14. Secret

I hurriedly gathered all of my things and went running to the appropriate gate. I barely caught my flight. At some point, a flight attendant came to me and asked me if I was alright, if I needed anything and if all my tears were products of some deep rooted fear of flying, or airplanes…If only she knew.

How had it come to this? I kept shedding silent tears throughout the whole flight. I stopped just before we reached home and begun the landing process. I did not want Alice to see me like this, she was picking me up from the airport. She would ask what was wrong with me and I really didn't want to explain. Oh God!

She would not ask me what was wrong, why the swollen eyes and all the used klinex. She would already know. Alice probably already knew what I couldn't trust anybody with. As that shocking, yet obvious, realization hit me, I started shoving people around trying desperately to find my way to the right exit and estimate the real damage.

It was bad. I knew it from the moment our eyes met. She was glowing. Of course she was. Only Alice would be happy about something like this in such a circumstance. I couldn't stand looking into those big, excited eyes of hers, so I pinned my eyes to the floor while I approached her. She was leaning against the big glass airport doors. When I got a bit closer to her, she failed to control herself any longer, she run to me and hugged me like there was no tomorrow.

"Congratulations!" she whispered in my ear, "I'm so happy for you! My brother is going to flip out when he finds out!"

"Well, that's for sure…" I murmured.

"Oh, come on Bella, you could be a little more excited than that! You're having a baby!"

"Alice, I'd appreciate it if you kept your voice down" I had to rein that enthusiasm of hers in "and please tell me, did you tell Edward?" I asked, nervousness altering my voice.

"Well, I thought you might want to do that, I didn't want to spoil it for you guys!" She was just so happy there was no stopping her. "Speaking of, he's at the house right now, would you like to go there and drop the bomb?" She offered expectantly.

"God, Alice stop it! This is not good, and I certainly do not want to see Edward right now"

We were now by the car and Alice was stuffing my luggage in her luxurious' cars trunk.

"Well, you know, we never even thought something like this possible! It's huge news Bella! We…you, that is, you have to tell him!" she begged again

"I know" I said, as I fastened my seatbelt, "I will, just not now, Alice I have to figure a few things out first, before I talk to him."

"Bella, nothing is more important than this! Come on, don't drown my happiness!"

"Alice, could you be rational for just one moment for me please? You're not hearing me! This is a problem, not an exciting twist of events." I commanded her attention. I couldn't deal with her when she spaced out like that. She had to see things for what they were.

"Damn, Bella, okay, I'm listening, why would this be such a terrible problem?" She looked at me frustrated, yet serious now.

"I…I don't know whose baby this is" I admitted sheepishly.

She pulled the car over and looked at me in utter shock. This was more like it.

"How can that be?" she asked, her voice puzzled.

"It can very well be considering the fact that I am engaged to a guy, and the fact that I slept with your brother" I explained mockingly. My patience was drying out.

"God, Bella…You need to do the math, whose is it, by date of…" her voice trailed off. I could tell she was just as awkward as I was but she was right. I had to count back the days, I needed to know exactly when I'd conceived this baby, and then I would know who the father was.

"Okay, just get me home, I'll get an appointment to the doctor tomorrow."

It finally sounded something like a plan.

When she dropped me off at my house I begged her to tell Edward not to come by my house tonight – I didn't have it in me to close that damn window and Jake was a priority tonight.

I went into my house and settled in. Charlie was working and I had time to take a shower and make him a nice, home cooked dinner. He had probably just fed on frozen pizzas the entire time I was away, he deserved the extra protein of a nice stake.

Just before I made dinner I decided it would be smart of me to invite Jacob over as well, that way I would be killing two birds with one stone, I got to have both welcoming encounters – my dads' and my fiancées'- at the same time, sparing myself some time.

I got to the phone, and without thinking about it dialed Jakes' number.

"Hey beautiful, welcome home!" he eagerly greeted.

"Hi Jake" was al I could manage.

"So, did you have fun babe? I hope it was worth it because I missed you like crazy!"

Have I ever mentioned how he made me hate myself? How horrible I felt when he talked to me like that? When he showed me love and devotion I did not deserve and probably did not fully appreciate, if I did I guess I wouldn't be in such a position right now, would I?

"It was good to see her, I didn't even realized how much I'd missed her until I was actually there" I answered honestly. Huh, that was not going to go on for long. The honesty that was…

"That's great Bells" he said.

"So, wanna come over for dinner? I'm not making anything extra special, just needed to see you…" I asked him.

"Okay babe, sure thing. What time should I come by?"

"Eight" the exact same time Charlie got home for dinner every single day.

"Eight it is. I have to go now, I love you!" Why did he sound so cheerful? It just made it hard for me to not get him suspicious by being moody.

I hung up the phone without another word.

I went in the kitchen and started preparing dinner. I didn't pay the least bit of attention to what I was doing. My mind constantly drifted away.

What I had said on the phone was true- I had missed Jacob. I had also missed Edward. I had this huge problem to deal with and none of it had even occurred to me. And about that…problem…What was I going to do?

If it was Jacobs, I probably had to tell Edward and break up with him. Not that we had anything to break up from…Such a mess…But if it was Edwards…what would I do? Should I leave Jacob and be with Edward? Should I leave them both and just have my baby? Well, one thing was for sure. That baby was coming and I could do nothing about it. I might as well find out who the father is so that I can make things a bit better for it by the time it arrived. Hey! I'm going to be a mother.

The thought made me unexpectedly happy. I was having a baby and no matter what turbulence it caused me, I would make it all okay for that little creature growing inside of me.

Dinner went by in a blur. I could not concentrate my thoughts on any particular subject. I kept having this image of me with a round tummy and back pains. It didn't really seem that bad. By a rough calculation, I was going to give birth around spring. That seemed nice.

After I said goodbye to an overly excited to see me Jacob, I wished Charlie a good night and went straight for my bed. I remember that part clearly. All that followed then.

I heard my phone ringing for the staircase so I run up to it. It was Alice. My stomach instantly clenched and my hands got sweaty. This couldn't be good. She never called at this time. I answered the phone and before I could speak a single word she blurted sentences at me.

"I screwed up. He knows. Everything. I was thinking about it in the house and he was supposed to be out hunting, he was supposed to be far away, but he wasn't and he heard it. I think all of it. I know, I know I was stupid and that I shouldn't have taken that risk but I did and I'm sorry and now Edward is coming to your house. I'm sorry"

By the time she stopped firing words at me it was too late. Somewhere during that agonized speech from Alice, Edward had come in through my window and had positioned himself on my bed.

"Alice, it's okay. He is here. Don't be sorry. It's okay."

I hung up.

I turned to him and looked at him. I couldn't find my voice. Words seemed too unimportant to express me.

"Congratulations" he said in a pained and tortured voice that was supported by his ghost-like face.

I couldn't even move.

"Don't feel sad. Or bad. I am happy for you. You're going to be a great mom. I just hope that I get a chance to be a great dad. I'm sorry if it sounds weird. I know you are engaged to someone else and chances are against me, but I just think it would be amazing. Having a family with you. That's all," while he spoke his eyes were fixed to the floor and he sounded nervous, embarrassed almost. That's what I did not want.

"I can't tell you anything right now. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I'm hoping it will enlighten the whole paternity situation but until then I really can't say anything to you right now other that I'm sorry" And I was. Very much so. I had put him in a position where he would get hurt. He was right. Chances were against him. But even if this baby was his, it could never work. We wouldn't be able to make a normal family and support another human being. It was going to be human , right? I put that though away for later consideration.

"No, I'm sorry for having given you reason to doubt the paternity of this child. I could not be it's father. Nothing like that has ever happened before."

"Yeah, well, I'm guessing no other vampire stuck around a human long enough to find out. I don't exclude any scenarios and neither should you. I'm sorry… I need you to go. I need to sleep and rest so that I can have a blood test tomorrow." I said. The distance between us was never closed.

He got up, went to the window, turned around and looking straight into my eyes said "I love you anyhow, even if you're having the trumps' baby" I could see the sheer sorrow in his eyes. The devastation that yearned to consume him. I couldn't stand thinking about it. I love it him too much to be able to stand it.

"I love you too" was all I could manage for him. He left.