The Long Road Home: The Journey of Alice & Jasper

by J. Anne Brown

This is the story of the long journeys Alice & Jasper take on the way to meeting each other and eventually the Cullens.Historically accurate, in canon, APOV & JPOV.

14. Chapter 14: Speed Bumps and Blind Spots

Chapter 14: Blind Spots and Speed Bumps

APOV:

It was with a great deal of regret that we packed up our things and moved out of that cozy little suite at the hotel. Those rooms had, over the course of those first months of our love and life together, been our refuge, our love nest, something like a home. A real home, not a solitary place to hang my hat, as my apartment in New York had been, or like my room with the Bruyere's in Paris. And definitely not like the house Jasper had shared with that woman for all those years. He didn't need to say it, I saw it in his eyes when I mentioned my feelings: that house he'd lived in with Maria hadn't been a home.

"My home is wherever you are," he whispered into my hair, wrapping his arms around me.

I closed the door behind us, closing the door on that particularly heavenly part of our lives. It was a bit sad, yes, but I knew many more years beckoned us, and many of those would be heavenly as well.

The bellhop had already taken our bags down and loaded them into the trunk of the waiting taxi. Jasper, holding his breath the entire time, poor thing, tipped the boy and sent him on his way, then held the door open for me. I slipped in and watched the hotel fall into the distance behind us. I'd liked Philadelphia.

"Regrets?"

I smiled up at him. "Never."

"Good. I'd hate to have to make you… cheer up. Right here in this taxi. I can't bear it when you're sad." He gave me a leer from beneath the brim of the fedora he'd put on, which cast his face into shadow. It was a cloudy day, but one never knew when the sun might peep through and expose us for what we were.

"Wicked man," I hissed, crossing my legs. "You wouldn't."

He raised his eyebrows. "Wouldn't I?" And there it was, that tingle again. "Don't ever tell me I won't or can't do something, Alice, or I might just have to surprise you. I'm a very determined man."

I gasped and tried to control myself. "Stop! All right!" I saw the cabbie glance at us with wide eyes in the rearview mirror; I punched Jasper, hard, on the leg. "Seriously!" I hissed. I knew that the poor man must be feeling the overflow of what Jasper was doing, and that wasn't good. Probably downright disturbing for the guy.

Jasper laughed, and the feeling subsided into a warm glow of contentment. "Yes, ma'am." His show of meekness was as false as a three-dollar bill, but at least he'd stopped doing that.

The cab driver dropped us off at the train station, where we transferred our bags and boarded our particular train. I made sure I gave the cabbie a good tip for his trouble. Then we were on our way to New York, and my excitement was building at the things I knew were coming.

Africa! I remembered the pictures I'd seen, and the things I'd glimpsed of the future. The rolling savannahs, the animals, the completely different culture. I was ready for it.

But something was strange, something I'd been trying to figure out for several days. There was a big hole in the future. And it was freaking me out, as they say nowadays.

I could see things leading up to a certain point. And then I could see things after, although they were more shaky, less certain. More paths leading off in various directions. But at a certain point everything just…vanished. It was like someone or something had reached into my visions and cut a neat hole in them, excising them from what I called my "future memory," or my reservoir of things that I'd seen that hadn't happened yet. And besides that big empty place, there were a few others, smaller, floating through my visions like blind spots.

It was similar to the vague blindness I'd experienced in South Dakota, but more pronounced, and more specific. Like someone didn't want me to know something during that certain time period. Like they knew I could see the future and had chosen to take those future memories from me.

I shook my head irritably, drawing Jasper's questioning gaze. He must have been feeling my confusion and frustration, because then a sense of peace began to soothe me. I was both grateful for and perturbed by it: I disliked feeling so thwarted and unknowing, but I also disliked being manipulated, regardless of his intentions.

"What's going on, Alice?" He slipped his hand into mine, reminding me silently of our promise to each other, to not keep secrets or lie. He squeezed my fingers gently, and I felt his love for me, encouraging me to be honest.

I sighed. He is impossible to argue with, really, and very difficult to deny. So I just gave up on trying to. I explained my quandary to him, tensing myself for the inevitable reaction.

As I expected, he behaved just as I'd thought. As impossible and undeniable as he is, he's also terribly predictable in certain things.

"We shouldn't go then, Alice. If you think something strange is happening, someone is perhaps manipulating your visions…" His hand tightened around mine, painfully, but I didn't complain. "I won't put you in danger."

I shook my head and patted his cheek, trying to make him feel my confidence. "No, baby, I see futures leading away from that…that blank period. None of the paths leading up to that emptiness end there. They all go on. We're not in any danger. It's just…strange." I snorted. "And also very embarrassing. I feel like I'm being played with."

His eyes widened. "Do you think the Volturi have something to do with this? They have followers with powerful gifts, after all—"

"No. Not at all. I have the sense that the Volturi has nothing to do with this." And I did. I don't know how I knew it, but I knew it.

Jasper nodded, his eyes faraway as he thought, then he slipped into the vampiric stillness that comes so naturally when we're upset. I could feel his fear and anticipation, his resolution to be prepared. And once again, I regretted, ever so slightly, my promise to be honest with him. I hadn't done anything but make him lose much of his joy at the idea of the trip by telling him.

The countryside slid by in a blur, and we sat in silence as the train ate up the miles, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

***

JPOV:

We reached New York in a little over an hour, and thankfully it was completely overcast, the day coming to an end. At least I didn't have to think about the sunlight. I had enough on my mind already, enough going on in my body, without having to think about that.

It's frustrating sometimes, how easy Alice makes it look, to be in the middle of all those humans. Now, I do have an advantage in being able to assess her emotional state, so I know what goes on beneath that unperturbed and lovely surface: I know the scent of them tantalizes her, I know it's hard for her to stay strong. But her conflict to "be good" versus her body's automatic desires is far less than mine. She's gotten very, very good at squashing down the urges to rip and tear and drink deeply of human blood. The only one I've ever met who is better than her is Carlisle…and he makes it look like child's play to deny his very self. Not a good comparison to me.

You see, my thirst is great. No greater than anyone else's, of course, but any immortal's thirst is powerful indeed. But my discipline isn't great, and therein lies the problem.

I'd lived for almost a century and hadn't exercised anything resembling control over my thirst, unless you count letting another feed before me as control. I'd always let the newborns under my charge drink first, out of courtesy and respect for their overwhelming new thirst. But other than that, no. Maria had always been indulgent, and careless, truthfully. She'd plied us with humans as rewards for pleasing her. There was always a source of blood somewhere close by at the first twinge of thirst.

And then, when I was with Peter and Charlotte, we'd hunted when we wanted, and that was frequently. I enjoy the hunt and the kill, I'm ashamed to say, despite the horrible consequences those things wreak on my conscience. After reading and studying psychology and physiology and philosophy, I have realized that it is akin to an addiction, something like the drug heroin. When caught up in the raging lust for blood, I don't care…but afterwards, in the grips of the guilt and remorse…

Being in Penn Station, amid all those humans, was agony.

They streamed around us like a delicious river, each one tempting in their own way, their blood calling to me as they blithely walked past, their death in waiting. They had no idea who or what I was. They thought me to be just some tall man in a fedora hat, escorting his lovely little wife through the crowd, heading to whatever destination. They didn't realize that I was their end, walking on two feet.

I had to hold my breath and keep my eyes fixed on the exit. I hurried Alice along, coming dangerously close to moving at an inhuman speed in my haste to get out of that closed-in space and out into the open air.

Alice looked up at me, her golden eyes sad. "Baby, I'm sorry…" she whispered, biting her lip. "This is hard for you, isn't it?"

I nodded curtly and kept heading for the exit. She didn't complain about me bustling her along. Her love radiating out and soaking into me like sunshine helped: I focused on it until we'd gotten our things stowed into the back of a taxi and had slid away from the curb. Then I rolled down the window and hung my head halfway out, letting the wind wash away the lingering, burning scent of all that blood.

I had so much to learn, so far to go. It was humiliating. I'd always been the one who was good at everything I set my hand to right away. It was so hard to have to struggle with myself like this, to be the slave of my body. When I'd been a weak and fragile human, I remembered vaguely, I'd prided myself on my discipline. But now, when I had this glorious, strong immortal body, I was weak inside.

"You need to hunt." Alice's words weren't a question, they were a statement. "Let's get our things to the hotel and then we'll go. I don't know where yet, but we'll go."

I nodded, clenching my jaw. The cab driver smelled good, too. Everyone smelled good. My throat burned, despite all those hunting trips Alice and I had made during the weeks leading up to this day. I cursed myself.

Once we'd checked into our room, Alice took me by the hand and led me out onto the street again. Night had fallen and the streets weren't as crowded, and there was a breeze blowing, which helped. But I could still sense them all around me, I could still smell them, still feel them. New York City is a beehive, a pulsing node of humanity, the people stacked on top of one another in high rise buildings.

"Come on," Alice whispered, standing up on tiptoe to take my face in her hands. "I love you. Let's go." Then she kissed me, and I could lose myself momentarily in her again.

We set off at a walk. I didn't trust myself in enclosed spaces, so trains or taxis were out of the question. I held my breath and let her lead me. She seemed to know where she was going. Of course she did, I thought randomly. She lived here for five years!

After a time, she giggled and stopped, pointing ahead. "There you go, sweetie. Buffet time. Pick your poison."

"Central Park Zoo" read the sign she pointed to.

I sighed. "Seriously, Alice. Really? The zoo?"

She giggled again, throwing her arms around my waist. "Seriously. I don't know of any other place to take you, unless we go out into the countryside. Not many deer in New York City…except for here. And I don't know if you'd make it out of the city itself without a problem. Maybe you can have a snack here…then we'll head outside the city and you can finish the meal."

The idea of killing a caged animal just felt wrong. But I knew she was right. I couldn't wait much longer. And in a zoo there are usually predators, whose blood I knew would be much more satisfying than the blood of the deer and such we'd been taking. So I swallowed my pride and my discomfort, and I let her lead me over the wall and into the zoo, which was closed. I could smell the lions and tigers in the distance and felt a guilty thrill of anticipation.

It was too easy, and entirely dishonorable, but at least it took the edge off that burning, ragged desire for blood. I won't even dignify that singularly embarrassing episode by describing it.

But that lion was a treat indeed.

***

APOV:

My poor baby.

I'd never seen someone trying so hard and failing so nobly. I could feel his discomfort and his shame radiating out from him, and even though I knew it was directly contrary to his odd hunter's code of honor, I thought the zoo was the best and safest thing.

Poor lion, though, too. He didn't even see it coming.

We were strolling along, arm in arm, laughing, after leaving the zoo. Jasper was in much better shape, his eyes warm and loving again, his face no longer tense and cold with his effort to restrain himself. Everything was lovely. The night was warm and the city murmured around us like a contented child.

Then, of course, I saw what was going to happen.

I stopped suddenly, tugging on his arm, trying to stop him. But it was too late. Accidents happen suddenly, there's no predicting them. I only had about thirty seconds of warning, but I still felt like a failure for not seeing it sooner.

The taxi came out of nowhere, charging through the red light without pausing, his brakes gone. We had barely avoided stepping off the curb and into its path. Thank goodness for that, at least. But the taxi plowed into a car crossing the intersection, and the sounds of shattering glass and the scream of tearing metal filled the air. And then, of course, came the screams.

The taxi driver, who of course hadn't been wearing a seat belt (they weren't required back then), had been thrown through the windshield, and there he lay, a few feet before us, torn and bleeding, on the pavement, his breath bubbling sickly in his destroyed chest. He was dying.

Bleeding.

It was instantaneous. Jasper had no option: his body shifted into auto-pilot mode and left his mind and his will behind. The scent of that blood hit me squarely in the face, too, hot and sweet and oh, so tempting! But I stopped, accustomed to holding myself in check. But he didn't. He couldn't. My poor man, he had no choice.

In less than a second he was on the man, his mouth at the human's throat, and he was drinking, his expression rapturous and completely disconnected. All he knew was the blood. He didn't even see or hear me there, trying to pull him away, crying out to him. He was lost in the blood.

I could hear someone else screaming, hear footsteps pounding the pavement as they closed in on us. The seconds were slipping by, bleeding by, like the man's blood streaming out onto the pavement.

"Jasper!" I screamed, grabbing him by the arm. "Please, baby, stop! Stop!"

For an instant, he didn't know me. His eyes shifted to mine, his bloodstained lips curling back from his glistening teeth in a threatening growl, and for the second time I feared him. He could kill me, if I wasn't careful. He wouldn't know me…until it was too late. He was so much stronger than me.

But I was faster.

I made a split-second decision, knowing time was running out. Soon the humans would realize what was going on; I thanked the darkness for giving us those precious moments of anonymity. But I had to do something, quickly.

So I reached out and took my husband by the arms, and I pulled him away. I used the element of surprise and tore him away, dragging him bodily into the shadows of an alley. His fingers clawed at me for a moment, then fell limp as more and more distance grew between him and the corpse of the man he had been drinking from.

I dropped him to the alley floor and backed away, trying to block the street. If he charged me, I'd do everything I could to keep him from going back. Now it wasn't about sticking to our "diet." It was about avoiding problems with the humans. I could hear sirens wailing in the distance, drawing closer. I already had enough to think about without adding the Volturi into the mix.

Jasper lay there for a moment, still as a statue. Then he sat up and looked at me, and my heart leapt up into my throat at his expression, which flickered like a guttering candle from one emotion to the next.

Shame. Humiliation. Desire. Hunger. Rage. Frustration. Embarrassment.

He closed his eyes and leaned forward to rest his forehead against his knees, his hands covering his face. He was trembling with the intensity of his remorse. "Oh….oh, my god…Alice…"

And I had to go to him. My poor man. I could feel the self-hatred pouring out of him like poison. I wrapped my arms around him and I held him to me, rocking gently like he was a child, murmuring comforting nonsense into his hair.

"I'm sorry…"

"Shh." I covered his mouth with my hand. "Shut up, Jasper. We both knew this would happen. Mistakes will happen. Just shut up and learn from it. And I love you. I love you."

I could smell the blood on him, and it made my own throat ache painfully. It had been so long since I'd tasted human blood; there was really no substitute for it. But no, I'd made my choice, and I wouldn't deviate from it. I tamped down the urge to go out and kill and drink and concentrated on my husband, my Jasper, who clung to me like I was his only anchor to sanity. I'd waited for him for so long, and now here he was, flaws and all, and I had to be there for him.

"Come on, now. Let's go back to the room. You need a bath and clean clothes, at least."

He nodded and let me lead him, skulking in the shadows, avoiding eyes.

Later, I sat behind him in the tub and scrubbed his back. Yes, I know it's silly, we don't need to scrub like that, but it's still nice. Our bodies are so very sensitive, after all. He purred like a contented cat and leaned back against me, the steamy air heavy with the fragrant oils I'd poured into the water in an attempt to drive the agonizing scent of blood from his nostrils.

"Alice, I don't know if I can do this."

His words fell like lead, and I didn't know what to do with them.

I contemplated the future in the face of this statement. There weren't too many options.

If he decided to give up the animal blood, there was no future with the Cullens. That path disappeared completely after that decision. And my own self-control would end, too, I saw, in the face of being confronted again and again with Jasper's feeding. And then…then, there was an excellent chance that we'd part. He'd be wracked with guilt at dragging me back into monstrosity with him; I'd blame him, deep down inside, for it. It'd poison our love. Taint it.

I'd lose him.

He'd tear himself away from me and go wandering again, sunk into his misery and guilt, rejecting me because he didn't want to hurt me any more. He'd grow to truly hate himself, a wandering misanthrope who would make Alistair seem positively cheerful and welcoming.

And me? I'd be left without my compass, without my True North. I'd wander aimlessly, and eventually lose myself in my own misery, too.

No.

"Jasper." I slid out from behind him, sitting in his lap in the warm water, and turned his face to mine, holding his gaze. "Stop it."

He closed his eyes and sighed, and it was close to a sob. "But…but Alice…"

"Shut up. You can do this. If you don't, we're done. Finished." I stopped and contemplated what to do for a moment, then made the cold decision that would save us both. I pulled away from him, out of the bath and away from him. "It'll destroy us both."

His eyes widened, and I felt his horror. He reached out to me, and I backed away, even though everything in me screamed in protest at denying him. "Alice…no…"

Grimly, I shook my head. "Yes, Jasper. No. No more us."

And I reached down and pulled my wedding ring off. That simple golden circle, that meant so much to us both. I tugged it off my finger and set it down on the bathroom counter.

Jasper closed his eyes and slumped forward. I felt his pain like my own, shredding me inside and out. My soul felt like it was bleeding. His shoulders hitched in a tearless sob, the bathroom was a morass of self-hatred and misery that flowed out from him in a dirty river.

"Jasper, you don't have to be perfect. You'll make mistakes. You'll be weak sometimes. But, regardless of any of that, you must never lose sight of your goal. If you question it and say you're too weak…well, then, you're not the man I thought I knew. You can't do it."

Oh, cold and heartless bitch! I shrank from my own words.

But it worked.

His head snapped up and he met my eyes steadily. They were redder than before. I felt his resolve firm, just as I felt other things change…

Then he was in front of me, dripping wet, and he picked me up and crushed me to him. His lips were against my ear.

"I'm everything you ever thought, and more, Alice." He pressed me back against the wall, and I wrapped my legs around his waist, completely helpless against him. "I told you…never tell me what I can't or won't do."

And his lips were on mine, and he was everywhere all at once, his urgency and need cascading over me, combining with mine until I thought I'd explode from the intensity.

He took me then, against the bathroom wall, and I didn't care. He was back, he was in control, and he was mine.

***

JPOV:

I didn't know what to do with myself over the next couple of days.

I'd look at myself in the mirror, or catch a glimpse of my face in the reflection of a window, and I'd see the change that those few, scalding mouthfuls of human blood had made in them. So I tried to avoid looking at myself as much as possible.

And looking at Alice hurt. I knew she didn't hold what I'd done against me, I could feel that it was the exact opposite: she loved me determinedly, despite my flaws, and was doing everything she could to distract me from my moodiness and show me how much she cared. What hurt was knowing how I'd failed her, and failed myself, with my weakness, and how I'd come so close to losing her.

The day after my "little slip-up" as Alice had begun calling it, we were to board the ocean liner, which would take us to England. We took a cab to the docks and, once again, I had to enter a veritable sea of humanity as we made our way toward the gangplank to board. Alice kept her hand firmly in mine, a wide smile plastered across her face, and I could feel her "broadcasting" her encouragement and reassurance at me, so strong it was almost audible words: be calm, you're fine, everything's ok, relax! I didn't breathe the entire time. She tugged me briskly through the crowd and presented our tickets to the agent, who looked us over with bored eyes and directed us up onto the ship, then waved the next ones in line forward.

I was frankly distressed by the prospect of being on the ship, among so many humans, out in the middle of the gigantic ocean. I wasn't thirsty, really, although the smell of human blood always set my throat to roasting, but just the concept of so many people in one small place, floating in the sea…

"It's like a big can of…of sardines!" I remarked to Alice, staring over the edge of the lido deck and down onto the heads of several other passengers, who were all smiling and waving excitedly to their loved ones on the pier below. "Neatly packaged! And concentrated!"

She rolled her eyes and punched me in the arm. I was having to get used to that: she hit hard. It struck me as a bit unfair, that she did that, knowing very well I'd never hit her back. But I had my own weapons. All I had to do was waggle my eyebrows at her and give her a certain smile…and she'd behave again. At least in public.

"Just drop it, Jasper. You'll be fine. We only have four days on this ship, then two days in England. The long part will be the trip south, around Spain and then the coast of Africa. We won't make many stops. Ten days to South Africa." She frowned. "But we'll be fairly close to land the entire time. We can maybe jump overboard and go ashore to look for something, then just run and catch the boat again. It's not going to be moving so fast we couldn't catch it again, I think."

"Hmmm." Ten days. I thought I could do it. Maybe only one mid-trip feeding jaunt would be needed, if anything. But I knew better than to push myself, after my "little slip-up." I had to be very careful. "We'll see what happens." I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "I'll be fine as long as we're together."

Alice giggled and hugged me. "This'll be fun, Jasper. Believe me. We're going to have a blast."

And she was right. For the most part. There were a couple of instances where we very definitely did not have a good time. But by and large, our African odyssey was a hit.

The four days crossing the Atlantic passed easily enough. During the day we kept to our cabin, which was nice enough, despite being rather small. We had things to do to entertain ourselves. And when we weren't doing those things we would read or talk. At night we might go out onto the deck, which wasn't nearly as crowded after sunset, and we'd take in the fresh air and the vastness of the Atlantic spread out around us. I discovered that I actually liked the sea, once I had been properly acquainted with her. But the main thing we did on that trip was deal with Alice's latest project: me.

Alice had taken it into her head to educate me, and I had decided to let her. I had enjoyed learning as a kid, although never as much as Ginny had, but my education had been cut short when I left home to join the Army. Since then I'd done quite a bit of independent study, I read anything I could get my hands on, sometimes breaking into libraries or bookstores to spend a night among the stacks, but most of that was fiction or military history, things I naturally enjoyed. I had gotten nowhere near a mathematics or grammar textbook in almost a hundred years. But she was determined.

"We have to get you up to a certain level, Jasper. You're going to be attending high school several times, of course, but you need to at least be up to the sophomore level as far as the basics." She gave me a wry little smile. "No way you'd pass for a freshman. Too tall. And way too sexy." She winked.

The terms threw me. Sophomore? Freshman? I'd never been to a school, remember? And even if I had, those terms weren't used back in the mid-1800's, where generally everyone of different ages were all in the same room.

Alice had educated herself relentlessly, trying to do something to make up for the hole that was her past, cramming herself with information. She'd gotten herself into university classes in Paris and passed them with flying colors. And now she wanted the same for me. Apparently, once we met up with these Cullen people we'd have to pass as human teenagers wherever we went, and that would often mean going to school, since by then truancy wasn't accepted. I didn't relish the idea: more mingling with multitudes of tasty-smelling humans, in a confined and structured environment. Fun.

But the idea of learning itself was all right, so I buckled down. I wasn't illiterate to start out with, by any means, and since my immortal brain is much more adept than any human's I learn very quickly. By the time we got to London I'd risen to the standard she approved of in the basic subjects. I actually discovered, to my surprise, that I really enjoyed higher mathematics and philosophy, and decided I'd study those subjects more intensely later.

Then, London hove into view, a dark blot on the horizon on the morning of the fifth day, and the captain broadcast over the loudspeaker that we'd be docking in an hour. "More school later," she said, closing the anatomy textbook she'd been teaching me from.

"And can I be a bad boy and make the teacher spank me with the ruler?" I couldn't resist it. She was just so unimaginably cute, perched on the dresser with a book, lecturing at me so seriously, her little legs swinging enthusiastically.

"Jasper!" She threw the book at me and hopped down, but she smiled winsomely. "Maybe. If you're lucky." She considered, and waggled her own eyebrows at me. "And very, very bad."

"Done." I kissed her and tried to convince her to do more, but she was on a mission. We got our things packed up quickly and were ready when the "all ashore!" was broadcast. Wisely, we chose to hang back and let as many of the other passengers debark before us: I didn't want someone to get a hangnail or stub their toe on the gangplank and end up as my next "little slip-up."

As Alice flagged down a taxi once we'd managed to set foot on solid ground again, I held my breath and looked around. London was busy, looked old, and the people seemed to talk really strangely. I'd never heard an English accent before, so they struck me as funny. "Come on, babe," Alice hissed, pulling me into the car. I chuckled and tried to remind myself to stop acting like a tourist.

"I'd hoped we could find Alistair, but I don't think it's going to happen," she pouted, her eyes faraway, and I knew she was scanning the days ahead. "Damn him and his standoffishness. I'd wanted to introduce you."

I took a second to remember who Alistair was from her abbreviated life history she'd given me on the day of our first meeting. We'd discussed other aspects of her life before me in detail, but not much about Alistair. "Why do you want me to meet him so badly?"

Alice sighed. "He doesn't have many friends, and he doesn't want many…but he's Carlisle's friend, and I think he's mine, too." She patted my knee. "And I just wanted him to meet you in the flesh. I told him about you, after all."

I nodded vaguely, but then my eyes were drawn to the unmistakable signs outside of how London had been devastated by the war a few years before. There were still many buildings left in ruins, although they were being rebuilt, the rubble hauled away. The whole city vibrated with energy, as the Britons tried to put their world back together again. It had been a scarce four years since the war ended, but they were working like ants to repair the damage.

"So, how long were you with Alistair, here? During the bombings?"

She shot me a sidelong look, a tiny smile quirking one corner of her mouth. "Why, jealous much?"

"Well, no…"

"Less than a month. And it was awful here. You've never seen anything like it, I'm sure."

I blinked. I'd been at Shiloh, had seen some of the grisliest and most harrowing things a man could see.

"Oh, no, I'm talking about the bombs, Jasper!" She pointed toward the eastern horizon. "During bombing runs the skies would be filled with planes for hours, and the night would be as bright as day with the fires and explosions."

I tried to envision the bombing and failed. I'd never even been in an aircraft or seen a bomb by that time, so I earmarked the subject for later study. "And, so, what were you doing here…with Alistair?" I teased.

"Oh, you!" She swatted me gently. "He taught me how to fight, silly." She giggled. "That's how we could be so open about practicing. So much noise and damage, it covered up all the commotion we caused with our sparring."

That piqued my interest. So he was a fighter? I asked her that, and she sighed ruefully.

"Well, yes and no…he knows how but he generally tends to run the other way from a fight."

Ah. A coward. The fellow slipped a few notches in my estimation.

We checked into our hotel, then waited for night to descend to leave again. I needed to feed before we left London to begin the ten-day leg of our journey to South Africa.

Alice led me out of the city into the countryside, where we found a few deer to slake our thirst. She dragged me to Salisbury Plain, where she showed me Stonehenge. I'd read about it as a child, but I wondered at those ancient, weathered stones and the history and mysticism that radiated from them in an almost visible haze. We sat and held hands and watched the sun come up over the monument, blazing gold against a backdrop of lavender and rose, catching our skin and turning us both into jeweled statues. I worried about the return trip to London, although it would be a cloudy day, Alice told me confidently. I didn't want some English farmer thinking he'd glimpsed a pair of faeries or something drifting along through the rolling hills.

True to what Alice had told me, it began raining shortly after sunrise. We returned to the city and holed up in our hotel room to pass the next day. Alice had apparently given up on trying to find Alistair, and decided to concentrate on me. And I, of course, was quite content with that.

When we boarded the second ship to head for Africa, I was excited again. I'd not forgotten my "little slip-up" of course, but I'd put it behind me, as Alice had asked me to try to do, and I was looking forward to an adventure. I tried not to think about the hole in Alice's visions, also at her request, but it was always there, waiting to be thought about, worried about. I don't like uncertainty.

And Alice definitely didn't like it.

***

APOV:

Ten days on a boat with Jasper. Ten days trapped inside a small cabin by the brilliant July sunshine, only being able to venture out at nightfall, which seemed to come later and later the further south we pushed.

It could've been worse.

Actually, it was a lot of fun.

He'd taken to my desire to "school him," as he put it, with admirable ease, and had proven to be an excellent student, with an able and quick mind and surprisingly subtle and powerful insight. I'd laid in another stock of books while in London, leaving behind the high-school stuff and graduating to more theoretical material. He was particularly interested in philosophy, which surprised me a little: he'd always seemed to me to be the type who was more drawn to the physical things of life (and I didn't mind!). But it turned out I had linked myself forever with something of a philosopher, devouring Socrates and Sun Tzu and Jung and Machiavelli and Nietzsche and others with a voracious appetite. I also didn't mind that, once I'd come to terms with it. As long as he didn't wax philosophical in bed.

The ship made its way around the coast of Spain and then began the long trek south, hugging the coast of Africa and steaming full-speed. Piracy wasn't unheard-of in those days. Jasper and I discussed trying a hunting trip, but we both decided against it. He was sure he could probably wait until we docked in Cape Town.

I wish he hadn't. But then again, if what did happen hadn't happened, we would have missed a great adventure.

I hadn't forgotten about the strange hole in my future memory; in fact, it bothered me more and more as time passed, because we were drawing closer to it, pulled along by the passing minutes like helpless ships into a maelstrom. That strange blankness was disconcerting, and it wasn't helped by something that happened during the trip.

Every night we would creep out of our cabin, long after everyone else was asleep, and we would go to the most forward deck, to the very prow of the ship, and sit there on the railing together, taking in the night.

It didn't bother us that we were hundreds of feet above the Atlantic, plowing through the deep water at over fifty miles per hour. Something about being immortal takes the thrill out of perching on a tiny rail so high up; I remembered Mary atop the Golden Gate Bridge and had to chuckle. But even if I'd been afraid of heights, it wouldn't have mattered: I was in Jasper's arms, we were together.

One night, that strange night, the ocean spread below us like a glittering carpet of black diamonds, the waves throwing salty spray up into our faces every now and then. The wind was warm and rich with the sea and the land, just barely visible to the east, with the scents of the dense vegetation and the fertile red earth, exotic flowers and fruits, and just a general tang of mystery that was alluring on the tongue when one inhaled.

That night, six days into the voyage, I realized that we were being watched.

Jasper and I were in our normal spot, and he was doing his best to keep my mind off of anything but him…and succeeding quite well, might I add. He had me in his lap, his hands up my shirt, and I was about to suggest finding a more stable and horizontal surface when, suddenly, I felt the eyes on me.

And I hadn't known it was coming.

I froze, and I think Jasper must have felt it at the same time, because he froze too, his hands stopping their delicious activities inside my blouse, his eyes going wide and then narrowing immediately in suspicion. Quick as a blink we were off the rail, and he had me backed against the wall of the bulkhead, covering me with his body as he scanned everything around us, his body tense as a plucked guitar string.

Someone was watching us from the night. I felt their presence as keenly as I felt Jasper's, felt their gaze traveling over our bodies. I almost thought I smelled something, a familiarly sweet scent, like one of our kind, carried by the wind.

But there was no one there. Just the wind whispering around us, the murmuring of the waves below. No other sound, and I strained to see ahead, to find out where whoever it was that were watching us might be, if they might make themselves known.

Then, just as suddenly as it had come, the sensation disappeared, and we knew we were alone again.

"Damn!" Jasper hissed, relaxing just a tiny bit, his hand coming back to find mine. "What was that?"

I was trembling. I wasn't used to not knowing when things were going to happen, to being caught off guard…at least not by anyone but Jasper. But I knew someone had been there, watching us, just like I knew someone had done something to my ability to see the future. I didn't know how I knew, but I did.

"Let's go back inside, Alice." He took my hand to lead me back inside, and for once I didn't bother to protest.

We didn't go back up on deck until we docked in Cape Town, four days later.

The porters got our luggage quickly into a taxi, and we slid away through the thronging, noisy mass of people at the docks; I glanced uneasily over at Jasper, whose face was white and frozen with tension as he battled valiantly with his thirst: the restrained and well-clothed crowds of London and New York had been nothing compared to the raw sea of humanity that had surrounded us on the docks. The heat seemed to amplify the scent of blood, and the press of the sheer numbers of people and their noise was overwhelming. Even I was having a hard time reining in the burning ache in my throat.

The colors and scents of Africa were so much more vivid, the sounds so much wilder and strange. The people pressed together, shouting and laughing as they sold their wares and called to each other, or greeted their loved ones disembarking with us, their dark, rich coloring a shock to my eyes after so long only seeing pale skin. The heat was impossible, although we weren't bothered by it, and the red dirt of the ground left a haze in the air that rested on anything if it remained still long enough. The harbor was ringed by jagged mountains that reflected in the brilliant blue water, and the wind carried the scents of the interior to us, wild and foreign. The streets were clogged with people afoot and on bicycle, children running wild, livestock, and old cars, all vying for space and making way (or not) with a merry indifference to traffic rules.

I'd booked a room at The Vineyard Hotel, which seemed a nice, classic and quiet place for our home base. It was lovely, the large white main building fronted by a lush green lawn, dotted with flowers and fountains and trees. Such greenness in the midst of such oppressive heat was impressive. I got us checked in as quickly as possible, telling them to send our baggage up, because I needed to get Jasper away from people. I could feel him beside me, a pressure cooker on the verge of exploding.

"Alice, I don't know if this was a good idea," he said harshly, as soon as the door was shut behind us, his eyes wild and wide. "There's…there's just so many of them!"

I sighed and held out my arms, and he came into them, let me stroke his hair and kiss his neck, which seemed to improve his mood somewhat. "Baby, you have to get used to this. Don't you want to have a more…well, more normal life?"

He nodded moodily and picked me up, dropping me onto the bed, then lay down beside me. I thought he was going to start something, but instead, he simply pillowed his head on my stomach, looking up at me. "Yes, I do. I want to be with you, and you want a normal life."

Something struck me. "You don't want it for yourself?" I sat up, dislodging him, but for that moment it didn't matter too much. "You're just doing all this for me?"

Jasper shrugged, and I felt his hurt and indecision, which were suddenly close to my own.

I'd never really given much thought to what he wanted, I suddenly realized.

I'd been charging ahead with my renovations of his life, his wardrobe even, without considering whether those changes I was making were things he wanted. I hadn't even asked him, really, if he wanted to go and join the Cullen family. He'd just listened to me and nodded and gone along, although I suppose when he'd told me in the diner that he'd follow me anywhere, he'd meant it. He'd never protested or voiced a differing desire.

But I didn't want to make him do things he didn't want to do. I loved him. I wanted us to do things together, things we wanted to do because we wanted to do them—not just me.

"Jasper…tell me the truth. Is this what you want?" I gestured around us, at the beautiful hotel room. At civilization in general. "Or do you…do you want to just go back to wandering again?"

He started. "What? Why would I want to do that? You don't want to wander around anymore, at least not like I did before!" He grinned, reaching out to touch my face, push back an errant strand of hair that had escaped my bobby pins. "You don't seem like the type that would enjoy that rough life."

I grunted and pulled away, childishly. "Shows what you know. I lived like I vagabond for a few years, Jasper Whitlock. I could teach you a thing or two, I bet."

He sighed again. "Alice, how many times do I have to tell you I'll follow you anywhere you want to go?"

It made me mad. I wanted him to want to go with me because he wanted to, as well.

He felt my anger, and his eyes sparkled, the corners of his mouth twitching as he tried to not smile. Then he suddenly had my wrists in his big hands, and he'd pulled me on top of him, holding me fast.

"Alice, would you go where I went, if I wanted to go somewhere?" he asked quietly and gently, his breath sweet against my lips, which were so very close to his.

I swallowed, disconcerted by his nearness, and by my own mounting desire to decrease even that tiny distance. My mouth felt dry as I thought about it.

Yes, yes I would. Of course I would go wherever he wanted to, if he said he wanted to go somewhere. Whatever. Wherever. Whenever.

"Ah." Jasper smiled, his eyes so close I could see my own reflection in them, my face tiny and swimming in a red-gold sea. "So you finally get it, then."

I got it.

Then I got him.

***

JPOV:

We passed a nice evening together in the room, waiting for nightfall to venture out. We were both very thirsty, and knew that there was something, somewhere, that we could feed on without feeling guilty. It was Africa, of course.

But the moment we set foot outside the hotel, the feeling of those eyes upon us returned.

We had just come out of the lobby, down the main front steps and onto the beautiful green lawn, when I felt my skin crawl, knowing someone was out there in that fragrant dark night, watching us.

This time it felt like more than one set of eyes; I could sense their presence, feel a whisper of emotion: caution, curiosity, and a protective urge. They didn't know what to make of us, whoever or whatever they were, but they wanted to make sure we weren't dangerous. I would bet just about anything they were our kind, they just felt similar, but why we couldn't see them was beyond me: if they were close enough for me to feel their emotions in any way, they were very close.

But nothing was there. The night sky, spangled with a million impossibly huge and close stars, was clear of clouds. The grassy lawn stretched before us uninterrupted. The fence enclosing the hotel grounds was not too tall, but I supposed someone could be hiding behind it, watching us, but that just didn't feel right. They almost seemed to be watching from…above? Besides, the fence was a good hundred yards away, down a long and winding gravel driveway, too far for me to feel them.

And Alice! How had she not known something was coming! Again, that odd hole in the future came back to me; I looked down at her, frozen and wary at my side, and knew she was thinking the same thing. Her forehead was creased with worry and irritation, her eyes huge and distant as she tried to see into the future, and I knew she wasn't succeeding.

"What do we do, love?" I whispered, putting my hand on hers, which rested on my arm. "Go or stay?"

She shook her head in frustration. "I don't know!"

I sighed, narrowing my eyes to look around again. They were still out there. Watching us. Becoming vaguely amused by our quandary. Now that irritated me. I am not a subtle man for the most part, and I don't enjoy being laughed at. I figure, if you want to play, play. Fight me fairly, I'll meet you head to head. But for someone to hide in the darkness and chuckle at our discomfiture, that's just not honorable.

"Whoever you are, we don't mean any harm! We're…we're just visiting!"

I blinked in surprise at Alice's voice. I felt a ripple of surprise from our invisible observers, and then, an audible chuckle.

"We shall see what you mean, young pale ones. We shall see!"

The voice seemed to come from the very air above us, the accent thick and rich like I remembered the memory of molasses, of honey, being. It was a female voice, but deep and authoritative, and for some reason I knew whoever spoke was very, very old.

I jerked Alice behind me, covering her body with mine. Damned if I could see who they were, but they'd have to come through me to get her.

"Jasper!" Alice hissed, pounding on my shoulder blade. "Stop it!"

The laughter came again, from above, low and warm. "We shall meet soon, no fear. But do not set foot off these grounds during the nighttime. That is our request. Our…requirement."

I felt a wave of frustration from Alice. "But…" she began, petulant.

"Do not challenge me." The voice turned cool and hard, and I felt the speaker's spark of irritation. I turned and pulled Alice into my arms, pressing her face into my chest to muffle her protests. She pounded my back with her sharp little fists, but I held firm, just hoping she didn't bite me.

"All right, we'll honor your…requirement. Whoever you are." I may be a man of action, but I'm also a prudent man, one who knows how to gauge risk versus reward, and something about that voice told me that I should be a good boy and go along, at least for now. They weren't threatening us, and we were on their land, apparently. And the speaker (she?) had said we would meet soon. The thought of that caused a chill to run down my spine.

Another chuckle, and for some reason it seemed farther away. The invisible presences were retreating into the night, up into the sky it almost seemed.

"You are wise, warrior. You must teach your woman this wisdom as well. She seems to have much knowledge, but not much patience." And then there was more laughter, as if all of them were laughing, and the sound of so many voices echoing in the empty night sky was frankly unnerving.

Then they were gone.

And then, Alice stomped on my foot. Hard. With her high heel, and she ground it into my instep.

"Ow!" I jumped and danced on one foot, letting her go. "What'd you do that for?"

"'You must teach your woman patience and wisdom?'" Her voice dripped sarcasm; she made as if to stomp on my foot again. I quickly pulled my feet out of reach. Her eyes were outraged, almost shooting sparks she was so irritated. "I'll show you wisdom!" And she took of her hat and threw it up into the vacant night sky, as if hoping to hit whoever, or whatever, had been watching…and laughing…at us.

"Alice." I tried to keep my tone even, although inside I was laughing.

"What?" She whirled to face me. "Of all the nerve! Who are these people? And what, they fly?" She strained her eyes up to the stars.

I shook my head, mystified. Where before I'd been nervous and filled with foreboding, something had changed. Hearing the voice that went with the odd invisible presence made things a bit more…palatable. I was actually a bit excited to meet whoever these creatures were.

But whoever, or whatever, they were, they were very strong. Strong enough to be invisible, to perhaps fly…to cut a hole in Alice's visions and hide themselves.

She sat down on the grass, crossing her arms and poking out her bottom lip like a pouting child. I couldn't help but laugh, she reminded me of Ginny when she was a child and didn't get her way. "I don't like this at all."

I sat down beside her, drew her into my arms, even though she hissed a little and didn't look at me. "Oh, would you please just quiet down?" I rubbed the back of her neck, firmly, gently, trying to soothe away the tension and irritation. "We'll figure it all out soon enough, I think."

"But you're thirsty! And so am I!" she wailed, finally giving in to my touch and flopping back against my chest. "We are supposed to go on that tour tomorrow. All those humans! You won't enjoy it at all!"

I shushed her with a kiss. "Don't worry." Suddenly it struck me as funny: normally, it was her doing the reassuring. It felt good in a rather selfish way to have the tables turned a bit, to not be the one fretting. "Let's just go back up to the room and have a nice night together. Tomorrow will take care of itself."

And boy, did it.

***

APOV:

After that terribly distressing encounter with the invisible whoever-they-weres, we did indeed pass a nice night together. Although it was hard to pull back my questing and dissatisfied mind at times, Jasper did a good job of realizing when my attention strayed and roping it back in to what really mattered: skin on skin, heart to heart, loving my man, him loving me.

The next day dawned hot but overcast, just the way I liked it, like I'd seen. But this was the sticking point: my vision disappeared right after we left the hotel that morning. I felt alone and blind in the dark as Jasper walked beside me, his arm around my waist, without my sight to keep me company and tell me what lay ahead. That hole, that grey area, in my mind's eye was frustrating and honestly frightened me.

We'd made arrangements to go out on a tour of the area, but when I called down to the front desk the concierge informed me very politely that the tour had been cancelled.

"Huh," I muttered, nonplussed. Jasper glanced over at me, one eyebrow cocked questioningly. "They cancelled the tour." We'd been scheduled to go out to see the surrounding mountains with a guide, pass for human for a little while. I considered it practice for the coming years, Jasper considered it some kind of punishment in disguise.

He shrugged. "Things happen. They're humans, after all."

But it didn't sit right with me, for some reason. "I want to get out of here, Jasper. I'm thirsty, so I know you are, too." I know I was right: his eyes were black now, and he carried himself so carefully when we were outside of our little bubble, alone together in our bed. So careful, he didn't want any more "little slip-ups."

"Well, then, let's get out of here!" He stood up and reached out for my hand. "Who needs a tour. I'd rather explore with just you, anyway."

So we went down and out of the hotel again, both of us tensed for unseen eyes again when we set foot on that manicured green lawn. But they didn't come. We decided to simply walk off the grounds, and even as we passed the main checkpoint and into the city, we felt nothing amiss. Perhaps they were watching from further away. Or maybe not at all. Perhaps the strange ones only came out at night. Or perhaps we were both going mad at the same time. I wasn't terribly optimistic.

We strolled through the scenic human town, keeping to the shadows as much as possible in case the sun broke through the cloud cover. It was stiflingly hot, and the streets were crowded with people of all colors and classes. Soon it became too much for Jasper: I felt his tension building until it was almost unbearable. I hailed a cab and stuffed him into it.

I told the cabbie to floor it, to get us outside of the city. He shot me a crazy look and asked me where, exactly.

"Just someplace…quiet! Remote!"

His eyes lit up at the thought of a hefty fare. "How 'bout Table Mountain? You's can take a cable car to the top, or hike up if that's your pleasure…" He glanced down at my high-heeled shoes. "Or not."

"That's fine, sir. Just drive." I pressed a handful of bills into his hand. "Table Mountain it is."

The cabbie drove out of town, down a long and winding road that led up into the rolling hills and then dropped us at the base of the huge, flat-topped mountain that was Cape Town's notorious landmark: it reared up out of the ground like a massive table, its sides rippled and folded like a tablecloth. "The tram's over that a-way," the driver said, pointing up the slope to our left. "G'day!" And he peeled out, leaving us in a cloud of dust. I'd vastly over-paid him, but it was worth it.

Even though we were only in the foothills, we still could see down into the crescent-shaped valley that was Cape Town's two harbors. Jasper shaded his eyes and looked up toward the summit of the mountain. "So, what do you think, climb or tram?"

I glanced down at my feet and shrugged, kicking off my shoes. I had more. "Climb!" I knew the physical exertion would be good for the both of us, until we'd had a chance to feed.

Jasper grinned. "I knew you'd say that!" And he took off up the steep incline, leaving me in the dust.

"No way!" I screeched, taking off after him. I was so much faster than him, and I had to prove it. Leave it to him to wait until my second sight had been temporarily blinded to take advantage of it.

We scratched and clawed and scrabbled our way up the side of that mountain, laughing the entire time, showers of loose rocks and dust cascading down on whoever happened to be below. We reached the top simultaneously, but I tackled him and knocked him down, the two of us skidding in the dirt, laughing so hard we were breathless.

We had come up on the far side of the mountain from the docking point of the tram, which was slowly trundling its way up its cable to the summit. I could barely see it if I leaned over the edge of the cliff and craned my neck, glad that we had some privacy.

"Would you look at that?" Jasper whispered wonderingly, taking my hand and pulling me to him. "Now that's a view."

And it was. We stood atop the world. Before us, the ocean stretched away to the distant misty horizon, deep azure meeting the pale blue of the sky. Behind us, the continent spread like a rumpled carpet, reds and golds and browns bleeding into each other. I could see where the human city ended, and became the savannah, the veldt, a rolling vista of golden-green grass and occasional stunted trees. The wind smelled wild as it curled around us, teasing our hair and clothes.

"Ho there, friends! Enjoying the view!" The voice came from nowhere behind us; we both tensed, but both of us realized it was a human voice, completely unthreatening. Drat my vanished sight! I hated being caught by surprise!

We warily turned and faced the speaker. An older man, his iron-grey hair tucked neatly up under his hat, was grinning as he came toward us. Clad in the typical safari-style gear, his knobby knees peeked from beneath his shorts, and he had the stereotypical Englishman-in-Africa full mustache. I felt like saying, "Doctor Livingtone, I presume?" I had to settle for a stifled giggle instead.

"Lovely sight, lovely sight indeed!" the man chortled in a thick, cultured English accent, clapping both of us on the shoulder. Jasper flinched, his face tense and his eyes hungry as he shot me a panicked glance: the man did smell particularly nice. But then again, by that point, just about anyone did. The man's boisterous friendliness was disconcerting, too.

"Well…yes, sir, yes it is," I managed weakly, trying to figure out how to get the man away from Jasper without being too obvious. I glanced back toward where he'd appeared from. "Did you come up on the tram?"

The man shook his head, still grinning. "No, I hiked up a few hours ago. Trying to get the courage to climb back down!" He slapped my shoulder. "The old knees're telling me take the tram, but the old pride says climb!"

I nodded dumbly, trying not to breathe.

"Oh, where're my manners!" He stuck out his hand gamely. "Miles Smithfield, at your service!"

I managed a quick introduction and shook his hand carefully and quickly, not letting his hot fingers linger on mine, but it wasn't fast enough: he gave a little shiver at my touch. "Goodness, Mrs. Whitlock, but you must have terrible circulation if your hands are so cold in such abominable heat!"

Miles Smithfield pulled out a handkerchief and dramatically mopped his sweating forehead and face. "So, new to Africa then, Mr. Whitlock? Your first trip?"

Jasper nodded faintly, his eyes fixed over the human's shoulder. I could feel his self-control wavering, and knew I had to do something. Anything. That was no place for another "little slip-up." I looked around frantically for anything to distract Jasper, the man, anyone. But there was no one around but us; I could barely hear the humans on the far side of the mountain, several miles distant but their voices carried by the eager wind to my ears.

"Yes, yes, this is my third sojourn to the Dark Continent, can't seem to get enough of it here," Mr. Smithfield prattled on, pulling out a penknife and beginning to clean under his fingernails. I watched him for a moment, then focused inward, imploring my sight to come back and help me, but it was all vague grayness, an impenetrable cloud obscuring the future. But my gut twisted in foreboding. "But my first time in Cape Town. Normally I go to Durban and inland from there. I say, have you been to Kruger Park? Gorgeous. Shot a leopard in a game preserve near there, wonderful animal, let me tell you, I had him mounted—damn!"

Oh, God.

It was too horribly perfect, as if Fate had lined up this silly old man and his clumsy old fingers and sharp little knife, just to mock and tempt Jasper, set the human down in front of my husband and painted a big bulls-eye on him and said, "Here, Jasper, go right ahead!"

Mr. Miles Smithfield, lately of Cheshire, England and soon to be the late Mr. Miles Smithfield, had cut himself while carelessly cleaning his fingernails. Just a tiny bit, he's speared the pad of his thumb, one bright drop of blood welling up, which he stuck into his mouth with another muttered oath. But it was enough.

It was over fast, thank goodness.

I turned my head and looked away: I didn't want to see it, I knew I couldn't move quickly enough to stop it, and I knew I needed to keep watch to make sure no one had seen what happened. But we were alone, up on that end of the windswept Table Mountain, all of Africa spread out below us.

But then, we weren't alone. They were there.

"Poachers! Tresspassers!" This voice was different, deeper, hot and strong as the scorching summer sun, male in timbre, and so suddenly close that I almost fell down in shock. I felt their presence oppressively, as if they had sucked all the air out of my lungs with their closeness. Their scent was overpowering, sweet and spicy and musky, an otherworldly incense that almost stung with its intensity.

Jasper froze, dropping the old man to the ground, his lips still wet with the bright blood. "Oh, God, Alice…"

I shook my head sadly. Too late now. I didn't need my sight to tell me that.

I felt something grab my arms, hands that were so strong I didn't even dream of offering resistance. I knew it'd be over much faster if I struggled. Perhaps, if we were properly submissive…

Then the touch of fingers on my forehead, and a third voice, cool and soft as mist, breathed into my face. "Sleep."

And I did.

***

JPOV:

Curse me. Curse me, a hundred ways to Sunday. Burn me in hell, why can't I get a grip on this? What? They're here? What--

That was the last thing I remembered before they took us.

I opened my eyes to darkness, and if I'd had a heart that could beat I know it would have been pounding itself out of my chest in shock and fear. I'm not ashamed to admit I was afraid: a real man doesn't lie to himself about fear, nor does he underestimate a powerful enemy, and these were the most powerful enemies I'd ever encountered. If they were enemies—and they probably were, now that I'd trespassed. If they could make a vampire sleep, I was afraid of them.

I'd never realized how accustomed I'd become to not sleeping anymore. It had been over eighty years since I'd last slept, or even closed my eyes for any length of time. Like others of my kind, I'd go away from myself for a while, let my body slip into stillness and let my mind drift, and that is restful in its way. But I hadn't been unconscious, awakening from sleep, since I'd been turned. It was terrifying to have lost track of time like that, even worse to have lost it into a darkness of another's making.

I was lying on my back, on the ground, it seemed. And that was all I could feel. Nothing else, and even though I knew my eyes were open I saw nothing that told me that they were open: black on black on black. And I felt nothing except the hardness beneath me. No heat, no cold, and there was no sound. Not even of my own breathing, when I remembered to do so.

"Alice? Alice!" I cried into the darkness, and I didn't hear my voice. I knew I screamed, I felt the force of the sound in my lungs, my throat, but nothing came to my ears.

I began to panic. For the first time in my life, I began to completely lose control. I was alone in the dark, my senses taken from me, and I didn't know where Alice was. Was she hurt? Was she alive? Was she like me, suspended in nothingness?

Oh, God no. Please no. She'd lose her mind. Nothingness frightened her: she didn't remember her past, and it gnawed at her. She only remembered a little of the burning of transformation, just since the time her heart had died inside her, and that blackness had terrified her. The emptiness of her past terrified her. She'd confided it to me once, as I held her in my arms the night of our wedding, and I'd had to love away the fear.

Alice!

She's here, warrior. Calm yourself.

I froze at the sound of the voice, which seemed to come from everywhere all at once. It sounded familiar, warm and smooth and rich…rich like honey…

Yes, good. Now, come back. Come back.

And the darkness was gone, and I felt everything again, so suddenly it was almost painful. The air thick and sweet in my lungs, the sounds of the wind sighing in the trees above, insects chirping. The night sky stretched endlessly above me, those stars so close and bright, I could almost hear them twinkling. The scents of the grass and the dust, and flowers…and the sweetness of immortals.

Many of them.

I leapt to my feet in one fluid movement, crouching defensively, whirling in a circle to confront them, but seeing nothing because I was searching for Alice. My breath caught in my throat when I finally saw her.

There she was, lying on the ground right next to me, her eyes closed tightly, still and silent as death.

And then it didn't matter whether they'd destroy me, I didn't care, she was there. I dropped to my knees and gathered her to my chest, her body so tiny and fragile-seeming in my arms, head lolling back against my shoulder.

"Alice!" I didn't know what to do. Was she…was she…dead?

"No, warrior. She is sleeping. Dreaming, actually. She will awake when it is time." This time, the voice wasn't in my head. It was right beside me, so close I could feel the speaker's breath on my cheek.

I turned my head to the sound of the voice, and then I saw them for the first time.