Chapter 14

Saber checked all of Vector's usual hangouts, but he didn't see any sign of his best friend anywhere. So after grabbing an early supper at Slingshot's, during which he kept an eye on the door the whole time, he rode to the place he'd called home for the last few months.

There was no trace of Vector here either, other than the place had become an even bigger mess than usual since Saber left. Both the living room and Vector's bedroom were littered with dirty laundry, crumpled chip bags and empty root beer bottles, and a few pieces of furniture weren't where they were supposed to be. Like someone had kicked or shoved them to get them out of the way...or just because.

In the rec room, Saber found his personal area untouched. Somehow, seeing that his things had been completely ignored in his absence made him feel more unwelcome than he did the night he left. Like it didn't matter whether he was here or not; his presence had no impact. Ears drooping, he took his duffel bags out of the closet and started packing.

He left a note in Vector's room, locked up behind him and rode back to Joy's. The place she once shared with Astrid was a small apartment near the middle of an expansive complex. Cave dwellings like the one Modo and Ashlin lived in were rapidly becoming archaic, though Saber understood why they had been clung to after the war. Mice, like rats, were social beings who liked to keep close to each other for reasons of comfort, companionship, and safety. Apartment complexes and other tall buildings were an easier target than homes tucked away in hills, cliffs, or clear underground, but now that fear of air strikes was long gone, no one was really concerned.

The main difference between these types of apartments and the kinds on other planets was that even though there were many different families living in the same building, each apartment was privately owned instead of rented. There were still inspections done to make sure certain conditions were met, though. Everyone was expected to do their part to keep the place safe for them and their neighbors.

As you'd except for a place owned and recently occupied by two girls, Joy's apartment was colored in soft hues - which he found himself taking new note of as he stepped inside with his bags. The main room, which connected to the family room on one side and the kitchen on the other, with two hallways branching off at the opposite end, had a bright white ceiling and pastel pink carpet. Most of the furniture was wooden, the upholstery plush and stuffed to plumpness, and colored in shades of peach and warm rust. Similarly the kitchen had peach tile and rose wallpaper lined with glossy rust stripes.

The whole place had a style that was more Earthly than Martian, in no small part because Joy was half human and had spent a lot of childhood vacations there. Plus the residents of Mars (which wasn't in huge supply of things like wood) had, thanks to tips from Imeerans, perfected the art of discreetly trading and bargaining with other worlds for their goods, without them ever realizing that those goods were bound for another planet. Since they were their closest neighbor, imports from Earth were the most popular.

Down the hallway straight ahead was the game room, utility room, and bathroom, while the other hall led to the bedrooms and a storage closet. Joy's room was colored in bright shades of pink, with silver and white accents. Astrid's room was like her; gentle and subdued, and colored in soothing shades of turquoise and blue. The sweet girl's things had been touched enough for now - converting her bedroom to a new purpose was too much, too soon. When Joy closed it up earlier he knew she didn't plan to go in there again any time soon. Saber drifted past the door, mindful of the empty silence on the other side, and went down the hall to the door past the closet.

It opened into a small room that served as the den, study, and library. There were bookshelves along the back wall, a loveseat in the middle, a desk to one side, a stereo in the corner. The carpet was rust-colored while the walls were a warm brown, the wood furniture darker than it was in the rest of the apartment. It was a space designed to be soothing, so a tired mind could sit down and relax. Clear their thoughts and curl up with a good book. Saber was already starting to feel at home as he set his bags on a chair and went over to the loveseat.

Like the sofa he'd slept on in Vector's rec room, the loveseat also unfolded into a bed. He had just finished locking it in place when Joy appeared in the doorway, dressed in a nightgown and looking worn out from the busy day. Still, her eyes and smile lit up when she saw him and what he was doing. "Are you staying?"

"If it's all right with you," Saber said casually, as he sat down on the edge of the mattress. "If so, I'll be staying for good."

The slender half-mouse let out a happy squeal and made a move like she was going to tackle him. She pulled back at the last second - but not before he braced for impact, which she didn't fail to notice. Or giggle at. "Thank you, cutie," she cooed, putting her hands on his shoulders and bending to kiss the tip of his nose.

Her eyes searched his as she straightened up. He saw the anxiety in those green orbs, the quiet discomfort but determination to see tomorrow through no matter how many tears she cried. Saber smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry. I won't leave your side for a second."

Looking relieved, she bent again to give him a quick hug. "Thank you," she repeated softly.

She kissed his cheek and whispered goodnight before heading to bed. Saber switched off the lights and did the same. They both needed to be up early tomorrow.

Throttle made good on his promise and waited on Tamerin hand and foot all evening. He cooked dinner for her, he brought her a stool to prop her feet on while she ate, he handed her a book and put a blanket around her shoulders as she relaxed in the den. At bedtime he washed her short hair and helped her change into her new maternity nightgown before picking her up and carrying her to bed.

With a lone lamp burning, the two of them sat up for a while, Tamerin leaning back against him as he held her tightly in his arms. He brushed his mouth against her hair and face from time to time, just basking in having her near again. Neither of them said anything; the emotions inside spoke plenty. Only she was so used to keeping what she was feeling in check, every time her happiness and excitement started to bubble up she'd squash it back down. Each time he felt her do it he was filled with guilt, and each time she quieted this feeling with her understanding, her forgiveness.

Throttle knew they both had a lot of healing to do - and not just from their brief separation. But he also knew there was no doubt that they would recover, and that they would both be stronger when they were done. As long as they were together, all it would take was a little time.

Slowly, he eased his arms down from around his mate and cupped the roundness of her belly with both hands. Since their baby started kicking he hadn't built up the courage to feel for himself, but now he pressed his fingers to the thin fabric of Tam's nightgown and waited. As if sensing the attention he got an almost immediate response. Not a gentle fluttering, but a firm and distinct kick-kick-kick.

It was such a fleeting sensation, and so simple...yet it sent his heart racing and had his fingers clutching tighter as he waited breathlessly to feel it again. Come on, little one, he pleaded silently. Do it again.

He felt two more sets of kicks and a firm push that might have been a foot, or maybe a hand. Almost like the little one knew her father was on the other side of her temporary home, just out of reach. Throttle knew he was getting carried away with himself, but he let himself imagine for a moment that it was so. It was rumored that Imeeran babies could sense their parents from inside the womb, and their baby was half of one. Are you like that? he wondered, as he ran his hand over Tam's belly. Do you know I'm here?

It was a small, silent question, but it was enough. Like a floodgate being torn open his mind finally filled with all those questions he'd kept himself from asking these past seven months. In rapid succession he wondered about everything.

They knew they were having a girl, but what kind of girl would she be? Would she look like him or Tam? Would she grow up tall or short? Slim or adorably chubby? Would she be the kind of girl who liked all the pink waiting for her or would she want to trade it in for black in a few years? Would she prefer to stay at home and keep things quiet or thrash turf and make as much noise as possible?

And most importantly...would she grow up as strong as the pushing against his hand suggested?

They wouldn't know anything for sure till she was born. Till then they could only hope. Hope and wait anxiously for another five months. He wished he didn't have to wait so long. He was ready to find out what was in store for them now. He was ready for their daughter to be born. He was -

Tam suddenly pressed her face into his shoulder and started crying softly. Her emotions were spilling out over what was left of the walls she was still struggling to take down and running from one end of the spectrum to the other. She was relieved, happy, and excited, yet drained to the point of exhausted. She felt as hopeful and anxious and terrified as he did. But most of all she felt love. She loved him and their baby so much.

It was an all-encompassing feeling that drew over him like a blanket, cocooning him in a sense of comfort and safety. He was whole again, and felt more at ease and content than he had in months as he wiped his mate's tears away. He kissed her forehead before cradling her to him, resting one hand on her belly again and cupping her head with the other. He rocked her gently as he let his overflowing love wash over her, soothing away her troubles.

There would be more tears to cry tomorrow. Tonight, the two of them let all their other worries slip away. They'd made their mistakes and now they were safely back in each other's arms. For tonight, that was all that mattered.

Generally Imeerans didn't bury their dead. The surface of Malteria was out of the question due to its unpredictable sand storms and vicious scavengers. No one cared for jettisoning the bodies into the ocean for fish food either, so it had long been the custom for the citizens of the underwater city to burn their dead.

Astrid's mother had made other plans. She wasn't a resident of Malteria anymore and her daughter had never been, so she had decided to honor the traditions Rimfire and other Martian mice upheld. The traditional funeral was simple: it began at sunrise and ended when the body of the loved one was committed to the ground at sunset.

After showering and dressing in formal clothes, Saber and Joy headed out just as first light was peeking over the horizon. Astrid's parents had chosen to hold her memorial at home. The family room had extra chairs and several tables lined with refreshments, and a separate table reserved for the guestbook. Beside the guestbook was a memory box, with slips of paper for guests to write down a special memory they had of Astrid. Her parents planned to use them to make a memory book later.

On a nearby stand was a screen cycling through pictures of Astrid, from the day she was born to just recently. There were shots of her with her parents and plenty of her and Joy. The two had been glued at the hip since they were in diapers - a lot like him and Vector. Saber felt a sudden pang, and not just because of the pictures, or the quiet music that was playing.

Joy took his hand and pulled him away from the slideshow, the sound of gentle flutes and soft strings. They were the first ones here and she wanted to head straight down the hall to Astrid's old bedroom. The cozy room was just far enough away that the music coming from the family room could barely be heard, creating a sense of disconnection from the rest of the home. A sense of reverence.

Until it was time to move it to the grave site at sundown, Astrid's casket was being kept in here. The room was full of flowers, potted plants and small gifts of remembrance, the fragrance in the air gently sweet...though it didn't completely mask the scent of death. Choking on a sob, Joy turned and hid her face against his chest for a long moment. When she wiped her eyes and looked up again, there was a look on her face that said she wanted to be alone for a few minutes. Nodding in understanding, Saber kissed her forehead before quietly returning to the family room.

There was still no one else here other than Astrid's parents, whom he sat and made awkward chitchat with while he waited. It was impossible not to feel awkward at a time like this. Both Martian and Imeeran were putting on a strong front today, but the pain in their eyes was clear. There was also a tiredness to their faces that suggested they didn't sleep last night. And how could they? he thought sadly. He didn't imagine any parent could sleep knowing tomorrow they would be burying their child.

There were tears in his own eyes by the time Joy came back. Sniffling, she sank into his arms and stayed by him for the rest of the day.

Despite the solemn mood, tears, and overall air of melancholy that day, Throttle had a sense of peace deep inside him that he hadn't felt in months. It was like he was a deep lake; there was turmoil at the surface, but at the core there was stillness and calm. He kept his arm firmly around his mate for most of the afternoon, the two of them speaking in quiet tones and sharing memories with their loved ones.

They barely spoke a word to each other. They didn't need to. With their minds wide open and fully connected the way they were supposed to be, they communicated wordlessly that day. The afternoon was wearing on into early evening when Throttle let the feeling that he wanted to slip away alone grow in their bond. Tam silently squeezed his hand and went over to her brother, who was hovering by one of the refreshment tables with his family - all of his family.

There were several Imeerans (and several from other species for that matter) who had a phobia of using teleportation technology due to the slim but very real chance of detrimental equipment failure. Little Deichan had always been one of them, but for the sake of offering her condolences alongside her mate and children, she had set aside her fears and transported here with them. In spite of the nature of her visit, there was a clear spark of curiosity in her eyes over being on another planet for the very first time in her long life.

Throttle smiled to himself before leaving the family room and heading down the hall. No one else was in Astrid's room right now, which left him alone to say goodbye to his little sister for the last time.

Her parents had spared nothing when it came to preparing their baby girl for her final viewing. The surface of the casket gleamed an iridescent silver, the inside was lined with creamy silk. Astrid was wearing her favorite blue dress and her bird-like hands were folded softly on her middle. To conceal her ashy complexion a touch of makeup had been dusted over her face, giving her cheeks and lips a hint of pink. Her closed eyelids shimmered slightly, and her teal hair been been combed smooth and styled with curls. Clips shaped like tiny silver stars glittered near her scalp.

Throttle was just leaning closer and resting his furred hand over her tiny ones when he heard a footstep behind him. He straightened and turned to see Bevra standing in the doorway. She smiled softly as she came over, briefly touching a hand to his arm before focusing on her daughter. A smile touched her lips again. "Isn't she beautiful?" she murmured, as she smoothed her hand over Astrid's forehead. "Our little stardust princess."

The tan mouse nodded mutely in agreement, his throat too tight to answer out loud. Bevra leaned down and kissed her daughter's face before whispering in her ear. "Mommy will always love you."

Throttle's eyes clouded as she moved back to give him room; he bent to kiss Astrid's cheek. "You were the best little sister a bro could have," he whispered.

He hovered there a moment more before straightening and stepping back. He was going to leave the room to give the former general some privacy, but to his surprise she turned him to her and put her arms around him. In all the years he'd been mated to Tamerin her ex-general mother had displayed little affection for him, about as much as he'd displayed for her. Yet she held him to her with such a natural ease it was like she'd done it countless times. Throttle couldn't sense her emotions like Tam could, but he could feel the motherly care housed in her embrace just the same. With his eyes closed and his head on her shoulder, she felt like any mother did.

When they returned to the others it was only a little while before it was time to head to the cemetery. Tam stayed at his side until it was over, and he noticed that Saber stayed by Joy the same way. He also noticed that the auburn-haired rodent glanced up several times as the final words were spoken before Astrid was laid to rest. Like she was expecting someone to show up at the very last second.

No one did.

As the sun drifted below the horizon and dusk began to deepen they said their good-nights and started for home. Tamerin gave both her mother and Rimfire a tight hug; Throttle went over to say goodbye to Jayce - only it turned out he wasn't leaving for Malteria just yet. "For all her worrying the little lady's gotten attached to Mars in a hurry," he explained with a grin. "I think it'll be at least a week before we're out of here."

"Wanna take a ride tomorrow?" Throttle wondered.

"Ready when you are."

Jayce said bye for now to his sister, making sure to pat her growing middle. "See you soon, kiddo."

Astrid's parents lingered in the cemetery a little longer while the rest of them walked to the parking lot. As he and Tam mounted his bike, Throttle looked over and saw Vinnie and Charley having a quiet discussion with Joy and Saber. He wouldn't have thought anything of it, but all of a sudden Vinnie pulled the sable hybrid into a headlock, teeth bared. They were too far away for him to hear, but as Throttle watched his bro muttered something in the blushing rodent's ear.

With a weary look, Joy pried her father off before putting her arm around her boyfriend and leading him away. Charley gave her husband's shoulder a pat. "Wonder what that was about?" said Throttle.

"I'm pretty sure Joy has a new roommate," Tamerin said casually.

"Ah."

He stared off into the distance for a second. "You think that'll be me in a few years?"

His mate chuckled as she cuddled her head against his shoulder and tightened her arms around him. "The protective father scaring off the boys with a hail of gunfire? I've no doubt."