Disclaimer: Still no success.
A/N: Once again, I'd like to thank everyone for your amazing response to this story! I never expected it to grow like this; it was originally supposed to be four chapters long, but with the response and the requests, it has grown to this!
The next few chapters are going to be dedicated to some consistent reviewers whose support and encouragement in this piece and in work I've done previously, has had no measure.
This chapter is dedicated to bkc04, rangergirl1234, Sarai, daxandpat and daffybduck. Thank you all for the amazing support!
Enjoy!
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Stephanie
I think you're pregnant.
Mary Lou's words hung in the air between us, the glow of excitement in her face dimming as she realized my reaction wasn't mirrored in hers. My face drained of whatever color it had left and my stomach was flipping again, although this time it was for painfully different reasons.
"Honey, you have to breathe," her distant voice reached my ear and I started when I recognized my brain screaming for air. I took in a great gulp of air, the noise around me suddenly returning in full force, taking the place of the deafening silence that pressed upon me seconds before.
Once my breathing was more or less regulated, Mary Lou left to fetch me some water. I staggered into the bedroom and sat on the edge of our bed, bringing my knees to my chest as I did so.
Pregnant.
I might be having a baby.
"I might be having a baby," I mouthed to myself, trying the feel of the words on my tongue. It felt surreal, but at the same time a bolt zapped through me. "A mom. I might be a mom."
"What was that, sweetie?" Lou asked gently, coming back into the room.
"How am I going to do this?" I asked her instead, feeling the beginnings of panic grip me in a fiery embrace. "How am I going to handle it if I am?"
"Calm down, Steph," she counselled me sternly, grabbing my forearms to keep me grounded as I took in greedy breaths of air. "You're going to be okay."
"No I'm not!" I bit my lip in fear. "What if I can't do this?"
"You can, Steph!" she stressed. "Look at how you are with your nieces, and how you were with Julie at the wedding? Hell, look at the way you are with my boys! They adore you, and sometimes I swear you're the only one they would behave with!"
"It's different being a mom and being an aunt, Lou!" I ran a distressed hand through my already wild curls. "And I can't be a mom! Not alone!"
"Wait, what?" Lou interjected, looking confused. "Why in the hell would you think you'd be doing it alone?"
"Carlos would never be okay with this!" I wailed, my tears winning the battle and cascading down my cheeks. "Oh, God!" My hand flew to my mouth and I felt like I was going to be sick again. "What if he thinks I did this on purpose? What if he thinks I'm trying to trap him?"
"Stephanie!" Mary Lou's voice rang out sharply and it stunned me into silence. "Listen to me. Carlos is not going to feel that way. Even if he does, that does not mean you're going to do this alone. If he does, which I doubt, he can go all the way to hell in a hand-basket for all the damn I give. You have me, Steph. You have me, and your family, and the guys here at Rangeman and Eddie, and Carl, and Big Dog; hell, you even have Joe! He'll always be your friend, even if he's with Karen now. You have so many people who would never let you down, and I believe Carlos is one of those people. Above all else, Steph, you're about the strongest woman I know. You face everything with the courage of a lion, you've stared down the barrel of a gun without flinching. You've stared Death in the face and Death blinked first. You're more than you know, and that's how I know that you're more than capable to do this on your own. You won't have to, but you could."
I listened to her with growing calm. Her reasoning pierced through the fog of my panic and resonated deep within me. I had a support structure that was a force to be reckoned with. I was a force to be reckoned with. I may have never believed as much in the past, but in these few months with Carlos, I've grown. I've taken up fighting with the guys and could even take down Lester, Tank and Bobby a few times now. I carried my gun everywhere and rarely, if ever missed a target, moving or otherwise. I could protect my family. I was more responsible, and had a paycheck I could support my child with. I had people to help me. I had friends and I had family. I could get through without Carlos, if he didn't want this. I didn't want to, but I could.
"I'll make the appointment," I whispered. Mary Lou nodded encouragingly at me. "I know you've got Parent's Day tomorrow Lou, so I'll call you with the results."
"I can try to skip out for an hour," she offered. "Lenny will be there too."
"Don't," I shook my head, almost smiling at the irony of what I would be doing if I had said yes. Already taking my friend from her family to help me. "I'll call Gazzara."
"Ok, Steph," she nodded, pulling me into a hug. She whispered comfortingly, "It's going to be okay. It's all going to work out fine."
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"Cutting off circulation there, Steph," Eddie's lightly teasing voice penetrated my thoughts. With a jolt I realized that he was gesturing to our intertwined hands, when his was steadily losing blood flow from my tight grip. I immediately relinquished my hold on him and he laughed, hugging me for a second. I breathed in deeply, wishing for a second that I'd had the courage to tell Carlos so that he'd have been here…if he'd have been here. I was up the whole of last night, sitting quietly in his arms, relishing in the contact. Who knew if I would still have him after today?
"I'm sorry," I mumbled absently, so unlike my normal fiery personality that even Gazzara sighed and pulled me in closer.
"Steph, honey, you're my best friend in this whole town," he told me gently. "We've known each other since as far back as I can remember. You've always been there for me, and have I ever let you down?"
The lump of tears lodged in my throat kept me from answering, so I settled with a miserable shake of my head.
"I will never let you down," he reiterated. "I will never leave you alone. I love you, Steph, and I'm going to be there for you whatever happens. If you're pregnant, we'll figure this out, okay? If Ranger is too much of a retarded dick to appreciate this, to appreciate you, then he can shove it up his." Eddie's voice grew dark for a second, a far cry from his normal, playfully light tone. "I swear to God I'm going to kick his ass if he hurts you," he vowed.
"Thanks Eddie," I sniffled, trying for a smile. Gazzara always had that Big Brother thing going on with me, and this time, I was glad of it.
"Mrs Manoso?" the doctor regarded me with a big grin. "It seems that you're going to be having a baby."
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I cried all the way back home to Rangeman. Every worst possible scenario played out behind my closed lids, and I wondered what was going to happen once I told Carlos. I made my way shakily to the elevator and stepped in, pressing the button that would take me to five. I turned and caught sight of myself in the mirror…
…and stopped abruptly.
Almost forgetting to breathe again, I jammed my hand hard against the emergency stop button on the elevator panel. I dug my fob out quickly and scrambled the cameras before turning to look at myself in the mirror again.
I looked…the same. But different. Whether I had realized it or not, my eyes were reflecting more than my fear and uncertainty. Now, it held a small glow of happiness that steadily brightened, morphing into a love I only saw before when I thought of Carlos.
I pressed one shaking hand to my still-flat belly, feeling a buzz spread over my body. I felt like I was trapped in Jell-O and the world around me was ceasing to exist. I watched, feeling almost out of my own body, as my arms wrapped protectively across my stomach, almost of their own accord. A fierce burst of love consumed me, and it felt like it was burning me from the inside out.
"I'm going to be a mom," I whispered to myself. "I'm going to be a mom." My breathing hitched as I looked at myself. I had a little baby growing inside me. I had a part of me, and a part of Carlos, inside me. I gulped hard, feeling the overwhelming love in me push me to breaking point. Was it possible for me to love someone so much, after knowing of their existence for all of 90 minutes?
I knew with a sudden burst of clarity, that it was. I also knew, without a single shadow of a doubt, that I would never let any harm come to this beautiful piece of perfection. I would protect this baby from everyone and everything. Including Carlos, if the need presented itself.
The terror in my eyes ebbed slowly away, replaced with a blazing determination to face everything the world could throw at me. I could do it. For my baby- my child- I would. I could.
My courage a manageable ball of flame in my chest, I unscrambled the monitors and restarted the elevator. Getting off on five, I ignored the men's concerned reactions to my bloodshot eyes and raw cheeks.
"I need to speak with Ranger," I told Ram, the closest to me at the moment.
"He's in the gym, Bombshell," he answered promptly. "What happened? Are you okay, honey?" he brushed a soothing hand down my arm.
"I'm okay," I gave him a wobbly smile, realizing that yes; I was fine. "Please tell him when he's done, that I'm waiting for him in his office."
I didn't wait for the nod of affirmation before heading to Carlos' office. I sat in his chair, feeling comfortable in my resolve.
He burst into the office just minutes later, and took stock of my tell-tale face.
"Carlos," I whispered, feeling emotion flood me. He was next to me in the next instant, positioning us so I was sitting on his lap. I buried my face in his neck, praying this would not be the last time for us, but fearing that it might be. I couldn't help the tears that built in my eyes; I would not falter from my tenacity, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to be destroyed if he chose the way I was praying he wouldn't.
"What happened, Babe?" he asked tenderly. "Tell me, Querida. Please talk to me. Let me see those beautiful eyes."
Heeding to the desperation in his voice, I brought my face up to meet his eyes. He saw something there, I could never be sure what, but whatever it was had him whispering my name, an utterance that had a question, a plea and a promise all in one.
"Babe?"
"We're having a baby," I told him steadily. "I'm pregnant, Carlos."
I waited, still in his lap, to see his reaction. A dozen emotions flitted across his face, before he settled on a weird mix of relieved and awed.
"So nothing is wrong with you?" he blurted before coloring in the cutest blush I had ever witnessed. "Aside from being, you know, pregnant."
A small smile lifted the corners of my mouth as hope blossomed in my chest. "Nothing is wrong with me," I confirmed softly. He crushed his lips to mine in a hungry kiss.
"You scared the crap out of me, Babe," he confessed roughly when he pulled away. "I thought you were sick."
"I'm not."
"You're…pregnant?" he repeated, looking as though he too, was trying the words out on his mouth.
"Yes," I answered patiently, uncharacteristically nervous to see what he might say or do.
I thought the love, happiness and hope would crush my heart when he sent a blinding, 1000 watt smile my way, capturing my lips again in a devouring kiss that, in all its feel of a starving man, was still so tender and reverent it almost made the tears already in my eyes, fall.
Without saying a single word to me, he placed his hand over mine, which I hadn't even realized was wrapped around my belly again. He pressed a delicate kiss to our hands, and then to the top of my stomach.
And so, four simply uttered words changed my life forever.
"Te amo, Mi hijo."
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