Disclaimer: This is a fan written work based on the works of J.K. Rowling. It might possibly also have some elements of a number of other works. There is no money being made from this, it is merely a work meant for the entertainment of myself and the masses. This is merely for fun, and no profit. I repeat: I am not making any money out of writing this.
Warning (1): OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.
Note: AU.
Warning (2): A bunch of religious things in here pertaining to the Roman Catholic Church, and possibly a bunch of other religions. You have been warned.
Warning (3): Due to the involvement of religion, there will be mentions and appearances of the guys and gals from Hellsing the anime, I don't know enough about Millenium to do anything.
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Lost and Found
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chapter fourteen
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So far he had been shot at, stabbed, blown up, roasted 'alive', thrown out of a window, gotten hit by a rocket from a rocket launcher, been covered in grenades, been impaled by loads of silver, sliced in half, sliced into four parts, sliced and diced, ran over, cuffed, gagged, had his feet cemented, dropped into a river, drowned, rinse and repeat around fifty times. When he finally made it into the office that he had been trying to reach, he had been shot at, stabbed, blown up, roasted 'alive', freeze dried, thrown out the door, thrown through the door, thrown through a wall, thrown through a vampire, thrown through the ceiling, gotten hit by a rocket shot out of a rocket launcher, been covered in grenades, been impaled by loads of silver, sliced in half, in quarts, been sliced and diced, ran over by a bike, cuffed, gagged, had his feet cemented, teleported to the docks, dropped in the water, drowned, rinse and repeat another fifty times, spanning three days. Rinse and repeat til the end of August.
While his three friends were free to roam about, he had the pleasure of experiencing the various ways a human being or an undead human being could and should have died, but alas, he was an immortal lich, and those things could not and just would not die.
"Die already!" an unladylike lady shouted as she riddled his body with bullet holes, again, "Why wont you die!"
Some wires appeared from the sleeves of the butler, were then manipulated and wrapped around the lich, and the wires were pulled tightly, and the wires cut the lich into teeny tiny pieces.
"Do I skip everything and just dump the pieces into the Thames?" the butler asked the master of the house.
"Burn it, then scatter the ashes over the Thames," was the unladylike reply.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," another male voice said.
"And why should I not do that?"
"He'll just come back, and we will just have to rinse and repeat the whole process."
"So, then, Alucard, what do you suggest we do?" the unladylike lady asked.
"We let him say his piece," the vampire king without a kingdom said.
"Fine."
"Alucard, do you know this man?" the butler asked.
"I fought him once, a long time ago, just wait a few minutes, he should put himself back together again."
A few minutes later, Alucard found himself waiting with the butler, and his master in her office, for the lich to awaken or reanimate his sliced and diced pieces.
"Mathias, is that any way to treat a guest?" the lich asked the vampire just as his body pieced itself back together again, "Lord Notredamos would be so disappointed in you."
"Your attempt to control me, is not working Thomas," Alucard said.
"If you say so Lord Cronqvist," Thomas said.
"You speak too much condemned priest."
"Does your so called master not deserve to know the name of the monster that serves her?"
"That is no longer my name, priest."
"And I am no longer a priest."
"Excuse me," the unladylike lady said, "But what is your business with the Hellsing Organization?"
"Didn't your predecesor, or at least Alucard tell you that I would be visiting?" Thomas asked.
"My predecesor did not inform me about you or any such visit, nor did my pet vampire."
"Well, then Lady Hellsing, I guess I would have to introduce myself," Thomas said as he stood from the chair that he had 'ressurected' from, "I am Thomas Delich, former priest of the Roman Catholic Church, Lich, I am also a friend of Lord Clement Notredamos of Notre Dame de Paris."
"Alucard, how do you know him?" Hellsing demanded an answer.
"One of my previous masters heard about the creatures of the night that had made Paris their home, and sought to destroy them, but those who he sent encountered a problem."
"And whay pray was that problem?"
"They had been dubbed the Notre Dame Night Terrors, the very creature of the night that we had been sent to eradicate were too much for us to handle, I had the privelage of dueling with Thomas here, and I admit, I lost to the monster that stands before you."
"So you defeated Alucard?"
"In manner of speaking, as he is still very much alive, it was more like a tie."
"The only reason I still serve the Hellsing family is due to the mercy of Clement Notredamos."
"And who is Clement Notredamos? And what business does he have with Hellsing?"
"Clement sent me to remind the Hellsing Organization to leave the France alone, illegal or forced entry to try and harm even one of my fellows, will result in the total annihilation of the Hellsing Organization."
"Is that a threat?"
"It is not, as one of your predecesors swore on your family's name that the Hellsing Organization would leave all those under Clement Notredamos' protection alone."
"And if a freak were to claim to be under said man's protection what then? How would we know not to harm him?"
"You'd not know."
"Then how am I to defend Britain from freaks like you if I would not be able to tell who to attack or not for fear of having to defend my home?"
"You'd not know for whoever would claim that would die a more grousome death as compared to what you would have had planned for him, but of course the rule of non-aggression only affects all those none hostiles, the innocents, and not the criminals, those that kill too much."
"I have a question," Hellsing said.
"Do you have a similar deal with the Vatican?"
"The Vatican?"
"Yes, the Vatican."
"The Vatican deals with Notre Dame only when it concerns matters of the faith, any other thing they no longer bother us."
"And how did that come about?"
"Lord Clement Notredamos threatened the Pope that had ordered the eradication of the beings under Lord Clement's protection."
"Which...?"
"To put it simply, the Iscariot Organization dares not step foot in France for fear of losing another war against Notre Dame, and the House of Notredamos."
"Fine, I shall agree to tha oath that my ancestor swore."
"Good, I would have hated to have shed the blood of a Rabe," Thomas said before exploding into hundred of bats and locusts which flew out of the broken window of the office.
"Alucard, what did he mean by 'the blood of a Rabe'?" Hellsing asked her vampire.
"The House of Rabe is a clan from Germany, and as you well know Germany was able to keep its monarchy intact, although their government is very much similar to ours and France's at the moment, the Rabes are relatives or are members of the Royal Family of Germany and France, and are also the relatives of House Notredamos. Lord Notredamos' daughter married the Lord Rabe of her time."
"And what does that have to do with me?"
"Your mother was the granddaughter of a Rabe of the main line."
"How do you know that?"
"I looked it up."
"Where?"
"In the library."