Each of the entries in this chapter take place after the day Marissa leaves Ryan. So the first one is one year after she leaves him, the second one is two years after she leaves him, etc…so it's not like it's 15 years later…only 5…and parts of this chapter (near the end) should be rated M for language and sexual content

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Luke Ward walked to his door the next day and prepared to open it. No one was home and he was just playing video games. He figured that his dad must have forgotten his key because it was about the time he usually came home. But when the door opened, he saw a face he wasn't expecting to see. She was only a shadow of his first love. She had gained weight from a pregnancy and her face was red. Her eyes were still gleaming with tears, like she had been crying for the past 24 hours and hadn't stopped.

"Marissa! What are you doing here?"

She sniffed and almost started to cry again.

"I don't have anywhere else to go."

He put out his arms and embraced her as she started to sob loudly all over again. They walked in the living room and stayed that way for an hour. Marissa didn't feel safe in Luke's arms, but she knew she had finally stopped running. That was the only positive aspect of this situation.

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1 Year Later

Marissa still cried every day. She hadn't wanted to leave Ryan, but she felt too betrayed. 6 months ago, she had wanted to go home and make things right with him, but her fear kept her in Portland. She didn't want to return to Newport Beach to find that Ryan had found someone new to take away his pain. That would have made her feel even worse because her suffering now was worse than ever before.

Ryan hadn't found anyone. He went to Berkeley and walked around like a zombie. He had always been known for his brooding, and he didn't lose that reputation. He had dated a girl, but she had told him that he was just too depressed for her to be around. And she was right. Without Marissa, he just didn't feel whole.

2 Years Later

"5…4…3…2…1…Happy New Year!"

Ryan and Marissa both stood in a room full of people shouting and laughing. Both of them received a kiss right at the stroke of midnight. Both kisses were bittersweet because they had formed serious relationships with the people they were kissing, but the only people they were thinking of in the midst of those kisses were each other.

3 Years Later

"Congratulations, man. I bet you're really excited."

Ryan and Seth stood in the Cohen house, talking about Seth's recent acceptance into Brown. He had spent a couple of years at RISD, and they were fun, but now, he was finally going to the school he had wanted to attend his whole life.

"I am excited, Ryan. I just wish Summer could be here."

"Yeah, but just think, she'll be back from Africa in a few months."

"Who would have ever thought that we would be putting Summer Roberts and African AIDS relief in the same sentence? It's crazy how everything changes."

Everything was changing for the three of them, but Marissa stood on the balcony outside of her room at the Ward house. Luke was out on a date and his dad was on a business trip. She took another swig of the vodka in her flask that had basically become permanently attached to her hand. For her, everything was the same.

4 Years Later

"I'll get it!"

"No, you will not! How do you know who's behind that door? It could be a stranger."

But the man at Teresa's door was not a stranger. She knew him better than most people. But the five year old boy at her side looked confused.

"Mommy, who's that?"

"This is…"

Ryan crouched down to look the little boy in the face.

"I'm your dad."

Teresa sighed. She didn't want her son to know the truth. She had lied to Ryan on the night of his senior prom. This child was his. Anyone could tell just by looking at his piercing blue eyes. However, the boy saw no similarities and made no connections.

"My daddy's coming to pick me up in a few minutes. We're going to the circus. Why do you think you're my daddy?"

"Because I…"

"Ryan!"

Both boys turned to look at Teresa who had hissed Ryan's name angrily. This wasn't fair for her child and she didn't want anyone to hurt him. Not like they had hurt her. A car horn honked outside and the boy ran to greet Eddie. He looked at the door and saw Ryan and Teresa standing there looking shell-shocked. He sighed and helped his son with his seatbelt. Ryan had come back again, just when things were starting to look good for his family. That's how it always was. But Eddie would get the last laugh this time. He wasn't coming back with his son, and there was nothing Teresa could do to stop him.

5 Years Later

Ryan stood in a hotel room not too far from Portland, Oregon, taking off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. He had just had a long meeting and he was getting ready to call home to his fiancée when he heard a knock at the door. Calling Teresa would just have to wait. He opened the door and saw the person he had been prepping himself to see the entire day. Yet, he still wasn't ready for her.

She was wearing black pumps with a black and white striped dress. She held a large purse in her hand with her perfectly manicured nails. She wore silver chandelier earrings and a lipstick that just screamed, "Fuck me. You know you want to."

"Marissa."

She walked past Ryan and straight to the mini bar. He closed the door and finished taking off his shirt. She tried her hardest not to marvel at his abs, completely noticeable through his wife beater.

"You still wear those things?"

"Not to anyone's knowledge."

She poured herself a drink and sat down on one of the room's plush chairs. She crossed her legs and watched as Ryan stared at everything she had to offer. Last year, she had decided to stop weeping over him and start living. Jess had been right all along. So, she and a man named Scott had dated for a few months before she dumped him like last week's garbage. But she wasn't here to talk about her love life.

"Did you bring the papers?"

She reached down in her bag and pulled out a large envelope containing divorce papers. She and Ryan had formed new theories about love with entirely different people, but something had struck both of them when Ryan had become engaged to Teresa. They were still married. He pulled the papers out and turned to the back page where their signatures were supposed to be. But both of them were still missing.

"I thought you were going to sign them."

She shrugged and downed her first drink, reaching to refill her glass.

"Teenage alcoholism rears its ugly head."

"I don't need you to feel sorry for me."

"I don't."

"Good."

Marissa stood up and began searching for a lighter. She was dying for a cigarette. Ryan grabbed a pen and was about to sign when he felt her hand slither across his, making every bone in his body tingle. How did she still do this to him after 5 years? He had convinced himself that he hated her. So, why did he feel like the only thing he wanted to do was throw her down and have crazy sex until neither of them could breathe?

He dropped the pen and instantly took her lips in his. He pushed her backwards until they hit a wall and Marissa groaned satisfactorily. She brought her leg up to intertwine with his and the two of them fell back on the bed together, still tangled in a web of fury and passion. His wife beater and belt buckle were thrown to the floor and he fiddled around for the zipper on the back of her dress. Their lips separated and both of them breathed heavily, staring into each other's eyes.

"I can't do this with you. I have a pregnant fiancée waiting at home."

"Teresa's pregnant?"

"Just a month."

"You don't have to fucking rationalize with me, Ryan. I'm not here to judge you. I wouldn't give a shit if she was dying and only had one more day to live. This may sound pretty selfish of me, but I want you to fuck me until I can't breathe anymore."

"Marissa, we're over. You sign those papers and we're done."

"I don't want to leave my mark on a piece of paper and end this. It may not mean anything now, but we had so much love when we first started. We started sharing a cigarette at the end of a driveway. Do you really want to end with me looking completely drop dead gorgeous and you not doing a damn thing about it but saying, 'Have a safe car ride home.' as if I even have one of those?"

"You're not conceited at all, are you?"

"I'm hot and you know it. Now, it's up to you, Ryan Atwood. How is this really going to end?"

Ryan honestly wanted to tell her to get the hell out of his life after she signed the papers. He wanted to push her off the bed and repeat that Teresa was pregnant. He shouldn't be doing this.

But instead, he reached for her dress zipper and pulled it down in one quick motion. A few minutes later, every inch of clothing on their bodies disappeared onto the floor. Marissa clung to Ryan's neck as he pleased her in all the right ways and places. She moaned exasperatedly, knowing a man hadn't made her feel this good since the last time she had been with Ryan all those years ago. And Ryan eventually drifted off, leaving a trail of kisses down Marissa's entire body, knowing that he felt the same about her.

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The next morning, there was no warm body lying next to Ryan Atwood. There was no fairytale ending. Just a quick fuck to end the marriage that never should have been and she was gone. She left her signature and a note. "Have a nice life. Hope that baby has your eyes. Marissa"

And that was all he would have to remember her by for the next five years.

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