shit you guys. it's been forever since I've updated this thing. I'm really really sorrrrrrrryyyy. atleast you get that much. most writers don't even apologize after dropping off th face of the planet. (yes. that's part of the parody.) but seriously. I've been like way busy. I've been travelling back and forth between mom and dad, etc. senior year starts in a few weeks. hooooo snaaaaap. plus I've been like majorly addicted to pokemon. that shit is so fun. but enough excuses. anyway, back to the story. I hope this works.

THIS IS SHORT. I AM SORRY.

Link stepped into the Toilet of Twilight. Fighting down the urge to vomit his guts out became increasing difficult to do as icky-yucky poo water seeped through his boots and got his toes feeling moist and wet (That should satisfy the foot fetishists for the rest of the chaper. Until next time, my friends.) Well, anyway, he stepped into the mother fucking toilet and waited for something cool to happen. "Come on, you filthy toilet!" Link shouted in furry. "Do something magical!"

The toilet, however, refused to do anything at all. Besides smell like shit. Link just about had it, then Zelda stepped in (into the situation, I mean, not the toilet.) and spoke out to Link. "Hero," she began. "Press that silver trigger with your hand to activate the Toilet of Twilight."

"Oh."

"..."

Link pressed that silver trigger with his hand and activated the Toilet of Twilight. Just after that trigger had been set off, poo water burst from the bowl. Completely covering and drenching Link as it worked it's magic. Said hero felt his world begin to spin around him, and he dizzily tried to steady himself before he could be knocked off balance. Grasping onto the nearest thing he could reach, no one had told Link that it was a big no-no to pull the Toilet of Twilight's switch more than once after it had been activated.

Zelda's eyes widened in realization and horror. "No! Double-flusher! Take cover!" she shrieked. "Link! What have you done? You've knocked the Toilet of Twilight off of it's balance!" and she hurridly finished her sentence, before scarmbling up her skirts and scurrying like her life depended on it over to the nearest hiding place. Which was, coincidentally, another toilet. There was nothing special about that one, though.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Link asked, half way sucked into the Toilet of Twilight.

"I don't know!" Zelda replied.

'My baaaaaaaaaaaad!" Link screamed as he continued spinning inside of the Toilet of Twilight. "!" was his final yell before he was engulfed into the waters of the Toilet of Twilight. His miserable screaming had finished with a sickening gurgle, making Zelda cringe from where she was crouching in fear.

"The poor child." (1) she muttered sadly, standing up and tilting her royal head in respect.

Sitting alone in a puddle of toilet water was Link's green cap.

Link was totally freaking out, man. He wondered briefly if this was what being Mario felt like; going down pipes and toilets and all of that crap (pun not intended... okay, yeah it was.). It couldn't be doing his body any favors. Link shivvered.

He stopped for a moment (yes, in mid-warp.). Wondering what exactly the Princess had meant when she said that he had "knocked the Toilet of Twilight off it's balance.". The hero was pretty darn sure that it meant... bad things. But he pushed the thoughts away, not wanting to think about... bad things. He didn't like bad things, they were... bad.

Then, something did happen. Link felt his body going through changes. Sort of like how a caterpillar would change into a beautiful butterfly... except Link was pretty darn sure caterpillars didn't hear or feel their bones shattering and breaking agonizingly painfully while transforming. Did caterpillars even have bones? He'd have to ask one another time... when his bones weren't shattering... or breaking... holy shit! That hurt like a mother!

In his pain and panic, Link let out a horrible scream, and his mouth and lungs began to be filled with water. And he watched in horror as the last of his air went anyway: floating around like little tiny little bubbles before finally popping into nonexistance, forever. They mocked him with their oxygen.

But anyway, bone shattering and lack of air finally took their toll on Link.

And he fainted.

Yes, fainted.

In a toilet.

So cool.

for the lack of updates and for the shortness of this chapter. Next one will be longer, hopefully... THE TWO LOVE BIRD WILL FINALLY REUNITE!1 HAAHJAHAKGHJGDHSDA.

So, you guys, I've been gathering moar ideas. I skipped a whole lot, I've noticed. So I'm trying to think of positions to place things I've missed. I already got a chapter where Link faints at the end. Next I need to throw in a part where Ilia proposes to Link or something. Maybe Link can get raped along the way by some sleezy guy. And Midna, there needs to be a sex scene between the two of them. Or does that take things too far... what do you guys think?

moar reply tiem.

Midna Hytwilian: STFU MIDNA AND READ THE DAMN STOREE/.

Serenity Morningstar: HEY. PAINTING WATCHING & GRASS GROWING HAPPENS TO BE VERY FUN.

LittleBlueNayru: YES INDEED. DOORXDOOR IS BEING CONSIDERED. THANKYOU.

Tricker's Imagination: LINKS TEARS CAN FIX MIRRORS? HMM, THAT'S KINDA IRONIC BECAUSE MIDNA'S TEARS CAN... WELL, ANYWAY. GLAD TO KNOW YOU APPROVE OF THE TOILET OF TWILIGHT. I WORKED REALLY HARD ON IT.

Foxpilot: WELL ATLEAST YOU'RE HONEST. HOW WOULD you GO INTO A TOILET, THEN?

Feur der Nacht: HEY. NO PROBS DOG. BIG REVIEWS MAKE ME HAPPY. THERE'S NO SIDE SCROLLING, UNFORTUNATELY. BUT THERE'S A MARIO MENTIONING. WHICH WAS ENTIRELY ACCIDENTAL.

lightwolf8: YES. TOILET GOT A NAME... WELL, MOAR LIKE A TITLE. BUT MEH.

THE-complete-zelda-fan: THANKYOU.

Llwynog the Bard: HOLY SHIT BALLS. THANKS. YES, YES. DEFINATELY MOAR TO COME. JUST INCREDIBLY SLOWLY.