SM Owns not me. I have to send a HUGE thanks out to my pre-readers, HippieStarr, PrettyKitty, and My2GalsPal! Thanks so much ladies for the suggestions, encourgaement, and ears as I figure out where to go next! To Mo'Reading for all always keeping me on my toes! Follow me on Twitter, Facebook...Teasers for SS4DL on Twilighted. I also want to thank Twilight Fanfic Addicts on Facebook for considering this story for Story of the month! That means so much to me! Elvisward is coming! Soon like a day or two! Add the penname ASPresley to alert to see when it starts posting! There is a WHOLE blog for Elvisward and awesome manips thanks to Lolypop82! Link to that account will be posted on this profile page! Chapter 14: Her Diamonds And I don't know what I'm supposed to do And she says ooh, I can't take no more She's down in it She shuts out the night -Rob Thomas
So I sit down and I cry too
But don't let her see
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can't help her now
She tried her best but now she can't win
It's hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down
Tries to close her eyes
If she can find daylight
Then she'll be alright, she'll be alright
Just not tonight
BPOV
I sit on the couch, in front of that box and cry. I haven't cried like this since my dad died. I never cried like this in front of anyone before, but Edward is at my side as I sob.
It's just a box.
It's so much more than a box.
The contents of that box were my life, my happiness for most of the year. In that box are things that made me feel rocketed into adulthood. Memories that made me more than just some girl in beat up chucks. A man that I love, that saw me as a beautiful woman, and made me believe that. He gave me so much, even Edward.
I cry harder.
Edward doesn't talk. He doesn't rub my back. He just sits by my side. His presence is all I need.
When I get past the box, past Emmett, I cry for Edward. He lost so much tonight because of me. He gave his brother, his family even, to defend me. To stay by my side.
I cry harder.
For a moment, I think about leaving. How could I? Edward gave up so much. Emmett is hurt so much. Edward is right. There is no taking it back. If I leave, it's like Esme is right about me. I wouldn't be leaving for the betterment of anything or anybody. I would just be avoiding, running, like I always do. I'm not going to do that to Edward. I feel guilty for even thinking that.
I cry harder.
I think of all the mistakes I made, all the ways I have wronged Emmett and the entire Cullen family. I don't feel very good about myself.
Edward doesn't move from the couch, even when the sun begins to rise in front of us.
I look at him. His eyes are so sad. The green is darkened by the sadness in them. "Hold me?" I ask him. His arms reach out for me. He pulls me to his chest and leans back on the couch. I bury my head in the crook of his arm and curl into him between his outstretched legs.
We watch in silence as the sun brings a new day. A new day equals a fresh start, right? I don't feel that. The sun rises as we finally sleep.
My stomach aches. My arm has pins and needles. I still feel like throwing up, but on the upside, I am in Edward's arms. I see he is awake when I look up at him.
He offers me a small smile. His lips kiss my forehead. I have him. All is not lost, or desolate. So, I smile back, as his fingers trace my lips. I kiss his fingertips.
"What time is it?" I ask him, my voice thick with sleep and scratchy. My vision is cloudy, because I never took out my contacts and they feel like they have adhered to my corneas.
"Three," he tells me.
"Did you get enough sleep?"
"Enough," he tells me. I know that means none. "Emmett's been calling you. I didn't want to wake you."
He hands me my phone, and I see all the times he has called.
"Are you going to call him back?" Edward asks, as I remove myself from him to stretch.
"I don't know. I don't want to give him hope...but if I can offer him more closure..." I trail off.
The doorbell rings, and I look at Edward, confused at who would be here. "Can you get it?" I ask him.
"Yeah, I mean it's my door now too, isn't it?" he smiles.
"I guess it is," he kisses my head before heading down the stairs.
I go to the kitchen, which is empty since I have been at the boathouse. I am dying of thirst. I gulp down some tap water before I go to take out my contacts. My eyes need a rest so I guess it's glasses today.
When I come back out, Edward is setting down a vase of flowers. "From Emmett." he tells me.
I walk over and open the card. For my Beautiful Bella. All I want is your happiness. Love, Emmett.
I don't know what to make of everything: his note, his flowers, his phone calls. I think he is trying to win me back. I can't talk to him, because all I will do is hurt him more. I can't keep hurting him. Rejecting him. I want to give him time. Maybe he will accept this without me having to keep saying my choice is Edward.
Right now, I just want Edward. I just want to focus on him, because he is hurting, too.
"I'm not going to talk to him today." I tell Edward. "There is nothing to eat here." I want to change the subject. I have chosen my life, and I want to start living it.
"We can go to the grocery store after I get more of my stuff from the houseboat," he offers.
I nod in agreement. I feel like hell run over twice and what I want is to take a hot shower. So that's what I do. I go take a shower so hot that is turns my skin red.
Once I am done in the shower, I make my way into my bedroom, which has been empty for so long it doesn't even feel like mine anymore. I may have only spent ten weeks on that houseboat with Edward, but that feels like home. Maybe it's because he was there with me.
Since he will be here with me now, maybe this will start to feel like home again. He walks in the bedroom, as I fasten my bra behind me.
"Why are you doing that? To make more work for me?" he asks, his lips kiss my shoulder. I smile and blush. I'm not uncomfortable at all standing in front of him in just panties and my bra. There is nothing special about them. They're just fruit of the loom jersey, in gray. I feel sexy in them because of the way Edward looks at me. He turns something simple and ordinary into more.
"So, you have to get a job..." I ask trailing off, as I pull on a pair of jeans. I feel horrible he shouldn't have to worry about working and going to school...getting ready for med school. My guilt kills the mood for sex.
"Guess so," he tells me, wrapping his arms around me. His lips are on my neck. It feels so nice.
"Have any idea's what you will do?" I ask.
"Ah, huh," he nods into my neck.
"You don't have to stay here. I mean I understand if you want to go home," I tell him.
"My home is with you."
"But it's not easy to work and do med school. I don't want to cause any more problems."
"You didn't. I'm responsible for everything that happened. I could do what my mom wants, but then I wouldn't be able to do shit cause I would be so fucking miserable without my spaz."
I push him away, smiling.
"Well what are you going to do?" I ask him.
"It's gonna be awesome. Epic." he is actually excited about having to work. His smile is broad and lights up his face. I am thankful that in this time when we have so much to be upset about he has found something to make him happy.
I furrow my eyebrows at him. "Really?" I ask.
"Really, really." he says pulling me back into him.
"Weeeellllll?" I drag out, anxious to hear what he has planned.
"You are going to come with me to the skate park, we are going to videotape my kick ass skills, and I am going to send it into Plan B, my old sponsor. They were ready to send me to the X Games before I stopped skating."
"You can't do that," I tell him, mostly because I am scared shitless of him getting hurt.
"Why can't I? They will love to have me back. I'm hot...the girls love me," he says running his hand through his hair. "That's it, isn't it? You'd be jealous of all the girls. I promise they are occupied with Sheckler. They won't pay that much attention to me," he says with a smirk.
"Um…no, I'm worried about you getting hurt." It was kind of obvious to me that if Edward were a pro-skater today, Ryan Sheckler wouldn't hold a candle to him.
Over the summer, Edward showed me a lot of his old videos. He really is amazing and I can't believe he gave it up.
"I know how to take a fall, on the rare occasion that I do," he tells me with his cocky wink and smile combo.
I groan. This is what he wants. He is excited about it. It's a light inside of him during a dark time. I can't stand in the way. I guess I will just have to endure it.
"Come on, Bella. It'll be great. I can make money doing something I love. I can pick and chose the competitions."
"How much was Plan B going to pay you to be a pro skater for them?" I ask.
"A hundred thousand," he tells me like it's no big deal. My eyes bug.
"And you stopped because?" I ask in shock. I thought it was unbelievable that he stopped after seeing how talented he was, but to give up that kind of money as a teenager?
"My heart and head weren't in it. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. I didn't find the joy in a lot of things after Makenna. Things are different now."
"Fine. When do we get to make this video?" I ask him.
"Whenever you want."
"Now?"
"No...right now..." he pulls me closer by linking his finger into my belt loops, "I want to fuck my girl," he says.
"I guess it's always been a fantasy of mine to fuck a pro-skater," I tell him, before he silences me with his mouth.
He unclasps my bra behind me, his hands move down my back over the swell of my ass. He squeezes and massages before my body hits the bed.
Teeth bite at my earlobe as I press my body into his. "You feel so good," he whispers, sending chills through my spine.
I push him back, and watch in fascination as he unbuttons his pants. I help him push them away from his hips before I move to the head of the bed. He kneels in front of me, his hand stroking his hardness, and I can't look away.
I never thought I would get so turned on watching a man touch himself, but I am. He looks stunning. His green eyes boring into mine, his hand sliding up and down, his thumb moving over the head.
My hand is on my breast without thought, pulling and tugging on my nipples as I squirm in my jeans aching for more.
"Take off your jeans, Bella," he tells me, his hand bringing him pleasure, turning me on.
I wiggle free of the tight jeans and underwear, before sitting against the headboard to watch him.
"Did you ever touch yourself?" Edward asks, moving my knees apart so my legs are spread.
I can't say yes, my face is on fire as I nod my head in conformation, biting my bottom lip.
"Let me see you touch yourself, Bella," he commands, stroking himself faster.
I let my fingers move down my stomach, over the neatly kept hair and into myself. I move my finger in and out of myself spreading my legs further so Edward can see.
His eyes are fixed on my hand, he hisses in pleasure.
I can't take it anymore. I need to feel him. As fast as I can, I lean forward and take him in my mouth. His hands tangle in my hair as he guides my head back and forth. He isn't forceful. His guidance is filled with love and it makes me want to give him more.
I struggle until I manage to get him all the way down my throat, I feel him curve down. I try to keep it there as long as I can until I can't breathe anymore. When I release him, he pulls me up and his mouth meets mine. It's not a rough kiss since his face is still a mess from Emmett's fist. I pull away from the kiss, and gently run my thumb over the evidence of the pain he has endured for me, because of me. The gash on his cheek. The black eye. The busted lip. Those are only the marks left by physical pain. I kiss each mark. I need to reach him deeper inside, to the marks that can't be seen.
"I love you," I tell him, tears springing from my eyes, because he has lost so much. Sacrificed so much for me.
"No more diamonds," he tells me, wiping the tears. "I have you. I am exactly where I want and need to be."
He pulls my legs, forcing me on my back. My feet are flat on the bed, my knees bent. Edward teases my wet entrance with the head of his penis. Up and down, over my clit. I can't keep my eyes off of his.
He moves inside of me swiftly. He pulls all the way out. Back inside. All the way out.
I move my index finger back down over my clit and circle it around with just the right pressure as he goes all in, all out, still holding himself firmly in his hand.
He pulls me closer to him, and my legs go over his shoulders. He kisses my thighs. His fingers move with mine over my clit, as he slides back and forth.
I can tell he is about to come undone. His breathing gets ragged. He moves faster, a little harder, so I let go.
I would swear I was flying to the moon if it wasn't so bright.
EPOV
She is stunning, but at the same time absolutely adorable. I can't help but smile as I watch her squint against the sun holding the video camera pointed at herself while talking about me. She looks hot in her skin tight jeans and my Plan B t-shirt. It's tied in a knot on her side and shows of a small amount of skin. including her tattoo. Incredibly sexy. I beam with pride, because that is my girl. I wouldn't give her up for anything. Her hair is down, and wisps of brown and red blow in the wind.
"I am told this is going to be epic!" she says, over pronouncing the p and c sounds. "So, I bring to you, Plan B, the awesome, and really hot." she adds with a wink before swirling the camera around to me. I smile and wave. "See, totally hot...Edward Cullen."
She pushes pause. "Good enough intro?" she asks.
"It's almost perfect, baby." I tell her taking the camera from her. I turn it back on so we are both in the shot, and I kiss her. "Best girlfriend, ever," I smile into the camera. Bella's cheeks are pink and she playfully slaps my chest.
I explain to her what I want to accomplish, that for some of the tricks I need her to ride along side of me for her to capture them. I really don't know how I got this lucky with this girl. I know a lot of shitty things have happened with my family, but she is perfect for me.
"You got your knee pads and stuff?" she asks, as I fool around on the board.
"Nope. I only do pads for ramps and half pipes," I tell her. They are only so if I fall, I can slide down on my knees with no problem.
"Edward..." she says, in a warning tone.
"Don't worry!" I tell her with a kiss, before we start.
I mostly do boneless flips, pressure flips, finger flips, no complies...but I add my own spin to a lot of it. I grind with the top of the deck, down railings, over curbs, stairs, and across picnic tables. Bella is awesome keeping up, capturing it all. She cheers me on, inflating my ego. Who'd have thought it could get any bigger?
Bella get's nervous when I tell her I want to ollie over a moving car. "You'll get yourself killed! Are you nuts?" she asks me.
"Ah…yeah Bella, I am. Where have you been?" I ask her with a chuckle. "I have to time it with someone. It's not like I can just go out and do it so calm down, Spaz," I kiss her cheek. She smiles when I call her Spaz. "It's not happening today."
"It's not happening at all. I kinda like my boyfriend's body intact."
I take the camera from her and place it on the picnic table. "Lay down for me?" I ask her.
"What?" she asks, confusion is written all over her features.
"Don't you trust me?" I ask with a smirk.
With a huff, Bella lays down on the concrete. I check to make sure she can be seen, press record and do a sick as fuck front flip over her on my board.
She laughs as I help her up. She wraps her long legs around me and I spin around with her. We haven't been this carefree, well, ever.
It almost feels wrong, but it's just too perfect to be wrong.
I want to talk to Emmett before he leaves. My family hasn't tried to contact me at all since they found out about our hidden relationship. I don't even know where he is going. Could be Japan for all I know.
He keeps calling Bella, but she won't tell me what he is saying. I have a feeling he's telling her how I will eventually let her down. I know I hurt him, and people that hurt want to hurt other people. I won't go back to the seventeen year old boy that lived full of guilt. Emmett would like me to. He would like to hurt me so bad that I go back to the worst time in my life, and I know he is using my past to try and win Bella back.
If only he wasn't my brother. If I didn't love him, I would tell Bella to stop taking his phone calls. He keeps bringing up my past even though she asks him not to. If I didn't love him, I would tell Bella to stop taking his calls. I do love him though and want a relationship with him. Bella wants a relationship with him, too. Right now she is the only one with the ability to make this situation better. If he will talk to her, if he will try to be friends even though he hopes for more, then there is still hope for Emmett and me.
Her birthday is in a few days. I know he was making big plans for her since he was lucky enough to be home. We should have told him earlier.
I feel like a lair. I guess that's because I am one. I don't feel very good about myself thinking back to all the times over the summer that I talked to Emmett about Bella...then went and climbed in bed with her. It's hard to deal with that guilt and look at myself knowing that I betrayed my brother.
I let him talk to me about his grand plans to make Bella happy again when he never did anything wrong in the first place. I know Bella feels just as bad.
Here we are happy, laughing together. It doesn't feel right. I don't even feel like I deserve to celebrate her birthday. I don't feel like I deserve much.
Three nights ago, when she cried all night, tried not to let her see me cry. I don't think she did. I want to be strong for her.
"Babe?" Bella questions me.
"Huh?" I ask her, coming back from my invading thoughts.
"You were like a million miles away. You okay?"
I take her hand, "Yeah, let's just go home," I tell her.
I pull up out front of her – our – apartment and my dad is on the steps, waiting on the cold concrete in his suit. Bella looks nervous. Any confidence vanishes and she watches her feet as we walk towards him. She can't look at my father.
I hold her hand to let her know I am not going anywhere. "Dad...if your here to make us feel any worse you can just leave," I tell him.
"No. I was hoping we could talk. I wanted to explain some things to both of you."
I look to Bella. I want to see if she is willing to listen. I should have known better though. All she wants is for me to get my family back.
I unlock the door, and my father follows us up the stairs.
Bella offers him something to drink, but her voice isn't as strong as it usually is. I kiss her forehead and whisper in her ear, "Calm down. Whatever he wants to say we are in this together."
She nods. I tell my dad to make himself at home, motioning towards the couch. "What were you up to today?" he asks, while Bella gets his drink from the kitchen.
"Uh, I'm trying to get my sponsorship back from Plan B...so I can pay my own way." I tell him.
"No one told you that you couldn't still stay at the house or the houseboat, Edward."
"No, just that I had to give up Bella to do that," I tell him rolling my eyes.
"No one said you had to give up Bella, your mother just doesn't want her around...and I came to explain some things to you about how she feels."
"I know how she feels. She feels protective of Emmett." I tell him, as Bella hands my father his glass of tea.
He takes a sip, and places it down on the coffee table before rubbing his hands over his face with a sigh.
"It's a bit more complicated than that, Edward."
"We're listening," I remind him.
"When I met your mother in college, she had very little faith in men. She had been engaged to a man named Peter. He was her high school sweetheart...and both of them agreed to wait to be sexually intimate until their wedding night. One night she found him in bed with her best friend. She lost a lot of trust, a best friend, and the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with in that one moment. The relationship between your mother's friend and Peter didn't last. She felt like they hurt her for nothing. They broke her heart and did it for nothing. This is re-opening all those wounds for her. She can sympathize with Emmett in a way we can't really understand."
It all makes sense now. She didn't want her son to have to bear the pain of what she went through. Mom sees Bella as her best friend, me as Peter, and Emmett as herself. The problem is that I'm not Peter and Bella isn't Mom's best friend. We love each other.
"Bella and I love each other," I tell him. "It's not about sex. You asked why my list of schools changed so much...they changed so much because of Bella. Because Bella wants to live by water, and I want Bella with me."
"You just have to understand that it's going to take some time for your mother to come around. You are still a part of our family. You still have our love and support. It's just hard for your mother to get over this. She knows exactly how Emmett feels. She isn't seeing things straight. Give her some time. You don't have to go back to skateboarding to pay your way, Edward. You are welcome -"
I stop him.
"But Bella isn't. I want to be with Bella."
"You are right. Your mother does not want Bella anywhere near...well anything of hers, including her sons I'm sorry for that Bella. I truly am," he tells her looking right in her eyes. "I don't mean to say she wouldn't be angry at you both if her past never happened, but I think she is making Bella pay for mistakes her best friend made. All I can say is that in time she will see things more clearly."
"Well, until she can accept Bella, I don't see how I can be a part of the family." I tell him.
"I understand. I wish I could tell you more than just to wait. As for staying here, I can't offer any monetary assistance with that Edward."
"I never asked you to," I tell him, a little offended.
"I know. I just want you to know, I would if it didn't upset your mother so much. She thinks I would be enabling you to hurt Emmett further. Don't think you are disowned or abandoned. Your college tuition will continue to be paid. You are welcome to come home, see Elise."
"But not with my girlfriend," I want to confirm these things.
"Not yet, Edward. One day."
"Edward, if you want to go see your sister or your mom I won't be upset. You can go. It won't hurt me. What will hurt me is if you lose time with your family that you can't get back." Bella finally speaks.
I look at her, and pull her into my side.
"Actually, Edward, I think I will be really mad if you ignore your sister over this." I kiss her head, and hold her tighter.
The love I feel for this girl, I can't even contain. It's like how overwhelmed she was the other night, how her memories fit in that box, but her emotions couldn't be contained. It's like the love I feel inside spills out of me. I don't know where to channel it, it just bursts out, like the sun's rays.
"How is Emmett?" I finally ask, looking into my dad's eyes. They are the same as Emmett's and Elise's.
"He isn't accepting the break up. He is protecting himself with denial. I could see very clearly your love for Bella the day Emmett returned. I knew something changed in you this summer, and once the truth came out it all became very clear. I knew it was Bella. Emmett hasn't had the chance to see that. He truly thinks you have her fooled with lies. He has goggles on, Edward. Don't let him make you feel bad about the past. Just keep in mind, that is the only place he can go to hurt you as much as he is hurting. Just keep that in mind."
"Thanks for coming over to talk," I tell him. It has been nice to hear he still considers me his son.
He hugs me and reassures me that my mother still loves me. She will come around. I just have to give her time. I almost cry. When he hugs Bella goodbye, my eyes do well up with tears, and a few fall. All I want is for my family to accept her, and he is accepting her.
I know it will take time for my mother and Emmett to move forward, but I have hope today. Hope that I didn't have yesterday.
I can't take it. I have to leave the room. I feel bad for leaving Bella to see my father out, because I just want to cry. I go into the bedroom, sit on the bed, and cry. I don't want to cry, but there is nothing left to do. If it can make me feel better, then I'm going to cry.
Things may never be the same, but they may not always be so dark either.
Okay, so there are song lyrics in last few paragraphs, if you guess, I rec the fic of your choice. I don't think these lyrics are as easy! LOL! But try!
Want to see a kick ass skateboarding video, and picture Edward? There is a link on the profile page for that. Check it out! The moves are sick!
Here are the rec's from the people that guessed correct...
.net/s/6276284/1/A_Thousand_Leaves
Bella bff w Alice Edward is a jerk. Edward arrested for killing Renee. Bella new crime reporter finds old files.
TWILIGHT REFLECTED IN BROWN EYES:
Bella Swan is in for the shock of her life when Edward Cullen comes back into her life 7 years after graduation. Can the scars from her past be healed by the reclusive musician or will she shut him out like she has everyone else since the fateful accident four years ago.
.net/s/5168596/1/Twilight_Reflected_in_Brown_Eyes
The Perfect Space by AbidingByRhyme
Summary: At 16 years old, Bella & Edward had fallen victim to a kidnapping. Since returning home, they find their only solace in each other. As Edward becomes overcome with the need to protect her from any further harm, she begins to need him in more ways than one
.net/s/6138000/1/The_Perfect_Space
My Perfect, Mr. Imperfect by xrxdanixrx
.net/s/6311046/1/My_Perfect_Mr_Imperfect
- Bella wanted Mr. Perfect, but he didn't want her. When Mr. Imperfect comes along, can she look close enough to see just who is more perfect for her? A story about falling in love with the imperfections. AH - Rated M for lemons later.
Pistols and Petticoats
In a drunken gamble by her father, Bella finds her future wagered to town loner, Edward Cullen. But with stakes this high, how much will Bella lose, or will chance be on her side?
.net/s/6294495/8/
There Will Be Blood
Summary: Edward Cullen,25,the son of a Chicago mob boss. He is second-in-command, cold and dangerous. Bella Swan,18,small town girl who has just enrolled as a freshman at Northwestern. A story about how love can survive in the cruelest of worlds. Very OCC. Rated M.
.net/s/6116028/2/There_Will_be_Blood