Author's note [Please read me]:
I'm baaaaaack! Woohooo!
Now, I have a perfectly good excuse for the lapse in updating. You see, I went on vaction, under the impression that our cottege had wireless internet... you really don't care, do you? Point is, I'm back!
This chapter's kind of short, mainly because it and the next chapter (which will be posted shortly) were originally one chapter. Then it got way too long, so I had to divide them up... Also, if this chapter makes no sense to you at first; THAT IS OKAY, that is the point, and it will all be explained in the next chapter.
What you should know is that you should probably pay attention to the dates on the entries and messages. It's only really important for this chapter and the next one.
Lastly, thank you to all the reviewers! I love you all!
Tinuviel Undomiel: Thank you for your suggestion! I used it in the next chapter!
Clare: I've updated!
Bail's Other Daughter: Hee-hee. Love your name! And thank you!
dm1: This story just may be taken that far...
ika: No, thank you! (Always wanted to say that.)
Thorney: Thank you!
radar17: I haven't abandoned it!
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Cookiemunster: Han a male Bridgit Jones? Ha! I can see that!
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diago: Thank you!
Artemisian: Thank you!
MissE: You want Luke's point of view in here? Well, we'll see...
GreatOne: I will post over at TFN, I promise...
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Rivendell Writer: Thank you!
Thank you!
darththunderbird: Hello, another TFN member! And don't worry, I will get them together at some point.
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arrow maker: "Aww" is good..
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Kazzy: Your reviews are always so funny, my dear. I'm glad you're enjoying it.
stormygurlz: Gotta love those boys.
Pitdroid: Oh, Leia does realize Han loves her... she just doesn't react as planned.
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Sailor Leia: Hello! Thank you for the review! And Ord Mantell is coming right up in the next chapter.
Ieyre: Oh yes, we have all mannerisms of food-fights in this story.
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Sweetdeath04: Was it you and Thorney who said that the Therapist was Wes in a dress? If so, the next chapter is dedicated to you two.
Thank you for the kind review!
dm1: Yes, the patomoes have returned. Be afraid...
Thanks for the review! And pointing out that H20 thing, except, I'm not sure how to fix it either..
A Star Wars Fanatic: THIS STORY RULES IS AND IS CURRENTLY ONE OF MY MAIN RESONS FOR LIVING. That and I don't really want to die...
Limelight falls to the ground in a fit of laughter
I'm sorry, but that just cracked me up! Thank you!
liz: Thank you!
Sithspawn-13: Ha. Leia continues to go off her rocker...
iamof18: Thank you!
rougette: Funny you should mention that Wesy and co. act like teenage girls... you should see who I based them on.
mirelle: Ha! Though I'm not sure Leia exactly listened...
Dendera: Thank you!
29th, Month 1, 3044
Dear Diary,
It's me, Thaye. Back from the dead.
First time writing in this since Pip left me for that blond bimbo. It's not my fault she had bigger breasts – they were probably fake anyways. I knew I should never have helped her out all those times by checking that she filed supplies in the right order. I bet if Pip knew Powder-puff was too stupid to handle simple organization skills he would have stayed with me. Then again, he always preferred to be the smarter one in the relationship, hated it when I was right... Guess that means Airhead's going to keep him really happy.
Whatever. I didn't start this stupid little kid's hobby up again to write about that glitter tube trying to pass off as human. Just because I saw something really romantic, in the old fashioned knights-in-armour way, the way I will never know, and I thought 'Hey, I should write this down.' Actually, it doesn't seem like such a good idea now, but – what the hell – I've already started. Onward.
Us lowly pilots, Pip and Alex and the rest of us not in the famous Rogue Squadron, we track the lives of the Dream Three like a cult following. Hey, as Alex so elegantly puts it, you gots to keep busy somehow.
Aside from hearing mutilated basic, the locker rooms are the best place to catch up on the DT's - as they're so fondly known as - latest mission. And if you're new to this lost cause (known to its nearest and dearest as the Rebellion) it is impossible to avoid seeing at least twenty reenactments of the battle at Yavin – complete with sound effects – on your first day. Trust me; I tried. Every year in these impromptu shows it seems that the Death Star gets bigger, that tunnel gets smaller - and the engine on Luke Skywalker's X-wing is always dying.
But really it's Han Solo and Leia Organa, the beautiful, stubborn princess (I'm jealous – not many people can pull off that double-bun look) and the scoundrel of a space pirate, that get the most attention. Stuff of legends that princess and her Captain, someone once said. More like their fights are. They're fondly known as HH's, or Hearing Hazards. It's common to hear something along the lines of 'It's an HH-scale of five-point-three.' A ten is reserved for if they actually blow someone's hearing.
You know she talked to me once, Leia did. She bumped against my arm in the mess and then said "excuse me". I've never met Solo, and unfortunately he doesn't talk in my dreams as he shags me senseless. Shame that; I've heard communication is good for sex – it says so in one of the holo-novels I have. I couldn't find any for advice on dream sex, which is all I'm going to have now that Pip's and Hairspray are getting it on.
But back to Solo and Organa. Gods know they have much more interesting lives than me. Everybody's heard by now about how he saved her life after she got shot by Macer Kit - never did like that M.K - or how she broke a law to send out a rescue team for him. I remember when Pip and I first made it to the Rebellion, in the rush of hopefuls after the Yavin victory, and we first heard about them. (I should have known then that Pip was a bad idea. What sixteen-year-old runs off with his girlfriend and joins a group of beings on the Emperor's "to kill" list?) We hadn't heard about Solo and the Princess before then. Hell, with the backwater planet we were on I didn't even know Skywalker's first name.
I didn't notice it then, but during the opening tour of the Rebellion all the other would-be soldier hopefuls around me and Pip were just kids. Runaways, bumkins from all the holo-view-less corners of the universe who had only heard about this victory from word of mouth. Not one of us could have been the required age of eighteen. It really should have been a warning to us that the Alliance was so desperate they were willing to overlook our age, but hey, at that point all we were dreaming of was getting away from our out-of-date parents (literally, one girl told me hers didn't even know what year it was) and being like what's-his-name Skywalker.
That first day Pip was being Pip, trying to tease me or something, and when the guide pointed out the Princess working nearby he let out a whistle. The guide responded by saying 'You can't have that one; she's Solo's girl.' Damn, I wish I were someone's girl. It does seem a little sexist, though. Someone's girl, like we're property. But hey, if Solo's your boyfriend who cares about equality of the sexes?
Around a week ago I was sent to the supply room for the first time. Everyone loves to get sent because there's an outside chance someone famous might be there. (Yes, we are pathetic.) Anyways, when I showed up guess who was standing about halfway down isle three – Han I-am-gorgeous Solo. I was in a panic. My lipstick was smudged, my hair was a mess, and I had had the beginnings of a zit at lunch. I was getting ready to either run or offer up my slightly tarnished virginity, when the Captain shouted something across the shelves. I turned to see Leia Organa rounding the corner into Solo's isle. Damn, I remember thinking, her virginity is probably worth more.
Turns out she didn't offer anything to him, except for a slap across the face. It looked like I caught them in the middle of one of their infamous fights (HH-scale: unknown). They were too far away for me to figure out what they were saying – or it could have been that my ears weren't working from the shock of seeing two-thirds of the DT so close up. Organa stormed off, practically running me over, and Solo left before my mouthstarted to work. I forgot to pick up the power cables and have never been sent back to supply since. I think it was worth it.
You know, I always thought that Skywalker would be the one to get Leia. I mean, Solo's hot but Skywalker's the big Alliance poster-boy. And he has those nice blue eyes...
Ha. Tonight blew that theory to hell. I might have to invest in a bet in Janson's pool. Maybe Pip might like me better rich. I could always get my breasts enhanced. And my hair dyed blond. But hey, why stop there? I could just steal Glitzy Glam's whole identity. She probably wouldn't notice the difference if I bundled her up and carted her off to an insane asylum.
So back to the reason I started up this diary again. Sure took me awhile. My supervising officer always says that if I'm ever captured by the Imps I'll be shot before I could reveal anything because my answers would go so far off-track during an interrogation.
I was wandering around tonight, totally not planning the walking lipstick's death, when I saw someone up ahead. It was really dark, so I didn't know who it was but I could tell it was a man. I thought it might be Pip, out for his nightly rendezvous with – I'm all out of witty names here – blondie. So I decided to follow him.
He took me to Barracks-1, where the Council sleeps, and in a panicked moment I thought I might be stalking Dodonna. That would have been hard to explain. I could have played the 'am desperately attracted to beards' card, but then I actually might have had to sleep with him... The panic ended when I realized there was no way the General could have that nice a butt.
The-man-who-thank-the-Gods-was-not-Dodonna stopped outside someone's room, and instead of going to the door he knocked on a window. A bit off topic, but I never understood why the hell we needed windows. What are we going to look at? My theory is that the architects were perverts, and just wanted to be able to see in. Not that I'm complaining – the guy across from my bunkroom has a very nice body.
Back to my story; so the nameless man knocks on the window. Riveting, I know, but it gets better, because then a light goes on inside and the man's face comes into view. And it's (cue miracle music) Han I-look-awesome-in-the-half-light Solo.
Unfortunately, I no longer had the virginity play. Pip took that and ran straight to the amazing anorexic chick. (Score! A witty name and alliteration!)
I was safely hidden in shadows when the light went on, but all the same I almost had a heart attack. When the window cycled open I swear it must have stopped – my heart, not the window – because I was looking at a sleepy eyed Leia Organa, with her hair mussed up, which is an amazing event all by itself. I shuffled a bit closer to hear what they were saying. Hey, I figured, can't leave now. After all, the two had been rumored to be fighting a lot lately. Well actually, I started the rumors after the slapping incident, but still.
The Princess leaned out the window and glared at Solo. Poor guy, greater men have perished under that gaze.
'Yes Captain?' was all she said, somehow managing to look regal and tired at the same time. Solo just looked sexy.
'I came by 'cause I got some news you might like to hear.' He gave her that rogue grin and all he got was a raised eyebrow. Leia Organa is made of stronger stuff than I, who would have fainted.
The Captain kind of faltered at that point; obviously he had been expecting a fainting. 'You see... well, really... I've been wondering...' Gods, I remember thinking, is he proposing? (I was really tired, alright.) If Leia had shared my thought she didn't show it. She lived up to her nickname: Ice Princess.
Solo shuffled his feet, sexily, of course. 'Look Leia... I'm staying on for good, and you can't sign me up now, but wait until after my Ord Mantell mission and then you can put my name down anywhere you want and even give me one of those damned uniforms.' The whole thing in one breath. Obviously the man works out.
Organa looked floored for a few seconds, and then she closed the window. What, I thought. What does he mean "staying on for good"? And why did she slam the window? But really and truly I could have cared less staring at Solo's butt.
Solo stayed there for a moment, the turned and walked slowly away. I was about to get up when the door cycled open and out ran the Princess, bare-legged, bare-armed, and probably freezing. Solo turned around just in time to have her practically throw herself into his arms. He spun her around like a little kid. I couldn't hear what they were saying so I moved closer.
'...freeze to death – wait, are you crying?' They were standing close together, and she was still in his arms. There were, I noticed, slight tear tracks on her face.
'Well Captain, running through the snow barefoot is rather painful,' she said primly. I looked down and sure enough her feet were bare.
'We can't have Her Highness in pain, now can we?' Solo was smiling down at her a bit dangerously. You know, the way the men in holo-vids smile right before they ravish the unsuspecting but totally receptive heroines within a centim of their lives... Ah, you had to be there. He lifted her out of the snow and stood her on his boots, the way children learn to dance. 'And don't call me Captain,' as he spoke he lifted one foot then the other causing Organa to lose her balance and grab him around the waist.
'Stop that.'
'Why?' And he danced her around in the snow.
They finally stopped and she was laughing. It was too dark to see them by now. Here's the dialogue play-by-play.
'Are you really staying flyboy?'
'Yup. And you're the first to know, Sweetheart.'
'I'm honored.'
'Thought you might be.'
Silence. Then:
'You can let go of me now. I think I can manage to stand without your help.'
'I dunno Beautiful, my boots were just polished and they might be slippery.'
'Let go of me this instant Laser-brain.'
Thud.
'Told you.'
'Shut up and help me.'
There was rustling, and then came:
'Put me down Han.'
There was a beat.
'Han?'
'You know, you oughta eat more. You hardly weigh a thing.'
'Han...'
'I'll just carry you to your room. I'm strong.'
'You're incorrigible.'
'That too.'
They came back into the light coming from her window. She opened the door – there was some difficulty while they tried to put her in a position to palm it – and he set her down. There was an awkward pause, which shocked me. Perfect people do not experience awkward pauses, it just doesn't happen. Then a radical thought entered my mind, one that would have got me kicked out of the locker room group for sure – maybe the Dream Three were actually real people. I shook it off and filed it in the same category as the 'is Solo proposing?' thought.
'Can I really sign you up?' Organa's voice was so soft I almost missed it.
'After Ord Mantell.'
'Ord Mantell! Wait, I want to come with you.' Her voice was earnest.
'But we leave in the morning, Leia.'
'So? I pack fast, and besides, you're probably going to need someone with intelligence along at some point, Solo. Don't leave without me.' And she closed the door. He looked happily bemused (and sexy).
'Women,' he shook his head and walked away whistling.
So now I'm off to bet all my money. Maybe Pip will like me better with blue lenses. Maybe I'll actually steal Bleached Blonde's identity – just not her brain. Maybe I'll pay someone to write an advisory book on dream sex. Maybe then Solo'll finally talk to me, if not in real life than at least in my fantasies.
I'll write to you again when I am rich and famous, Diary.
Don't hold your breath.
-Thaye Less
Message sent at 0600 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
ATTENTION REBELS:
We sure aren't ushering the New Year in the best way. Whoever owns the twenty boxes of Demure (which is a perfume, boys) would you please move them out of the middle of the hanger bay. Thank you.
-The High Council
Message sent at 1118 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Gooooood morning! Happy Anniversary!
-Janson
Message sent at 1122 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Wes, if you feel the need to clog up other people's terminals with useless bouts of stupidity please don't use me as a target.
-Wedge
Message sent at 1122 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Aw Wesy; you remembered.
-Hobs
Message sent at 1123 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Huh?
-Luke
Message sent at 1124 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Shut up Hobs. What I really meant is that it's the four month anniversary of the start of the lockdown! Cheers! I even got you gifts!
-Janson
Message sent at 1125 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
You mean the ice chips on my pillow last night? That was sick, man.
-Hobs
Message sent at 1125 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
He is sick – and disloyal, dishonest, disnice...
-Wedge
Message sent at 1126 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Disnice?
-Hobs
Message sent at 1127 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Accusations always come in threes. I needed another dis-word.
-Wedge
Message sent at 1129 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Wait. Why's Wedge mad at Wes?
-Luke
Message sent at 1130 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
'Cause his girlfriend thought the melted ice was drool?
-Hobs
Message sent at 1130 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
No, because he has no consideration for other people's privacy. How would you like it if someone read your journal?
-Wedge
Message sent at 1131 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Umm, I wouldn't like it much, I guess... But I don't have a journal, Wedge.
-Luke
Message sent at 1134 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
You were fine with it in the beginning, Antilles. And it worked, didn't it.
-Janson
Message sent at 1135 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
We had no business reading that last entry, Janson.
-Wedge
Message sent at 1137 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Well, how the hell was I supposed to know she would write something like that down? And besides Luke, would you rather your love go unrequited?
-Janson
Message sent at 1138 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Umm... no?
-Luke
Message sent at 1138 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Unrequited? Nice.
-Hobs
Message sent at 1139 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Yeah, I know. I got it from Threepio.
-Janson
Message sent at 1141 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
You know Threepio?
-Luke
Message sent at 1141 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Did that medic chick really think it was drool, Hobbie?
-Janson
Message sent at 1143 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
But Threepio's Leia's! How didja get him?
-Luke
Message sent at 1144 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Yeah. And now I have to make my pillow wet every night. Turns out drool turns her on.
-Hobs
Message sent at 1144 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
How. Do. You. Know. Threepio.
-Luke
Message sent at 1145 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Drool turns her on? Kinky dude. She have a sister?
-Janson
Message sent at 1146 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Guys, if you stopped to think for a sec you'd realize Luke has no idea what you're talking about.
-Wedge
Message sent at 1148 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Well. Should we tell him then, Wesy boy?
-Hobs
Message sent at 1149 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
I dunno, drooly. He can't do too much harm now. They've already left.
-Janson
Message sent at 1149 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
They? Left?
-Luke
Message sent at 1150 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Drooly?
-Wedge
Message sent at 1150 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
What if he doesn't like it? I mean, Wedge doesn't like it.
-Hobs
Message sent at 1151 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
For very good reasons. That last entry of hers was private!
-Wedge
Message sent at 1152 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Her?
-Luke
Message sent at 1153 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
That's it. I'm telling. The poor kid's gonna loose his mind wondering otherwise.
You see Lukie; we decided that we would try again with our lovebirds.
-Janson
Message sent at 1154 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
One last run, if you will.
-Hobs
Message sent at 1155 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Suicide run.
-Wedge
Message sent at 1156 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Wait a second - entries? You didn't...
-Luke
Message sent at 1158 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
He did.
-Wedge
Message sent at 1159 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Oh no.
-Luke
Message sent at 1200 hours, Day 30, Month 1, Year 3044
Oh yes.
About a week ago we sent out a runner into our little Princess's room, and look what we found. Not even a password on the data-pad, or nothing.
Journal of Princess Leia
24th Day, 1st Month, 3044th Year
Ice Princess!
Turns out that's the new name for me in the locker rooms. At least, it's Han's new name for me.
We haven't been getting along, haven't been talking (shouting does not count as conversation) for awhile. Mainly because after the Lockdown I... well, I...
Panicked? Not likely. An Organa never panics.
Lost it? I don't think so. Despite what my therapist says, I have excellent control over my mind.
Got cold feet? Perhaps. (If, that is, there is such thing as getting cold feet before a relationship even starts. Pre-relationship, pre-marital cold feet, maybe? Good Gods, I can't even do that properly.)
Why? Easy – Han would die for me, is willing to die for me. Or was.
When Carlist said that Han had agreed to kill himself and crew should they have been captured on their mission – a mission, only put through the Council by blackmail, a mission to save my life, I didn't have an answer for him. I still don't.
Reasonably speaking, I should have been glad. Because this means he cares too, doesn't it? But what if I'm just another girl, another notch in the old belt, another mark on a cabin-room wall?
What if he leaves?
All this was spinning around in my head when I made the decision that I was not going to be played be some smuggler. I would not be used then left in the dust like a forgotten toy.
So I stopped saying yes when he invited me over for drinks, stopped letting him pilot me everywhere, stopped being unnecessarily friendly. I wasn't exactly cold towards him, more like distant. I find I'm good at distant.
I guess he didn't appreciate it.
At first he went out of his way to get my attention. Purposely riled me, embarrassed me, teased me. He yelled, he swore - but, so help me Gods, I am a diplomat to the last.
I never counted him giving up on me, never thought he might-
I guess I was vain.
Soon I was realizing that it had become easier to deal with him, that I was running into him less. Then I realized he had switched gears, played my trick back on me. It seemed as if he was actively avoiding me, and that was two months ago. Now I know he more likely actively hates me.
And then, and only then, I realized how much I missed him. For Sith's sake; I even miss his damn ship. Oh the irony – the fates have a very twisted sense of humour. Han would probably like them.
After that little 'News Bulletin' I was bending over backward trying to get any kind of response from him (oh, how the tables turn), but he's better at avoiding me than I was at avoiding him, back in the old days. Except I never really avoided him, did I? Just pretended too.
I gave up weeks ago, when he stopped even fighting with me, when he just nodded after I purposely provoked him. The way I look at it, this solves two problems: a] I no longer half to endure fighting with Han all the time, no longer half to sit through his teasing, no longer have to hear his nicknames for me, no longer have to exercise all that effort to remain stoic in the face of his charm, and b] I am no longer in love with him, because an Organa would never love a lost cause.
(I find it interesting that I can say that while fighting for the Rebellion.)
Darn it. I've gone positively morbid. My therapist's advice: think happy thoughts that involve fluffy mewsk kittens and balls of yarn. Except my mewsks always end up strangled... which I think is counterproductive.
Today, though, he broke the longstanding silence. Well, actually we were both in the supply, him one row over, and he asked if there were any battery packs in my row.
Well.
He breaks his two month vigil to ask me for (Bold)battery packs? Battery packs? Couldn't he have asked for something a bit more significant, at least? Like computer terminal screens.
Like a kiss.
So I told him that I wasn't his runner and that if he wanted his battery packs he'd have to walk over to my isle.
"Sorry I went and troubled her Royal Highnessness, the Ice Princess," he shot back. I of course had heard the name before, just not from him. Somehow that made all the difference. I rounded the corner and slapped him. I felt his eyes on me the whole time as I walked away.
For some unfathomable reason, the episode reminded me of a conversation I had a month ago with Luke. It was back when Han still felt me worthy enough to fight with, after a particularly... interesting argument. Not really that serious, but I was mad as anything. Luke sat on my bunk and watched me slam stacks of data-pads around. He was grinning at me in an infuriating way. I finally broke and asked him what was going on.
"You love him still, don't you?" I told him that was ridiculous. He asked me why.
Because it's emotional suicide, that's why, damn it.
Only the first part of that got out. "Because." But again I received the grin and the cocky "why?"
I said I hadn't loved Han at all so it was impossible to love him still.
"So what's stopping you from falling in love with him for the first time?" A question with many answers. I chose the obvious.
"The fact that we have nothing in common... And twelve members of the High Council." And myself, but I didn't say that. He knew anyways.
He told me that a lot of people were rooting for us. I probably replied with something along the lines of mm-hmm.
"They are."
He sounded so earnest I asked him who.
So he told me, "About a hundred soldiers, all members of the Rogue Squadron, one Wookiee, one General, one almost-Jedi, maybe two droids, I dunno how they think... and," he said softly, "one Corellian Pirate and his beat up YT-fighter, the fastest hunk-a-junk in the galaxy."
I hope they don't have their hearts set on a happy ending, I told myself. "The Falcon doesn't have opinions," I told him.
To top off all matters, my therapist is still asking about Han. She seems fixated on that one aspect of my life. (Alderaan? What Alderaan?) And now she's trying to shove some of her stupid relaxation pictures into my room.
If I weren't quite so old, I might lie down and have a good cry about this whole thing. But I'm twenty years old. Therefore, all of my crying is done standing.
But Leia, you're not supposed to feel, remember?
Ice Princess indeed.
So we decided we needed to give the poor girl a hand.
-Janson
Well?