AN: Trigger Warning - Self-Harm

It was getting to the end of the movie when Kate couldn't keep her eyes open anymore. Missing the last part of any movie always frustrated her and she needed to stay awake, but she was so tired. If she just closed her heavy eyes for a few seconds…

Castle reached for his glass of water on the coffee table while catching a glimpse of Kate. He took a sip of his drink as he turned his head toward her. A small smile formed across his lips when he saw that she was asleep, her head slightly drooped to the side.

As he was setting his glass back on the coffee table, he grabbed the remote and turned the volume down. He had seen Ghostbusters a million times, so he knew how it ended. Besides, he knew that she needed sleep and he didn't want to disturb her, but he also didn't know what to do while she was asleep.

Since he could tell that the couch was about to eat her iPhone, he grabbed it and set it on the coffee table. He turned his head back toward her and smiled at how peaceful she looked. Seeing how she was curled up to the pillow, he got off the couch and walked over to the other one. Once he got hold of the blanket, he brought it back to her and gracefully draped it over her.

He was very tempted to gently push back the little hairs sticking behind her ear, but he didn't want to wake her. He also didn't want to come off as creepy while she was asleep because that would make things a little awkward.

He gradually sat back down on the couch, trying not to disrupt her because she needed sleep. Given the events with Rory, he couldn't find the heart to wake her to say that he was leaving. The again, he didn't want to leave quite yet. He liked being here, in her home with her. Plus, if he went back to his place, there really wouldn't be anything to do since Alexis was hanging with friends and his mother was out of town.

At least he had his phone and the movie on the TV to pass time until Kate woke up. Before he let himself get engrossed in Ghostbusters again, he let his eyes fall on her once more. She was beautiful, she really was. She was definitely Rory's source of good looks, though they didn't look exactly alike. He wondered what else they had in common besides looks and their deeper toned voices…

He hesitantly got off the couch and made his way to the hall to look over the photographs hanging on the walls. Most of them were of Rory when she was younger. He smiled at the one Kate told him the story behind before he let his eyes travel across the other pictures.

Just as he was about to stop, since he felt like he was standing here for a long time, he noticed a photo where Rory looked about thirteen years old. It seemed like Kate was forcing her to stay seated on her lap on a couch. Maddie and Jim were sitting next to them and everyone was laughing. This must have been the year before Rory started to act up. She still dressed the same, maybe not as dark, but similar nonetheless.

He really wished he could ask questions to Kate, to learn more about Rory, but he didn't want to overstep. Definitely not, considering the situation.

…..

You don't have to pretend to be okay with anyone that loves you.

But Rory couldn't believe her mom's words. She couldn't. If she didn't pretend then everyone would smother her with attention and that, surprisingly, wasn't what she wanted. She wanted to not be a burden on anyone anymore, especially her mom. She also wanted the voices to be gone and the only way to get rid of them was to listen to their request.

It was always the same thing they told her to do. No matter how often she tried to bury it, it always came back. So maybe if she finally followed through with what they commanded – no, demanded - then everything would be okay. Everything would go back to normal and she wouldn't be a bother to anyone.

She sluggishly slid down the bathroom cabinet that held towels and whatnot. The room was so white and clean. And here she was about to ruin it.

Before she followed through with her intention, she pulled out her phone and unlocked it. She navigated to her photos and slowly went through them.

It was hard not to smile at all the ones of her and Trevor. She was so happy in them, but not anymore. The smile she had in the photos was no longer available to wear, at least that was what her thoughts made her believe. They made her think that she couldn't be happy ever again. How could she not believe them?

The only way to contain such high hopes and joy was to listen to them. Go through with what they wanted and forget everything else because that was the only way out. A one ride ticket to the bliss of nothingness.

As she was sliding through her pictures, she came across one of her and her mom. It was taken at least six months ago, before her drug use got out of hand. She was obviously disturbing her mom in the photo because they were located at the precinct. She had her head placed by her mom's shoulder, holding the phone out so they could both be in it. The frustrated look on her mom's face and the ridiculous pursed lips she had made her smile.

If only she could go back to times like those. Where everything was so fun and she felt invincible. When it was she against the world and nobody could get in the way of what she desired. Her mom would try to stop her, but that was only a small detour until she found a different way to get what she wanted.

She placed her head against the cabinet and closed her eyes, trying to see if the mumbling would subside before she did what she came in here for.

Five minutes passed and the mumbling was still there, only louder. She finally pulled out what she had on her for the past couple of weeks. A small, sharp pocket knife.

She extended the blade and examined it close to her face, seeing a little bit of her reflection. From what she could tell, she looked like a horrible mess. She already knew that her eyelids were rimmed pink and the skin underneath was black, but she didn't know her hair was so messy. Yeah, it was naturally wavy, but she imitated a lion.

Before she got too caught up about her appearance, she lifted her right arm up. The commands she was receiving were way louder than they ever were.

So this was what they wanted?

Looked like she was going to please them for the last time.

Then a hallucination began.

It wasn't like the ones she had before. No, this one was strictly from the voices and not her messed up brain. They made it seem like the vein in her right wrist was lighting up. Must be where they wanted her to slit.

She held her wrist closer to her eyes before holding it a little ways from her nose. Right as she placed the blade against her wrist, she noticed that a vein on her left hand was lighting up too.

They wanted her to slit both?

She didn't mind, as long as she didn't pass out before it was too late.

Just when she was about to follow through, she caught a glimpse of her phone. The idea to say goodbye to everyone made this seem a lot easier, so she quickly picked it up and navigated to Twitter. She speedily typed "goodbye 3" in the text box before sending.

Her phone was placed by her left side, the knife was in her left hand, and her right wrist was against her raised knees.

It was time.

...

Right when Trevor was about to switch the song on his iPod to play his guitar along to, his bedroom door slowly swung open. He turned his head with a smile to find his mom there and not who he thought it was.

She was home already? Looked like he was in here for…

He grabbed his phone out of his pocket to see that it had been thirty minutes since he started playing random songs until Rory would return.

Rory…

"I saw Rory's shoes by the door. Is she here?" Grace questioned in a whisper since Andrew was asleep against her shoulder.

"Yeah, she went to the bathroom," Trevor answered with a nod while he opened his inbox since he had five texts and his mom walked away.

One text was from Tony asking if he wanted to paint the town tonight. Trevor shook his head with a smile. Tony always wanted to cause loads of trouble, but nothing to get arrested for, except the drug dealing. But that wasn't Trevor's problem because he was never with Tony when he sold unless he was buying, which hadn't been recently. He exited Tony's messages without sending a reply.

As he opened the text from Hayley, he became confused.

did u see rory's last tweet?

Since he hadn't checked his Twitter messages yet, he quickly went to them. He followed Rory and a few other close friends to his phone and when he saw her tweet, his heart plummeted to the bottom of his stomach.

He abruptly got off his chair, finding out that his sweater was caught in it. He swore under his breath as he untangled the few pieces of string. Once it was loose, he ran out of his door.

"Mom!" he yelled while running to the living room to find his mom sitting on the couch.

"What's wrong?" Grace asked while getting onto her feet.

He nervously ran one of his hands through his messy hair. "You said that Rory's shoes were still here?"

"Yeah, they are by the door. Why?"

"No, no, no," he continued to anxiously say while running to the bathroom.

He left her alone for way too long.

He stopped in front of the door and tried to open it. Since the handle was locked and Rory was in here far longer than he thought, he lifted his foot and kicked near the handle until it gave in. When he roughly shoved the door open, he saw Rory slouching against the cabinet, medium sized pools of blood gathered by her wrists that were placed on the tiled floor.

"No," he cried out as stepped over her legs and collapsed beside her. He grabbed onto her right wrist and brought a lot of pressure on it since he knew she was left handed and the cut would be deeper in this one. "Help! Help!" he faltered a high-pitch scream while placing a hand on the back of her neck and pulling her close to him.

Within seconds his mom was in the doorway, shock written all across her face.

"I'm so sorry," Trevor whispered into Rory's ear.

He was so lucky that she was still conscious and aware of everything that was going on, but he didn't know how long it would last. He could hear her staggered cries and the only thing he could do was hold her bleeding wrists to try and stop the blood.

He lifted his head toward his mom to find her on the phone.

"I just called 911. Now I'm calling her mom."

Oh god. Ms. Beckett.

She was definitely not going to let him near Rory anymore. This was all his fault. He didn't think about how long she was out of his room and he didn't follow her.

He was so stupid!

Instead of letting his guilt take over, he planted his lips against Rory's forehead to find that her eyes were closed and her body was more limp than before.

"Mom!" he shrieked with a lot of panic.

His mom dropped down on the other side of Rory and held two of her fingers on her neck to feel for a pulse.

"She most likely passed out due to a lot of blood loss, but the ambulance is almost here," Grace calmly said while getting onto her feet. She walked over to sink and soaked the two washcloths draped on it with warm water. When she returned by her son's side, she handed him one. "Tightly hold it over her wrist."

Trevor nodded to illustrate that he understood.

As he was holding the washcloth against Rory's left wrist, he used his other hand to wipe his wet eyes.

It was his fault that this happened. He didn't protect her like he wanted.

…..

Castle returned to the couch with a glass of lemonade to hear Kate's phone vibrating on the coffee table. Without thinking twice about it, he picked it up and saw Grace's name.

Oh no.

He rushed onto his feet and stood in front of Kate. He didn't want to wake her, but he had a feeling something terrible happened with Rory.

He gently grasped onto her shoulders and shook her until her eyes sleepily opened.

"What?" Kate yawned while holding her hand over her mouth.

"You fell asleep for a little over an hour, but you have a phone call." He handed her the phone and watched her rapidly become awake as possible.

Kate hit accept and held the phone against her ear. "Hello?"

Castle watched his partner's face turn a few shades lighter. He quickly ran over to the door and put his shoes on. When they were on his feet, he turned around to find Kate slipping her flats on by the couch.

She practically ran over to him and took the keys out of the bowl. She kept the phone to her ear as he held the door open and she dashed out.

They were by the elevator when she decided to take the stairs and he followed. It wasn't until they entered the lobby did she take her phone away from her ear and end the call.

"What happened?" Castle questioned as he held the building door open for her.

"What I feared the most," Kate quietly replied while she attempted to locate her car. When she did, she felt a hand on her shoulder, which made her stop. "Castle, now is not the time!" she furiously screamed while spinning on her heel to face him.

"Let me drive. You're in a bad mindset to be behind the wheel of a car."

"Okay." She basically threw the keys at him and ran to her car. When he unlocked it, she jerked the passenger door open and climbed in.

Once Castle was in the driver's seat, he put the keys in the ignition and started the engine. Just as he was about to look over his shoulder to see if he could pull away from the curb, he saw Kate lean across him and turn the police siren on.

"You can do that?"

"I don't care if I can't. Just go to the hospital I was at not too long ago!"

Castle nodded to himself before pulling out into the street. He had never drove this fast in the city and it was absolutely thrilling. The siren blaring in his ears and the feeling of the gas pedal close to the floor made it even better. He really felt like a cop.

But he couldn't get carried away because Rory was in the hospital and he had to focus on getting there safely.

It took them awhile, even with the siren, to pull up to hospital. He let Kate out by the ER doors and watched her sprint inside before taking off to park the car.

Shoot, he didn't know how to turn the siren off. Looked like he was going to waste time trying to figure it out.

Kate entered the hospital and completely ignored the receptionist to run over to Grace since she knew that she was a nurse… or something like that. She wasn't exactly sure right now because panic made her thought process a little off.

"What happened?" she eventually questioned.

"Suicide attempt," Grace monotonously answered, trying to keep emotion out of her voice, so she wouldn't add to Kate's distress.

"What?" Kate practically screamed, turning her head toward Trevor to see that he had tears down his face. "No."

"She went to the bathroom. Then she tweeted 'goodbye' and I went to the bathroom to find the door locked. I had to kick it down and I found her… I found…"

Without thinking twice about it, Kate pulled the boy in for a tight hug. He was crying hysterically and was probably putting all the blame on himself, but it wasn't his fault. She wasn't following Rory into the bathroom and she didn't expect him to either.

Tears started to run down her face when she could feel his staggered breathing against her.

When they pulled away, she placed a hand on his cheek. "It's not your fault, Trevor, okay?"

Trevor slowly nodded his head.

Kate spun on her heel and sped over to the receptionist. Her scar was sending agonizing pains throughout her stomach, but that didn't matter. What mattered was getting information on Rory's condition and going into the room.

She didn't even have to speak until the lady nodded her head and gave her the room number.

Kate hurried through the next set of swinging doors until she was in the hall that she felt Rory would be at. She scanned the room numbers as she flew by them. When she was close to the right one, she slowed down and closed her eyes before opening the door.

Rory had oxygen tubes in her nose and thick bandages wrapped around her wrists. Her skin tone was way more pale than normal and she was asleep or unconscious, Kate didn't know for sure.

She harshly swallowed the large knot in the back of her throat before plopping down on the bed by Rory's legs. Her eyes were filled with tears, making everything seem blurry, so she blinked and let them roll down her cheeks.

When she realized that the bandages on Rory's wrists meant that she cut them, she sharply bit down on her lip. She carefully placed her hand on the one closest to her to find that it was stained with blood.

"Rory… why?"

She couldn't control it anymore. She was uncontrollably crying and trying to catch her breath, which only made her gasp for air.

"I can't lose you."

She leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on Rory's forehead. As she closed her eyes, taking in the texture of her daughter's skin against her lips, tears slid down her cheeks.

"I can't."

...

"There's blood on my hands,

Like the blood in you.

Some things can't be treated,

So don't make me,

Don't make me be myself around you."

The Used - Blood On My Hands

AN: :'(