Bladder of Cesspool

Ralph and the gang were traveling on the outskirts of the decimated city of Santa Maria, headed towards Bakersfield to go wreck yet another town. All of the monsters were proud of their newfound ability to destroy a town with a bad case of halitosis. They decided to never take Ralph for granted again…or at least, not make fun of his bad breath, anyways. The monsters all stopped when they were overlooking the city of Bakersfield just in time for Ralph to teach the gang another lesson.

"So what we learning to day Stink Breath?" asked Icky.

"How's 'bout we do another fart contest?" suggested Tavan.

The fetid skunk raised his smelly tail and began to pass squeaky flatulence from his buttocks, stinking up the area and causing a few cacti to turn brown and fall down, dead from the toxic fumes. Harley and Boris laughed while Ralph and Icky sighed and wafted the gas away.

"Believe it or not, but I think you can be the one who teaches that trick Tavan."

"Awesome!!"

"Does that mean we're gonna stink ourselves up and enhance our B.O.?" asked Icky.

"No, no. Actually, there's another lesson none of you do as much as I."

"What's that?"

"Marking territory and urinating!"

All the monsters sighed. "We're gonna use destructive pee to destroy Bakersfield?"

"Absolutely not. We're gonna get into a large pissing contest!"

"Why?" asked Tavan.

"First off, so I can show you guys one of the best techniques in destroying a city with urine. And second, because I have to pee real badly and want to play a game we all have an equal chance at winning."

"That's not true! I won't always win the farting contest!"

"You got done eating 90 pounds of beans about five hours ago Harley. Of course you're gonna win."

"Well, after you showed us what halitosis can do, I'm up for anything at this point. So tell us Stink Breath, what's so special about urinating?" asked Icky.

"Easy! It drowns and destroys everything in its path and if it's really thick, it can actually crush buildings like a flood! Observe."

Ralph aimed his nether regions at an abandoned restaurant in the middle of the street and released his bladder, sighing heavily with a goofy grin on his face. Suddenly, a large stream of dark, yellow liquid came shooting out of his bladder and hit the ground. If a human being was on the ground, he or she would be screaming and trying to swim through the stinky musky flood. Imagine that scene from The Day After Tomorrow where New York City floods, except it's yellow water, it smells terrible, and it's disturbing that you know it's coming from a giant wolf's penis. Anyway, as soon as the fluids hit the restaurant, they made a loud splash and broke through all the windows and flooded the shop from the inside out. Ralph exhaled and urinated even more, peeing so much the whole restaurant was engulfed in pee and all the walls eventually collapsed and the whole place crumbled to the ground in a flood of murky yellow wolf urine.

"Ahhhh…that feels good."

All of the other monsters were busy groaning and holding their noses from the stale stench of the pee.

"God, is it supposed to stink that much?!"

"My piss is special. I have these glands that um…enhance my odorous urine features."

"What?"

"I ate a lot of asparagus."

"Ralph could-could you please stop…stop peeing so much…?" asked a woozy Icky.

"Hey, once you start, it's kinda hard to stop Bug Breath."

Icky's stomach churned and he gagged a little, holding his mouth shut as his face turned green. The echidna felt some more chunks flying up his esophagus and he knew that he was getting sick and was seconds away from blowing chunks.

"Icky, we've told you a thousand times: We're monsters! If you gotta vomit or have to pee or have to poop or break wind or belch out loud or any other horribly disgusting thing a normal human being wouldn't do, you go ahead and do it! The world is our toilet paper…and you ass needs wiping."

"Boris that doesn't make sense."

"You guys get what I'm saying. The world is our toilet and what we put in it doesn't matter cause we're not gonna clean it up!"

Icky held his mouth with his cheeks bulging and green slime oozing through his lips and was busy retching and trying to keep his vomit down.

"Hey Icky, you want your feet to smell like piss instead of cheese from now on?"

Icky looked down and noticed his feet were slowly getting drenched in Ralph's piss and he was standing in front of him snickering in an airy tone. His nostrils widened as he felt more and more chunks building up from the horrible scent of Ralph's piss. The echidna was so appalled by the smell of the urine and the feeling of the disgusting liquids seeping between his toes that he couldn't hold his vomit back anymore. He opened his mouth and vomited all over Ralph in a loud, gurgling tone, splattering gallons upon gallons of green and yellow muck all over the wolf's chest. Ralph immediately frowned and stopped peeing, looking down at his grimy chest and growling under his throat.

"You son of a bitch."

Icky coughed three times and wiped the vomit from his mouth.

"You know I have a weak stomach and get motion sickness!"

"I know but this is the 3rd time now you've thrown up on me."

"Get over it."

"I mean, there's a perfectly good fat warthog over there and a billboard someone's put graffiti on."

"Oh, shut up and get ready for the piss contest!" said Tavan.

Everyone stood next to each other and looked forward with their backs turned to the city.

"So how do we win this contest?" asked Boris.

"Easy. We all start peeing at the same time and whoever is the last person to stop is the winner. Also, you get bonus points if you make the highest arc."

"Cool!" shouted Boris.

"And whoever wins, gets to bash up Bakersfield by himself!"

"Double cool!" said Icky.

"Ready, set, go!"

All of the monsters huffed before sighing with massive relief and emptying their bladders, all creating five separate streams of thick, yellow urine that could easily drown a school. Ralph wasn't peeing as much as before since his tank was nearly empty, but nevertheless, he still had to whiz. Boris was busy peeing straight forward, creating no special arc of any kind or trying to make any weird formation. Tavan was urinating as much as Ralph was, but he was so relaxed that he was simultaneously dripping smelly skunk oil from his behind like a leaky water faucet. Harley was peeing in a small, thick arc and cheating his way to victory by letting off a couple of loud farts and fanning the smell in Ralph's direction.

"HEY!! No urinal farting!" shouted Ralph.

"But don't you always pass gas when you're taking a piss?"

"Yeah, but in this case, you can't gross out a contestant by blasting a bunch of urinal farts so you can eliminate the competition."

"Aw, man!"

Everyone looked over at a chuckling Icky and noticed his trail of piss was extremely high and at an arc roughly 20 feet high.

"…Wow…" said Boris.

"Icky is that even remotely possible?"

"Well it must be. You guys think if I get high enough I'll be able to make the clouds yellow?"

Everyone stopped peeing and started at Icky and his amazing urinating skills. Ralph himself was blown away, despite the fact everyone else was at a better advantage since he already loosened his bladder system.

"Okay, you can uh…you can stop now Icky. You won."

Icky stopped urinating and started to laugh raucously.

"Does this mean I get to bang up Bakersfield all by myself?!"

"Indeed it does Bug Breath."

"Alright, enough with the Bug Breath."

"Fine, I'll just call you Pukes-a-Lot."

"…On second thought, Bug Breath's not that bad."

The echidna walked over a giant hill and slowly crept over to the city, with everyone inside completely unaware that a giant monster was about to bash up the town. Icky smiled widely and laughed deviously, rubbing his hands together and drooling at the amount of food and humans he'd be able to consume. Icky ran over to a large office building in the mini financial district and charged into it like a rhino, tearing the building apart and breaking the whole thing instantly. All of the pedestrians walking in the street and in cars gasped loudly and stared at the giant purple monster with spikes on his back. Icky opened his mouth and roared, causing everyone in the area to run away screaming with fear. The echidna bent over and grabbed five businessman and women and shoved them all into his mouth, chewing on them loudly before heading over to a large tower, the Truxtun Tower. It was most commonly known as the Bank of America building and conducted in financial operations in the district…and Icky was about to bring the multimillion dollar corporation to the ground. Icky grabbed the side of the building and began to climb on top of it, occasionally punching through the windows and forcing several bankers falling to their deaths. The ones who didn't die from blunt force trauma of hitting the ground ended up in Icky's left hand. The last thing they looked at before dying was Icky's slimy tongue. After scaling the building like a mountain, Icky jumped onto the roof and looked down, ready to destroy the building. He created two fists and slammed down onto the roof, creating two large holes in the roof. He brought his fists back up and slammed down on it again and again like a chimp gone crazy. Soon enough, the support beams snapped in half and the top floor crumbled down to the floor below it. He resumed this procedure over and over again until the building collapsed into itself and fell to the ground, buried under tons of dirt and metal and cement. Icky looked at all of the finance buildings dealing with oil industries and smiled widely.

"I guess you guys are gonna have to find another way to deal with your gas prices!"

Icky opened his mouth wide and performed the infamous Death Breath roaring maneuver, emitting a high-pitched roar that was so loud it expelled a sonic boom that shattered the structures of the buildings in an instant. All the people on the ground were either blown away or had many of their bones crushed by the sonic boom. All of them were killed instantly or paralyzed beyond recognition. The buildings that were still standing were slowly disintegrating due to the after-effects of Icky's bad acidic breath. Only a few minutes had gone by the financial district was done for. The echidna stomped his way through a field of trees and arrived at downtown Bakersfield. Another field of humans saw the giant monster and reacted naturally. Icky simply shrugged and continued his rampage, stomping his foot into a small convenience shop and grabbing a fire truck with his hands. He opened his mouth and tilted his head high, shaking the truck over his open mouth and swallowing all the firemen who fell off. He then chucked the truck into the air, which wound up slamming into the side of the main U.S. Post Office, exploding on impact. Icky ran over to a small tourist trap—a museum—and ripped open the roof. Like all tourist traps, nothing was inside but a pack of humans who were busy observing art and oblivious to the city destruction. Icky stuffed his hands inside and grabbed handful after handful of humans, scarfing them all down and chewing them nosily, sighing with glee and rubbing his stomach.

"I love Bakersfieldians! …Or is it Bakersfielders…?" wondered Icky.

"How you think he's doing?" asked Harley.

"Ah, I'm pretty sure Bug Breath's handling himself well. I see he's taken my advice into consideration."

The monsters looked beyond the hill and saw Icky peeing all over Hotel Padre, drowning all the occupants and slowly but surely destroying the building like destroying a piece of paper with water.

"I hope what's left of that city gets washed!" laughed Boris.

Back in Bakersfield, Icky was sighing heavily with a goofy smile on his face as he urinated on Hotel Padre, the most popular hotel in the city. Right now, it was flooding with yellow piss and occupants who were busy rushing out of the hotel before they were washed away through the hotel windows and sent plummeting to their deaths. The echidna felt something sharp hit him in the back and turned around to see a large tank blasting missiles at him. Apparently, someone decided to call in the nation guard and they responded immediately, sending in one of their prototype tanks. Icky snorted and continued peeing until his bladder was empty and the hotel was drenched with pee. Icky merely kicked a hole into the building and it came crumbling to the ground due to its weak, watered-down supports. The echidna turned around and jumped on top of the tank, clawing at the driver's seat and trying to take it over. The tank driver was disoriented and blinded by the giant monster and was driving uncontrollably, firing missiles at random. One of the missiles hit someone's house and exploded on impact. Another hit a Publix store and set the place on fire. The tank went into reverse and ran right over someone's taxi, killing the driver inside. The tank fired two more missiles; one hit a large tower and destroyed a floor and the other incinerated an antique shop. Icky slammed into the tank with the heel of his hand and damaged it greatly. He then slammed onto the tank once more and crushed the driver's seat…and the driver. The echidna got off the tank and picked up the vehicle, twirling his arm around and throwing the tank like it were a fastball. The tank soared into the air and blew up as it collided with the First Baptist Church building. Icky fell to the ground and began to howl with laughter, slamming his fist on the ground repeatedly and nearly crying with joy.

"THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH FUN!!!"

As the echidna was laughing, he looked forward and noticed a tank had its cannon pointed at his eye.

"Oh shit."

Icky stood up and walked backwards, pinning himself to a wall as a horde of tanks and soldiers approached him with guns aimed straight for his head. Of course, Icky could simply find a way to defend himself, but he was certain any action he took would force the army to injure him greatly. Just as a tank was about to blast him, it began to hover in the air with a disembodied glow hovering around it. Icky cocked his head sideways and looked at the tank.

"Am I doing that?"

"That would be me monster." said a random pedestrian.

Icky looked on the top of an apartment building and saw a teenager in a hooded sweatshirt moving his arms in a complex way with a blue aura around them. After lifting the tank into the air with his odd, telekinetic powers, he shouted and threw the tank into a building, crushing it. Icky thought about eating this spiritual being, but after witnessing that, he began to think otherwise.

"Hmm…"

The mysterious being used his telekinesis once again to lift five soldiers into the air, bashing their bodies into the walls of various buildings and killing them due to blunt trauma.

"You hungry Mr. Monster guy?"

"I am a little famished, yes."

The teenager laughed deviously and lifted up eight soldiers at once, grunting and straining to lift them up into the air with his powerful ability. The soldiers tried to fire at the young man, but he rendered their guns inoperable. He slowly made the men hover right next to Icky's maw and laughed deviously.

"Open wide!"

Icky opened his mouth and the teenager threw all of the soldiers into his mouth. Icky closed his mouth and slowly chewed on the little morsels like they were cubes of cheese, sighing with glee and savoring the bloody, tender flavor before tilting his head back and swallowing hard. The army men finally noticed the teen standing on top of the roof and began to shoot on top of the apartment building, forcing the kid to flee. He sprinted down the roof and jumped over to the nearest building he could find, sliding his way down the bricks as a horde of bullets traveled his way. The teen used his telepathy to snatch the rifles out of the soldiers' hands, turning them around and firing the bullets back at them all. The ones who weren't killed were the ones who took shelter behind the tanks or army trucks. However, the teenager merely smiled and grabbed both trucks with his telekinetic powers, lifting them into the air until they were homing right above the soldiers. The soldiers tried to shoot at the vehicles in an effort to destroy them in mid-air, but their attempts were futile, and they were ultimately crushed by the army vehicles. The tanks all aimed their cannons over at the small teenager, but he merely smiled and another blue aura formed around the vehicles. The teen grunted and pushed all of the vehicles back, sending them hurtling into the air and hearing a loud explosion in the distance. The teenager quickly scurried back up the apartment building and stared at the giant monster Icky.

"Wow…that was pretty…impressive."

"I already know who you are." said the teenager.

"You do?"

"Yeah! You're that SCUM lab mutant whose been going on a rampage the past few weeks!!"

Icky lowered his head so he was staring directly at the human.

"So you know I'm Icky the echidna? You know about the whole SCUM lab tests and the soda incident?"

The teenager covered his face with his arm and coughed a few times.

"Ugh, yeah. I'm-I'm well aware of that situation."

"How do you know that?!"

"Internet."

"Oh. So how come you're helping me out? Shouldn't you be running around screaming like an idiot like the rest of these humans?"

"Look, a while back…my parents were killed in a shooting when police officers raided my house due to false evidence. They wound up shooting my parents as a result and due to the corrupt politicians in this world, the cops were set free."

"Oh…so you wanna get back at society for what's happened."

"Basically. As for the freaky telekinetic powers, let's just say I was involved in a freak accident involving plutonium."

"Sounds painful."

"Nah…at least after the burning in my eyes stopped anyways. Look I know you're a monster, but could you step back a few yards?"

"Why?"

"Ask your breath." said the teenager, with his arm still over his nose.

Icky grumbled and moved back so he wasn't staring at the teenager up close anymore.

"How's about I help you in bashing up a couple of key monuments in this city? I'm sure after they crumble, you'll have struck a blow Bakersfield will NEVER forget."

"Hmm…like where?"

"City Hall for one. I'm sure a hefty, strong monster like yourself can do something a little 'creative'."

Icky chuckled and cracked his knuckles. "I know just the plan."

Icky ran over to the City Hall and found a garbage truck sitting right next to the station. Like the mistake he made in Santa Maria, he picked up the sanitation vehicle and chucked its contents into his mouth, swallowing all the slimy smelly trash water and garbage bags. Icky instantly had a gag reaction to the trash and his stomach gurgled and his face grew green yet again. The echidna didn't hold back this time and instantly vomited all over the governmental building and the surrounding area, coating the whole block is acidic stomach juices and upchuck. He continued to vomit loudly and cover the building until the roof collapsed from the weight of the vomit, breaching the main halls. Everyone inside was buried in the repulsive sludge and went running out of the building yelling gross comments about the vomit, trying to clean themselves off. Eventually, after vomiting for several minutes, the whole area was filled with puke and the walls broke, spilling puke all over the road. Icky coughed a couple more times before wiping his mouth clean and returning to the human.

"…I wasn't expecting something that nauseating, but it works. Now, you should go destroy the Police Headquarters!"

"Where's that?"

"Directly next to City Hall…or what's left of it."

"Well, I am feeling a bit gassy so I know what I should do here. I'm sure none of the officers are smoking at the moment so perhaps they'll be fine."

"Why would that matter?"

"You'll see."

Icky whistled casually and turned around so his butt was aimed directly at the police station and several of its windows.

"What the hell?!?" shouted an officer as he saw the giant purple buttocks in the window.

Icky grunted with two fists made and began to violently fart into the police station, expelling a powerful gas cloud composed of hydrogen-sulfide and reeking of dead humans and rotten food. The noise level was loud enough to shatter many of the windows in the building and has enough force to blow many officers through the building or propelled them against a wall, unable to move due to the strong force of the wind. They all tried to grab their guns and shoot at the abomination in front of them, but they couldn't even move their arms or hands. Besides, creating a big enough spark would start a wildfire or an explosion big enough to take out the whole building. The teenager with telekinesis was watching the fetid destruction with his sweater shielding his nose. Yet, he couldn't help but laugh his ass off at how disgustingly funny it was. The boy wasn't a big fan of toilet humor, but how can you not laugh when cops are getting farted on by a giant animal? Soon enough, after letting out a few squeaky poots, Icky grunted again and let out a massive gas bubble that was so destructive, all the supporting structures inside split in half and the building came crashing down. Icky fell to the ground as well and exhaled with relief.

"Wow. And to think, this would've been 40 times worse if Harley was down here."

Icky returned to the teenager who put down his sweater and burst up laughing.

"Oh man, that was absolutely priceless! Okay, I got one more target for you: The Valley Plaza Mall! And since you seem so eager to do some disgusting methods of destruction, I think these should come in handy."

The teenager used his telepathy to lift a giant pill into the air for Icky to gulp down. The echidna grabbed the pill with his fingers and tossed it into his mouth, quickly swallowing it instantly. He groaned loudly and stuck his tongue out, not liking the bitter taste at all.

"What the hell was that?"

"You'll see."

"Some kind of power enhancer?"

"You'll see."

Icky stood on the street and looked down at the human nonchalantly, blinking a couple of times to see if he could read his thoughts…or if his thoughts were being read by the teenager. So far nothing had happened and Icky was beginning to wonder whether or not this pill was actually going to work at all. As Icky sighed from boredom, he felt a train wreck forming in his bowels.

"What the—"

His stomach gurgled so loudly it sounded like pipes rushing through a building's water system, and felt that way too. Icky grabbed his stomach with both hands and began to run down the street, feeling a giant load of poop forming at his buttocks, ready to come out. The echidna let a little bit of gas escape from his ass and held it shut with his hands to prevent himself from pooping all over the street. Icky saw his target and grunted, walking over to it and bashing the roof in. Icky heard a whistle going off in his bowels and knew he wouldn't restrain himself any longer. The echidna plopped his behind on the torn roof and started to defecate in a loud, raucous tone. Poop was splattering all over the floor and squishing and bubbling all over the place. Someone outside was witnessing the disgusting bowel movement, her jaw hanging open. Icky screamed in pain with fists made and resumed farting and pooping into the mall. He looked down and heard hundreds if not thousands of people screaming as they were drowning in scat. The mall was filling with shit, and starting to reek more than a sewer was. Icky grunted four times, squirting out a small trail of diarrhea, before he gritted his teeth and began to fart in a loud, squeaky tone.

"Oh God, it hurts!!"

Icky shut his eyes and started to moan loudly as a long pile of poop coiled out of his ass and plopped into the mall. He grunted again and sharted so hard the force of him farting out poop propelled his body into the air a foot or two. He sat down on the hole like a porcelain and continued to expel diarrhea at a fast rate. Eventually, the echidna sighed and exhaled with relief, letting out tame poots.

"Oh man, that was rough. I think it's all gone now—"

Icky shut his eyes with his legs erect and suddenly began to poop so much that the mall was almost overflowing with scat. Poop was flowing out of windows and spilling out onto the streets, walls were becoming weak from the watery fecal matter, and it was creating an odor so horrible people who weren't even in the city could smell it…and were probably vomiting themselves. Icky grunted non-stop as he farted out more vile scat and pooped out cinnamon bun looking chunks. At one point, Icky nearly wept once he forced out a giant egg of poop that splattered inside the pile, splashing poop all over the block. Finally, after the echidna laid another five lumps, he put his legs down and sighed with his tongue hanging out. He let out a couple more airy poots, but other than that, his colon was empty. Icky began to guffaw and sighed with relief, releasing a few more farts.

"Hmm…do I dare look inside?"

Icky got off the mall and slowly turned around, looking inside the mall and immediately turning around and groaning with his eyes shut.

"Yeah, that's a stinker! There's no way in hell anyone can clean that up!"

The mall suddenly collapsed from the weight and all the poop began to spill all over the street, flooding over four blocks with scat.

"Um, I think this city's done for."

Icky ran back to the apartment building, only to find that the teenager wasn't there.

"Hey…where'd you go…?" Icky wondered.

Icky looked at the roof and noticed the kid scratched a note into the material.

"Next SCUM lab location: Great Falls, Montana. There was never a SCUM lab in this city; you were led to a decoy. Hope to see you again. Your new partner, Darius." said Icky, reading the note out loud.

"WHOO!! What did you do to that poor, poor city Icky?! I can smell the mess you made all the way back here!" said Ralph, with his nose plugged.

"Is it a bad thing it you shit so hard your ass hurt?"

"Yeah, I think you crapped out your tailbone."

"Great. Anyways, I ran into some kid in the city and he said the next SCUM lab location is in Great Falls, Montana."

"Montana? What the hell is a SCUM lab doing in Montana?!" asked Boris.

"I dunno, but we gotta go bash it up! If a SCUM lab is there, chances are, another captive monster is too."

"You're right Icky. Next stop: Montana!"