a/n :If you want to know some more about Valerie you can start reading my story," Back off Please." Its connected to the journal. Just something I wanted to throw out there.

VALERIE POV

I always wondered how I used to make my self seem calm and in control but loosing my memory has taken that confidence away completely.

I couldn't remember what food the different pups ate. I didn't remember the way I built the Lookout.

I was streesed... and when I'm stressed I hit the gym. Almost as if a good workout would help me find the answers to the questions floating in my head.

The journal I found only made me wonder how I stayed so cool. I had so many problems... responsibilities, misunderstandings, a entire town to protect and not to mention my ...well growing up " changes".If you know what I mean.

I felt like the more I read that journal the more I felt weight on my shoulders for not remembering, but I kept on reading.

Dear Journal.

So I have no idea why I bought you or why i'm writing in you right now. I learned in the academy that things like this leave your information vulnerable but ... I guess i'm not listening.

So I'm Valerie Luz Hunter I speak multiple languages more than I know what to do with, but my favorites would be spanish, french and of course english. I work in the town Adventure Bay with my partner Ryder and the most adorable 6 pups you could ever meet. We protect this town with anything it can throw our way we wee trained to.

I have many acquaintance and friends. For example Katie shes been my friend ever since I returned from my gymnastics competition a while back,she owns a pet groomers and has the most stubborn cat you would ever meet.

Next we have Alex and his grandfather Mr. Porter. They own the restaurant a few blocks down from Katies.

Then we have Mayor Goodway and of course I can't for get to mention Chickaletta . Hahaha. Our mayor has a pet chicken and these adorable niece and nephew. She is a kind enthusiastic... thats one way to describe her.

I love this town and the population of 262... and growing.

O h I can't forget my pups. Chase the best german sheperd for a police job. Then we have Skye the most adorable cockapoo to fly through the air with her jet pack and helicopter...

I skipped through the journal and found some pretty heart breaking stuff but the old me didn't write down what happened.

Dear Journal,

I wonder why I do this. This repeating routine ,life is meant to be hard why aren't I able to handle all of this... I should be able to. Right? I should be able to take the insults, the struggles of protecting a town. But I can't... i can't break down I need to stay strong... or try.

I continued skiping through pages until I reached pages of my fathers accident... SKIP. I found a page where I spoke of a girl with emerald eyes and black hair.

Dear Journal.

So we have someone new in town. Yay. Shes rude violent mean and deceitful. I'm trying to live with this burden of a bully but its' a really hard thing to deal with when I'm only 14 right now. I'm hurt badly emotionally physically and i guess if I tell he could try to help... Ryder always tried to help but that was a fail.

But don't worry for me diary maybe i'll survive. I meant to say journal... or whatever.

Dear Journal.

It was dumb for me to try and stop my problems by myself it landed me in a hospital... not because of Joysie but ...forget it . I know now that this town cares about me in a great amount and I couldn't be more happy but I can''t help but feel unstable.

Lies, low esteem, betrayal... that's something you don't just forget.

I of all people expected my self to be strong but even the strongest without support can be vulnerable.

Talk to you later journal the pups are calling.

I read the journal about half way through until I decided to go outside.

"Hey pups!' I said as I walked outside.

"Hi Valerie." Marshall said less enthusiastically than usual he was alone near his pup house.

I didn't know the pups as well as I could. But I couldn't help but feel a gut instinct that something was wrong he wasn't supposed to be like... that.

"So Mar... Marsall." I said softly taking a seat next to him. He had his head on his paws outside of his pup house.

"Oh um the other pups are over at the trampoline." he said blankly and lifted his paw to show me the group of pups.

"But I want to talk to you." I said scooting over to him. And putting my hand on his back.

"Marshall whats wrong?" I said looking ahead.

His ears went up." What do you mean... I'm totally fine." he said nervously.

"I don't know this town or the pups or Ryder but I know you.I don't know why but you were a big happy ball of light in my life that I remember."

He continued to listen without saying a word.

"Marshall the point i'm trying to make is that even with amnesia I know your not meant to be like this... upset. So can you tell me whats wron..." he didn't let me finish.

"ITS MY FAULT!" he said getting up and walking in front of me.

"Marshall..." I said getting up.

"No it is! This happening to you! " he said wimpering."Its my fault." he said lowering his voice.

I looked over to my right and saw the pups had stopped playing on the trampoline. And were now walking over. Probably to see what was wrong.

"Marshall whats wrong?" Chase said walking over to our side joined by the other pups.

"Yeah whats wrong Mawshall." Zuma said.

"I'm fine." he said a bit more aggressive then most would expect.

"Marshall..." Skye began.

"I said i'm fine" he said jumping away from the others. His attitude made the others faces drop in sadness.

"Marshall that's enough." I said softly.

"I'm sorry." he said backing away.

"Listen Marshall I don't want you to feel like your backed up in a corner."

He said nothing in response.

I picked him up in my armsand carried him into the lookout.

"What are you doing?" he said softly as I walked into the Lookout.

"PUPS GO PLAY!" I said as I walked up to my room.

I placed him on my bed and closed the door.

"Marshall..."

"Hmm."

"I want to know whats your fault and why."

"Its... its this." he said gesturing towards her head.

I silently waited for him to talk.

"Everest she tried to help... she tried." he paused .

"I can't be happy knowing that your hurt and injured and don't even remember us... your second family. Its my fault you lost your memory. I wasn't a good enough pup."

"No Marshall your a good amazing pup." I said kneeling down towards him.

"I wasn't a good enough fire pup."

I stood their and listened.

"It broke my heart to know that you went into that burning building to save me. I should've done better... for you, the people in the building, for you. I caused so much pain to the people of Adventure Bay and the Paw Patrol."

"Marshall you are amazing in every way you are unique and special and as far as I know your not to blame."

"But...!"

"Marshall..." I said sternly."You are great and I don't blame you for what happened to me. And if you feel like its' your fault I think you should push that to the side this team needs you to be ... you."

"I guess... but I should've been better. I'm the fire pup I should've been prepared."

"No one is perfect Marshall."

"You are!"

"What are you talking about."

"You... you are amazing ,your fit, healthy, hold the weight of a entire town, 7 pups and your partner and never break apart. You were and are apparently still are holding everything together."

"Marshall..." I said.

"Look me in the eye and say that isn't true."

I stood there for awhile trying to come up with a confident answer.

But a confident answer isn't what I need right now. I'm not confident I am not happy or enjoying my memory lost or having so much responsibility.

"I'm not." I said breathlessly having this weight lifted off my shoulders.

"What?!" Marshall said shocked.

"I'm not this person everyone thinks I am. What I did in the past... in the things and times I don't remember... I lied I'm not perfectly happy... I'm torn apart every night I go to sleep and pull myself back together in the morning."

"Valerie..."

"Marshall i'm not PERFECT."

No response.

"I am a perfect pretty little doll to everyone. I am a strong independent young lady they say. I'm a confident indestructible force they say."

I continued."I'm not those things. I broke apart for reasons I can't remember, I broke apart for responsibilities I need to attend to e-v-e-r-y d-a-y."

"Valerie I didn't know."

"I was apparently am really good actor... But I had a good reason."

"What is it." Marshall asked softly.

"This town and ... and most importantly you pups." I said looking at my hands and shutting my eyes tight and reopened them.

"But this only proved your a good person." he said looking down at his paws.

"But I only when I need to be Marshall what gets me through is being happy. Every time you make me laugh or Skye learns how to do a new flip... I'm happy because the people around me are happy."

"So..."

"You need to push this accident being your fault idea to the side and just be happy."

Marshal looked up from his paws and smiled. I walked over and gave him a hug.

"Valerie."

"Yeah.

"I won't tell anyone about the way you feel. But we will try to make you feel better and get your memory back."

"Thank You Marshall... and Thanks for being happy again"

We walked out to the Yard and I saw as Marshall walked over to play with the other pups.

Suddenly I had a memory and I was happy. Maybe i'll be happy more often.

I walked back into the Lookout and sat next to Ryder on the couch.

"Whatchya watching."

"This used to be your favorite show."

"Used to... I hope it still is." I said with a smile as I curled up next to him.