accessorize." Bella grabbed a squeeze bottle of hot fudge and wrote "Hot Stuff" over my chest and then covered it in sprinkles.
"But Bella, now we don't match," I pointed out.
"Well that's not really a-"
I snatched the whipped cream and sprayed a whipped cream bikini onto Bella, Emmett style. This meant I used a lot of unnecessary flourishes and ended with a little mask on her face. "But, yours needs more color." I grabbed the caramel and started painting intricate swirling designs over Bella's stomach and arms. I threw some rainbow sprinkles onto the bottom half of her bikini and tossed in two cherries for the top. "Now turn around."
Bella did as she was told and I wrote "Hottie" onto the back of her bikini bottoms. She giggled when I told her what I had done and kissed my cheek.
"Excuse me," a man in a candy striped shirt said. "Are you going to pay for all those toppings?"
"Of course," Edward said and promptly gave the man a credit card number; a number I remembered as the one Alice had texted me the day before.
"Edward, you're starting to drip chocolate syrup."
I looked down, sure enough, I was. "Hrm, perhaps you should help me get it off."
"Edward!" Bella turned bright red and tried to hide herself from the world. She looked like at any moment she was going to run off. I was just starting to wonder if I had gone too far when Bella grabbed my wrist and yanked me out of the store and headed towards my car that was sitting in the parking lot.
APOV
April 11, 2009
"You see, Rose? I told you having her wear the leotard would be a good idea."
EsPOV
April 11, 2009
I wasn't sure why Bella and Edward, both in strange outfits comprised of ice cream toppings, rushed by me in the mall but I decided now was not the time to ask.
"Esme, can you go buy some pies? Alice has the credit card number you'll want to use for it! Thanks!"
I was completely baffled but I decided to do as I was told. I found Alice and then went into the store and bought as many pies as they could sell to me. In the end, it took me, Alice, and Rosalie to carry all the pies out of the store.
I was debating where we should keep the pies when I saw a giant tent labeled: Ammunition Tent: Keep Out.
"Alice," I said cautiously, "What is this all about?"
"Well it is war, Esme. We'll put the pies in there and then it's a free for all."
"Ohhhhhh, pie, can I have some?"
We all turned to see a very strangely dressed person standing behind us. It sounded like Jasper, but it didn't look like him.
"What did you-?"
"Oh, I went to one of those beauty counters and decided to 'beautify' myself. So," he said, "How do I look?"
We all stared at him for a minute before answering. At one point, Bella and Edward joined us, followed my Carlisle. Bella started to laugh before controlling herself, Carlisle and Edward just ignored him and started to load the pies into the tent.
Jasper was wearing a heavy layer of midnight blue eye shadow that stretched from his lids up to his eyebrows and wearing some mint green shadow underneath his eyes. He had tried to use eyeliner and had ended up just making smudges in the shadow. He had a streak of bright pink blush on each side of his face, completely missing the apples of his cheeks. He had lined his lips, which were coated in a horribly unflattering shade of red lipstick, with some pink lip liner that only clashed with the other colors on his face.
"I'm sorry, Jessica," Bella said, "Charlie always tells me not to say rude things."
"But I'm not Jessica, I'm Jasper!"
"Oh . . . sorry, you look like Jessica."
"Really?" Jasper brushed some hair out of his face. "I was going for hooker."
"Didn't you hear me? I said you look like Jessica."
Everyone laughed, which is why no one saw Edward sneak up and smash a pie into Bella's face.
Bella screamed and looked around for the culprit. She raced inside the tent and found Emmett laughing hysterically. So she grabbed a pie and threw it in his face before rushing outside again.
EmPOV
April 11, 2009
One minute I was laughing and the next there was blueberry pie in my face. I hate blueberries! I grabbed the nearest pie and chucked it at Edward, who was chuckling merrily outside the tent.
EPOV
April 11, 2009
Ever since Bella forced food down my throat in a hormonal rage, I could not stand food getting too close to my face. So when someone smashed a pie into my face, I was furious. And it could only be one person.
RPOV
April 11, 2009
That pie ruined my makeup. The next person I see is going to get a face full of pastry.
"Hi Rose," Jasper said happily.
JPOV
April 11, 2009
Why did Rosalie hit me in the face with pie?! That hurt! And Bella won't stop laughing, why is she so mean?
BPOV
April 11, 2009
Oh great, more pie! This one must be from Carlisle, he was standing right behind me and he's one of the only people who hasn't hit anyone yet.
CPOV
April 11, 2009
I was really hoping I wouldn't have to stoop to this level, but what they hey. It's fun, and it is war.
RPOV
April 11, 2009
Why don't I get to throw pie? I want to throw pie.
So I decided to throw some pie. And everyone's face was covered in banana cream.
EsPOV
April 11, 2009
I got hit with two pies in a row. TWO! How is that fair?
I grabbed the rhubarb pie and chucked it at Carlisle.
CPOV
April 11, 2009
Maybe I shouldn't throw pies at my wife. But she wouldn't do this by herself. It was someone else's idea . . . Bella; it must have been Bella's idea!
BPOV
April 11, 2009
I will never know how I managed to hit everyone at once. But somehow, everyone had a brown pie crust on their face and chocolate dripping from their chin.
Of course, then the joke was on me. I got hit with seven different pies all at the same time. This didn't very good. Especially when you combined rhubarb, pumpkin and mixed berry.
And then all heck broke loose. We ended up each hiding behind whatever we could find and threw pies at each other for a good ten minutes until someone special came to visit us.
"Stop, stop it, all of you," Jacob said, running into the middle of our battlefield and immediately slipped on the cream and landed flat on his butt. Jumping up again he resumed his speech. "This is silly, you guys! What is the point of all this? You've just wasted a ton of precious pie! And what about the people at the mall? You've created a terrible mess."
We hung our heads in shame.
EPOV
April 11, 2009
I could tell by her expression that Bella was beginning to feel ashamed of what she did. Her head was hanging low and she looked very upset. The rest of us, however, had already made plans to clean the mall and were only hanging out heads to avoid more lecturing from Jacob.
"That's right," he said, continuing his speech. "You should all be ashamed. You bunch of babies."
And that's what sealed his fate.
I felt Jasper send out a wave of rage and suddenly Jacob was hit with eight different pies in eight different places all at once. Needless to say, we all hit our mark and Jacob's scream was higher than normal . . . again.
And that's the story of how the Cullens were banned from the ma-I mean, the story of Bella's first April Fool's Day with me and my family.
Jacob's POV
April 30, 2009
I heard the familiar metal creak that told me someone was opening the mail slot followed by the comforting sound of a stack of letters hitting the floor. I pushed myself off the couch lazily and picked up the mail. The rest of the month had been relatively peaceful and I had almost forgotten about what had happened at the mall with the Cullens.
I sifted through the mail. Gas your termites, freeze your termites, zap your termites, save the termites, catalog, spam addressed to Jipcub Blook, Jakey Black, Dr. Smexy Innuendo and, my personal favorite, Hugh Hefner.
And then I came across my credit card bill which was a bit . . . thicker than usual. I opened it up and was horrified to find that I owed a total of $5,200. I knew what most of it was for, but I had no idea what I had spent $3,000 on. I scanned through the list and my jaw dropped.
Pie. Someone spent $3,000 on PIE!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" THUNK.
When I woke up again I was determined not to look at the bill. Instead I sorted through the rest of the mail. And I discovered a small package next to me. I opened it up and pulled out a lacy, pink nightgown.
"What the – who ordered lingerie for me?!"
"Jacob," my dad said, rolling into the room. "What's going-"
My dad saw the nightgown in my hands, looked at me, then at the nightgown, then back at me. Then he slowly turned and wheeled back out of the living room.
"Wait, Dad it's not what it-"
I looked down at the box again, as if it could possibly help me.
Inside, at the very bottom, there was an apple pie.
"Goddam-"
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