Since I've began to write on a new fanfiction from Alice's point of view I thought it would be nice to make a connection between the two stories and here is the result. I'm surprised to see that I've reached chapter 14 and I still have some ideas to write down.
The next chapter is the chapter that I've been waiting for since I began to write the whole story and I think it will take me even more time to write it. I just wish to be able to put into words what I see in my mind.
Chapter 14: Memories of April sun
All the time we walked through the ferns I kept my arm around Alice's waist. I was afraid that she'd fall if I removed it. She looked so fragile and helpless and I had to be the though one. I had to be the one who would pull us out from that suffocating anxiety.
I wanted to comfort her, but I was running out of words and I was almost afraid to speak. It seemed that the silence surrounding us was a protective shield to our mind. I tightened my grip on her waist, holding her closer to me and she lifted her eyes to find mine. As I met her stare I found peace. I could sense that we remained alone in the woods, just me and her like we used to.
"They went to the cars," she whispered and I nodded to indicate her that I knew it already. She tried to smile, but all she could do was twist her face into a painful grimace. I sighed, infuriated for what I'd succeeded in doing to her once more and I carried her to the nearest stump of a tree, sitting with her in my lap.
I froze with her in my arms, incapable of comforting her as I wished I could. Her eyes were closed and the pain was smoldering on her face while a frown of despondency kept her brows tied together. My fingers made their way to her frown, trying to smooth her features, but she remained still like a statue as she made her best to see more. Somewhere inside me I was hoping for her to see anything that could put me out of my misery, but for once in my wretched existence I had to truly think of her first.
Still, for a moment I couldn't resist but let my own anguish eat me up, devour my heart and soul, with my eyes fixed upon Alice's face. She kept her eyes shut under my unfocused scrutiny, but she was watching every twist of my features in her head. And she was painfully blaming herself. I'd tried to convince myself that Bella was going to be fine and that Jacob will take care of her before I forced myself to speak with Alice.
A soft sigh escaped my lips and she shuddered in my lap, not opening her eyes yet. I frowned at that, but when I spoke, the words came more delicate than I expected and I was glad for that.
"Alice, please, open your eyes," I managed to whisper and timidly her eyes shimmered open. It killed me to see the pain reflected in them, pain that I'd inflicted. "Please, stop thinking and feeling like that," I begged and again she looked puzzled. Was I such a terrible brother who had never understood her that she was looking at me like that? All her unexplained amusement from early on when she'd had for the first time the vision was buried and forgotten.
"I don't understand you," she muttered the words, breaking twice. "I have more and more holes in my visions. They end exactly when I need to see more. I miss things that I shouldn't. I hurt you when I just want to make it easier for you. I'm a total mess," she finished sobbing uncontrollably in my arms, shaking me with her.
"Stop, Alice, stop," I begged again. I couldn't deal with her like that. Now it was my turn to make it better for her and I had no clue of what I should do or say and I decided that speaking with my heart was the best way to go. "I can't bear to see you like that," I moaned, sensing her body relax little by little. "Not when I know it's my fault. You've always helped me get through my life and I've never thanked you how I should have. I've never returned your many favors. Actually, what I've succeeded in doing is hurting you every time you tried to do something for me. That can't go on, Alice. I can't be a witness anymore to the happiness that's fading out from your eyes. I can't deal with that." I muttered the last words separately through my clenched teeth, but that didn't help me to hide my broken voice.
"That's not true," she burst, her eyes shocked and her mouth hanging open in surprise. I tried not to make this discussion about me, but it was all about me. It was all my fault, just like always.
"No, Alice. Let me say it. It's my fault that this family is suffering. I'm the one who forced you all leave your…our home. I'm guilty for the constant sadness in your eyes, Esme's eyes, Carlisle's eyes. How long has it passed since Emmett, Jasper and I had a good time?" I asked rhetorically, but she didn't care. She answered anyway.
"Less than two hours," she answered in an irritated voice.
"I'm the one who messed all up and despite everything, every one of you is still protecting me from suffering more," I continued, not paying attention to her interference. "For God's sake, how am I supposed to ever repay you for what you've done for me? I can be only grateful for your help, Alice. You've not only made my existence bearable, but you've inflicted in my life some kind of hope that I've never thought I'll have again. So don't tell me you're a mess or that you are hurting me. You should not apologize for anything to me and to anyone. I should be the one apologizing. You're the heart of this family, Alice. Without you, I'm not sure I would have made it here. Not sane, anyway."
She stood motionless for a second inspecting my features as I inspected hers and she looked like she was about to cry. With her I didn't need to be Jasper to understand her feelings. Every emotion was clearly imprinted upon her face and now the mixture of feelings I could read in her eyes was overwhelming. I could have drowned in her eyes and die a happy man. Her unconditional love for me it had never ceased to surprise me and its force was healing scars inside me that until now it had bled incessantly.
"Edward," she sighed my name, grabbing me in her arms and stifling me in her loving embrace. "I couldn't have made it without you either," she whispered in my ear.
I let myself enjoy fully the exquisite sensation of having her in my arms, forgetting about everything else or almost about everything. Because it didn't matter what I was doing. Bella was always there in my heart, in my mind, in the centre of my existence. And Alice was right beside her.
"Can you do me one more favor," I finally asked in a casual voice, though I needn't have said it out loud because she already knew, but I had the necessity of making it clear. "Could you promise me that you'll never hurt yourself over me? That you'll never suffer because of me?" She moaned and loosened her grip on me, withdrawing her head so as to lock her eyes with mine. I couldn't believe how dominant that stare could be and I almost needed to close my eyes, but somehow she forced me to keep them open.
"You know I can't do that," she barely murmured, closing her eyes and letting mine to close too.
"You have to," I implored her, squeezing painfully my eyes, but she didn't say a word. "Please, Alice," I asked again and again no word from her. I opened my eyes to make sure that she was still in my arms. And she was…standing like a thoughtful fairy with her arms crossed in her lap.
"Do you have in mind the first time we've met? It was spring, remember?" she suddenly asked, keeping her eyes shut which gave her an even more innocent air.
"Yeah," I barely whispered, confused at the way our discussion was developing. She opened her eyes, studying for an instant my face then she gave me a natural smile, the smile she'd had on her face the first time I saw her. I responded with a smile too, not being sure if it was the kind of smile I wanted to have in that moment. She closed again her eyes, leaning her head upon my chest with her ear pressed on the place my heart once beat.
Of course, I had in mind that day. Maybe then it had been the true beginning of my existence. And thinking about it I realized that I'd expected it for months before it happened.
The dawn was breaking to my utter relief and a light was shining in the distance of my eternity. I kept my eyes out the window on the forest surrounding the house as I'd done the whole night. Motionless, lifeless, useless, I was lying on my couch without any desire to lift up from there. I run through my mind to find something to cling to so I can keep my mind busy, but it was hopeless even to try. I was tired and bored to death by my very existence and that was going to be just the beginning of my journey in the cold darkness of life. I was living through a moonless night.
Like an old man I managed to rise to my feet and jump from my window exactly in front of the back door. I was surprised to see that I've been burrowing more and more habits from Emmett since he came in our lives. And most of them were not so civilized to be honest. As I made my way to the living room, Emmett was descending the stairs with a huge grin on his face, which left dimples on his cheeks, joining the rest of the family. I nodded in their direction and I took my usual sit, on the piano bench.
Playing Esme's favorite song, I was stepping into a new day of monotonous hours and seconds with my mind worn-out of so many trivial thoughts. I let my fingers touch the keys as my eyes found Esme's fascinated face and I couldn't suppress the smile on my face, like I couldn't suppress the strange feeling that was whirling inside me. I used to be dead inside ever since I've been turned, but now something was different. Like a point of light was rising for me. Like something essential was going to happen.
I couldn't help but feel anxious by the second like I was reacting to a weird kind of premonition, a premonition that only my body had knowledge of it. The song was flowing and no one beside Carlisle noticed my increasing hesitations. When I considered I'd had enough of playing for the morning I turned to my audience composed of Esme and smiled at her.
"You're mesmerizing, Edward," she declared breathless and I would have blushed if that had been possible.
"Thank you," I muttered hugging her.
"So the concert is over," Emmett said in a false tone of disappointment and I rolled my eyes at his poor attempt to appear sad because of that. "Dude, why are you not composing something for me," he suddenly exploded, almost making Esme jump. He looked at me like an excited kid with an expression that would have fooled everyone that he really wanted a song for himself. I arched an eyebrow in disbelief, as Carlisle, Esme and Rose chuckled silently, and he twisted his lower lip like a cry-baby, that being the drop that filled the glass. I burst into laughter and the whole house was echoing around me.
"You don't represent a source of inspiration for my music," I replied between laughs.
"You're wounding my soul," he moaned leaning his head on Rose's breast, who patted him gently on his shoulder.
"Don't cry my lover," she soothed him jokingly.
"I see you're consoling yourself very good, though," I trailed off, my breath being taken away by a new round of laughter.
I teased him for a while longer as he teased me back and I prepared my mind to take over the day which of course I couldn't expect to be different from the others, but that feeling that didn't want to disappear from my heart was warning me of something I couldn't distinguish. I rolled my eyes in exasperation when I thought no one could see me and I jumped to my feet in time to avoid to get pissed off of something without importance.
"I should hunt," I muttered, smoothing down my white button down shirt.
"Who," Emmett asked surprised and the words flew out from my mouth without being able to stop them.
"You," I said, smirking stupidly.
"Do I sense some kind of challenge," he inquired skeptically. "Are you trying to offer yourself as my toy for the day and you are too shy to say it aloud," he spoke the words like a tornado was behind him and was threateningly close to break out into his usual booming laughter. I frowned, slowly shaking my head, like I was trying to say "I don't know what you're talking about," and he watched me for one more second then erupted like the primitive he was into a deafening laughter.
"Like you could make me your toy," I sneered closing my eyes. He knew that I could perfectly wait for him with my eyes shut and I would still know what he was about to do. That it had always exasperate him and it was one of my favorite past times to annoy him.
He moved slowly by my side putting his right hand on my shoulder as I opened my eyes chuckling. I looked into his eyes, feeling the grin on my face spread wider and when he couldn't manage to see my face anymore he distorted his features in a funny grimace, making me laugh again.
"So," he began in a serious voice, not helping me to stop laughing. "What do you want to bet that I'll beat your ass this time?" I looked at him for a moment, calculating my possibilities, then I answered.
"You dress like a woman for a week and you show your astounding beauty in public," I finished laughing uncontrollably just at the thought of him wearing a skirt and the others laughed along with me.
"OK," he muttered slightly discontented with my choice. "But if I win, my brother, and I will, you'll dress like a girl for the whole month," he exaggerated like always and I nodded confidently. We shook hands, then he turned us both back to face our family, stating with gravity:
"My dear, family, my brother and I are a little busy at the moment. We have to hunt. So we'll see you in a few," he finished wrenching me after him.
I followed him out of the door without putting resistance and as soon as we were outside I jumped on his back, almost knocking him to the ground. I needed just that split second of him losing his balance to outrun him. He hissed behind me some words of my origins, which only succeeded in making me chuckle. If I was getting on his nerves from now, I was on the right track. I laughed wholeheartedly running faster and making his game. I didn't want to win our little competition for glory's sake as much as I wanted to win it to have the chance to see his face afterwards. Just the thought made me burst into laughter and the entire forest laughed along with me.
In less than ten minutes, after avoiding Emmett's every attempt to jump at my throat and letting him wrestle alone, I was rolling on the ground of laughter and he was staring disgusted at me. I'd never said I would be fair. Not that I could, anyway. My extra-hearing resulted to be in my advantage for once and he was fuming with rage that I'd beaten him once again.
"Dude, I can't help it," I muttered between laughs.
"You're a moron cheater," he cried heatedly. "You wouldn't even be able to move one thread of my hair if you didn't hear what goes through my mind."
"Your fur," I corrected him and he snarled slyly at me preparing to jump again in my direction, but I evaded his strong arms exactly in the second he crushed to the ground.
"Oh, don't get mad," I said sarcastically as I lifted into a straight position and immediately he was on my heels, but to his increasing fury I was always a step ahead of him.
"Seriously now, do you honestly believe you'll catch me," I asked, my voice colored in disbelief. "You know I'm faster than you are." Of course, it wouldn't have had any effect if I hadn't put the due emphasis on the last words. He couldn't stand that someone could be better than him, no matter in what aspect.
I kept on running and enjoying the day. I'd almost forgotten about my strange feeling from early on. It shocked me, froze me in place when I got in hearing's range and I could take notice of Carlisle disrupted thoughts. I chocked for air as I moved to the next member of my family, focusing on Esme's thoughts. She was terrified, but not for herself. She was frightened that our family could be destroyed. In that second I observed the new figures in their minds. Someone was there, someone unknown…
"Vampires," I whispered in the second Emmett threw me to the ground.
"Gotcha," he yelled with satisfaction. I didn't pay attention to him. I rose to my feet without even turning my head to him. I could feel the anxiety boiling inside me and I could feel that I was unable to do anything. "What the he…" he trailed off when he caught a glimpse of my dead face. He knew me well enough to realize that the sudden unease on my face was not the result of our game. It was something much more serious. "What's going on," he asked, taking a tense position beside me.
"We have visitors," I answered. "Vampires. We have to come back now."
I didn't have time to finish my sentence that he darted toward the house, forcing himself to run faster than ever. All he though about was Rose and all I could think of was my family. I run at full speed, but the air seemed to suffocate me, to hinder me from reaching my destination.
I chuckled silently as I remembered my stupid overreaction and I run my fingers through my hair to clutch on to the present day and my purpose of being here in the forest with Alice.
"And do you have any idea what that day represents to me," she finally asked, breaking the silence of my meditation. I lifted her chin to find her eyes, but she didn't say anything more. She just remembered and then I let myself drown in her memory.
"It was April," she pointed out in her mind. Seeing that day through her thoughts it seemed that I'd never lived it. It was so much beautiful. I'd never imagined how many things I missed before I met Bella. Those days I couldn't appreciate a sunny spring morning or a sunset, I couldn't smell the flowers or hear the birds' songs.
My existence had been so meaningless that everything around me lost its value. Until I met Alice. She was the first to show me that there was more than blood and doom. She showed me that there was love out there. Even for me. She kept me alive all those years to prove me that I was capable of love.
Everything was green around them as they drew near Forks. Watching like a spectator their approach they seemed to be dancing. The chemistry between them was stunning, like a heart split in two. One without the other would have been senseless.
Alice, dressed in a short sleeve summer dress, walked along Jasper holding hands and always watching his face. The adoration in their eyes was from another world. It couldn't exist on this world, but still it did. He moved so easily around her, but yet the movement seemed to be unwilling, like he was dragged in Forks.
Later I understood this little mystery. He wasn't sure about our way of living or if he could survive without drinking human blood. He was apprehensive toward us, but he was ready to do anything that Alice wanted. And Alice wanted us. Out of all the vampires in the world she'd seen her life with us and she didn't think twice. She had immediately set out to look for us.
With every step they took they got closer to our home. It seemed strange and stupid that once we've feared that they may represent a danger for us. It looked so normal their arrival now. Like someone waited for too long.
"They will accept us," she whispered to him lovingly. I couldn't imagine Jasper startled by anything except Alice's voice. Every time she spoke a thrill rushed through his whole body, feeling the desperate need to have her in his arms. Just like I did with Bella. Just like Em did with Rose. And after all this time all of us felt the same.
He leaned his head to kiss her lightly on her lips, but didn't answer. He was totally focused on reading our emotions, the emotions of their new family. Years of craving and hatred were like a scar on his face, twisting his features in pain. Only Alice's love could erase that and he was deadly in love with her. He walked along her like a blind man guided by an angel of light. He trusted her completely.
The house that seemed to be deserted stood out in front of them and Alice lifted on her tiptoes kissing Jasper once more.
"You have no idea how much I love you," she murmured softly making him chuckle.
"I can feel all your love. That's why I am here. That's why I don't feel like a monster anymore."
She gave him a tender smile than guided him toward the house.
"Let's go. Edward and Emmett will be back soon."
I couldn't stop myself from laughing. After all those years it still seemed unbelievable how she'd known all of us before we even met.
She danced cheerfully by his side trying to loosen his aura, but I could tell she hadn't succeeded in doing so. By the time they reached the door everyone had felt them coming but not even vampire ears could distinguish movements in the house. Jasper arched an eyebrow like he was asking Alice "Don't you think it's better to knock?" and she rolled her eyes keeping their hands grasped together as she made their entrance.
Despite the enormous love I had for Alice I was compelled to admit that she didn't look so sane by bursting into people's homes and greeting them all by their names. Of course, she'd know all this, but she couldn't care less.
In all her glory she'd sprang into Esme's arms, who froze in astonishment, before Carlisle even got up from his chair, like she was meeting her mother after a long time of separation.
"Esme," she chimed gracefully. "Carlisle…Rose. We're glad we've found you. We'll be so happy together." Everyone looked in shock at them both, but Alice seemed to ignore their frightful expressions. "Mmm…Edward and Emmett will arrive in just three minutes," she gave them the last blow.
Carlisle was the first to come to his senses after those unforeseen events and took a defensive position in front of Esme and Rose, which hurt Alice's feelings. Even if she'd never told me, I could notice how her face fell and retreated two steps, joining Jasper's side for support. Maybe then, it had been the first time when she doubted that we'll accept them. Jasper frowned taking a step forward and looking Carlisle in the eyes.
"My name is Jasper Whitlock. She is my wife, Alice." His features soften as soon as he muttered Alice's name, but Carlisle didn't lose sight of him. I knew what had preoccupied him the most. Jasper was covered in battle scars and he seemed more than dangerous for our monotonous life. Besides, their unannounced arrival and the fact that they knew all of us were beyond doubt scary.
"What can we do for you since I see you know us very well," Carlisle spoke in a wary tone measuring every move around him. He wasn't the fighter type. He would have done everything possible to avoid fights, but his family was more important than anything else. If it was necessary he would protect it at the expense of his life.
"We're here for peaceful reasons. I can sense you are scared by our sudden appearance, which maybe wasn't the most appropriate of all," he said rolling his eyes at Alice, who stuck her tongue out at him, "but we're here to join your coven if it's possible."
"Family," Carlisle corrected surprised.
In that moment Emmett and I had landed by their sides, me in front of Esme, by Carlisle's right side, and Emmett in front of Rose wrapping her in his arms, still with his back at her. Everything happened at the blink of an eye. I've barely had time to straighten myself that Alice was in my arms whispering my name.
I remained still with my hands lifted by my side in a surrender gesture as she held me tight. I needed a second to remind myself that I could read her mind and solve the mystery. That was the first time I invaded her thoughts.
"I was so anxious to meet you. I've seen you first than everyone else and I've seen that we'll be a happy family. I love you already," she thought, then she remembered her visions.
Shock took over me as I watched her visions. All of us were together and enjoying ourselves. They were not a danger. They were the part of the family that had been absent for so long. My arms wrapped slowly around her waist and it felt like a normal gesture. Everyone gazed at us stunned, even Jasper.
She showed me exactly what I had to know. Who was she and who was Jasper. The fear of his scars vanished the moment I saw their first meeting, how Alice had expected him and how they'd fallen in love since the first touch. It was stupid to think that they wanted to harm us.
"You've read my thoughts," she inquired after a while, smiling and flying to Emmett's side to give him a loving hug. His eyes seemed to pop out of amazement.
"Who's that?" he laughed internally.
"I'm still reading your thoughts," I answered back chuckling.
"Good then," she uttered satisfied. "Then you know I'll stay in your room."
My mouth fell open and my eyebrows rose without my accord. She was most probably joking. My room was my room and no one else's.
"Well…it's called my room because it's mine to have," I told her like a stubborn child. "You can have the guest room."
"I don't like it. Yours has the best view."
It had been surprisingly easy to have her around me since the first day. All I'd needed was to read her mind and then I knew she was my sister and that I could never live without her. Since the first moment we've fallen involuntary in our silent conversations and since then Emmett have been pissed off at us.
"Could you enlighten us, the normal immortals, if you don't mind please," he asked, folding his arms on his chest in a bored gesture. I motioned for Alice and Jasper to take a sit and tell their story.
Alice gladly enlightened them, speaking like she was being chased by barbarians, informing them about her gift of seeing the future and her vision of us. From time to time Jasper would cut in adding some details that Alice had missed or clarifying some things about his past and his ability. All seemed so natural. The entire atmosphere had changed completely. We were grateful that they'd chosen to live with us, eager to continue our existences with them so Alice's last question stunned us all. It made no sense after all the discussions.
"So, we want to know if there is a chance for us to gain a place in your family? If we can stay with you?" her uncertainty was disarming.
"Of course," Esme whispered motherly. "You are already part of the family." Carlisle just nodded relieved that his assumptions had been wrong. "Now, let's go upstairs to take over Edward's room," Esme continued to my utter surprise. My head snapped up in disbelief.
"I can't believe it," I muttered as Rose and Emmett were dying of laughter. My attempt to look annoyed didn't move anyone, especially not Alice.
"You'll love me, anyway," she told me over her shoulder as she climbed the stairs along with Esme and Rose.
And she'd been right like always. I loved her more than my own life and I hated when she was beating herself up over me. I tried to understand why she remembered all those things only to recall that I'd asked her to promise me that she will never hurt herself over me and that she eluded the answer. I lifted her chin up to face me and she sighed resigned.
"That day represents the beginning of my life and since I've met you, I knew I loved you and that I'll always do. You can't even imagine how your eyes looked that day. So sincere and loving, but still hiding so much rage in their depths. I knew that all your hate can be healed. Just like Jasper's. I knew that by loving you, I will make you see the light at the end of the tunnel. So I vowed to myself that I'll always love and protect you. As strong and detached as you wanted to appear you couldn't fool me. In your core you were screaming for help and affection. You were weaker than a bird. And after all this time you finally found the light that had stayed away from your eyes for a century. I can't put it into words so you understand how immensely happy I am for you. Edward, this family is the reason I'm still living so don't tell me to not hurt myself over you. I'll always suffer when you do and I'll always try my best to make you happy. You can't change that."
What could I say to that? Nothing…nothing at all.
I embraced her tightly. Her bones would have turned to dust if she'd been human. I wasn't holding her anymore. Even if she was the one staying in my lap, she was holding me. Holding me in once piece like she'd always done. The wind was blowing in my face and I felt like it was whirling through my whole being, but I didn't move an inch.
"You've been right, Alice," I finally whispered. "I love you more than you can imagine."
"I think I have a pretty good idea," she whispered back. "Since I'm still living in your room." Her teasing clearly meant the end of our emotional moment. I chuckled quietly trying to get a grip of myself.
"So tiny and so annoying," I said under my breath, trying in my turn to lift the mood.
"And I have an eternity to annoy you," she smirked.
"Besides, she's perky too," I continued winking playfully at her and she tried to pinch my belly, which fortunately was too hard to feel anything.
It had passed less than ten minutes since we sat there holding each other, but it seemed an eternity of staying still. I rose to my feet putting her in a straight position and took her hand in mine. Jasper was without a doubt on thorns and it was time to put an end to his waiting.
We walked at a human pace, just holding hands and breathing in the moment, like nothing had ever happened, like we were returning from an enjoyable trip between brothers. The world died away as Bella's face appeared in front of my eyes. It was so clear like I could touch her if I reached out. A gasp escaped my lips in the exact moment when Alice's eyes went blank. I was dazzled by our synchronization, numbed by the vision in her head. For once, I didn't feel the need to keep from falling in the abyss of my pain. There was no use in hiding my pain now. For once, I wanted to drown in it, just to feel the sweetest ache of seeing Bella's face.
She stood motionless as Dr. Snow gave her an anesthetic and closed her cut with seven stitches, working patiently and carefully not to hurt her. I was so glued to her image and so grateful that after all she was alive that I hadn't noticed the presence of the intruder. I tried to impose to myself to see him otherwise than an intruder, but I couldn't change the way I felt. It was like a warning from my heart that alerted me of the danger he meant for me. I grew colder than I already was when I saw Bella's hand slid in his. He was holding her hand as she was bleeding and every part of that picture was normal. He was not fighting against every cell of his body not to jump at her throat and kill her. He was breathing her scent in without straining his whole body. He was there looking at her with loving eyes and Bella was returning that look. As soon as I grasped the information I felt all the pain filing up my body. A new kind of pain. Stronger. Sharper. Colder. Impossible to bear.
The vision in Alice's head came to an end or perhaps she'd stopped it intentionally, but the damage had been already done. I sighed the deepest sigh that had ever escaped from my chest. Now I knew the taste of disgrace. I knew and I felt in every bone of my body the flavor of ashes. I was defeated and my downfall was smiling at me with its ugliest smirk.
Alice eyed me with concern, but I couldn't force my lips into a smile to hide my pain. I was the captive of the most intolerable torture of all. The torture of really losing Bella. Everything I'd wanted for her, now it seemed to have become real. Maybe she'd finally found that someone perfect for her. That someone that will make her happy. And I was powerless, bound to let him live. The only option for me was to linger in the dark and watch her being happy together with that someone. And that someone was not me.
"She moved on, she moved on, she moved on…" I kept repeating in my mind, but the knowledge that she might be happy didn't have any amelioration on me. I was still destroyed without a hope to recover from this last blow.
I closed my eyes focusing my attention on Jacob Black. The man that was stealing my life and the man that I had to protect even if it went against every instinct I had. Because if Bella loved him I had to keep him alive for her, despite how much I suffered. Even in the deepest of my miseries I couldn't think of hurting Bella.
He was a normal guy that could so easily hurt her and break her heart. I gulped, remembering that I'd been the first to break her heart and that I had no right in judging him. But how could I not judge him when the happiness of my Bella was at stake. He was weak and powerless against all the dangers that could threaten her life, but most of all he was human. Normal. He could offer her a safe life without being afraid that he could kill her at any second.
Feeling the stinging wounds of sharp claws penetrating my soul I had to admit that Jacob Black could be her perfect match. Her future…her everything. And that I had no place in that future. I had to admit that I'd lost her completely. All the pain that I'd once felt was nothing comparable with what I was feeling now. Was it never going to stop?