title: because I'm a girl
pairing: SasuSaku
requester: LazyBumForever
prompt: fluff
summary: Uchiha Sasuke was a Man's Man, and as such, he expected that when he and Sakura inevitably got together, he would be the Wearer of the Pants. But nay. Not so.

Notes: Once again, I suck at writing out actual prompts. The fluff is there. IT TOTALLY IS. And it's not angsty.

It's CRACK. And OOC. For serious.

Finally, I should be ashamed. I'm between classes and I'm taking time to upload fic instead of STUDYING HARHARHAR. DD

disclaimer: not mine. I've no wit.

Uchiha Sasuke was a Man's Man

(and no, not in that way that Ino and Tenten giggled about behind their nasty girlie mags, or ugh, Sakura once told him she'd sortofkindof fantasized about—

God, with SAI?

SAI who had an abnormal fascination with that which, um, stood between men's thighs?

SAI who habitually asked about NARUTO'S...

Anyway, was there no justice? He'd at least thought he'd merited a Neji—

Right. Let's not go there.)

and as such, he expected that when he and Sakura

(inevitably)

got together, he would be the Wearer of the Pants.

But nay, not so.

It had started off innocently enough. When they went out to eat, she tended to order for him because apparently, he took entirely too long and in her own lovely words, his "dithering" was not only annoying—which was his word for her, thankyouverymuch—it was also unfair to the other customers waiting to order from the same waiter.

Fine. It made his right eye twitch a little, but fine. Sasuke was OK with that.

Then, it started getting Out of Control.

First, she'd started rearranging his furniture.

Now, Sasuke didn't understand this.

The way he saw it, she had her own place.

(granted, she'd been spending more time at his lately, and she hadn't slept in her own for months now…but still!)

If she wanted to play moving man with her freakish strength all day, then why couldn't she contain her urges to her own space? Why fix it so the recliner—which he had angled just so he could see into the little peephole positioned exactly 68 inches up from the hardwood floor—now suddenly completely blocked his view of the door?

"But Sasuke-kun," she had stated calmly when he asked her

(why, why, just tell me WHY?)

why she had thought to do that without asking him first, "Sasuke-kun, you couldn't see the TV from where it was, before." And then she had the nerve to shuffle his feet, and look so…

So…

Well, he couldn't stay mad.

And then, there had been the small matter of, well, uh…sex.

Not that he didn't, um, appreciate her input most of the time, ahem, but really. There was a limit to how many of her commands he could take before it started to get ridiculous.

(like that one time she'd made him wear the schoolgirl outfit)

Honestly. Sometimes he felt like just throwing in the towel and buying her a leash to use on him.

But this. This was Unforgivable, obnoxious capitalization completely intended because it was just that Outrageous.

-

"What do you mean, you're writing out my meal plan?"

Sakura smiled at him, and turned back to the piece of paper on his dining room table.

"Ne, Sasuke-kun. I just thought that, well, you know, maybe you were getting a little tired of the tomatoes all the time. They're good for you, and all, but your body needs more than lycopene…though, uh, the protection against certain types of cancer is certainly a plus."

She winked up at him, and Sasuke had the ridiculous urge to blush.

(Fight it, man!)

so he did. Sakura laughed and kissed his cheek.

"So anyway, I was thinking, maybe you could limit your intake, and try out some new things, yeah?"

At the words "limit your intake" Sasuke froze.

This. Was. The Last Straw.

He took a deep breath.

"Sakura. I appreciate your concern, and I…loveyou," he muttered, mumbling the words as though that would make them less true

(silly boy)

"…I do, but um…" Then, he straightened. This could not go on.

Why was he so scared?

Really, this was a long time in coming. It was time Sakura realized that this was not a democracy.

No, indeed it was not.

He, Uchiha Sasuke, was the star of this one man show.

(and somewhere in Konoha, Naruto sneezed)

And Sakura? She was the hot concubine.

He started over from the beginning.

"Listen, Sakura. I'm…thankful. That you're taking time out of your schedule to do this for me. That you've fixed my apartment. That you…do my laundry."

He coughed.

"Really. I'm thankful. But this, I can't let you do this. I, Sakura, am a Man. A Man's Man. And don't smirk like that, that isn't what I meant and you know it."

She obediently dropped the smile, and Sasuke felt validated. Good. She was learning already. He continued with his speech.

"So, yes. A Man's Man. This is going to be the start of a new beginning to our relationship. I'm the Man. And you, Sakura. You're the Woman. It's time we tried things my way. No more of this making my decisions for me. It's my turn. My time. And after a while, you'll thank me. You won't have to worry about anything. Sasuke will take care all of it."

He straightened, and smirked.

"So, what do you think about that?"

Sakura had been staring at him all through his Declaration, mouth slightly agape, but at his question, she calmly shut her mouth, stood up, brushed off her skirt and stepped closer to him, hands clasped in the small of her back.

"Well, I think I understand."

Sasuke smirked indulgently.

"Of course you do, Sakura. You're a smart girl."

"You're the boss?"

"That's right."

"You make the decisions, right?"

"Absolutely."

She smiled sweetly, but even that wasn't enough to disguise green eyes glittering with barely suppressed fury.

"Good. You can decide whether you want to sleep on the couch," she pointed at the lumpy two-seater resting in the corner of the living room,

(that way, Naruto doesn't have a reason to stay any longer than he has to, he'd thought months ago as he bought the piece

"or in the bathtub tonight."

As she'd flounced out the door and off to work, Sasuke could only groan, and trudge over to the linen closet to look for the extra blanket.

He was never going to win with her.

(looks around)

Nope. Can't find it. No shame here.

NakoudoByakugan, your KisaTen is next. It's going to be a doozy.

Thoughts on this crack? 8DDDD