Welcome to Chapter 14: The Doe and The Stag

Lily saw, Lily saw it, Lily knows, Lily knows. It was all I let myself think laying on my bed once more crying. It couldn't have been, it was a dream. I'm going to wake up and all of this will be over.

But I was too smart to know it really was. Dreams didn't last this long, and in dreams you couldn't feel the wet tears trickling down your face. In dreams you could force yourself to wake up, or when you screamed, someone always turned on the lights and shook your shoulders, holding you once you were awake.

This wasn't a dream, and even if it was, it would be a nightmare.

The door creaked open slowly, but I didn't pay attention. I didn't hear the usual footsteps of someone making their way to their bed. Someone was just standing at the door…

It was him. A sickening knot tied slowly in my stomach. Lily told him, someone told him, he knows, he knows… The words flashed across my mind over and over again. He's come to tell me to go away, he's come to set me straight, make me forget… But nothing could make me forget. Nothing would stop my happiest memory being what it was. And then there was the doe…

His hair was smoking. It stopped her train of thoughts.

"Albus, your hair…" He laughed. Would he be laughing if he knew?

"Those enchantments they use to keep boys out of the girl's sides are pretty strong. Caught my hair on fire twice, and I think I might have a nice rash in the morning…" He left the sentence hanging.

"And you want through that, why?" I almost felt myself smiling once again, like a innocent child.

"I'm worried about you." He walked towards me slowly. "You haven't been at meals, and Lily said you ran out of rehearsal on Saturday and class today. Missing dinner tonight was the last straw," He sat beside me on the bed. "So, I brought you some muggle junk food." Albus pulled out a bag of baked chips, Cheetos, and a pack of Oreos.

I had to laugh. "Where did you get all of this stuff?"

"Granddad. You know his muggle obsession…well; we get good things out of it…" He laughed as he opened the chips with a loud pop. I began to eat slowly and for once in what felt like forever, it tasted like something. "Good thing to keep in mind." I looked at him curiously. "To get a pureblood to eat, you need muggle food."

I laughed once again, and my eyes met his. Again, I felt the warm feeling in my chest and a want for him to lean in and press his lips against mine… and again I saw the nightmares in a mirror.

But he was kissing me and I could taste the powdery cheese left on his lips. I pulled away from the magic. I refused to fall into this secrecy game again, and I can still change what the mirror shows.

His arms circled around me. "Lise, I need you to tell me what's wrong. It's been driving me mad, and I know Lily knows more then she is letting on…"

I shook my head and my eyes' gaze looked past his shoulder and out the window. His arms loosened and his hands came back down on my shoulders. "Lise, please tell me. I'm worried about you and scared I have something to do with it." I wanted to comfort him, tell him it had nothing to do with him. But it had everything to do with him. "I won't judge you, I promise."

I was being unreasonable wasn't I? What was wrong with my feeling for him? Why did it bother me so much?

I knew the answer, but let myself think it for the first time. My family. I had been raised to be a Slytherin, raised practically in praise of the Dark Lord. I learned stories of the Potter family, was taught to dislike them.

And yet, not all those messages had set in. Really none of them had. I had become something different from the girl I was raised to be. Why did it bother me to go against that once more?

I didn't have a reason anymore. I actually never had a reason, but I let that girl I hidden deep in me take control for awhile.

And then I realized my true reason for the pain. I was scared. Scared he didn't love me back, scared that it wouldn't end well. It wasn't that hidden self, no I had gotten rid of that. I was only scared.

But he was here, holding me and asking me what was wrong. He fried his hair for me and risked suspension to make sure I was alright.

"The Bogart..." I didn't know why I started with that.

"A Bogart scared you? Look I know you don't like defense, but I told you I can help you if you need it."

"No, I can take care of it. Just what it turned into surprised me." He only held me closer as I spoke. He didn't ask me what it was, and I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Did anyone ever tell you about the idea of Patronus creating reflections of someone you care about? It will become similar to them in a way or the equivalent of theirs in your gender…"

"Yes, but Lise… what does this have to do with anything?" I leaned closer into his chest and thought of his lips on me only a few minutes ago.

"Expecto Patronum." The silvery doe slid out of the end of my wand and pranced around the room. I couldn't look at him to see if he had put together what I was saying.

I barely heard him speak the incantation, but I saw the stag join my doe across the room. He squeezed me in his arms and breathed out my name.

And for the first time, I kissed him.

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