Calling The Shots: Chapter Fourteen
Bold is English
Hanamiya lies on the couch with his head draped back over the armrest. He's hoping that'll make the bleeding stop. He knows he's gotten blood on everything. The floor, his pants, the carpet, the couch. It just seems like a thing to worry about some other time.
He's not sure where Seto is, or what to say to him that'll serve as a good excuse. He wants to say; you should see the other guy. But that sounds stupid, and he thinks right now that he already looks stupid enough.
"I'm a fucking moron." He says it quietly, and Seto doesn't say anything.
Hanamiya lies still and listens, wondering if Seto might have left. But then he hears him rustling around in the kitchen. A minute later he comes back in with a plastic ziplock sandwich bag full of ice cubes. He sets it down on Hanamiya's face and he screams.
Literally. Screams.
"I know it stings," Seto says. "But it'll keep the swelling down."
"Stings hardly says it, Kentaro," Hanamiya says when he can talk again. "Shit. I think that fucker broke my nose."
"Good," Seto says. "Hopefully your common sense will come flooding back." He sits down in the corner, making himself at home."You followed her?"
"Yeah," Hanamiya answers. "I followed her." His voice sounds deeper than before, and Seto can hear the hurt in his words, the anger. "I figured with Kiyoshi out of the picture, she'd come to me soon enough."
"That's clearly not happening," Seto sighs.
In the following pause, Hanamiya feels his nose throb. The ice is making it ache, so he lifts it off, but that's much worse. It hurts much worse without it. So he sets it back down with a little involuntary whimper. He's reminded of the people he'd cruelly injured and laughs.
If only they could see me now.
"Why are you doing this?" Seto asks. "Are you that desperate to nail her? Is that it? Do you have money riding on this? Seriously, what the fuck?"
You can say that again.
He's not the type to get all ape-shit over a girl. If anyone asked him a month ago if this is what he'd be doing then he'd have told them they were idiots. But then again, these days he really doesn't recognize much about himself.
"Money doesn't mean shit to me and you know that, Kentaro. I want her to myself, is all."
"I know this is kind of hard for you to fathom," Seto says, "but everything isn't always about what you want. Even a smart guy like you can't have it all."
"Bullshit," Hanamiya says. "I will get her back for this. She won't know what hit her."
"Nah, she won; you're turning into this pathetic loser because of her."
Seto had seen it happen once before with a former friend in middle school. A foreign student from France, desperate to be part of Seto's friend circle. They became best buddies. They'd hung out together. Tore down the streets of Tokyo, causing havoc and getting into mischief.
But he blew it all for a girl. He'd gotten soft. Became the weaker man. Became someone he couldn't count on.
He used to know the friend who was fearless. The friend who'd take a bullet to the chest before he'd rat out his fellow comrades.
"You're whipped. Be a man and admit it."
"I am a man," Hanamiya says. "And I don't happen to see it that way. I started this shit and I will finish it."
Seto snorts in disbelief.
"I'm fucking serious," Hanamiya continues. "I just happened to cross that line and I can't uncross it again. I don't know how to stop."
"You just don't want to stop."
"I can't stop."
"Bullshit. You can do anything you want. You don't stop because you don't want to."
Hanamiya lies alone with that for a moment with his eyes closed. He refuses to let Allison walk out the door. He's not willing to stop till she breaks under the pressure.
"If you want," Seto says, standing to leave, "I'll walk you to the hospital. You can get that taped."
"Pass. I don't feel like getting up."
"Your call. I'm gonna head out." He stops with his hand on the door. Hanamiya wants him to leave already, but of course he has more to say. "Why do you go through all this trouble?" he asks. "She's just another chick."
On any other day he'd blow this off, but this is not any other day. This is today. Hanamiya decides to stand up. He wavers there a moment, steadying himself. And it works. He's standing. He looks Seto in the eye, ice pack at his side, and he says, "Cause I like her, obviously."
Seto laughs in his face. "You're so whipped. Whatever… Don't expect me to drop by when they break your spine. I just hope you get that." Then he lets himself out.
Hanamiya's lying on the couch with his head dropped back. He's wondering how long he can go without having his nose taped. Wondering if he has any aspirin, and if it's worth crossing the house for.
What he didn't plan on was falling asleep. His cell-phone rings. Ignoring the caller-ID, he answers.
It's Allison.
"I know I shouldn't be calling. Not after telling you we're through," she says, "but I just wanted to know if you were okay."
A pause. He wants to say he didn't expect to hear from her. But the words won't form, so the silence stretches out.
"Are you home?"
"Yeah," he answers.
"I'm coming over for just a minute. Just to see with my own eyes that you're okay." Before he can object, she says, "I just need to see you one last time." He opens his mouth to speak, but she already hung up. He sits for a while with the dial tone in his ear, the words ringing in his head.
Last time, he thinks. She dares to decide this is the 'last time' she'll see me?
The sudden urge to hurt her grows strong.
She should be begging me on her knees to take her back. Instead, she decides on her own accord to make this our last meeting.
He's sitting up on the couch when Allison arrives. The door is unlocked, and she lets herself in. He wished he'd taken a shower. He's exhausted and bloody and he doesn't feel clean. His hair feels dirty. He hates showing this pathetic side for her to see.
"Shit, Hanamiya," she says. "Look at you." It's worse than she thought. He has blood on his shirt and neck and hands, and both his eyes are going purplish black. "Why didn't you fight back?"
"Are you fucking stupid?" Hanamiya answers, obviously in a bad mood. "It was a lucky shot. I didn't see it coming." He's sitting with his eyes closed, and he feels her hand brush lightly through the front of his hair.
"You have blood in your hair," she points out.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, right here." A brush of her hand again. "Dried blood."
Hanamiya wonders how he got blood in his hair since it doesn't tend to flow uphill. It must have come from his nose while his head was dropped back.
"Come here," she says.
"Come here and do what?"
"I'm gonna wash your hair."
Allison drags him into the kitchen and forces him to sit in a chair at the sink, his head dropped back. He feels warm water running over his scalp, and then her fingers in his hair. He tries not to think of it as a potentially arousing experience; the girl has too much control over him already.
"I bet you're satisfied," he says. "That fucker punched my lights out."
Allison washes his hair in silence for a moment or two. Then she says, "I'm not dating Aomine. We're friends, sorta. And it's not like—"
"Friends with benefits, then," he interrupts. "It gives me a headache just thinking about it, so don't say a word."
She sighs. "Bottom line is, I don't like to see you get hurt."
"I've hurt countless people." Hanamiya surprises both her and himself when he says it. "I fucked up Kiyoshi's basketball career," he sneers. "I destroyed his knee, and he still doesn't blame me for it."
Allison never answers. She rinses his hair carefully. Squeezes out the excess water and towels it dry. Then she dampens a paper towel and gently cleans the dried blood off his face. "Okay, all done," she says. "You look better, at least."
"You're gonna leave now?" As soon as he says it, he feels a measure of her warmth slip away.
"Don't start with this, Hanamiya," she says, in a firm tone of voice.
Hanamiya draws a steadying breath and meets Allison's hard gaze. "You'll leave when I tell you to leave."
"You're not the right guy for me," she says. Soberly. The way a stranger might talk to him. "I totally blew it with Teppei, and that's my own fault, but that doesn't mean I'll go running back to you. What can you possibly give me except for lies and pain? You don't even know how to be in a relationship."
That's the truth, he thinks. I'm one blind motherfucker when it comes to relationships.
A big part of it is probably because he told himself that he'd never enter into one. Now look at him. It doesn't matter how many times his mind tells him not to go there, his heart disagrees with it. The truth is—he wants this girl. And not just for the fun of it, which is a first for him.
But it's hopeless. Allison likes bumbling idiots like Kiyoshi, a guy who is good to her, and pure, and innocent. That's something he'll never be—something he doesn't want to become. He'll never be the good guy. He knows this. He accepted it. He'll always be corrupted. Doing illegal things. He'll always be the villain, tying up the damsel in distress and leaving her on the metal tracks, while her hero rides in on his horse and comes to her rescue before the steam locomotive coming at her crushes her body and spirit.
"Did you love me?" she asks him, sitting there with his wet hair. He stops thinking. Stops breathing. Stops everything.
"What?"
"You heard me. I'm asking if you ever loved me."
She's talking in the past sense like this is all behind her, and it strikes him how utterly ridiculous this is.
If you dare cut me lose, you'll regret it.
"I was hoping my actions would speak to that," he says. "Take a guess."
"This isn't something anyone should ever be required to guess about," she says. "It helps to be told."
"It's hard for me to say things like that."
"So you were lying when you confessed to me before."
Hanamiya shrugs for the hell of it. "You got me there."
"Why do you do it?"
"Well, it's quite easy, actually. I have this thing called a libido and—" She doesn't laugh. "Why do you present a bad-guy front to the world when there's obviously more to you?"
Hell. What can he say? That bad guys didn't get hurt when their dads ripped off friends and couldn't care less about their children who idolized them?
That bad guys didn't break down alongside their mothers when their fathers were sentenced to prison? No, he can't say any of those things, so he settles for flippant. "Because bad guys always get the girl."
"Not this time," she swallows thickly. "I've thought about this long and hard. I'm sick and tired of your behavior. I was really hoping we'd get past this. But I think I'm just being naïve and a little unfair to you. I can't expect you to morph into a good guy so quickly. While what you did was wrong, I'll commit to being your friend. Nothing else. If there's anything I can do to make this easier on you, then I'll do it."
She steps closer and narrows her eyes. "But if you ever hurt Teppei like that again, I won't hesitate to take you out at the kneecaps. Are we clear?" She looks down at him, her face heavy with emotion. "Seriously. I know how to use a hockey stick. I will not sit around and watch you pull this shit again."
"So much for not wanting to see me get hurt," Hanamiya actually smiles. "You'll patch me up again like a good little girl, won't you?"
She's glaring at him. Her chest heaves with erratic breathing. "I said I'd do anything to make this easier on you, and I mean it."
Allison turns her back on him and walks out the door.
— — — — —
Days pass at school and Hanamiya slips into a routine, one day running into the next as he tries to keep to himself. Each day, he stays a respectable distance from Allison. He's civil, but not friendly. He's detached, but still he watches her from a distance. Allison makes a point of not looking at him, and whenever she can help it she avoids being in the same room with him.
"Is he still staring?" Tada growls and Allison puts a hand on his arm in an effort to calm him down. "Let him be. It doesn't matter."
Mariko meets Tada's hard gaze and agrees with him for once. "Of course it matters. We have to stop him. We have to fight back—fight fire with fire."
Allison hung her head. "I don't wanna do that," she mutters. "Maybe I'll just put a complaint in with the principal."
"A complaint? As in a note in his complaint box? That's a horrible idea, Allison. Horrible! That's not fighting fire with fire; that's fighting fire with paper. Fire kicks paper's ass!"
Allison frowns threateningly.
"I'm just trying to look out for you," Mariko says. "Excuuuuuse me!"
It's silent for a minute, and Allison takes a bite out of her sandwich. "Mariko," she says when she finishes swallowing. "I'm sorry."
"That's okay." She's already recovered and smiling again. "I know you're just mad that I'm prettier than you." Allison gives her a patronizing grin. "You should get yourself a guy. There's plenty of fish in the sea," Mariko suggests while Tada pulls a disgusted face. "Hell no."
"Would you rather date her then?"
"Tada?" The pair make eye-contact. "All?" Tada puts a finger to his mouth and pantomimed gagging. "No way!"
"Yeah," Allison rolls her eyes. "We all know you're Shige-sexual."
"What about a mixer? I'll interrogate the guys beforehand," Mariko promises.
"No thanks," Allison says. "I'll lay off dating for a while."
"Come on. The right guy can make you happy again!"
"What?" Allison asks. "What are you talking about?"
"You're sad and when you're with a guy who's happy, you'll smile more," Mariko explains.
"I'm not sad."
"Yeah, you are," she says. "I just want you to have fun again."
Allison laughs, but it's a sad sort of laugh, the kind you use to keep from crying. Kiyoshi was as happy as can be, always looking at the bright side of things. He just smiled that silly, lovesick expression he had on his face every time she kissed him.
I used to be happy like that. Wasn't I?
— — — — —
Hard work helped Kiyoshi keep it together. He made sure to get everything out of Kagetora's training that he could. He's not wasting time thinking about Allison, instead staying focused on maximizing his skills. He's practicing even when he's not practicing, dribbling the ball with him everywhere in an effort to keep his thoughts from straying back to the Canadian girl.
Shooting jumpers at the gym by himself isn't going to accomplish very much. A line of sweat dribbles down the center of his back, and the hands that hold onto the ball are shaking. He blinks to clear the sweat from his eyes, and shoots, missing the hoop by a long shot.
As his back connects with the cold floor, the pain throbbing in his knee stabs through him like an almost physical force, and he shouts out. The pain birthed an anger in him, dark, growing exponentially, welling up inside like a huge, fetid bubble.
"You still here?" Kagetora stands in the doorway.
Kiyoshi, still lying on the floor, says, "Yeah, just practicing."
With a curious tilt to his mouth, the sports trainer stares down at him on the floor for a long moment, as if trying to figure out what he's seeing. "Yoga?" he finally says.
"Not really," Kiyoshi answers, sitting up.
The confident high-school student, with his friendly smile and warm eyes, has been replaced by something far harder. With his dark flat eyes and aggressive sort of calm, he looks more like a drug dealer or a motorcycle madman than an overly-friendly giant.
"You should avoid overtraining; you'll risk straining a muscle," Kagetora advises.
"I'm fine."
"Don't tell me you're fine. I heard you shouting on the other side of the door."
"I was mad at myself for missing the shot," Kiyoshi says evenly.
"My little girl is worried sick about you, and you're telling me she's in the wrong here?"
"Riko doesn't have to worry. I'm fine," he lies. And he lies with such a perfect calm that Kagetora feels a shiver roll down his spine. Was he always as accomplished a liar even before this sad transformation?
"Listen kid," Kagetora sighs. "Don't make me bring out the heavy artillery."
Kiyoshi feels his anger anew, feels it burn like acid. Bad things happen. He's used to it. Bad things happen to good people more often than not. He's tired. Angry. the moment he locks eyes with the older, more experienced male, Kiyoshi lets the anger flow out of him, pour out of him as from a broken jug. And as the anger flows away, the tension in his muscles lessen, slowly.
Everything in him eases, his bones are made of Jell-O, the pain in his body diminishes. Until the pain is focused only in his chest. And there it blossoms, brightly. Like a flower.
"I hate that I still think she's a good person," he says with a new calm. "Why can't I let it go?"
"That kind of problem, I see," Kagetora sighs, listening patiently as Kiyoshi tells him what's on his chest.
"Did I do the right thing?" Kiyoshi asks carefully.
Kagetora sighs. "Maybe... You're a smart kid, I'll tell you that much—you're much more mature than I was at your age. I lost my girl back then, too."
Kiyoshi blinks tiredly. "That doesn't sound very uplifting, coach."
Kagetora throws his head back and laughs as if Kiyoshi just made the best joke ever. "Like hell it isn't," he says with a lopsided smile. "I married her after all."
— — — — —
On the bus ride home, Kiyoshi sits staring out the window. Koganei is talking to him but he doesn't hear a word of it. "Hello, earth to Kiyoshi, Kiyoshi—come in?"
"Oh, sorry. What did you say, Koga?"
"I'm going to the convenience store when we get off, wanna come? Mitobe's coming too. Kiyoshi? You're not even listening!"
"Huh? Uh, yeah, sure."
"No, as usual your head is somewhere up in the clouds, geez!"
"Sorry, kinda tired."
Izuki sitting in the seat in front of Kiyoshi turns around. "Stop bothering him, Koga. Everyone is tired." Koganei sulks in his seat, leaving the giant alone.
After Riko threatens the team to rest up properly, they head home. Kiyoshi walks alone to his house, heading straight for the porch; his grandfather awaits him. He can't tell if he's upset or worried.
"Jii-chan?"
There's a physical tightening in his chest at the realization that maybe his grandmother collapsed while he was gone. The old man raises an eyebrow, staring at his grandson. "Nothing is amiss," he smiles, reassuring the boy. "It's you I'm worried about. Didn't you check your phone for any messages?"
"No, not really."
"You should. I'm sure Taylor-chan called, the poor girl. She occasionally dropped by to see you."
Kiyoshi freezes over when he sees a text from Allison. And then another. He scrolls down the screen—there's a whole series of text messages from her. It's a confessional. His hands tremble as he begins to read.
Allison: Hi Teppei
Allison: u r probably practicing
Allison: or maybe u r ignoring me
Allison: I'm sorry
Allison: I needed to make sure I was doing the right thing
Allison: I broke up with Hanamiya
Allison: I never meant to hurt u - I just didn't want to lose u
Kiyoshi's heart is pounding. He scrolls further down.
Allison: I think about u all the time
Holy shit. She's having an inner monologue with herself.
Allison: Do I still have a chance?
Allison: Maybe u r reading this and ignoring me – I deserve it
Allison: Okay, you're either ignoring me, or you'll see these and think I lost my mind. Either way, we need to talk.
Her last text was a little over an hour ago. He feels his throat constrict as he swallows, then types in, I'll come over right now. He knows he should be more furious that she'd been so dishonest with him and that she'd put him in a difficult situation, but instead, he shamelessly feels relief mixed with hope that they might get back together.
He puts his phone back into his pocket and turns the ringer back on. He immediately hears it ring, notifying him that there's a new text.
Allison: I'll be waiting
Allison leans against the front door and waits, feeling sick with anticipation and nerves, because she'll finally see Kiyoshi again. She spots him approaching round the corner, and he said he was coming, for god's sake, but she's still completely surprised to see him in the flesh.
He stands there tall and straight and heartstoppingly handsome. She had no idea how much she'd missed him until now.
Kiyoshi looks hesitant. His hands are tucked into the front pockets of his pants, which pushes his jacket off to the side behind his lower arms. He gives her a tentative, shaky smile. He looks so vulnerable.
Joy at seeing him overwhelms her. Her first few steps are slow, but then she picks up speed and starts running before pouncing on him and jumping into his arms. He returns the hug with equal fervor and lifts her off the ground. Allison nuzzles her face into his neck and breathes in his familiar scent. She can't help but to start crying.
After setting her down, he cradles her face with his big hands. Looking intensely into her eyes, he kisses her. It's an epic, passionate, all-encompassing kiss. They kiss shamelessly, fiercely, their tongues hungry and urgent.
When they finally let go, they're both breathless and flushed. Kiyoshi brushes his thumbs softly across her cheeks to wipe away the tears. Allison gazes at him dazedly, her uncertainty mixed with affection. "Is this okay with you?" she finally asks and he nods. "You're not mad at me then?"
He shakes his head and speaks without thinking. "I don't know." She looks crestfallen until he adds in a rush, "Forget it, I don't care. I just want to be with you."
She gives him a shaky smile, but her green eyes are intense. "Teppei, I missed you so much. I am so sorry. It tore me apart thinking about how much you might've hated me after what I'd done. I know you probably—"
Kiyoshi interrupts her mid-sentence, kissing her lips to shush her. "Doesn't matter. You don't have to explain anything."
"But…"
He actually pouts. "I really don't want to hear it."
"Okay, okay," she laughs.
The next thing she knows, Kiyoshi's pulling her in close, his breath tickling her ear. "You're not going to invite me in?" Why did that sound so sexy? She has goosebumps from the warmth of his breath near her ear.
"My dad's working; he'll return the day after tomorrow."
Kiyoshi looks her straight in the eye, knowing exactly what he's about to do. "Can I stay tonight?"
She can't believe this is happening. "Are you serious? Last time you seemed—"
"I didn't trust you," he says quickly. "But that's in the past." His smile is tiny, but no less devastating for it. "I can't keep refusing you."
"A-alright." She's thinking her old man is going to have a heart attack as soon as he gets home.
This is the true start of her relationship with Kiyoshi Teppei. Allison knows this is the start of something significant. She can feel it in her bones, in the butterflies in her stomach, and the peace and calm of her emotions.
Once inside, Kiyoshi's fingers slide along the side of her neck, his brown eyes dark with something she clearly recognizes as desire. "Um, are you hungry? Do you want to… eat?" she asks, trying to sound casual, which is hard considering the only thing on her mind is the fact that she's going to have sex.
With Kiyoshi.
Tonight.
Kiyoshi holds her hand tightly as she guides him to her room. As soon as he closes the door, he pushes her against it and starts kissing her all over again.
After taking off her shirt, he finds her zipper and eased it down with her pants, sending shivers throughout her body. Her pants fall down into a slump around her feet and she steps out, kicking it to the side. Kiyoshi's mouth desperately possessed hers and between gasps, he tosses off his jacket and helps her unbutton his shirt underneath. He removes it swiftly and throws it on the floor.
Allison can feel his hands moving slowly over her body, reaching around her to unclasp her bra, and she groans with pleasure at the overwhelming sensation from just his touch alone. Allison wants more and she doesn't think she can stand up for much longer.
He backs her toward the bed until her knees buckle against it and she falls backwards. All she has on are her pink lace panties; he takes that opportunity to remove the remainder of his clothing.
As Kiyoshi shucks his pants, Allison leans back on her elbows and ogles him. His body is beautiful. She already knows he has an athlete's body, but seeing him in all his glory takes her breath away. His body is toned and lean and she can't stop staring at his hard abs, the long and sinewy muscles on his legs.
Kiyoshi gazes down at her, his eyes roaming up and down the length of her body; it's his turn to ogle. It hits him as he closes the distance, how much he wants to do this, how badly he wants to be the one.
She looks up at him with those big green eyes, and all he can think is this is real. He wants to give her everything, anything to get her to keep looking at him like that. It feels so real, like it's just for him, only for him, because of him.
"It's okay," Allison sits up and mistakes his admiration for doubt, giving him a full view of her pale flesh, her full breasts, because she's too busy watching him. "We can stop this at any time. There's no point of no return."
"No, I want this," he says softly and in awe. "The human body is kind of funny, if you think about it, is all."
It's such a Kiyoshi comment. Completely honest in a way that makes you stop and really look at how things are.
"Definitely funny," Allison admits, unable to keep from laughing as she pulls him towards her. Kiyoshi nuzzles her neck, aching to be inside her, his own heart pounding. Please, let this go right.
It's as good as they're going to get. He goes careful but steady, focusing on her eyes, on the slow cadence of her breath. She's all around him, squeezing him so tight that he can't move, but he can't not move, either.
Her hands find their way to his back, and she tucks her face against his shoulder. The deadly friction and heat of her curls Kiyoshi's toes, makes his fingers clench over the pillows beneath her. She's so soft, so soft and sweet and hot, and the vulnerable noises she's making against his skin are only adding fuel to his fire.
He tries to stroke her hair but ends up fisting the wavy locks, his own breaths blasting from his mouth. Allison's fingernails begin to cut into the skin of his shoulders, a kind of pain that only makes him want more. And suddenly it's too much. He feels himself starting to come apart way, way, way sooner than he'd intended.
"Allison…"
She takes his face in her hands. "Teppei."
He reaches his limit listening to her say his name. His thoughts go dark; his vision goes white. She's watching him, he knows, but he can't stop what's happening, can't manage or control it.
He makes a pathetic, helpless noise as he loses it, and she holds him steady, her hands on his cheeks, her lips fluttering against his. She wraps her legs around him and welcomes him as he collapses onto her.
Kiyoshi's ears are ringing. He turns his head just in time to see a tear streak down Allison's cheek. Guilt crushes him in a vice. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he says, gathering her to him. "Did I hurt you? I should have paid more attention—"
She burst into tears with a flood of emotion, unable to contain it. He holds her close, whispering apologies over and over in her ear, kissing her tears. She's not sad. She tries to tell him. She tries to open her mouth and say the words, but more tears spill out.
She clings to him as he pulls the blanket over them, her breath hitching as the heat in her chest and belly begin to fade.
"Are you alright?" he murmurs, still concerned. Allison nods, still not able to speak, her tears drying on her cheeks.
She's feeling something so big and foreign to her, she can't quite identify it at first. Like Kiyoshi, with Kiyoshi, it came into her life out of nowhere and had taken over. When had it crept in? While I wasn't looking or paying attention?
She sobs, letting him hold her and wipe away her tears, and knows, finally, what it is.
She's happy.