The Misadventures of Yukari Yakumo- Episode One
Chapter Thirteen
Although some people consider the number thirteen to be unlucky, I for one find it far less unlucky than another number: one. One is the loneliest number in the world, a singular with nothing else to humour it. Zero is a nothingness, it isn't there to experience the loneliness that one does. For example, as I, one person, sit in my house feeling as sorry for myself as I usually do, loneliness consumes my singular mind like a hungry Night Sparrow feeding on a tasty-looking human. However, one number is far more laden with cataclysmic implications- a phrase meaning 'possibility of horrible events, namely torture, poisoning, and arson'- than both thirteen and one: two. If the number two makes itself manifest when referring to the amount of people present in a situation, the potential for sadness and hurt is all the more increased. This is due to the fact that, in the privacy of the home, most people are not at all pleasant. And in the presence of a mere single other person, these unpleasant characteristics are still somewhat uninhibited- a word which here means 'the urge to set fires to various small, flammable objects is not being withheld by the presence of a large crowd of people'- however, there is now another person do experience you in all your unpleasantness. And, similarly, the second person will not hide their unpleasantness either, and you will feel the full effect of their unpleasantness. Thus, upon seeing that there were only two people within Yukari's house, I soon predicted that there would be a great deal of unpleasant, unpleasant shenanigans- a strange word meaning 'events'- to observe through the window.
Yukari seemed to be resting her head on a fine, plushy- a word which her means 'filled with soft feathers, most likely plucked from an unfortunate bird'- pillow, while her body was supported by a large, cream sofa- that is, a sofa coloured like cream, not a sofa made of cream- was fanning herself overtly. It was as if she was milking as much relaxation as possible out of the freshly instated Shikigami that was walking into the living room.
Yutaka Hadekawa seemed to have changed clothes into a Chinese-style outfit, as if to fit in with Yukari's similar outfit. Her expression on her face superficially- a word which here means 'as if viewed by a moron'- was a small smile, but any Youkai above the age of twenty could tell that this expression was a simpering falsehood- a phrase which here means 'not a real smile'- and she was holding a small platter of buffet foods.
"Here you go, Yukari-sama..." Yutaka mumbled subserviently- a word which here means 'as if beneath the most likely far greater Border Youkai'- as she kneeled to below Yukari's level. Yukari grabbed a sausage roll- a phrase which here means 'a small puff pastry-based treat containing the meat from various different animals including pig, horse, and goat'- and opened her mouth as she seemingly decided to start eating.
Yutaka's expression briefly changed to a genuine smile, before Yukari's eyes aimed themselves straight at the usually over-competent Shikigami, and after sniffing the tasty, meat-based treat, Yukari threw the sausage roll at Yutaka, "Hey! I saw what you were doing! Trying to slip tranquillisers into my food! You're smart, Ran never tried anything like that... but not smart enough!"
Yutaka didn't respond, as she was on the floor, frantically tidying the scattered pieces of puff pastry that had fallen from the flung sausage roll, and after using her much-disliked new outfit as a method of removing tallow- an unusual word meaning 'the delicious, fatty substance that permeates any pastry-based treat such as sausage rolls'- from her irritatingly youthful face.
Yukari, seemingly enjoying the sound of her own voice, taunted her Shikigami's futile attempt to spike her food, "Oh, giving me the silent treatment, eh?"
The Border Youkai proceeded to stand up, towering over the kneeling Yutaka the same way a cat towers over a mouse that has no means of escape beyond attempting to slip tranquillisers into the cat's food, and grabbed Yutaka by the shoulders, lifting her clear off the ground, "Listen to me when I talk to you, got it? You'll come to respect me... but..." Yutaka dropped Yutaka into a gap, which warped into a wall, throwing the Shikigami onto the floor behind the border Youkai, "...if you don't, you'll soon wish you did respect me earlier..."
Yutaka stood up, and attempted to look Yukari in the eye, but her fear of the domineering bully caused her to evade eye contact- a phrase meaning 'to avoid looking into a person's eyes, usually due to guilt or disgust with the person you are avoiding looking at'- and, being a considerably bigger person than her height would indicate, she left the room calmly, walking with a slight limp as she did.
Moving to a window in which I could see Yutaka, I could say I most certainly observed the often brutal consequence of two people being alone together... one of the members becoming considerably upset with the other.
Yutaka had gone to her bedroom, which still had various remnants of Ran's presence, as well as her old outfit, deliberately placed in a transparent, totally accessible container. It was as if it was there to remind Yutaka that even though she was once Dawitsu's Shikigami, if she ever dared reminisce- a word which here means 'revel in the no doubt plentiful memories which she had of spending time with her best friend'- she would be very much culpable- a word which here means 'liable to no doubt horrible punishment at the hands of the unnaturally mean-spirited Border Youkai'. Placing her hand on the glass container, Yutaka hung her head downwards, and began to cry.
Crying, contrary to popular opinion, is not a pastime of the weak, nor is it a reprehensible thing. When one experiences great sadness, one of the most healthy things to do is cry, and not only cry softly, but wail, and let out the bottled up emotions which would normally eat at one's psyche until nothing is left but misery. Not crying enough is one of the many reasons why, instead of getting over the death of my adorable, potential friend Bertrand like a normal person, I am now a misanthropic excuse for a being who would much rather remove herself from her own life and become a disembodied narrator to cope with my own sadness. And so, when I saw Yutaka crying, not only did I not feel any condemnation towards her, but I also wished I could enter the room myself and tell her that things were going to look up- a phrase which here means 'get moderately less unfortunate'.
However, I did not decide to do this, instead focusing my efforts on Yukari, for she shouted something that caused me to decide to follow her instead.
This shout was, "Yutaka! I want you to have prepared a large cooked meal for you and I by the time I get back! In the meantime, I'm going to the Netherworld. If anyone asks, I'm sleeping. Got it?"
Yutaka, who was still sobbing in front of her azure- a word which is simply a flowery one for 'blue'- former cloak, picked herself up, wiped the tears from her eyes, and walked downstairs. By the time she had reached the living room, Yukari had already vanished, leaving the number of individuals within the house at the more fortunate One.
Of course, seen as she had announced her destination, I followed Yukari in the vaguest sense of the word, and entered the Netherworld effortlessly once again. It occurred to me that it would be far less tiring for me to fly up the flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights and flights of stairs than climb them, and so upon reaching the only location in the Netherworld Yukari ever seemed interested in in record time, I observed from the window once more.
Yuyuko seemed to glance briefly at me, and so almost instantly switched to her idiotic façade- 'façade' meaning 'a word which has already been defined in this book for you'- as the real visitor walked in through the front door.
"Ah, hello, my good friend! Say, have you ever wondered what vampires taste like?" Yuyuko asked Yukari, who, for whatever reason, seemed exhausted, as if she'd been preoccupied with other things.
"Well, no, but what has that got to do with the current situation?" Yukari asked back.
"It's just you visited the vampire the other day to organise the thwarting of that innocent decorator..." Yuyuko mumbled, "...where is the vampire now? Do you think I could catch it now?"
Youmu Konpaku walked into the main room of the house from the kitchen, "My apologies, Miss Yukari. The Mistress has been acting stranger than usual..."
Yuyuko covered her face with a fan, and her eyes seemed to indicate a certain frolicsome quality- 'frolicsome' meaning 'most likely willing to play with both the straight-forward half ghost and somewhat intelligent Border Youkai's minds'- as she said, "Ignore Youmu. She's been acting ever so strangely. It's like she's been driven crazy by the full moon... anyway, what have you come here for?"
The truth- as revealed by my third eye- was that she had simply come here to ease her boredom, but Yukari thought that Yuyuko would find such behaviour odd, and so decided to use the opportunity to brag, "Ha! Well, I was just coming over to tell you that... you know that new Shikigami? She's perfect. She leaves every plate she cleans spotless, makes tea so close to perfection that I think I prefer it over Ran's already... and she eats so little. Plus, without Chen running around, the house is so calm... she's brilliant, I tell you..."
Yuyuko started to giggle, but stopped herself, "Oh... I'm so happy for you, Yukari. So, are you sure you will never see anything of Ran ever again? She seemed somewhat upset at your departure without formally dismissing her..."
"Oh, is that so? Well, I showed her the door when she showed up the other day, so... so I think she's not coming back." Yukari answered dubiously- a word which here means 'keeping up an essence of sureness even though she was actually unsure of whether or not she would be correct'.
"Ah. I hope she wasn't too upset. Anyway, the more pressing matter is this: how would I catch a slippery, fast vampire? I just want one to eat... you wouldn't be able to help me, would you, Yukari?" Yuyuko mused.
Her words had an obvious meaning for those able to see into the future, but for those unable to view such things, such as Yukari, she was simply rambling about her gluttonous- a word which means 'so loving of food that they would eat it even when they don't actually need to'- desires once again. And so, assuming this was the case, Yukari simply shrugged off Yuyuko's comment, "Well... it's just they're so quick... even I have trouble catching up to them. Maybe when they're in the sun, when they're weakened, would be a better time to catch them?"
"...hmm. Yes, perhaps. I hope no vampires fight back when I go hunting..." Yuyuko mumbled, seemingly saddened by her inability to eat a vampire.
Youmu, however, was more concerned that her mistress seemed to have had her heart set on the idea, "Mistress! Yuyuko, you can't just hunt vampires! They're an endangered species here!"
"Don't you have band practice with your Half-phantom friends soon?" Yuyuko asked in an obvious attempt to change the subject.
It was at this point I realised there was going to be nothing beyond an irritating back-and-forth- a literary phrase meaning 'a conversation that simply consists of the same two phrases said slightly differently each time between two parties', and decided to pay Lunasa Prismriver a visit, and we ended up discussing the evils of sentient beings for hours until her exuberant- a word which here means 'sickeningly cheerful and happy-go-lucky'- younger sister Merlin came along, casting an unwanted orange glow into our otherwise dark and drab conversation...
Author's Notes: Yutaka had a really hard time talking about her time under Yukari. Similarly, Yukari seemed equally shifty about the whole ordeal, it was hard getting much out of either party. It seems Yukari regrets whatever she did to Yutaka, and Yutaka certainly wants to forget about it... I mean, I've never seen Yutaka so tense. Also, Yutaka, please stop playing Waltz Music while Dawitsu and I are in the same room together. It's so obvious he's likes you better anyway... I mean, even if I did like him that way, there's no way I could ever compete with you...
Typist's Notes: What the hell is 'Waltz Music'? Is it like, music made by someone named Walter? I mean, I had to ask Hebiko for the spelling of it. Is it like, some sort of dance? The Waltz? Doesn't seem too catchy if it is...
Reviews for Chapter Thirteen:
Mateyuu Dawitsu: Um... Hebiko? Were your feelings hurt by my remarks about Yutaka in Tokage's book? Because... I was just being playful, that's all... wait, hold on, why would you be so insulted anyway? I mean, it's not like you... like me or anything, is it?
Ran Yakumo: Why is the Master so oblivious about these things? Also... I can vouch for what happened to Yutaka in the early parts of this chapter... it certainly seems like something Yukari would do...
Yutaka Hadekawa: I knew the boss would upset Hebiko... oh well, the damage is done. Fine, I'll stop with the waltz music... but still, you two need to dance together at some point, even if it's only the Salsa. Oh my, I haven't been Salsa-dancing in so long... um... also, about the start of this chapter. It's... all true. I remember being thrown by Yukari very well... she's certainly strong... I'm glad you didn't say I was weak for crying...
Yukari Yakumo: Um... I... I guess... I guess I'm... hey! Hey! Yutaka, come here! Please! Okay, Typist, I want you to type this all up, so it's on record... look... Yutaka, I'm sorry. I'm... I'm sorry! Happy now? I still hate your boss, he's an ugly, moronic plagiarizer with no real skill... but what I did to you... I really shouldn't have done. I... I guess I've... learnt my... lesson? Wow, that seems strange coming out of my mouth... I don't think I've ever... ever said that.
Yuyuko Saigyouji: Oh! Did I miss something? It would seem Yukari is upset about something, the border of melancholy is noticeably tenuous, for even I am feeling a little depressed... fortunately, I know what the cure for depression is... Mystia Lorelei! Okay, I need to find her deliciousness now... come on Youmu, to the forest!