The Precocious Prognosticator, Chapter 3
"...and so I said, 'Autograph your own head shot, lady'," said Gideon, laughing loudly at his own joke.
"Yeah..." said Mabel, laughing nervously.
The lobster on Mabel's plate was still alive; it grabbed her fork.
Gideon said, "Mabel, tonight's date was a complete success. And tomorrow's date promises to top this one in every way!"
Mabel said, "Whoa whoa, you said just one date, and this was it."
A bird landed on Gideon's outstretched arm. Mabel screamed and grabbed the lobster.
"Hark! What a surprise! A red crested South American rainbow macaw!"
Gideon began counting aloud. On "four" the bird croaked out, "Mabel! Will you accompany Gideon to the ballroom dance this Thurbday?"
Gideon shook the macaw, and it said "Thursday!" It coughed out an invitation and flew away.
Customers gasped and remarked on the cute scene. A large group gathered around the table.
"Gideon's got a girlfriend," said the Chef.
"They're expectin' us," said Gideon. "Please say you'll go."
Mabel said, "Oh, Gideon, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to say..."
"I'm on the edge of my seat," said Sheriff Blubs.
"This is gonna be adorable," said Tyler the biker.
"If she say's no, I'll die from sadness," said an old woman.
"I can verify that that will indeed happen," said a doctor.
Mabel stammered, put on the spot.
"Hold it, Gideon," said Dipper, barging into the restaurant with Violet close behind him.
"Oh. Dipper Pines, how are you? You look good, you look good," said Gideon with a trace of displeasure in his voice.
"Mabel, look at this newspaper photo and this Gideon fan magazine," said Violet, holding out the printed articles. "These are fakes! You weren't walking with Gideon in a blank sweater, and you didn't give a magazine interview with him, right?"
"I certainly didn't," said Mabel. "Gideon, you set all this up to pressure me, didn't you?"
"Ah wouldn't do that, sugar-plum. It must have been over-enthusiastic fans," said Gideon. "Please go to the dance with me, anyway?"
His cute face made the crowd go "Aww,"
But the spell was broken for Mabel. "I bet you even paid people to show up here."
"I can verify that is indeed the case," said the doctor.
"I'm not going to die of disappointment," said the old woman. "I'm going to die of embarrassment, and it's all Li'l Gideon's fault."
The old woman fell into the doctor's arms.
"Call an ambulance! Call the police!" shouted Blubbs.
"You are the police," said Dipper.
Everything turned to chaos, with people running around in every direction. In the confusion, Dipper, Mabel, and Violet slipped out.
Dipper, Mabel, and Violet arrived back at the Mystery Shack.
Mabel put the lobster into the tank with the Fiji Mermaid. "I have a lobster now."
Dipper said, "Well, at least it's over and you'll never have to go out with him again."
"I don't know," said Mabel. "I do sort of like Gideon , as a friend/little sister, so I didn't want to hurt his feelings! I just need to get things back to where they used to be. You know, friends."
"It would be a big mistake to try to stay friends," said Violet. "He's shown how manipulative he is. He was trying to drag you into a romantic relationship."
"I certainly don't like him that way," said Mabel with a shudder.
"You got out okay, Mabel," said Dipper. "It's not like you have to marry Gideon."
Grunkle Stan barged in the back door, "Great news, Mabel. You have to marry Gideon!"
"What?!" shouted Mabel.
"It's all part of my long term deal with Buddy Gleeful," said Stan. "There's a lot of cash tied up in this thing. Plus I got this shirt."
He gestured to his "Team Gideon" T-shirt, "Ugh. I am fat."
Mabel screamed and ran out of the room.
Stan called after her, "Bodies change, honey! Bodies change..."
Dipper ran after Mabel, while Violet confronted Stan.
"Grunkle Stan, I don't care how much money you could make in a deal with Mr. Gleeful. Gideon is a manipulative monster; Mabel doesn't love him. Forcing a young girl into marriage for money is just..."
"Now Violet, honey..." said Stan soothingly.
"It's as bad as Count Olaf!" said Violet. "As bad as what he tried to do to me with his 'Marvelous Marriage' scheme."
"I... umm... I didn't know about that. I guess... I'll have to call the deal off."
"You had better," said Violet. "Or Klaus, Sunny, and I will never speak to you again."
Violet marched upstairs, leaving Stan staring shamefacedly at the floor.
Gideon sat at the lighted dressing table in his room. He was in a rage, breathing heavily. "Dipper Pines and Violet Baudelaire, you don't know what you've done!"
He grabbed the amulet on his bolo tie. The candle levitated, and the light bulbs around his mirror exploded. Other objects in the room flew around and crashed to the floor.
"You've just made the biggest mistake of your life!"
Bud Gleeful opened the door. "Gideon Charles Gleeful, clean up your room this instant!"
Gideon screamed, "I can buy and sell you, old man!"
"Fair enough," said Bud, retreating from the room.
Gideon had a shrine of pictures he had secretly taken of Mabel and the others. He took one showing Mabel, Dipper, and the Baudelaires and burned away all but Mabel.