Yao felt as if he was going to throw up.

Ivan was on his screen. But he wasn't smiling, or laughing, at least not the way Yao had always seen him. He was hurting another, beating them senseless. He had no idea how the fight started, but he knew who would win. Ivan was a formidable enemy.

When blood escaped the victim's mouth, Yao's stomach could handle no more. He got rid of his breakfast in the bathroom.

Ivan was being detained by the police while the other was being loaded into an ambulance when he returned from emptying his stomach.

The camera zoomed in on Ivan's face, showing his pure joy of the kill.

Yao's blood ran cold. He remembered telling Kiku that Ivan took no pleasure in such things.

But Kiku knew Ivan longer than he did, if even by rumors. He knew what Ivan was like, Yao just didn't want to believe him.

He believed it now, he had no choice. The video wouldn't allow him to deny the truth.

He felt angry, scared... and hurt. Betrayed by the fact that the life he had been living the past few months was an illusion.

The video ended, the screen filled with snow.

Snow. It reminded him of Ivan.

^o^

Ivan sat in his field, waiting for Yao. They met up there everyday after school. It didn't even matter if there was nothing to do, or mountains of homework. It was their special meeting spot. Where Ivan told stories of the past, hoping that maybe, just maybe, Yao would remember.

It was the time of day Ivan looked forward to. Every day.

But today was different. Yao had been cold and aloof, like he was avoiding him.

Something dropped in his lap... A DVD. Looking up he saw his dear friend, on the verge of tears.

"Yao!" he exclaimed. "What's wrong?"

"You lied!" He shouted, "The Ivan you told me about. The one I hung out with. He was sweet and kind. The DVD told me a different story."

"What do you mean?" Ivan asked, confused.

"Last night, I received that video," Yao told him, pointing at the disk, "I saw what you did to that boy."

Ivan understood then. Someone had filmed one of his fights, and sent it Yao. Now the boy wanted nothing to do with him.

The frost in his heart that had just begun to thaw from, came a new anger.

"You think I wanted to be like that!" he suddenly burst out, shaking Yao, "You think I wanted to spend everyday for the past ten years angry and bitter, because you died? No! Not one bit!"

Yao was crying now. Horrified at what he had just done, Ivan let go of the poor man, and buried his face in his hands; "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." He cried, "Just please, don't leave me."

Yao flinched as Ivan reached for him, afraid of what would happen. But Ivan just touched his face gently.

"These past few months have been the best in my life," he whispered, holding Yao's face in his hands, "please, stay."

Ivan kissed him, forcing his lips onto Yao's. The smaller man tried to resist, but in the end he gave in and began kissing back.

It felt too good to stop.

Realizing what was happening, Yao pushed Ivan away.

"I can't forgive you that easily," he said. Sadness and... Another unidentifiable emotion was in his eyes, "I'm sorry..."

^o^

Ivan went through his closet, searching for something.

'There. In the back'

He fished out an old vodka bottle his father hadn't touched.

Carlee thought that she had emptied the house of alcohol, but Ivan had a few bottles in a place she would never look. She hadn't been in their parent's bedroom since they died.

Smiling grimly, Ivan opened the bottle to drown himself in his own sympathy.

Just like the his father before him.

A/N: And that's what I meant by downhill, and the ball is still rolling. Next chapter may come tomorrow. Emphasis on may.