Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect

A/N - Apologies about the delay with this chapter. I've been a sick creature this week. I hope you all forgive me! Oh, I stray a tiny, almost negligible distance from canon with this chapter!

As always, thank you very, very much to the wonderful people who have followed, favourited, and left me reviews. Your words have really inspired me to make this story into something amazing! Enjoy!

Kaidan couldn't remember waking up in Huerta.

Oh, he remembered bit and pieces; snatches of conversation and flashes of pain, but nothing of consequence. Surfacing from an induced coma was a slow process, and, if Kaidan was perfectly honest, he didn't remember much of it at all. It wasn't like in the movies where the injured person dreamily awoke and everything was peachy. No. Regaining consciousness was a slow and painful process. Some days Kaidan couldn't remember who he was, other times he struggled to speak or move properly, and there had been times when he'd been crippled with pain.

The memories of his first waking days were blurry and shadowy, but he could remember the pain and confusion in brutal detail. Most days the agony started as a throbbing in his head, and if he moved too fast or became over excited (as the doctors like to call it), the pain would get worse. It felt like his skull was splitting apart, as though the pressure in his head would crush his brain.

On the really bad days, he would have done anything to split his head open and get the pressure out.

Kaidan sighed and rubbed at his head, scratching irritably at the bandages and dressings. Despite the pain, he was lucky to be alive. Eva had shattered his biotic amp and ground it into his spine – something which should have killed him. The shards had come close to piercing his spinal cord, but had missed by the narrowest of margins. She'd also broken several vertebrae in his neck, snapped his collar bone, and managed to fracture his jaw, cheekbone and skull.

They'd kept him in an induced coma for a little under a week, and treated his breaks and fractures with localised medi-gel injections. Once the swelling on his brain receded they'd surgically removed his shattered L2 implant, and replaced it with an upgrade. He still couldn't believe it was gone. While the implant had been a source of pain and agony over the years, it was also a source of pride - now it was gone.

Instinctively, Kaidan reached around and gingerly touched the dressing that covered his newly replaced amp port. A shiver went down his spine; he'd been implanted with the only spare implant the doctors had on the Citadel - an experimental L3-X1 implant from Grissom Academy. Yes, he'd weighed up his options and had chosen to accept the implant, but it still felt strange to know he had something so new and untested inside of him.

He hoped it didn't turn out to be another L2 implant; riddled with drawbacks and side effects.

The implant had been intended for a biotic student who'd been recruited into the Ascension Project. But the kid never arrived on the Citadel. The Alliance were assuming he'd been killed or lost during the reaper invasion of earth, so they offered the implant to him. Kaidan hadn't been thrilled with having anything experimental being put in his head, but life without an implant, without biotics, wasn't something he could contemplate.

Although knowing my luck, Kaidan thought irritably as he scratched at the bandages again, the amp will fry my brain and leave me a drooling vegetable.

Determinedly, he chased the negative thoughts away and tried to focus on something more positive. Like Shepard. The thought of her made his skin prickle with awareness and sent a hot flush across through his body. Gina had been the only thing on his mind when he woke up; was she okay? Had she made it off Mars? Where was she now?

She was the first thing on his mind when he woke up each morning, and the last thing he thought of before he went to sleep.

He'd questioned the nurses about her, and learned that Shepard had visited him when he was still unconscious. The idea of her sitting by his bedside, caring and worrying about him, made his chest swell with longing. Even though he'd stuffed up and hurt her, she still cared about him. If only he'd woken up while she was still here!

Yesterday, they'd finally given him back his omni-tool and declared that he was fit for visitors. The first thing he'd done was try to write a message to Shepard. He'd spent the better part of an hour typing and retyping a message, trying to find the right words and the right tone. Should he mention his injuries? Or would that worry her? Should he asked her to visit him? He didn't want to put pressure on her, but he needed to see Shepard so he could tell her how he felt.

I love you.

The words should have been so easy to say! People said them to each other every day! They were three tiny words; three simple syllables. But with them came so much fear and uncertainty, because what if she didn't love him back? What if he had ruined things on Horizon? Or on Mars?

Mars. Kaidan frowned at the thought of the ugly red planet. God how he hated that place. His last memory on Mars was of Gina staring down at him as he lost consciousness. The image was seared into his mind; her lips moving as she tried to speak to him, her skin pale and bloodless, and with a look of desperation in her green eyes that broke his heart. She'd been scared – for him.

Kaidan's heart beat a little harder at the thought, and butterflies danced in his stomach. Maybe it was foolish, but he desperately wanted to find out where they stood as a couple. Was there a chance for them? Would they make it even though he'd been such a blind fool for so long? He hoped so. He needed to believe there was a chance for them.

In the end he kept his message light and brief – no mention of the severity of his injuries or his replacement amp, and a friendly invitation for her to stop in and see him when she was next here. Shepard hadn't responded yet, but she would.

The door to his room slid open and Doctor Michel strode into the room, her usual data pad in hand as she consulted his file.

"And 'ow are we feeling today, Major?" Her voice was deep and rich, and her french accent made everything she said sound slightly exotic.

"Like I've gone a few rounds with a reaper." He smiled warmly and tried to straighten as she came closer. "I'm not sure if I feel better than yesterday, or worse. My head is hurting less, but my neck and back are killing me."

"That's 'ardly surprising." She grinned and helped prop him up on pillows. Then she unwound the bandages on his head and examined his surgical scars and his amp port. "Your 'ead injury 'as improved. The medigel 'as done wonders for you."

Her fingers were cool on his skin as she gently manipulated his head and neck so she could see his amp port from every angle. When she was satisfied, she checked the machines monitoring his heart rate and blood pressure, and scanned him with her omni-tool, her brown eyes twinkling at him good naturedly.

"So, am I clear to leave, doc? Can I jump straight back into the fight?" he joked as she motioned for him to lean forward so she could scan his amp port. An unpleasant shiver went down his spine as she spent longer than usual scanning it. "Doc?" he prompted, "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, surprisingly so." She smiled, and a warm swell of reassurance built in Kaidan's chest. "Your new implant 'as taken well, and your swelling 'as gone down. You will 'ave to keep your biotics offline for now, but I'm confident that they will be as strong as ever once you 'ave recovered."

Unexpected tears of relief stung his eyes, and Kaidan hastily blinked them away. "That's the best news I've had all week. Thank you."

"Well, we won't know for sure until the swelling 'as gone completely and it's safe for you to test them, but I 'ave confidence in you, Major." She grinned.

Kaidan couldn't help but return the smile; he liked Doctor Michel. There was something about her bedside manner which made him feel like everything was going to be okay. Some of the doctors at Huerta walked around po-faced and deadly serious, which made Kaidan feel like they expected him to drop dead at any second. But not Chloe – she was a breath of fresh air.

"Any news on the Normandy?"

To his surprise her smile widened and she nodded. "As a matter of fact, there is."

"What have you ..." Kaidan started to sit up in his eagerness, and pain lanced through his body; fiery blinding pain that took his breath away. He lay back and stayed still until it faded, hiding his agony while the doctor finished her scan. If she noticed his discomfort, she didn't say anything.

"The Normandy and your Shepard 'ave been busy." she told him as she re-checked the machines hooked up to him. "They 'ave been to Palaven and 'ave found a new Primarch for the turians. It 'as been all over Citadel News, and there are rumours of a secret war summit."

"What happened to the old Primarch?"

She shrugged. "Oh, the reapers 'ave invaded Palaven, just like they did the Earth. There is a reporter on the Normandy who is sending out regular reports, but it is all very 'ush 'ush. The reporter never says exactly where they are or where they are going next, only where they 'ave been."

"I haven't been watching any of the broadcasts." Kaidan admitted. "Only checking my messages and reading bulletins. I'm not really a fan of watching news vids."

The doctor clicked her tongue at him. "Well, Battlespace on the Alliance News Network is being broadcast from the Normandy, so perhaps it is time for you to make an exception?"

"Yeah." He nodded.

Shepard had actually allowed a reporter on the Normandy? Kaidan grinned at the thought. He had vivid memories of her punching Khalisah al-Jilani on the Citadel.

"Well, you are looking much better." She closed her omni-tool and flashed him another one of her charming smiles. "I think perhaps tomorrow you can begin your physio therapy."

Finally!

"Sounds good. Thanks Doc."

"Good bye, Major." Doctor Michel consulted her data pad for her next patient, tossed him a friendly wave, and vanished back out the door.

Kaidan looked bemusedly after her for a moment, then sighed and looked out the window at the Citadel sky. It was great that his body was accepting the new implant and healing so fast, but he couldn't shake the heavy lump in his stomach. Until he heard from Shepard and knew for himself that she was okay, it was all he was going to think about it.

If she'd made it off Palaven than she had to be doing okay, right? At the very least, she was alive and still kicking Reaper ass! But a reply to his message would have been nice, just so he knew that she was okay. Deep down, in some corner of his body, a little voice was screaming that she was out there fighting the reapers without him.

Again.

Kaidan shifted restlessly in his bed. He needed to be back by her side - no matter what it took! He'd been given a second chance with Shepard, and this time around he'd be there for her and keep her safe; just like he had on Mars. He'd make sure that she never had a reason to doubt him, and that she knew he supported her one hundred percent.

He couldn't lose Shepard.

Not again.

A/N – I hope no one minds that I'm changing things up a bit. Udina is still going to make Kaidan a Spectre offer, but not just yet! :D I have my reasons! I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, I know it was short but I've been a sickly creature this week. Let me know what you thought!