"Life Is To Short For So Much Sorrow" - Nora Montgomery/Tate Langdon (AHS: MURDER HOUSE)
We were docked in London and I was sitting at the Juice Bar waiting for Zack to finish work so we could walk around London "Man I love London" Marcus said walking over to us "Would you stop she's never going to date you" Zack said and Marcus scoffed "I was talking about the city but I would love to take a tour of the other London too" Marcus said as he sat down next to me.
"Well sorry to rain on your parade but she's very picky about the guys she dates" I said "You gotta be rich" Zack said "I'm rich" Marcus answered "You gotta be tall" I said "… I'm rich" Marcus said again "Well looks like that guys both" Zack said pointing to the staircase where London and some guy were walking down.
"Hey guys have you met the Lord?" London asked "Well once I rode my bike into a tree and I saw this bright white light, and I wasn't quite sure if it was the Lord-" Marcus said, I don't think she means by lord, I think she means the big snooty guy next to her; Lord D-bag "Oh not that lord this lord, Lord Hartley Wicket he is 25th in line for the throne" London introduces.
"Ah, that happens all the time with the buffet. You can use the employee throne back here if you like, there's a sign about washing your hands but that's just a suggestion, so what would you like?" Zack asked putting ice in a cup and placing the cup on the bench.
"No she means to be king or prince or whatever" I explained to my clueless boyfriend "From you nothing" Hartley said to Zack "Wow you don't need to be rude" I said to which he rolled his eyes at me "Did you just roll your eyes at me?" I said standing up from my chair and I heard my boyfriend, Marcus and London 'oooh' and he nodded.
"Yes I did want me to do it again?" He asked me "Unless you want to continue living, I suggest you don't" I said smirking and he looked scared "Aww you scared, you f***ing should be" I yelled at him "Continue" I said calmly, sitting back down "That was hot" Zack said and I smirked at him earning a soft kiss on my lips from my amazing boyfriend.
"Well enough chit chat, I'll pick you up after my football match" Royal D-Bag said linking his arm with London's, yeah I'm just going to call him D-Bag or Royal D-Bag no reason. "I like football; shoulder pads and makeup" London said smiling and doing hand movements show make up and pushed her shoulders up showing shoulder pads. Guess when I taught her football it didn't stick in her air filled head.
"So what do you play, uptight end?" Marcus asked the Royal D-Bag "I'm not talking about that wimpy offspring of rugby you colonists call football, I'm talking about what you Yanks call soccer" D-Bag said saying soccer in a mockingly way.
"Whatever, look everybody knows the best sport is hoops" Zack said as Marcus and I nodded "Really I'm quite a good hoops player myself, maybe we could play a little 2 on 2. You guys against me and my boarding school chum Snivelly Snotgrass" D-Bag said to which I started laughing and then they looked at me.
"What was he called 'snot' for short?" I joked "Ha-ha" D-Bag said sarcastically "Well you're on" Marcus said "This is so exciting the ugly Americans vs the Englanders" London said "It's not Englanders its British" I said. "And your American" Zack said "Not for tax purposes" London said as she linked arms with him and walked away.
After Zack finished we got dressed to go play croquet, I asked my dad what did British mean by hoops in sport and he said croquet which is a sport my dad used to play and he taught me how to play, I know I should've told them the D-Bag meant croquet but I couldn't find Zack or Marcus so I went with dad. I saw Zack and Marcus and got up from my seat next to dad "Hey guys" I said "Hi" they both said "Wow, you look…" Zack said but I cut him off "Ugly" I said looking down "No absolutely not, you look beautiful" He said lifting my head up with his fingers as he looked at me and smiling "Really?" I asked him smiling "Yep and I am so glad you're mine. Only mine…forever" He said kissing my cheek.
"Wow these guys sure dress up to see a basketball game" Marcus said "Uh guys…" I said before I was cut off by Royal D-Bag "Oh dear by hoops you obviously thought I meant that silly game played by freakishly tall people in baggy bloomers, any gentlemen would have known I meant a rousing game of croquet" D-Bag said.
"Well obviously they're not gentlemen" a guy dressed the same way as D-Bag said while laughing "Shut up Snivellius" I said to Snivelly who looked at me offended and walked away with Royal D-Bag. "London why are you hanging out with this d-bag?" I asked my best friend "Because there are only 24 people between him and the throne and if there's a really big earthquake at Buckingham Palace I'm the queen" London said.
"London!" D-Bag called "Coming" she said walking away. "Guys I was trying to tell you it was croquet but d-bag cut me off" I said "Babe it's alright" Zack said wrapping his arms around my waist "You're not mad I didn't tell you sooner?" I asked him "No babe not at all" he said and I smiled "Come on Marcus let's beat these Brit Brats, hey give me one of those hammer thingies" Zack said letting go of my waist.
"It's called a mallet" Dad said as he came over "Hey Mr Moseby what are you doing here?" Marcus asked dad "Ah I'm a huge mallet head" Dad said "You said it, not me" Zack said "Babe, dad means he loves croquet. He also taught me how to play for no apparent reason" I explained "Cool can either of you tell us how to play?" Marcus asked dad and me.
"Oh it's simple the object of the game is to pass the ball through the prescribed circuit of 12 hoops and then strike the centre peg" Dad explained "Now if you wish to take a halfbisk, you must wait for a formal acknowledgment from the opponent" I said "A wave, a wink perhaps a tip of the cap" Dad said before Zack cut him off.
"Stop, hammer time" Zack said taking the mallet from dad and hit the ball which made it fly and it hit the queen. "Do I get extra points for knocking the hat off that old lady" Zack said chuckling "Baby that was the queen" I said and then she threw the ball back at us "Dang she's got an arm on her, nice throw Lizzy" Zack said chuckling.
Now it was time for the match against Americans and the British in a game of croquet or as London would say The 'Ugly' Americans vs the Englanders. "Good luck babe and Marcus" I said giving Marcus a hug and Zack a kiss "Can I have one more for good luck?" Zack asked "Maybe next round" I said as I sat next to dad.
"Hi dad" I said "Hi Kara, you and Zack are cute. He's not hurting you right?" Dad asked me "No he would never hurt me" I said "Ok good, it's just some boys do hurt their girlfriends and I don't want you to be the one getting hurt, your my only daughter" Dad said and I smiled "I know dad, and if Zack ever raises his hand at me I'm leaving" I said "That's my girl" Dad said hugging me.
We continued watching the game and Zack hit the ball "Good shot" I heard Marcus say to Zack "That's a matter of opinion" Zack said really high pitched as he used the mallet as a walking stick, I went up to him "Aww Zack you ok?" I asked him "No I hit my –"Zack said but I cut him off "Its ok. I got it" I said rubbing his back.
For the rest of the match I let Zack lean on me "Hey he hit my ball he can't do that" Zack said "Actually baby he can it's called a roquet" I said. "Well it's not roquet with me" Zack said but he kept hitting Zack's ball "Hey" Zack said again and everyone clapped.
"Wicky wicky he's my man. No seriously stay away from him" I heard London said "Oh well play Wicket" Snivellius said "Thank you Snivelly high 4" D-Bag said and they high 4'ed "They can't even high 5 right" Zack said "Yes we can but we'd rather use the 5th digit to do this" D-Bag said as they made a goofy hand gesture and laughed while walking away.
Dad walked up to Zack and Marcus "You guys got beat like Derek Hale" I said "What?" Marcus said "Oh Teen Wolf Derek Hale never wins and always gets beaten" I said well it's true they got beaten but kept trying throughout the match and Derek always gets beaten but gets back up again.
"Yeah you got beat like a dust rag on a clothes line" Dad said "This is even more humiliating than the time my pants fell down while I was performing at Madison Square Garden" Marcus "20,00 people saw your underpants?" I asked while trying not to laugh "If only I had remembered to wear some" Marcus said.
"Oh dear, well don't worry there's still time to catch up in round 2 tomorrow" Dad said trying to cheer them up "Except we stink" Zack said "To high heaven, but Jenny and I can tutor you, I was once a croquet prodigy" Dad "Gather round boys and girls it's time for another Marion Moseby Croquet special" I joked then Dad told his story.
"It was at the Junior Championships when there was a tragic accident, it was a steamy August day, I put my cheek to the ground so I could see the cut of the grass when my partner Spencer mistook my shaved head for a ball" Dad said "It is oddly small and shiny" Zack said "I was legally dead for 7 minutes" Dad said "Thankfully it wasn't more than that" I said.
"But at least we won the point" Dad said. Dad was explaining the rules of croquet while I'll fell asleep on the ground "Now if a ball has been removed from the game on this misapprehension it has been pegged out all play has dimmed not to have occurred and all points scored are cancelled" I heard Dad said I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend and Marcus moaning I looked around and saw them on the floor.
"Dad what did you do?" I asked him "They fell asleep so I pulled the mallet's from under them" Dad said "Wake up in approximately 6 hours you have to face Wicket and Snotgrass again remember them" Dad said mimicking their hand gestures earlier "Yeah I forgot one of them stole my girlfriend" Marcus said.
"London's not your girlfriend, She barley knows your name" Zack said "Honey she can barely remember her own name" I said patting his back as I stood next time him "Which is one of the things I love about her" Marcus said "Mr Moseby, Kara, don't either of you know any trick shots that would guarantee we'd win the game?" Zack asked "There is one" I said.
"But it's far too risky for amateurs Kara. Done right; you put a tremendous amount of spin on the ball and you can run all the hoops in a single stroke, but if you miss calculate even a centimetre you will crush every bone in your foot" Dad said "What's it called?" Zack asked dad "The Bone Crusher" I said simply.
"Cool let's see it" Zack said as dad and I walked up with our mallet (I took it from Zack) "Make sure you place your foot no more than a blade of grass away from the ball putting the weight on the proximal phalanges not the distant phalanges" I said doing said action with dad "Then you rotate your body 60 not 59 then as the mallet comes back you raise the hip joint creating a tremendous amount of toy" Dad said angrily "And as the mallet makes contact" I said as dad and I did the move to which I succeeded and it hit the peg but dad hurt his foot and screamed in pain. "Dad are you ok?" I asked "Big bang that hurts" Dad said, we eventually got my dad up and is now using his mallet as a walking stick.
The next day I was sitting in between London and Dad watching Zack and Marcus vs D-Bag and Snivellius "Blue ball kiss off the yellow and through the hoop" Zack said as he walked next to Marcus "Oh dear he's about to make put on a helmet and hide your children" D-Bag joked.
I walked over and whispered in his ear "If you don't shut up you won't be able to have children. I'll make that happen with this mallet" I said and I walked off back next to my dad and best friend "Oh well played Zachary" Marcus said imitating a posh voice "Why thankyou Marcus" Zack said in a posh voice and doing the same hand gesture Royal D-Bag and Snivellius were doing yesterday.
"Ignore them Snivelly we're still way ahead and this is an easy shot" Royal D-Bag said lining up the shot and he messed it up because of Marcus "*cough* loser *cough*" Marcus 'coughed' "Great shot Wicky look how far it went" London said not understanding "It's out of bounds" Royal D-Bag exclaimed.
Next thing I know Zack steps up to the hoop and begins doing what dad and I did earlier "Dad is doing what I think he's doing?" I asked him "He's not" Dad said "He can't, he is" Dad said as Zack did the Bone Crusher which he got to the centre peg and we all cheered "Go Zack!" I yelled "That's my boy and my daughter's boyfriend we taught him that move" Dad praised then Zack screamed in pain and rolled on the grass.
"Babe are you ok?" I asked him as I ran over to him and kneeled next to him "Big bang that hurt" Zack said "I taught him that one too" I heard dad say as Zack kissed his foot. Zack got up but was using the mallet as a walking stick and I sat back down with dad and London, Marcus was lining up the shot when Royal D-Bag kept whisper/shouting 'miss' and we all booed.
"What I am clearly trying to the attention of the crumpet girl" D-Bag said and then Crumpet Girl threw a crumpet at him which was hilarious, we then saw a tall man in a suit burst out of the room next to our field and Cody yelling "Stop that thief"
"Back off or the book gets it in the spine" the guy said in a German accent I think… Marcus then lined up the shot and hit the German guy causing him to let go of the book. "We won" I heard D-Bag and Snivellius say and then chest bump, everyone was getting out of their seats and dad and I walked over to them.
"Marcus that was brilliant, boys we are so proud of you" Dad said "I'm more proud of you Zack" I smile as he picks me up and spins me around "Put me down cause your foot is sore" I said and he put my down "You are worth the pain" he whispered once he set me down "Now if you like there is room for you on the American Croquet Team" Dad said to the boys.
"Truth be told there is room for everybody because there is only me and 2 guys named Spencer in Connecticut" dad added. I heard London squeal and run with her arms open to hug Marcus "Marcus, you're a hero" London said "Yeah I guess" Marcus said as London pulled away from the hug but he pulled her back in "Ok hurting the rich girl" London said and this time Marcus let her go.
"London why are you hugging this loser?" Royal D-Bag asked her "Because he's my friend and Snivelly told me what you said by the way your village has an idiot, it's you" London said before doing the hand gesture D-Bag and Snivellius did yesterday and Snivelly did too, Royal D-Bag walked off and we all went up to Snivelly and high fived him and then we walked off "Put you on the croquet team my friend" I heard dad say.
Hope you enjoy :) Only 6 more to go :(
Song for this chapter is: Problem by The Job
-ambersixx