Ch.14

September 15th, 2017

"Hey," she said softly as she stepped through the doorway.

She soon pulled Sully towards her into a deep hug, forcing him to use all his strength to maintain his composure. He had called her late last night somewhat explaining what had happened yesterday. However, he hadn't been very specific worried that Michaela would overhear the conversation. After a few moments of silence, he pulled back and shut the wooden door tightly, then led the way into the living room.

"Where is she now?" Rebecca whispered softly.

"In bed…" he returned his head hung low.

She gently shook her head knowing they had so much to discuss, however none of it was pleasant.

"So, you said she hasn't been going in to work?" she started unsure where to begin.

"Yeah. She's been lyin' to me about it, too. Never directly sayin' she went ta work, but not lettin' me know she didn't go in. I mean she's been gettin' up and dressed and takin' the girls to daycare, but then she calls in to work. My guess is that she's been comin' home and layin' in bed all day long. At least that's what I got out of her last night. Charlotte called me yesterday at work distraught about it. She told me Michaela was probably clinically depressed. And after she read off the symptoms ta me, I realized she was right… For weeks now she's been slippin' away from me Becca, and I just watched it happen…" he said with remorse.

"Sully, you couldn't possibly have known… I didn't see it either…" she returned gently.

"We should have… All the signs were right there. And those comments she made about not feelin' happy anymore, life not havin' meaning, and feelin' empty inside… They were signs Becca…." he trailed off as his mind went through past conversations.

"Sully, she was grieving… She still is, as are you. It's not important that you didn't see it before. What's important is that you do something about it now," she explained.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I feel so bad about yellin' at her, though. I really hauled into her Becca. When I got that phone call that Hannah and Katie hadn't been picked up, I was just so angry. Angry that she let the girls down… angry that she lied ta me…. I brought all that anger home and really took it out on her. And really none of this is her fault. Depression is caused by an issue with the chemicals in her brain. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for treatin' her like that… I was just so upset that she'd hurt the girls…" he admitted tears cascading from his blue eyes.

"Have you talked to her about it? Apologized to her?" she asked quietly.

"Of course. After I told her I thought she needed professional help, she told me ta leave her alone. I immediately told her how sorry I was for yellin' at her, but that I wasn't goin' ta allow her to remove herself from the world. I sat with her for over an hour Becca, but all she could do was cry…" he finished in sorrow.

"Sully, sometimes you expect too much out of yourself. It's completely understandable that you would be angry last night. If I was in your position I would have been furious. You apologized for loosing your temper with her, and honestly that's all you can do. I hope you know that she wasn't crying hysterically like that because of anything that you did or didn't do. I think it's clear that she's been in this kind of pain and despair for some time now, she's just been hiding it from us. Granted we knew she was grieving, but we had no idea the extreme pain she was feeling inside. I think that she finally showed you last night after she knew you were aware of the truth. Even if you had come home and wrapped your arms around her, she still would have cried like that. This is an intense kind of sadness in which she literally can no longer feel happiness. She's that far gone."

"She will hardly even respond ta me anymore… The girls keep askin' what in the world is wrong with her, and I just don't know what ta do here," he said helplessly.

"Okay, one step at a time. Did you call Charlotte?" she questioned.

"Yes…" he responded softly.

"Were you able to get her an appointment?"

"Yeah, but it's not 'til Monday, and even that took pullin' some major strings…"

"All right. Now does the hospital know what's going on with her?" she questioned.

"Yeah, Charlotte is really the one that figured it out. I talked to the chief-of-staff this morning, and he told me ta keep her home for as long as I needed," he responded.

She nodded in response before stating, "Can you take Monday off from work?"

"Yeah, I called and told them about all of this and they were real understanding."

"Okay, you're on the right track here," she said with a small smile.

"How in the world are we goin' ta get her in there, though? She's insisting that she doesn't wanna talk ta anyone," he expressed in concern.

"Well, I think we have to physically make her. What time is the appointment?"

"Not 'til 11," he answered quickly.

"Okay, take Katie and Hannah to school as you normally would. Then, I'll come over at about 10:30, and we will literally put her in the car and drive her there," she finished with confidence.

"Ya don't think she'll fight that?" he questioned skeptical of this plan.

"If she really is as bad off as you have been telling me, then she won't have the strength to fight it."

"Michaela? Not have the strength ta fight?" he questioned still doubtful.

"No, I don't think she will have the strength to fight. I think that's the problem. Since when would Michaela ever call in sick to work because she can't get herself out of bed? Remember how much she chomped at the bit to get back after she pulled through that coma? She practically beat down the door. Even when she was on maternity leave with both Hannah and Katie, she couldn't wait to get back to work," she said thoughtfully.

"Yeah…" he answered softly wishing she wasn't so far into such a dark hole.

"Now for the girls. This is a very difficult situation here. I still don't think you should tell them this kind of news. They won't understand it, and it will simply crush them to know that their parents can't solve such a serious problem. However, you do need to sit down and talk to them. She's going to have a long road ahead of her to get out of this dark hole. And she will need everyone, including the girls, to be supportive."

"I just don't know what ta say to them…." he stammered.

"Keep it very simply. Tell them Michaela is going through a really tough time, but that she's going to be just fine. And make sure they know how much she loves them both."

"Alright. This is just goin' ta be so difficult," he admitted.

"It won't be easy, but I don't think you can avoid it any longer. Would you like me to help you talk to them?" she offered.

"Thanks, but I think it would be better if it was just me," he confessed.

"Okay," she said with a nod. "Just know I'm always here if you change your mind."

"What should I do with Michaela in the mean time? Should I just allow her ta stay in bed like that? I guess there really is no makin' her do anything really, but should I encourage that kind of behavior? Or should I attempt ta make her at least function a little?"

"I think you should try to make her function if you can. It won't do her any good to simply enable that type of behavior. I'm not saying you can't be there for her and support her, but I wouldn't baby her. What I mean to say is that you can fix dinner, but tell her she has to join you and the girls in the kitchen to eat it," she said trying to explain her thoughts on the matter.

"Yeah, that sounds right. Do you want ta go see her before ya go? I'm warnin' you though, she's pretty bad off. She's been cryin' all morning since the girls left for school," he said dejectedly.

"Thank you for the warning, but I would like to see her. If that's alright?" she questioned.

"Oh, of course that's alright. You're her sister Becca, ya don't have ta ask that."

She nodded in his direction before departing up the stairs. Halfway up the staircase she stopped and looked at the beautiful portrait on the wall. She smiled at the studio portrait of Michaela, Sully, and the two girls sprawled out barefoot in a field. "Where did that woman go?" she whispered softly to herself as she admired her sister's graceful smile. And as she made her way up the remaining stairs, she knew it was her job to get that woman back no matter what it took.

"Hey 'Kayla," she said sweetly as she sat down next to her sister, delicately grabbing her sister's small hand.

"You haven't called me that since we were children," she said softly.

"I guess I haven't. We all picked up on calling you Mike after father started that," she answered.

"But you still always called me 'Kayla when it was the two of us," she replied with a wistfully smile.

"Hmmm," she answered clearly lost in thoughts of their childhood. "Honey, please be honest with me. How are you? And don't say okay. I know better."

"Not good…" she said with tear-filled eyes.

"Yeah, I can see that," she returned with a small smile, glad that at least Michaela was being honest with her.

"Do you think you can at least take a shower here?" she questioned.

"I guess… Becca it's just so hard to do anything… I just have this dark cloud over me… It's like I feel like I'm trapped in this storm. Everyone else is inside and I'm out here stuck in the rain… alone. And no matter what I do it's never sunny, ever. It just rains always…" she tried to explain.

"Come here," she said gently as she pulled her little sister into her arms.

"Sweetheart, you have to let us help you. We want to pull you out of this storm. Now you have to let us. Your husband and your daughters miss you. They are standing at the window watching you stand outside alone, desperately wanting you to come back inside," she returned.

"I want to… I don't know how," she said through tears.

"Well the first step is to make yourself do a few simple tasks every day. I'm not saying you have to go to work, or take the girls to school, or run a thousand errands. All I'm telling you to do for the day is take a shower and get dressed. You can take the whole day if you need to…Do you think you can do that?"

After a few moments of silence, she nodded back in reply.

"All right there you go," she spoke in an encouraging tone. "Do you want me to help you in any way?"

"No, just give me a few minutes…." she answered.

"Okay, I'll come back and check on you in an hour. Please try to take a shower by then. You don't have to dry your hair or curl it. Just simply take a shower. You can do this Michaela," she expressed in a sincere tone.

Michaela nodded in response, and as Rebecca left the room closing the door softly behind her. She took a few deep breaths before leaning against the wall and gently sliding down to the floor. She shut her eyes tight running her hands through her hair in distress. Within a matter of moments, she felt a pair of strong arms surround her.

"She's really bad…" she whispered softly.

"I know…" he returned.

"I hate seeing her like that… My strong, confident, capable sister reduced to that… The girl that excelled at everything she set her mind to growing up, painting, singing, playing the piano, and then surgery…She has to find the strength to merely take a shower… It must be so awful to feel like that… And there isn't anything I can do for her… Nothing."

"That's not true Becca. You being here is doing something. She's benefittin' from your support even if she doesn't realize it. And I appreciate your support," he replied.

"I know you do Sully," she spoke gently.

"Well if I didn't have your support, I don't know if I could continue ta take care of her and the girls. You've really been a shining star in this darkness, and I love ya for it," he returned with a smile.

She smiled back a little, feeling slightly better just hearing his kind words.

"Did ya get her to get up?" he inquired softly.

"Possibly. I told her I would check on her in an hour," she answered.

"Alright then. Let's go downstairs and order something to eat."

She nodded and he stood quickly, then offered her his hand and pulled her to her feet. Then, both walked sorrowfully down the carpeted staircase trying to keep their eyes from drifting to the portraits on the wall. Portraits of a happiness that was lost…

As the wooden door clicked shut, the pains of guilt ran through every fiber of her being. She knew it devastated Rebecca and Sully to see her like this. Becca was right this is probably tearing the girls to shreds… Why can't I stop this? Why can't I just accept this like Sully has and move forward? The truth was she knew deep down why she couldn't accept it. You simply can't accept that life isn't a fairytale anymore… she thought to herself. She then buried her mind in memories of a time when life was perfect. He had said they would be that happy forever… But he was wrong…

October 18th, 2013

He gently set the cardboard container and the paper sacks down in the doorway, and swiftly stepped into the empty room. He watched as her hand delicately held the paintbrush, effortlessly adding detail to the tail of the majestic baby unicorn.

"My God…" he whispered softly.

She turned around slightly, gently looking over her left shoulder to see him standing before her. She smiled at him sweetly as he continued to stare at her in awe.

"I can't decide what's more beautiful. This exquisite mural or the woman paintin' it," he said with a warm smile.

"Do you like this one as much as Hannah's?" she asked furrowing her brow slightly as she took a step back to look at it.

"That's such a tough question…" he replied looking from the tiny castle on the horizon to the princess gently caressing the baby unicorn.

"It's absolutely stunning, and it completely takes my breath away. Do I like it as much as Hannah's though… I don't really know. I may like it more. I think the jury is out to lunch on that one."

She flashed him a wide grin, as she set her paintbrush down gently and rushed to his side.

"Whoa, hang on," he said with a laugh removing his jacket and tossing it out into the hall.

"Now can I pull you into my arms?" she said with a sweet grin.

"Ya better," he teased as she wrapped her arms tightly around him.

"Sorry, didn't want ya ta get paint on my jacket," he explained.

"I don't blame you, I am covered in it here," she answered looking up into his sparkling eyes.

"Should Hannah be paintin' on this nice carpet? I'm kinda worried she's not goin' ta keep that on the table," he expressed in concern as Hannah dipped her paintbrush back into the paint splattering it onto a white sheet of paper.

"It's color wonder paint," she said with a laugh.

"What?" he returned with a baffled look.

"It only shows up on that paper. And it doesn't stain rugs," she stated as she glanced over in Hannah's direction.

He nodded in understanding as he watched his sweet daughter dip the brush back into the white paint.

"Pretty soon we'll have two little ones paintin'," he said deep in thought.

"Hmmm. I don't think they'll be paining in that corner, though."

"And why's that?" he questioned.

"Because I wanted to put her crib over there," she explained.

"Looks like a perfect spot," he responded. "Oh, I got something great ta show you. Wait right here."

"Okay," she said with a small laugh as he took off down the hall.

He soon returned with his hands behind his back and a grin on his face.

"Do ya have paint on your hands?" he inquired.

"Yes," she said with a smile.

"Then, go wash them real fast and come back," he requested as he made his way into the room keeping his back facing the wall at all times. He didn't want to take a chance that she might see what was behind his back. That and he knew he couldn't let Hannah see it at all.

"Can I see it now?" she said upon returning into the room.

"Step into the hallway, stick out your hands, and close your eyes," he commanded.

"All right," she said softly before complying with all three of his requests.

He stepped into the hall and took one quick look in Hannah's direction to make sure she was still focused on painting. Then, he pulled the plush animal from behind his back and set it in her outstretched hands.

"Alright, you can open them now."

As soon as her eyes flashed open a wide smile crossed her face as she stared down at the soft unicorn animal with a hot pink horn and wings.

"Oh, it's perfect!" she exclaimed with tears shining in her eyes.

"Yeah I know," he returned softly. "It looks just like the one ya painted for her."

"Where did you find it?" she whispered.

"Just stumbled upon it the other day. I've been lookin' for something like it for a while now. I saw it in a store window I walked past on my lunch break," he explained.

"She'll love it!" she shouted in happiness before wrapping her arms around him and planting a sweet kiss on his lips.

"Careful!" he cautioned. "Don't let Hannah see or this will end up as another one of her toys."

"Oh, you're right. I guess that was the reason for the relocation then?"

"Yep," he replied gently taking the unicorn from her hand. "I'm goin' ta go put this away. I'll be back in about two minutes. I brought the food up here, but we can eat in the kitchen if you want to. It doesn't matter to me."

"Let's eat up here," she grinned.

"Okay," he answered before making his way down the hall.

She gently spread out one of the old sheets she had been using as a painting tarp, although this one didn't have paint on it yet. Taking Hannah by the hand, she led her into the bathroom and washed the transparent paint from her tiny hands. Then, both girls took a seat on the sheet, and she quickly prepared Hannah's dinner for her. Sully soon returned and couldn't help but smile at the sight before him.

"Playin' picnic, huh?" he said affectionately.

"Why not?" she returned as he took a seat next to her.

He smiled over at her as she chewed on the bright red straw in her Styrofoam cup.

"What?" she returned softly as he continued to stare at her. "Do I have something on my face?"

"No," he said with a laugh. "I just think it's cute that you still chew on the straw to your shake that's all."

Her face turned slightly red as she looked down dipping another fry in ketchup.

"I'm serious though. I really do think it's sweet," he said as he placed his hand delicately onto hers.

"You can always make me smile, you know that?" she said as she nudged him playfully.

"I can always make ya blush, too," he responded with a sly grin.

"Yes, that too," she agreed as he moved closer beside her, wrapping his arm around her gently.

"I hope we are always this happy," she said softly looking around the empty room that would one day belong to the daughter inside of her.

"There's no reason that we won't be," he said planting a soft kiss on her lips.

September 16th, 2017

"Daddy?" Hannah asked softly as she strung another bead onto her necklace.

"Yeah, sweetheart?" he returned as he brought over another plastic tub of beads and set it on the kitchen table.

"Can I ask you something?" she wondered setting her necklace gently onto the table.

"Anything. You know that," he said with a smile as he took a seat next to her.

"Why doesn't Mommy want to do things with us anymore? Why does she spend so much time in bed?" she questioned with sadness in her blue eyes.

"Oh, honey…" he began as he pulled her onto his lap.

He looked across the table to see Katie slightly glimpse up from her necklace, clearly listening to the conversation as well. He knew he finally had to discuss this situation with them. The time had finally come when he couldn't put this on the backburner for any longer. It broke his heart to hear his daughter ask why her mother didn't want to spend time with her anymore.

"Hannah, your Mommy loves both you and Katie more than anything else in the world. She's just goin' through a really hard time right now. Even grownups sometimes have bad days," he said gently.

"Mommy has had a lot of bad days then," Katie chimed in still stringing the brightly colored beads onto the leather string.

"I feel sorry for her…" Hannah admitted sadly.

"Girls, I promise ya, she will get better. You're right, she has had a lot of bad days. That means she should have some good ones comin' her way. I just want ya both ta know that your Mommy loves you so very much, and there's nothin' she enjoys more then spendin' time with the two of you."

"Is that why she cries a lot now? Because she's been having bad days?" Hannah wondered aloud.

"Yeah. It's just like when you have a bad day at school, and ya need to come home and cry 'cause it helps ya get over your sadness," he tried to explain.

"Mommy always holds me when I cry. Maybe we should hold her…" Hannah ventured.

"I think she would like it if ya hugged her a lot when she's cryin'. That's a good idea Hannah. Just tell her you love her. Doesn't that make you feel better when we tell ya that we love you no matter what?"

"Yeah, it does…" Hannah returned deep in thought.

"Well tell her you love her and pray for her. God can help send some good days her way," he encouraged.

"Okay, Daddy," Katie returned still preoccupied with the colorful beads spilled across the table's surface.

Hannah looked up into Sully's blue eyes and smiled.

"That's a good idea Daddy. I'll pray for her. And I think you should hold her. She always smiles real big when you hug her," she returned thinking of how happy her parents had always been together.

"Okay, baby. I'll hold her. But she doesn't love my hugs any more than yours," he said as he placed a kiss on her cheek and set her down in the chair next to his.

Hannah smiled in return and quickly went back to stringing beads onto her necklace. He thought this conversation had gone fairly well. He only hoped that it was enough to explain Michaela's deep state of depression, and that he didn't have to divulge anything further. He knew that only time would give him this answer, but more importantly Michaela's progress was the ultimate answer. If she began to improve the girls probably wouldn't question it any further. On the other hand if she stayed this way or became worse, he knew a whole other set of questions would be headed his way. However, today his words had been enough, and for that he was immensely grateful.

September 18th, 2017

He reluctantly stepped inside the dark room he had almost begun to hate. The place that had once been a sanctuary was now almost like a prison... A prison holding the love of his life captive. He tried to save her… he was still trying. He hoped that she would grab onto this lifeline he was planning to throw her. If she refused, he simply didn't know what in the world he would do. Rebecca insisted this wasn't an option, explaining that under no uncertain terms that Michaela would accept this lifeline. He only hoped she would surrender and consent to it willingly. Through he didn't hurt like she did, this terrible ordeal had left a wound in his heart as well. He didn't have the strength to truly fight her on this. Please God just let her agree… let her come with me today, he pleaded.

"Michaela," he said softly as he sat down beside her placing his hand gently onto her shoulder.

"Hmm?" she responded.

"Michaela, I need ya ta come with me somewhere, okay?" he asked sweetly.

She merely shook her head 'no', and attempted to pull the blanket up to further conceal her face.

"Honey, please. I really need ya to do this for me. I know this is incredibly hard for you, so let me help ya," he returned, gently pulling the blanket back slightly to once again reveal her face.

"Please look at me sweetheart," he requested as he wiped a tear from her face. "I need ya to come with me somewhere. This is really important."

"Where?" she finally returned in a whisper.

"Can I please just tell ya when we get there?" he asked.

"No, tell me now," she replied.

He swallowed hard completely unsure of how much he should say to her. He didn't want to lie, not after the way he felt on the other side of a deep untruth. That and he would never lie to her; he simply didn't believe in it. But if he told her the truth, there was no question in his mind that she would fight this… She had said countless times that she didn't want to talk to absolutely anyone about this. How in the world would he convince her to talk to a total stranger about it?

"I want ya to come talk ta someone with me," he answered honestly.

"Who?" she inquired softly.

"Someone who wants ta help ya as much as I do."

"I don't want to talk," she muttered turning away from him once again.

"I promise ya don't have ta talk if you don't want to. Just please come with me, okay? I really think this will help ya. I can't imagine the kind of pain that you are feelin' right now. I just want ta help you, sweetheart. Please let me," he pleaded.

"I don't know," she mumbled clearly unconvinced.

"Baby, look at me," he said lifting her chin slightly.

"I promise I will help ya make it there. I won't leave your side unless ya say it's alright. Will you do this for me? I'm beggin' you here," he said gently as he stroked her cheek tenderly.

"I guess…" she stuttered softly after moments of silence.

That was all the compliance he needed. He sprang from the bed, grabbing her a pair of tennis shoes and a jacket from the closet. He wanted to act as quickly as possible, knowing she could change her mind at any moment. As soon as he arrived at her side, she slowly sat up and crawled towards the edge of the bed. After lacing her shoes and slipping on the jacket, she turned towards him looking directly into his deep blue eyes.

"Please don't make me go," she said softly.

Hearing her desperate plea broke his heart into tiny shards. He pulled her in close wrapping his arms around her tightly.

"It's okay. I know it's hard, I really do. But ya don't want ta feel this way anymore do you? It must be awful. Ya can't feel better if ya don't let someone help you," he encouraged.

She nodded in response, and he gently stood with her still in his arms. He led her down the hall and into the living room where Rebecca sat waiting to help if needed. As soon as she saw the distraught look on her sister's face, she couldn't contain her own tears. It was the look of utter agony and despair. She honestly couldn't remember a time when she have ever seen Michaela look that helpless and out of control. Not to mention she had never seen her with such a disheveled appearance. Her sister had always been perfectly put together so to speak. Even as a Kindergartener the bow in her hair down to her shiny saddle shoes had always been perfect. Now here she stood in jeans with holes in the knees, a t-shirt, no makeup, and hair falling out of a loose elastic band that was failing miserably at holding her hair back.

"Oh, honey," she said softly as she pulled her in for a hug. "I love you so very much."

"I love you too," she whispered in return.

"Can you drive?" he asked Rebecca knowing he wanted to sit in the back with Michaela.

"Sure," she answered before they made their way towards the front door.

"I was thinkin' we would take my car since it's got the built-in GPS," he explained.

"Sure, that's fine," she quickly answered.

"Can ya drive a stick? I guess I should have asked that earlier."

"Yeah, I can," she said with a small smile.

He retrieved the keys from his pocket and tossed them to Rebecca. Then, he climbed into the backseat of the car with Michaela. He gently buckled her seatbelt, and she leaned up against him as he wrapped his arm around her. After softly brushing a strand of her hair back from her face he whispered, "I promise this will help you."

"I hope you're right. I just want to be happy again," she returned softly.

"Shhh you will be. This won't last forever," he assured her. "Just close your eyes, and I'll let ya know when we're there."

As she began to relax somewhat in his arms, he began to calm down slightly as well. One of the biggest obstacles in his way had been how in the world he was going to get her to come with him. Thankfully, she hadn't put up much of a fight as Rebecca had predicted. Now he had to convince her to talk once they were there. He was deeply afraid she would put up that infamous brick wall once again, and simply refuse to discuss it as she had with him so many weeks ago. He prayed with everything he had that she didn't take that approach. Because if she did he had no idea how he was going to save her from the deep hole she was slowly falling deeper and deeper into with each passing moment.