Lost Loves of Meadow Lane
Chapter 14


Edward September 22, 1910

By the end of the week, Edward was exhausted. To keep himself busy and his mind off Bella, he woke before dawn and worked until the sun was almost gone. Sometimes while walking back to the base camp, he would stop and sit high on a hill to watch the sun set. After the sunset, he would follow the familiar path, eat, and then sleep. He still couldn't shake the picture of Bella's ever-growing stomach from his mind. For all he knew, she could have been pregnant with his child. He wondered what Mr. Witherdale would think of that. An icy feeling ran down his back, and his body shook involuntarily. If James even suspected Bella had been with another man, her life would be forfeited.

He sat on the hill in the same manner he had in the previous week, except this time, the first time in a long time, he asked God, "Why?" Why had he fallen in love with a woman he had known from the beginning would never belong to him? Why had he let his guard down as he sat with her, teaching her to play his mother's piano? How had she wormed her way so deeply into his heart that he wasn't sure he could survive without her?

His heart was heavy with questions. He felt it slide out of place and land open at his feet. He took a drink from the flask Garrett had given him days before, afraid that if he stood and returned to camp there would be nothing left of his heart, having been trodden on, destroyed from his own inability to protect it. He screamed her name at the moon until he was hoarse as if she lived there and not in the town he had run from. Tears ran down his face when she didn't answer back. Still too young to understand the consequences of his actions, he drank himself from numb to stupid until his frame slumped and laid on the hard rocks and moist dirt.

Edward opened his eyes and blinked, then blinked again. Disoriented, he sat up, his feet hitting the ground

while his head spun in tandem with his stomach. Taking in his surroundings, he wondered how he made it back to his tent. He was never more thankful for it being a Sunday than he was in that moment. He tried to remember what happened the night before, but everything came back blank. He grabbed for the canteen sitting next to his bed. With unsteady hands, he gulped the warm liquid down quickly. The water splashed around his lips, escaping and temporarily staining his shirt a darker color.

"You alive, boy?" Garrett's familiar voice asked as he threw back the canvas door of the tent and entered.

Edward's throat was still too dry to give a proper reply. Was he alive? "Should death hurt this much?" he thought as he shook his head. "I am not sure alive is what I would call it," he finally managed to say. His throat still felt sore and dry as he lifted the canteen to his lips again and drank.

"At least you waited till a day off to fall apart," Garrett said, taking a seat on a thick log next to Edward. Edward's green eyes lifted to the older man, his brows furrowed in question.

"She must be one hell of a woman," Garrett said, shaking his head in disbelief. "We could hear you all the way down here. Took damn near all night to find you. Scared the hell out of the men when we couldn't hear you anymore, and then we

found you passed out upon the cliffs."

Shame took over Edward's expression, and he hid his face, looking at the ground before he answered.

"She was . . . is. She is," he sighed.

2011

Jasper sat in his car, invisible from the house, long enough to see Alice looking out the front door. He could have stayed and talked to her forever, but he didn't trust himself. He felt so cold inside, and she seemed so warm. All he wanted to do was kiss her and then kiss her again. He lost sense of time until the lights flickered off inside the house one by one. He started the car and drove away while there was still enough noise coming from the generator to cover the sounds of his car.

For the next week, Jasper struggled to stay away from Alice – and the house. In one night, she had taken his messed up life and shaken it – hard. How had she taken over his thoughts so completely that he was unable to look at the world in the same way? Other than finding the letters, for which he had searched his entire adult life, she had done nothing heroic. There was nothing out of the ordinary about her, and she had looked at him with nothing but curiosity.

When he arrived at the motel, he pondered Bella's letters and wondered how much he could learn from reading Edward's. It wasn't as if he had learned much from the ones that he had, other than she had been forced to marry a man she didn't love, lost a child, and somehow escaped and all the while in love with a man that taught her about life, love, and music.

November 2, 1910

To Thee, my Heart, Edward,

A heart breaks in many ways. The pain of childbirth was greater than I had been led to believe. I suffered greatly, even as my midwife, Esme Cullen, tried to comfort me.
Our love has found a will of its own, and to protect our love, I have paid a high price. The consequences of my actions rest in God's hands now.

I will bear no more children until God has made intercession for my sins. The only road left for me to cross is death. I fear you will never be able to forgive me as I cannot forgive myself.

With all my Love,

Bella

If he were a normal person, he would have stayed, gotten to know her, and read the letters with her. He would have told her about his great grandmother's letters and the mysterious things that always seemed to happen around him growing up. But, he feared that, just like everyone else, she would think he was crazy, too. Lost in the thoughts swirling around his head, it surprised him when felt a familiar tug of warmth from the restaurant. He stood behind the swinging doors, silently looking through the small window. There she was.

Alice looked tired, he noted before Jessica slammed the door into him, pushing him backward. His eyes narrowed, zeroing in and glaring at her, as he rubbed his chest where the door had made contact.

"Maybe you should be working instead of staring at women, idiot," she said with disdain. She pushed past him. Although it was quite evident who he was looking at, Jessica didn't like the fact it wasn't her. So what if she was married? She still enjoyed being looked at.

"Watch yourself, Jessica. That was out of line. Why don't you take your sorry ass back to the other side of the door? Maybe Jasper was looking to make sure you were bussing your tables," Sam said. Sam didn't like Jessica, so any time he had the opportunity to run his mouth and piss her off more, he was all for it.

"Oh, look at me. I'm so pretty with my straight hair and big ass," Sam mocked. He pretended to twirl his hair around his finger and bounced his hips from side to side as he followed Jessica back toward the swinging doors. "I'm married, but I want everyone looking at me because I'm special," he continued and then laughed when she flipped him off.

"Shove it, Sam," Jessica retorted before returning to the dining room. Jessica could remember a time when Sam looked at her the same way that Jasper was looking at Alice. Jessica thought to herself that it wasn't that she didn't like Alice, it was just that Alice was now competition for the new guy.

"So, it's the dark-haired lady that has you all mopey this week? I should have known it was a woman. It always is," Sam said. He shook his head in disbelief when Jasper looked back at the swinging doors. "Come on. We have dishes to clean and floors to mop!"

After lunch was over and the kitchen was back in shape, the two men stood out back smoking. Sam's day was over, but Jasper was stuck there until closing.

"So, you like her?" Sam asked, taking a drag of his cigarette.

"I liked you a lot better before you started asking questions," Jasper grumbled. There was a sarcastic tone in his voice that made Sam laugh.

"I tell you what. I'll work your shift tonight. Why don't you stop acting like a girl and go and fix things with that pretty little thing? You can make it up on Saturday," Sam suggested. "Your head's not even in the game . . . Go." Sam ordered after watching Jasper debate with himself.

Jasper thought about how tired Alice looked. She was already pale enough. Was she sick? Did the way he left affect her the way it had affected him? Maybe he could apologize and share his great grandmother's letters? Maybe the picture he had would help explain some of what he was going through?

The decision was taken out of his hands when Sam asked for his apron and returned into the diner. Slowly, Jasper walked to his car, debating on how to proceed. He already knew he needed to make things right between them, and he might as well do it now. Maybe then he would finally get some sleep.

a/n

Hi everyone! What a week our story has had. So many new fav's, and follows. Sarcastic Binbo, Yummied, and EnchantedbyTwilight have also helped me immensely pulling the next few chapters together. THANK YOU LADIES!

Now that ya'll have read the current chapter, I hope you take a few minutes to introduce yourself, share your thoughts (review) and then recommend LLOML to your friends. Tell me how you found LLOML, I would really like to know.

Is anyone else sick of Jasper's pull/push thing he has going on? I know I am! He needs to man up. No worries, lots and lots of twists coming our way.