Chapter 13

Two weeks later, Sara found herself in the conference again. This time though, the people sitting across the table from her were paying close attention to what she was saying.

"When we came back from Tolen two weeks ago, I began seeing several references to a Soul Eater in the translations Dr. Moore's people were providing me. This reference was carried over in the pictographs I found inside the caves on Tolen," she looked at Col. Carter, "While I was talking to Drakin, he also mentioned a myth about what he called Eaters of the Soul."

"So, you think their talking about the Wraith?" Col. Sheppard asked.

"No Col. Sheppard, I believe that the Soul Eaters in these myths are actually a reference to how the Wraith were driven from Tolen. On Earth we have a wealth of information regarding the practice of sin eating. It was a ritual practice through which a person was paid to take the sins of the deceased on themselves by consuming what was sometimes called a corpse-cake. It was believed that it was the only way to ensure that the deceased would be able to rest peacefully and not wander the earth after death."

"How does that help us?" Ronon asked.

Sara turned to look at him, "After looking through all the material I've collected, I believe the myths on Earth are tied to the Vengrier writings in a way we've never even considered. The pictographs show illustrations of a glowing man literally taking life from one individual into himself and bestowing it on another person." She turned back to Col. Carter, her eyes alight like a child on Christmas, "Col. Carter, I think that if Callor was a real man, he found a race of people that had an ability not unlike that of the Wraith, but much more powerful. I need to go back to Tolen. I have to speak with Drakin again, if I can find more anecdotal evidence of this, this race of people, I might also be able to find some reference to where they came from."

There was silence in the room, but Sara didn't miss the intense looks on the faces of the five people looking back at her. Teyla was the first to break the silence.

"You are telling us that you believe there is a race of beings whose power is greater than the Wraith. That they too have the ability to steal life from another,even a Wraith?"

Sara nodded, "That's exactly what I'm saying. Of course, I need you to understand that at this point it's only a theory. Without further research, I can't say anything definitively." She looked down at her computer screen, "Dr. Moore's team have been able to translate the first five manuscripts, and I've only analyzed about half of that, but," she looked up, "everything I've seen leads me back to this theory."

Col. Carter leaned back a little in her chair, "Dr. Clayton, I understand how exciting this must be for you, but I still don't think it would be a good idea to go back to Tolen when we obviously aren't welcome."

"Your military presence isn't welcome. I, on the other hand, have been extended an open invitation."

"That's exactly my point. We don't make a habit of sending out people into unknown situations alone."

"With all respect colonel, I'm not "your people". I'm a consultant brought on board, supposedly, for my expertise in this field. I will eventually have to go back and continue my research among the people on Tolen."

"But we aren't there yet, Dr. Clayton," said Col. Carter. She turned to look at Col. Sheppard, "I think we should get together to discuss this again in two weeks. At that time we can make a decision about any possible return to Tolen. I'd like you to have a mission plan ready."

Col. Sheppard nodded and stood up, " Can do," he replied, "Okay kids, lets get out of here. I've got a date with a golf club."

Sara walked to where Col. Carter stood, "So you're no longer saying 'no' outright?"

Col. Carter smiled, "What I'm saying Dr. Clayton is that we need to make sure sending you back to that planet is our only option and that if it is decided to allow you to return, we have a plan in place to protect you."

Sara nodded her understanding, "I can be patient then. I still have plenty of material here to keep myself busy with."

She started to leave the room when the colonel stopped her again, "Another thing Dr. Clayton, I want you to go through some self-defense training with Ronon and Col. Sheppard."

Sara's brow creased as she frowned, "I don't really think..."

Col. Carter held up one hand, cutting her off, "I'm afraid that this isn't a suggestion. If you are going to be allowed off world without a team directly in contact with you, I need to know that you can protect yourself until they can get to you."

Sara shook her head, "All right, but I know how to protect myself."

Col. Carter laughed, "Well then, this shouldn't be hard for you."

*****

Later that afternoon as she was heading to meet with Dr. Moore, the com in her ear went off.

"Hey doc," came Col. Sheppard's voice, "you there?"

Sara tapped the com, "I'm here Col. Sheppard, what can I do for you?"

"Col. Carter told me she wants you to go through some basic self-defense with me and Ronon."

Sara sighed before replying, "I know."

"When do you want to do that?"

How about never? Sara thought, but said, "Well, right now I have a meeting with Dr. Moore to look at some new translations."

"How about tonight?"

Sara made a face and said, "That's fine. How long do you think it will take?"

"Got a hot date?"

"Yes, Col. Sheppard, because that would be the only reason I don't want to spend two hours rolling around on a gym floor."

"Okay, so not a hot date. I'll have Teyla come by and get you around 08:00."

"Fine," was all Sara said before she closed the com link. Excellent, now I have to go and prove to the muscle twins that I'm not completely incapable of taking care of myself.

****

Sara opened the door for Teyla at eight, "I have to say this for you all, you're prompt as hell."

Teyla gave her an odd look and Sara grinned, "It's just that my friend Molly," she shook her head and grabbed a towel off the bed, "Okay, let's go."

Teyla stood there for a second before saying, "This is what you're going to wear?"

Sara looked down at herself. She was wearing the same thing she usually wore to yoga class at home. A sports bra and white half tank with shorts. She nodded, "Yeah, it's what I wear to do yoga, and it will provide the best range of movement."

"Are you not concerned that your exposed skin will be scraped when you are knocked down?"

Sara walked out into the hallway, "You're assuming I'm going to get knocked down."

****
As Sara and Teyla entered the gym she saw Ronon leaning against the far wall talking to Col. Sheppard. She also noticed there was no one else in the room. "What? You're afraid I'll embarrass myself in front of other people?" she laughed as she stepped to the center of the room. Tossing her towel across the room she cocked her head and looked at Col. Sheppard, "Which one of you gets the honors?"

Ronon pushed away from the wall and walked to the center of the room. He looked Sara up and down once. As his eyes moved over her body Sara felt goosebumps pop up. She stepped backwards and looked up at the much larger man, "Okay, let's get this over with. I want to get some blading in tonight."

She dropped into a fighting stance without waiting for him to reply and waited for him to advance on her.

A slow smile crept onto Ronon's lips as he reached for her, intending to flip her onto her back on the mat.

Sara side stepped easily and crouched. She threw her leg out and swept it across the floor, taking Ronon off his feet. She stood up and looked down at him, "If you aren't even going to try..." she said as she moved back to the middle of the mats.

Ronon jumped up from the floor and without waiting he grabbed her arm. Sara twisted and used his size and momentum to flip him over. She blew a stray piece of hair out of her face, "Come on. You're supposed to be teaching me something here."

Ronon growled low in his throat, the smile gone. He stood up and looked at Sara for a moment before he swept his leg out and knocked her off her feet. Sara recovered easily, darting quickly to avoid the next two punches he threw. She maneuvered herself around so she was behind him. She placed a well heeled roundhouse kick into his back making him stumble as he spun to counter. She could tell he still wasn't really trying to land anything on her and she sighed, "Look big guy, if you keep this up, you're going to get your ass kicked by a girl. How's that going to play with the boys?"

Ronon gave another quiet growl and dropped his head. He stepped forward and grabbed her easily. Spinning her around he pinned her arms behind her and trapped her against his much larger frame. Sara twisted, throwing her leg backward between his leg as she brought her elbows back. She connected with his stomach and bent over, flipping him over the top of her. Before she could move away from him, he swept his leg out and she landed on her back.

Righting herself, Sara jumped and threw another kick towards his head. He ducked and she missed him as he threw a punch at her. She misjudged where the hit would land and the heel of his hand made contact with her chin.

She heard Col. Sheppard yell, "Ronon, ease up."

When Ronon stepped backwards she looked at Col. Sheppard, "How about you stay out of this? You're supposed to be "teaching" me to protect myself, do you think a real attacker is going to care about my size or my gender?"

When she looked back to where Ronon stood she saw a look of admiration in his eyes and she smiled at him. She dropped back into fighting stance and wiggled her fingers at him. A rapid succession of punches flew at her as she threw her arms up to block them. Ronon forced her backwards across the mats. She waited until she felt the edge of the mats beneath her shoes before she hollered and jumped. One leg flew up and her foot connected with Ronon's jaw, dazing him slightly. It didn't take him long to recover though and this time when he grabbed her, his arms were like bands of steel. He twisted her away from his body intending to push her to the floor.

Sara tried to maneuver her feet to enable herself to break his hold again, but he stepped into her, catching one leg between his. Sara jerked hard and threw her head backwards, she was shorter than he was, but because of the position of their legs his head was bent. She caught him in the chin again and it loosened his hold just slightly. Sara tried to step out of his grip, but her feet got caught and she tripped. She could feel him pushing her to the floor and when his body covered hers on the mat, the feeling of panic hit her in a massive wave.

All she could see were flashes of darkness. The taste of blood in her mouth and the smell of sweat on the mats made the breath catch in her throat. She tried to shove against him, forgetting where she was. A cry tore from her throat as she began to struggle harder.

Ronon flipped Dr. Clayton over, intending to let her up, but when she cried out he moved off of her instantly. He watched as she shoved herself off of the mat, the panic and pain evident on her face. He caught the towel Teyla tossed to him and stepped forward intending to hand it to her. Her breathing was labored and her eyes were beginning to clear.

Sara felt the panic subsiding and realized that Ronon, Teyla and Col. Sheppard were all staring at her. When Ronon started to walk toward her she held up a hand to stop him and then turned and left the room quickly. She started running as soon as she cleared the threshold, needing to get outside as fast as possible.

****

John punched Ronon in the shoulder, "What the hell was that?"

Ronon pulled his shoulder away from Sheppard, but didn't say anything. He walked across the room and leaned his head against one wall. The look of fear and pain on Dr. Clayton's face was still playing through his mind.

Teyla touched his back and said quietly, "I will go and find her, make sure she is all right."

Ronon nodded silently and as Teyla left he threw a punch into the wall.

****

Sara heard someone walk up behind her as she stood on the edge of the pier, staring out into the darkness. Without turning around Sara said, "Have you ever just thought about diving out there, into the night?"

Teyla stopped walking, "No, I have not. I do not think you should either."

Sara let out a shaky laugh, "No, that's not what I meant. I mean have you ever just stood and stared out into the dark and realized how peaceful it is. How calm it seems? Sometimes I think that's why I don't socialize a lot, to much noise."

She shivered a little as the breeze hit her. Running one hand over her face she turned and looked at Teyla, "Sorry for running out like that, but I needed to get into the open, get some air into my lungs," she said as she looked back out at the water.

Teyla stepped closer to Sara and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Are you all right? Do you need to see Dr. Keller?"

Sara shook her head, reaching up to pull out her ponytail. She ran a hand through her hair and walked closer to the edge of the pier. Her body was still shaking, but she could feel herself calming down. The images were still there, pulsing just behind her eyes, but out in the open, they were easier to push back.

Teyla came to stand next to her, "Ronon did not mean to hurt you," she began.

Sara turned quickly, her eyes filled with tears, "Oh God!" Sara said as she sat down on the cool concrete of the pier.

Teyla sat down next to Dr. Clayton, "I know that he is a large man and many people..." Teyla continued.

Sara shook her head violently, as she started to cry, " Oh Jesus! He thinks he hurt me?" she asked, looking at Teyla for confirmation.

Teyla's brow creased, "He did not hurt you?"

"God no. No, I'm fine. I just..." she stopped and looked away.

"If Ronon did not harm you, what happened? I saw the pain on your face, the shock and fear."

Sara shook her head again, "It's nothing, I promise."

Teyla didn't push, understanding the need to keep somethings private, "Are you sure you are not hurt? I saw blood on your face."

"No, I'm fine really. I cracked my lip when I hit the floor, but it's nothing that won't heal and certainly nothing to worry about," she drew in a deep breath, feeling the last of the nausea pass, "You have to tell Ronon that he didn't hurt me. That I'm fine."

Teyla laid a gentle hand on Sara's shoulder, "I do not think he would believe me. Perhaps you should speak with him?"

"I don't even know what I would say. It would be better if we left it alone."

"I am afraid that where Ronon is concerned, that approach will not work. For all that he appears to be gruff and angry, he is really a very considerate man and this will," Teyla paused, "I am afraid he will carry this around and punish himself for causing you pain."

"I don't want him to believe he did something that hurt me. It was just me being a freak," Sara turned to face Teyla, "Do you have your com on?"

When Teyla nodded Sara continued, "Could you get a hold of Ronon and ask him to meet you out here? If I don't do this now, I'll chicken out and just start avoiding him so I don't have to deal with it," she let a tremulous smile pass over her lips, "I don't know if you've noticed, but unless I'm talking about old books, I'm not really good with people."

Teyla returned the smile, "You remind me of Rodney a little," a worried look came into her face and she added, "In only good ways, I assure you."

"Honestly, I'm not sure what everyone else sees when they look at Dr. McKay, but I like him, so comparing me to him isn't an insult."

"That is good to hear," Teyla said as she touched the com in her ear, "Ronon? Could you come out to the south pier?" she paused, "Yes, I found her, she is..." Teyla suddenly stopped talking and looked at Sara with one eyebrow raised, "I believe he will be here shortly."

Sara gave a small nod and walked back to the end of the pier.

Several moments later Teyla saw John and Ronon approaching at a run, she walked forward to meet them. As Ronon tried to step around her, she put her hands on his chest to stop him, "She is fine Ronon."

He looked out to the end of the pier and then looked down at Teyla, "She wasn't fine when she ran out of the gym." He tried to push past her again, but Teyla stopped him, "Ronon, stop. She is not hurt."

Ronon looked at Teyla again and then moved past her, this time she didn't stop him.

John looked out to where Dr. Clayton stood and watched as Ronon approached her, "Do I need to get a medical team out here?"

"Truly John, she is not injured. From what I gathered it is something that happened to her in the past. Something Ronon did triggered a very strong memory and I believe she was trying to get away from that feeling, not trying to get away from Ronon."

John nodded. He had his fair share of ghosts and the need to escape them sometimes was something he understood. "Should we go out there?"

Teyla shook her head, "No, I think this is something she will want to deal with privately."

John looked out to the end of the pier again. Ronon was standing a few feet away from Dr. Clayton and it didn't look like they were speaking. He looked at Teyla, "You're sure?"

Teyla nodded, "It will be fine, John." She placed a hand on his arm and they began walking back toward the city.

****

Ronon stood several feet away from Dr. Clayton and didn't say anything until she turned to face him. He could see dried blood at one corner of her mouth and swore lightly under his breath. Her eyes were swollen from crying and he felt something twist inside of him. "Sheppard is going to get a medical team out here for you," was all he said.

Sara moved toward him, trying to smile, "I don't think he is," she pointed behind him, "He and Teyla went back to the city."

"Damn it!" Ronon said, reaching up to his ear.

Sara reached up and touched his hand, stopping him, "Don't. I'm fine. I don't need a doctor. You didn't hurt me."

Ronon looked down at her, a scowl on his face,"You're bleeding."

Sara raised a hand to her face, touching her lip lightly, "I split my lip the last time I tried to head butt you. It's nothing." She shivered as a breeze blew in from the water.

Ronon pulled his jacket off and handed it to her, "Put this on. We should go back inside."

Sara took the jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders, it was still warm from being on his body and the smell of him on the leather wafted on the breeze, catching her off guard. She turned and walked to the edge of the pier, sitting down, "I'd like to just stay out her for a little longer."

Ronon walked over and eased himself down next to her, "You're sure you aren't hurt?"

Sara laughed, "Teyla kept asking me that," she tilted her head to the side so she could see his face, "I promise, I'm fine. I've taken worse beatings and I survived them."

Ronon's face went dark, "You've taken worse beatings?"

To late, Sara realized what she'd said. Trying to cover she added, "I've taken self defense classes and I took a mixed martial arts class for awhile last year."

The look on Ronon's face said he didn't believe her and Sara sighed, realizing she was going to have to give him something more before he would believe he hadn't done anything to cause her sudden exit from the gym. Drawing in an unsteady breath she started talking, "I was a grad student. I went out with some friends one night, just a movie, no big deal, but on the way home I was attacked." She didn't elaborate, not thinking he needed to hear the details of the beating and sexual assault, "After that, I started taking self defense classes and stopped going out a lot. Molly was the only friend I had that really stuck around. Everyone else just wanted me to keep doing things the way I always had."

"How long ago was this?"

"About ten years now. It doesn't really bother me anymore, but I've gotten used to being by myself, so I just never started socializing again," she rolled her head to the side again, trying to smile, "I don't have nightmares anymore, but every now and then something will happen and it triggers a panic attack. The doctors say it will probably happen for the rest of my life." As she stopped speaking she noticed a bruise along the edge of his chin and reached a hand out to touch it. As her fingers made contact with his skin, he jerked back.

Sara dropped her hand and looked away, "I'm sorry. I just noticed that you seem to be more injured than I am."

Ronon ran his fingers along his jaw line, "It's nothing. So when we were sparring and I.."

Sara cut him off, "When you came down on top of me, I couldn't see for a moment. It made me panic and that was all it took." She shrugged, "I know, I'm a freak," she said, trying to lighten the mood. She shivered again and Ronon stood up, extending his hand, "Come on, we're going inside before you freeze out here."

They walked in silence and when they reached the door to her room Sara stopped and looked at the quiet man standing next to her. She opened the door and said, "It's been a long night, do you want to come in and have something to eat with me?"

For a moment, she thought he was going to say no, but then he dropped his head and nodded, "Sure."