A/N: You'd think everything would just fall into place, wouldn't you? Y'all remember that angst I kept mentioning?

To I Made A Review: Hopefully, this chapter also gives you all the feels!

All Your Love Is Revenge

Ch. 14: Watch Your World Burn

Marinette liked to believe that she was the type of person that, once she made a decision, she stuck to it. And she was going to stick to it. She was just tired because she had only gotten about three hours of sleep before she had to get up for school, and it's not like she had a way to contact Chat. She wasn't about to declare her love for him through text.

There was honestly no reason for Alya to be giving her such a judgmental look.

"I just don't want you to lose momentum," the blogger intoned. "If you're showing initiative about this, then you need to do it before you chicken out."

"I will not chicken out," Marinette huffed.

"You said you were going to do it today."

"I said tomorrow. As in the next day, not six hours after we hung up!"

"Oh," Alya's brows furrowed. "I can't think straight, you shouldn't have woken me up before dawn."

Marinette smiled sheepishly, "Sorry, you're the only person I can talk to about this."

"It's alright, girl. Just have an epiphany during business hours next time."

Giggles escaped Marinette at her words, but her smile slowly dropped as she remembered something very important. "You haven't told Nino, have you?"

Alya had been the one to spill the beans about her crush on Adrien to the DJ. Even if she was obvious enough that all of the girls in class knew about it, the boys seemed pretty dense when it came to romance, and Nino was probably too laidback to care about anybody else's drama. He wouldn't have known were it not for his girlfriend - who wasn't even his girlfriend at the time!

"It was one time!"

"Alya," Marinette warned.

"No, I haven't!" she insisted angrily. And then, more uncomfortably, "I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet."

"Alya!"

"What? He's my boyfriend, I tell him everything! Or most things. Besides, it's not like he's going to judge you."

Marinette knew that was true. Nino was too kind to ever cast judgment on anyone and he could forgive just about anything. She wasn't sure why she was so worried about him finding out. Well, actually she did know, it just didn't make any sense, not even to herself. If Nino knew, it would just be a matter of time before Adrien knew. She knew he wouldn't care, and she shouldn't care what he thought either, but she was still worried.

Maybe she had simply spent too long worrying about his opinion of her.

She sighed tiredly, "Just don't say anything until I have an answer, okay? He doesn't need to know just how many times I can crash and burn when it comes to love."

Alya giggled but placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, "You know, you might be surprised. What if this guy likes you?"

It would be easier if she could explain things to Alya. It would have been easy enough to admit she knew he was in love with somebody else, she didn't have to say he loved Ladybug, but it was even more embarrassing to admit she had fallen for someone that she knew was in love with someone else. Nino may not be judgmental, but his girlfriend certainly was. She didn't need to see her 'what were you thinking' look!

"I doubt it."

It would be a pleasant surprise if he did, but she knew better than to get her hopes up by now.

"Remember what I told you about setting yourself up to fail?" Alya teased.

Marinette smiled ruefully, "Yeah, yeah. I'll keep hope alive."

The blogger shoved at her shoulder, "I'm serious."

"So am I," she nodded decisively with a smile. "I will not go into this expecting myself to fail."

That may or may not have been a lie. Or, rather, it gave her an idea that she hadn't considered before. Chat would most likely reject Marinette if she asked for an actual relationship, but he would almost certainly accept Ladybug if she asked for one. It would literally be his dream come true!

Marinette had the good fortune of being Ladybug. She could have a relationship with Chat, and he would have his dream girl, and everybody would be happy.

It just seemed. . . manipulative. Just a tiny bit. If she had been worried that sleeping with him without telling him she was Ladybug was a little messed up, then letting him date Ladybug without telling him she was Marinette was totally twisted.

He didn't want her. He had made it clear that he saw her as just a friend. A physically attractive friend, but just a friend nonetheless.

There were times that she thought he might feel something more for her. Small moments, so brief she could convince herself that she had only imagined them, that were rarely repeated. When he smiled at her with a soft and gentle warmth, when he held her like he never wanted to let her go, and when he would tell her she was amazing and anybody that would reject her was a fool. Sometimes, she could believe that Marinette had a place in his heart that was close to, if not equal to, Ladybug's place in it. She just couldn't convince herself that she hadn't imagined it all.

It would be safer for her to confess as Ladybug. If she confessed as Marinette, he would end their arrangement because he would probably feel like he was taking advantage of her feelings by continuing to sleep with her without feeling the same way. And then she would lose him, friendship and all. She would only see him at akuma attacks and the occasional patrol. If she confessed as Marinette and he rejected her, she doubted she'd be able to face him again even as Ladybug.

If she confessed as Ladybug from the beginning, then he would still end their arrangement, because he wouldn't want to feel like he was cheating on the love of his life. And she would be okay with it, because even if she'd miss the sex, at least they'd be dating. At least, until he found out she was Marinette. Which could be never, or could be the next time her miraculous magic timed out and she had nowhere to hide. And then. . .

Then he'd hate her. He might think her a monster for using her intimate knowledge of his feelings to have a relationship with him when he didn't want one. And then she would lose him completely; his love, his friendship, even his good opinion, as both Ladybug and Marinette.

No matter what she did, she would probably lose him in the end. But. . . it could be enough to have him while she could.

However she could, even if it was just as Ladybug. It was just. . .

"It's wrong, Marinette," Tikki glowered at her chosen from where she hovered over her desk. "You know it is."

"How could it be wrong? I'd be giving him what he wants!"

For someone who usually so cheerful, the kwami had quite the impressive bitch face. "You'd be giving him what he thinks he wants, while keeping the truth to yourself."

Marinette felt herself flush. She had already reached that conclusion, but that didn't mean she wanted to be called out on it. "Oh, so now you want me to tell him my identity?"

"I didn't want you to sleep with him, since when does my opinion matter to you at all?"

She flinched at the kwami's sharp tone. Marinette knew Tikki was right. She had been willfully ignoring the luck god's words of wisdom for the past five months because she knew, deep down, that Tikki was right. It had been a foolish, dangerous idea that she should have put a stop to after the first time.

Tikki had only ever wanted what was best for her, even when it wasn't what Marinette herself wanted.

"I know I haven't been the best. . . anything recently. I don't mean to ignore you, I've just been happy, really happy, and I just. . . wanted to keep that."

Marinette had been right. Love was stupid. It made you stupid. That didn't mean she didn't want it.

The kwami sighed and landed on her shoulder, "I'm not saying you shouldn't be happy. Of course I want you to be happy! I just want you to make sure this is what you really want."

The designer frowned petulantly, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I am very old, Marinette. I have seen humanity grow, I have watched over many Ladybugs. It has become apparent to me that sex can occasionally muddle people's minds. Sometimes, when they say 'I love you,' what they really mean is 'I love having sex with you.'"

Marinette gasped indignantly, "I know what I feel! I can tell the difference between wanting sex and love!"

"Really? Because a month ago, you were calling Adrien the love of your life."

"I -"

Okay, that was true, but it was only because she had genuinely believed that was the case. Not that she could admit that, since Tikki would consider that proof that she didn't know her own heart. She did, though. She wasn't confused or being fickle. Both Adrien and Chat had a place in her heart, and without even realizing it, Chat had simply taken up more of it.

"I'm not trying to be mean," Tikki patted her cheek and settled comfortably on her shoulder. "I just want you to be absolutely sure before you do something you can't come back from."

"I know," Marinette admitted. "But I - I do love Chat. I know I do. And I want to be with him, like a girlfriend, not just with him."

She could feel Tikki hum against her skin, "Well, if you really love him, then I suppose he can be trusted with your identity."

Tikki yelped when she was dislodged off Marinette's shoulder as the girl stood quickly and began to pace.

"I don't want to tell him my identity! He doesn't love Marinette, he loves Ladybug! I want to confess as Ladybug!"

"If he doesn't love you for who you are, then he doesn't deserve to be with you!"

Marinette bit down on her lip to keep from screaming in frustration, "Why does everybody keep saying that?"

"Because it's true," Tikki deadpanned.

A glaring contest began between the two occupants of Marinette's room. Deep down, Marinette knew Tikki and her mother were right, but she had a very unique opportunity here. If she couldn't be with her love as one identity, then she could be with him as her second identity. Even if it was a little disingenuous, at the end of the day everybody would be happy!

Temporarily. Whatever.

Chat hadn't shown up in a few days, and Marinette could only assume it was because he had something complex planned for their non-date tomorrow. She could wait until then, face her fears and confess as Marinette, and hope for the best. She could say nothing and continue on as they were for however long they would be together. But she had told Alya she would confess, and she genuinely wanted to.

She could do the rational thing, the honest thing, and wait to confess as herself tomorrow.

Or, she could do the smart thing, the thing most likely to get her the results she desired, and confess as Ladybug right now.

"Tikki," she was lucky the kwami's glare couldn't actually set her on fire. "Spots on!"

The sun had only just set, but the night air was quickly cooling. It stung her cheeks as she swung above the rooftops, making her way to the generally abandoned apartment complex the miraculous holders met up on for patrols. She had considered going to the Eiffel Tower, it was more romantic and it was where she used to meet up with Chat when it was just the two of them, but decided it was too public. There were always tourists lingering there, and the zooming feature on cameras only kept improving.

It wasn't surprising to see that Chat was transformed when she tried to contact him through her yo-yo. She ignored the voice in the back of her head that wondered why he hadn't gone to see Marinette if he was able and sent him a message asking him to meet her, not trusting herself to keep her voice steady in a call.

Her nerves were so high strung that it felt like she was vibrating. Why was she so nervous? Was she afraid that he would reject her? Don't be ridiculous. A yes is practically guaranteed!

Was it because of what Tikki said? She didn't need the kwami to tell her it was dishonest, it was the fear that it wouldn't make her happy that caused her stomach twist. Could she really be happy knowing that he didn't want her for who she was?

Yes, she insisted to herself. She had to be, she would be. She'd make herself happy.

"What's up, My Lady," Chat's voice sounded from behind her as he landed on the roof. "Not that I'm not pleased to see you, but you never call just to hang out."

Ladybug turned to face him, taking courage from his carefree tone. He was happy to see her, of course he was.

"I - I wanted," she cut herself off, angry at herself. She was acting like Marinette, and she wasn't Marinette right now, she was Ladybug! Ladybug didn't stutter or get nervous. She was brave. She was fearless. She could confess her feelings without fear of rejection.

Ladybug took a deep breath, "I love you."

Silence. Chat stared at her with a hollow look on his face. Shouldn't he look happier?

He must be in shock. Yeah, that was it. "I know this must seem sudden, but the akuma from yesterday - my dream, it was you. I love you and I want to be with you."

Chat didn't so much as blink. He just stared at her, jaw a little open, face a little pale. Why wasn't he saying anything?

"I'm sorry it took me so long to recognize my feelings for what they were! I don't mean to sound like it was just the akuma attack that made me want you. I've loved you for a very long time, I just -"

"My Lady," Chat interrupted. Why did he look so sad? He should be happy. He should be taking her into his arms and kissing her and telling her he loved her too. Why did his face look pinched as if he was in pain?

His mouth twitched as if he tried to smile but failed. "I've dreamed of you saying those words for so long." That sounded more like what she expected, except his words sounded unbearably heavy. "If only you had said them a little bit earlier."

Wait, no.

"I'm sorry, My Lady," and it really did look like it pained him to say the words. "I don't love you like that anymore."

But you love Ladybug. You always have. You said you always would. It didn't feel like she was breathing. How could he not love her anymore? What could happen in the span of a few days to make him give him up on his long-time love? It was even more ridiculous than her giving up on Adrien! And he was the reason that she finally moved on. . .

Her heart sped up as she considered the possibility that maybe he did love Marinette. Maybe, just like her, it had taken physical intimacy to make him realize that the person he wanted was the one that had been beside him the entire time. Maybe she had finally found somebody that could love her for everything she was.

Please.

"Is there somebody else?"

Please. Please just say yes.

Chat looked down at the roof, "No. No, there's never been anybody else. I just. . . got tired of waiting, I guess."

It felt like her blood froze in her veins. It felt like the world had suddenly stopped spinning. It felt like her heart had stopped beating. How many times could it feel like her heart was being stabbed before it gave out?

Oh, now I know.

"I - I'm sorry, this was stupid," she pulled out her yo-yo and walked to the edge of the roof. For a moment she fancied that it wouldn't even hurt if she just stepped off.

"Ladybug, wait!"

She could hear him take a step towards her, "Don't!" She didn't want his pity. She didn't want his kindness. She just wanted to be as far from him as possible. "You don't need to say anything else. I was stupid, I was late, now we move on."

"Will you be okay?" His genuine concern rankled her.

"Of course, I'm Ladybug." Ladybug was perfect. Ladybug was loved. Everybody wanted Ladybug. Everybody except the one she wanted.

Her wrist snapped out and released the yo-yo half a second after she stepped off the roof. She wasn't sure where she was going, and it wasn't long before her feet touched the ground and she dropped her transformation, uncaring of who was watching. It was lucky that she landed in an alley.

Marinette wondered idly if Tikki had somehow been guiding her when a quick look around revealed she was a few blocks away from Alya's house. She quickly made her way to her best friend's apartment and knocked on the door. She didn't worry about how she would explain to her parents her exit from the apartment, that was a problem for a later hour. Right now, she just wanted to spend time with the only person that knew even the smallest detail of why she felt so broken.

"Marinette?" Alya asked curiously.

A sob bubbled up out of her throat, "He didn't like me back."

The brunette stared for a moment before she made a soothing sound and guided the petite girl in through the door.

"I'm so sorry," she pulled her into a hug. Alya sounded sincere even though she had only known about Marinette's feelings for less than a full day.

"Mari?" Nino's voice jolted her from the soothing hug.

She pulled back and blinked at the DJ and then at her best friend. "I'm sorry, it's late and I obviously interrupted something. I'll just go."

"Don't be ridiculous," Alya said at the same time Nino told her, "Dude, you're not going anywhere looking that wrecked."

Marinette didn't really want to be around the perfect puzzle pieces that found their forever love at the age of thirteen. But they were her friends, and she wanted comfort. Her body ached worse than it did after her longest akuma fight.

"If you don't mind," she muttered shyly, looking at the ground.

"Oh no! You're not doing that!" Alya chided, nostrils flaring angrily. "You're not letting some boy destroy your self-esteem. I'll kick his ass myself if he said anything to make you feel inferior!"

"Wait, boy?" Nino sounded as if they had just told him the sky was actually green!

Marinette couldn't even find the energy to be mad at Alya. At least this proved she was actually going to wait to tell him, "He didn't say anything, he just didn't want me."

"Wait, what boy? What happened to Adrien?"

"Babe, really not the time!"

Alya had been gracious enough to let Marinette use her as an excuse. She went so far as to type up the text Marinette sent to her parents informing them she had to stay overnight because Alya was having a meltdown and needed her best friend by her side. She even got up twice as early so she could walk with the designer to pick up her supplies for school the next day.

Marinette tried her best to act strong, especially after all the effort Alya and Nino went to trying to make her feel better. But all she had to do was open her agenda and see the little five she had marked as a reminder and she had to run to the bathroom so that no one would see her burst into tears.

It was the quickest day of school she'd ever had. She couldn't remember a single word that was said.

Absentmindedly, she assured Alya she would be okay and made her way home, heading straight to her room.

As time passed, Marinette began to wonder what she would do when Chat showed up. Would she pretend everything was fine and go along with whatever non-date he had planned? It's really not fair, she thought despairingly, that he could come up with such wonderful ideas that were practically pulled from every little girl's love fantasy when he didn't feel anything at all for her.

Could she pretend that everything was fine? She had thought once that she wouldn't care what he did during the day, as long as he came back to her at night. But that was when she had the quiet hope that he could feel something for her too. Now she had heard from his own mouth that what they had didn't mean anything, that it wasn't even worth mentioning.

There was never anybody else, he had told Ladybug. Even when he got over his first love no one had managed to take her place. The only thing having sex with Marinette had served to do was prove to him that he didn't need love to find pleasure. All the love she had allowed herself to believe had grown between them was just revenge on his unrequited love. And it was all her fault. She had pushed away her own love and now she was suffering for it.

"I can't," she realized. She couldn't pretend that nothing had happened. She couldn't smile and kiss him and go along with whatever he had planned. She had never been that good of an actress, and she was sure that she wouldn't even be able to look him in the eyes without bursting into tears.

She should have just stayed quiet. She should have remained content with what she had. She should know better by now than to try to have more than what she was given. It was hardly ever decided that she actually deserved it.

Decision made, Marinette forced herself to her feet and to her balcony, not willing to let him into her room. Once, she had hoped they could remain close friends after they ended their arrangement, but now she doubted she'd be able to bear even that. It hurt to know that he had never so much as considered her, and maybe one day she'd be able to get past that, but right now her heart ached to think of him.

The sun went down and the stars blanketed the sky as she sat on her recliner. And even though her fingers grew numb and the tip of her nose grew rosy, she didn't feel any of it.

When Chat landed on the balcony with a bouquet of red chrysanthemums and white jasmine, she rose to her feet and leaned against the railing, keeping him in her peripheral vision.

"Good evening, Princess," he bowed deeply before holding the bouquet out to her. "I hope you've been well."

Don't look, don't look! She bit her lip, wondering how she should respond. Should she just come out and say it? That hadn't worked out too well for her last time. Not that it could get any worse at this point.

"I'm fine," she forced out.

Chat didn't seem to notice that she was giving him the cold shoulder as he came to lean on the railing beside her. When he spoke, she could hear a smile in his voice, and she closed her eyes so that she wouldn't see it. "Do you remember what day it is? Because I have something really special planned."

Marinette took a deep breath and blurted out the first thing that came to her mind, "I've been thinking about what you said last time. About dating."

"Really? Because I -"

"So, I think," she interrupted, not wanting to hear what he thought about dating. "We need to stop this because I can't date someone while sleeping with you."

There was nothing but silence and Marinette got a serious case of déjà vu. Chat was standing so still she couldn't be sure he was breathing, but she used all her strength to not turn to him. If she looked him in the eyes, she would admit that she wanted to be with him.

Instead, she turned towards her skylight, "I'm sorry if it seems like I'm springing this on you out of nowhere. I've just had a lot of time to think."

"Wait," Chat spun her around to face him and gripped her arms almost painfully. She forced herself to look at his chest. "That's not what I meant!"

"Well, it's what I want," her voice was trembling and she hated herself for it.

"But you said - you said you wanted me."

It wasn't fair that the hurt in his voice caused her pain. It wasn't fair that she still cared so much about making him happy. It wasn't fair that she could almost convince herself that he actually wanted to be with her. She shrugged his arms off and placed one foot on the entrance to her room. "I changed my mind. It's not enough for me anymore, I want something more and you can't give it to me."

It's just the sex he would miss, she reminded herself, and began descending down the steps.

"Marinette, please, wait! Just talk to me!"

"No!" Her stubbornness was the only thing keeping her from bursting into tears. She blindly reached up to grab the hatch. "I hope - I hope we can still be friends, but I just can't right now."

She slammed it shut and then closed the shutters, locking him out completely. Marinette made it all the way to her bed before the tears began spilling, but she kept a hand over her mouth to keep from sobbing just in case he was still on the balcony.

She sincerely hoped he wasn't. She knew herself, and she knew that if he knocked on the skylight, if he asked to talk, if he said he was willing to give a relationship with her a try, she would accept it in a heartbeat. Even knowing deep down that what he wanted to keep was the sex and not her. She'd destroy herself to keep him.

Despite that, she still strained her ears to listen for the lightest of knocks or the faintest call of her name. But it never came.

A/N: It's going to get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. In my defense, Marinette sabotaging herself is the most in character thing ever. And I promise there's a reason why Chat said what he did, but I can't tell you because of plot. This was borderline painful for me to write, and it probably shows, it's not my best work.

If anybody on this show knows about the language of flowers, it's Adrien. And maybe Rose. White jasmines mean "sweet love", while red chrysanthemums mean "I love you."

This chapter's title doesn't come from a song, it comes from the fact that I pictured Alfred Pennyworth telling me I just want to watch the world burn as I wrote this, and I was like YASSS.

As always, let me know what you liked, didn't like, and what you thought could use improvement!

~ Destiny's Sweet Melody