I'm not afraid to say I need help seriously, I do like if you wanna help inspire me or through some ideas this way I'd give you so many cookies it'd be crazy. The reason it took me so long to update is there was a lot of life going on and I couldn't break away to envision Santana's for this story, like my mind wouldn't go to that place. But it's slowly coming back to me and I'm in desperate need of someone for inspiration and guidance.

Also thanks to all the reviewers and people who still add my story even though I haven't updated in lord knows how long! I appreciate you and you're what made this chapter happen!

Glee's not mine if it was there would be a lot of long hiatuses,

also I now have a tumblr and it be cool if you wanna drop in my ask Ideas or yell at me for taking to long to update or PM me on here

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Chapter 14

Red Belt

"This is dumb really, really dumb" I say looking out the window at the big Grey building looming over me intimidatingly Lynn reaches over and squeezes my arm reassuringly and Brittany wraps her arm around my neck from behind brushing her lips over my cheek pecking it over and over again until I crack a small smile, a nice change from the scowl I've been sporting since I found out we were not in fact going to Breadstix this afternoon but to a shrink cause apparently I've been 'moody'. Maybe if B's stupid cat would have left me alone while I was getting my workout on I wouldn't have had to drop kick him into the neighbors yard (which trust me isn't easy considering that dumb ass cat weighs more than me) and maybe if the sleep walking would let up cause apparently John didn't appreciate my perfect punch to his jaw after he tried to wake me up the other night.

"Well, Santana" Lynn says clearing her throat trying to get that authorities edge in it probably from having to hear me rant for the last half an hour "You said the other night at dinner that you'd consider it" she holds up a finger when I go to interrupt her " And we've already paid for it so you might as well use this one time, hey maybe you'll like getting stuff off your chest and be a little less violent toward the living creatures in my home".

I sigh and Britt nuzzles me before she slides out of the car opening my door and tugging impatiently at my arm " Maybe it'll be fun and if it's not I promise awesome sexy times for later!" she says excitedly jumping up and down before sliding into the front by her Mom who whacked the back of her head "Brittany Susan Peirce there will be no sexy times later! Not in my house anyways"

This didn't deter Brittany who just rolled her eyes and wiggled her eyebrows in a very Puckish way, I should probably stop inviting her to me and Puck's 'bro nights' "Whatever you say mom we'll be back in half an hour we'll even bring you Breadstix!"

I sigh again looking back at the building squaring my shoulders walking toward it a HBIC attitude in place, I've faced far scarier things. When I open the door the receptionist barely looks at me before shoving a clipboard under my nose instructing me to fill in the bubbles with the most recent and honest answer ten being the worst one being the best. I sit in one of the shitty plastic chairs and look around repeating my mantra head over and over 'this isn't because I'm crazy it's because I have a lot on my chest'. I look over the questionnaire questions ranging from if I ever feel like I'm overwhelmingly happy to whether or not I contemplate suicide on daily or weekly bases.

A smartly dressed woman in her early to mid fifties comes out with a warm smile "Santana Lopez?" she says looking around even though I'm the only person in the area. She raises a perfectly penciled eyebrow when I dumbly raise my hand, she chuckles and jesters for me to follow her into the back.

Her office is really nice; it kind of reminded me of my Grandpa's before he passed. It had a large bookshelf on one wall; a huge desk with a Mac on it and a lounger across from a large ornate armchair in the middle of the room the seating was pretty obvious.

"My name is Dr. Brannon so this session is kind of for me to get to know you better, so we can figure out where to start" I nod as she smiles calmly at me, probably trying to make me comfortable "So anything off the top of your head you want to maybe share with me?"

"I'm gay" is the first thing I blurt out, I expected a reproachful look or her lip to curl up in disgust even though I've been living in little dream bubble with the Pierces where gay is okay I know I still live in small minded Lima, Ohio where anything abnormal was not wanted nor accepted but she smiles and nods after I sit there stiffly frozen for a couple minutes waiting for the inevitable reaction.

"Is that all I need to know or is there more?" she's chuckling and I kind of feel like she's mocking me, who is this bitch who thinks that she can just blow off one of the hardest things for me to accept let alone say out loud, I feel my scowl slowly start to creep back on my face.

" Yeah, well I'm the hottest piece of action that McKinley high has ever seen, I hate almost everyone there, I've been in a shit load of fights, I used to be popular" my voice cracks at that one but I clear my throat and barrel forward "I was homeless, alone, I have no contact with any of my family, and my worst enemy has somehow become my best friend, and my best friend into my girlfriend, I can't wait to get he fuck out of Ohio and I want to be a performer as soon as I graduate from University with a degree in Musical Production, and I goes where my Brits goes" yeah I'm not a square there's more than four sides to me.

She nods smiling again before scribbling on the clipboard I gave her at the beginning of the session "Santana this is a great start" I splutter, "Start? That's like everything about me!"

She smiles "I bet there plenty more to find out about you, but we'll save that for some other time right now we're going to do some exercises" she ask me more dumb question about my anger levels and we do this stupid memory games thing that makes me feel like a toddler.

At the end of the session she walks me to the parking lot she pulls out a notebook and hands it to me "I want you to start writing things down as soon as something starts to bother you record it in here and bring it to your next session".

"It won't work," I mumble taking the notebook anyways vaguely remembering how when all this shit started, I tried this just for it to be wiped clean by that dumb white man. She eyes me before nodding " Well lets just give it a try" I shrug sliding the light blue notebook into my purse as Lynn and Brittany pull up. Brittany is frantically waving around a bag of take out Breadstix a huge smile stretched on her perfect face, my own smile mirrors hers instantly.

"Is that your best friend turned girlfriend?" I nod still smiling before turning back to the doctor "Uh, so who should we call for you know…" she waits for me to continue raising that damn eyebrow again "Another appointment" she smiles and nods, "Yes that sounds good I'll have my secretary set something up for you".

I slip into the backseat looking down at my lap embarrassed even though I know going to a therapist doesn't make me crazy it means I'm trying to understand myself better or whatever shit the doctor told me. Brittany hops over the divider and slips into the backseat basically sitting on my lap rubbing her nose playfully along the top of my head. "I missed you so much San how was it? Did it totally suck? Mom said that if you seemed down she'd get everyone out of the house so I could totally rock your worl…."

"Brittan Susan Peirce don't you think about finishing that sentence" She glares back at her daughter even though her eyes are betraying her showing her mirth at her daughters unfiltered mouth "I said no such thing and get in your own seat, but really dear how did it go?" Brittany slides off of me to the other side of the car throwing her legs across my lap I look into those clear blue eyes and smile, "It was fine I guess," I sigh biting my lip, "Maybe another appointment wouldn't hurt" Lynn nods smiling that famous one million watt Peirce smile.

"That sounds great Santana, I'm really proud of you" Lynn says before passing back the bags of food that had been torturing my stomach since I got in the car "We even got you extra 'Stix just in case it totally sucked and you needed a pick me up" Brittany says making her mom chuckle as she turned on the road to head home.

I let out a loud moan as soon as the delicious treat reaches my tongue making both the other women in the car raise their eyebrows "What? I love these things okay, this is the best part of my day" Brittany gives me a look "The second best I mean" she smiles before pecking my lips and stealing a bite of my Stix.